CJ's Wedding Column

Paying for the Expenses

2012-02-01T03:06:00.001-06:00

PAYING FOR THE EXPENSES

Who Pays For What

There aren't any absolute rules as to who pays for what. Traditionally, wedding expenses have been taken care of by the bride's family, with the groom responsible for the rings and the honeymoon.

While tradition is still an honored part of our heritage, financial obligations must often give way to everyday realities and compromise.

At the time of the wedding planning, both sets of parents, along with the engaged couple, should meet to discuss the financial arrangements. It is wise for each party to make any financial limits absolutely clear–to prevent misunderstandings or hard feelings at a later date after definite plans have been made.

If the parents of the groom are financially willing and able, they may offer at any time to pay part, half, or all of the wedding expenses. This is especially true if the groom's side has many more guests coming and/or if the bride's family and guests must incur travel expenses for a wedding held where the groom's family lives.

Costs should be allocated in order of priority of what is most important to the bride and groom. As a loose rule of thumb, reception food/drink is 50% of the total budget. Then photography 10%, flowers 10%, music 10%, dress, headpiece and veil 10%, misc (gifts, favors, fees, transportation, tips, etc.) 6%, and finally invitations 4%. These numbers can be adjusted based on your priorities.

Below is a traditional list of who pays for what, but the final decision really depends on who is most willing and able to pay.

The Bride

Wedding ring for the groom (if it's a double ring ceremony).

A wedding gift for the groom.

Presents for the bridal attendants.

Personal stationery.

Accommodations for her out-of-town attendants.

Physical examination and blood test.

The Groom

The bride's rings.

Wedding gift for the bride.

The marriage license.

Gifts for the best man and ushers.

Flowers – bride's bouquet and going-away corsage; corsages for mothers; boutonnieres for men in wedding party.

Accommodations for out-of-town users or best man.

His blood test.

Gloves, ties, or ascots for the men in the wedding party.

Fee for the clergyperson/judge.

The honeymoon.

Bachelor dinner (optional).

The Bride's Family

The entire cost of the reception: rental of hall, if reception is not held at home; caterer; food (including wedding cake); beverages; gratuities for bartenders, waiters; decorations; music; flowers.

A wedding gift for the newlyweds.

The bride's wedding attire/trousseau.

The wedding invitations, announcements, thank yous, napkins, etc., and mailing costs.

The fee for engagement and wedding photographs.

Ceremony – rental of sanctuary; fees for organist, soloist, or choir, etc.; aisle carpets; and any other costs for decorations.

Bridesmaids' bouquets.

Gratuities for policeman directing traffic and/or parking.

Transportation for bridal party from the bride's house to the wedding ceremony and from ceremony to the reception.

Bridesmaids' luncheon.

Rehearsal dinner (optional).

Household furnishings for the bride and groom – from linens, china, silver, and crystal to furniture (optional).

The Groom's Family

Clothes for the wedding.

Any traveling expenses and hotel bills they incur.

Wedding gift for the newlyweds.

Rehearsal dinner, or any other expenses they elect to assume (optional).

The Attendants

Their wedding clothes.

Any traveling expenses they incur.

Wedding gift for the newlyweds.

The Guests

Any traveling expenses and hotel bills they incur.

Wedding gift for the newlyweds.

Over 50

2012-01-31T03:06:00.001-06:00

Do you have some ideas for couples over 50? We need all the ideas we can get.

Probably you will be paying for your own wedding, although if your parent's are still around, they could be listed as hosts if you like. Else you could word the invitations something like... The honour of your presence is requested at the wedding of Susan Lynn Smith to Matthew Andrew Larson... or Susan Lynn Smith and Matthew Andrew Larson wish you to share in their joy as they are united in marriage on... If you are having under 50 guests, you can hand write invitations on pretty paper or just telephone them. You may prefer a smaller ceremony and larger reception, in which case you could send out reception only cards. But if you would like a big wedding and reception, go for it, there is no reason not to.

Instead of a traditional shower, you may want to have a coed cocktail or dinner party that includes your fiancé, mutual friends, and their partners. And, if you already have everything you want for your household, maybe have guests bring something unique, like favorite recipes or pictures of themselves with you or your fiancé, or things for your garden or other hobby. If you want to register, consider things you may not have yet, like crystal or china or new sets of things that are worn out. Other things to register for could include your favorite wine, books, electronics, hobby preferences, etc. Some people also get the word out that they would like gift certificates to a specified travel agent (for honeymoon, etc.).

You can wear a long, formal dress in any color including white. Or any length gown in any color you prefer will also work fine. If this is a second marriage, skip the veil and go for flowers, a hat, pretty tiara, or nothing at all. If it's a first for you both, a veil is fine. The same holds for bridesmaids... anything from formal to street length dresses. The ceremony can be anywhere you are comfortable with, a church, a park, on the beach, city hall, etc. If this is a second wedding for either of you, hold the reception somewhere other than where the first one was held. If there are any children from previous marriages, consider including them in your wedding party.

Discuss finances and/or assets, as both of you may be well established already with a variety of household goods, real estate and investment holdings to merge or not merge, or dispose of. Take an inventory of what you have before registering for other gifts.

Take the time and spend the money to go somewhere special for your honeymoon. Go somewhere in the world that you both have always wanted to see, or somewhere that you have been before and really enjoyed.

Rental Equipment

2012-01-30T03:06:00.001-06:00

We are wanting an outdoor reception. We are considering my fiance's parents home or a park. When do we need to think about reserving chairs and tables or contacting the companies for those things?

See outdoor receptions question. Timing for reservations differs by company. It's best to call around to rental companies and see what they have available for your date. Some may book a year in advance and some may only need a month or so notice. You will probably have to put down a deposit when booking to hold what you want for the date you want. They can also help suggest items you may not have thought of, that would add special touches to the decorations, etc.

Outside Reception

2012-01-29T03:06:00.001-06:00

Will we save money by having our reception outdoors or does that end up costing more?

You may save some money going outdoors, depending again on what you want. There are many rental companies who specialize in weddings and should have everything you need. We've been to some very lovely outdoor wedding/receptions. Outdoor considerations include: Back up tents or other cover are a good idea, in case of rain or blazing sun that will melt not only your cake, but also your guests. Tents should be set up several days prior to the event to ensure dry ground underneath. Have an adequate number of tables/chairs for both the wedding and reception. If the reception will go into the evening, you will want lights and perhaps heaters, depending on weather, which also necessitates electricity (and perhaps portable generators). If insects are a problem in your area, consider pre-spraying with insecticide or lighting punk sticks or citronella candles. If you want dancing, you may want to rent a portable dance floor. Also remember to consider the needs of any of your guests who may have special handicap or accessibility needs. Parking and rest room facilities should also be adequate for the number of guests you are planning. Then you have to consider the food/catering and preservation of food due to weather conditions. And probably hiring a bartender & purchasing liquor. Parks may require special permits for large events (and may restrict alcohol use) and/or security personnel. If you have it in a park (or actually anywhere outside), also plan for cleanup duty by someone after the affair. Check on the trash disposal requirements of the park. Some people have had pot luck beach parties or backyard barbecues for receptions, which can save lots of money. It just depends on your choices. EZWeddingPlanner advice section has more reception site details and suggestions.

Outside Wedding

2012-01-28T03:06:00.001-06:00

We're planning an outside wedding. Any suggestions?

There are many locations that specifically cater to outdoor weddings and will be able to coordinate all the details. If you are planning it yourself, here's some things to think about. Back up tents or other cover are a good idea, in case of rain or blazing sun that will melt not only your cake, but also your guests. Tents should be set up several days prior to the event to ensure dry ground underneath. Have an adequate number of chairs for both the wedding and reception. If the reception will go into the evening, you will want lights and perhaps heaters, depending on weather. If insects are a problem in your area, consider pre-spraying with insecticide or lighting punk sticks or citronella candles. If you want dancing, you may want to rent a portable dance floor. Also remember to consider the needs of any of your guests who may have special handicap or accessibility needs. Parking and rest room facilities should also be adequate for the number of guests you are planning.

Origins and Customs

2012-01-27T03:06:00.001-06:00

ORIGINS AND CUSTOMS

Origin of the Engagement and Wedding Rings

The ring as a symbol of marriage may have evolved from an African custom where the bride and groom's wrists were tied together with grass during the ceremony. And when grooms negotiated purchase of their brides, they often gave metal rings as partial payment. Eventually, the more precious the metal the wealthier the groom. In ancient Egypt before coins were minted, gold rings were used as currency. To show he trusted his wife with his money, the Egyptian husband placed one of these rings on her finger. The ancients thought that love traveled to the heart in the vein of the third finger of the left hand. To this day, that is still the finger on which the wedding ring is worn. To them, the circle indicated eternity and the iron symbolized lastingness. In any case, the bride received just one ring–upon her engagement. Then, in 1215 the Pope declared a longer waiting period between betrothal and the marriage. So, a second ring, the wedding ring, was placed on the bride's finger during the ceremony when she finally wed.

Another interesting legend is the ring ceremony. During the ceremony the ring was placed on the open Bible. The clergyman then sprinkled it with holy water and blessed it. Then the groom picked it up with his right hand and placed it on the bride's thumb, saying, "In the name of the Father." He then transferred it to the first finger, saying, "And of the Son." Next he changed it to the second finger as he said, "And of the Holy Ghost." Finally he placed it on her finger with "Amen." It did not seem to matter whether the ring was placed on the bride's right or left hand. Sometimes it was placed on the right hand at the espousal and on the left at the wedding ceremony.

Origin of the White Bridal Gown

In early Saxon days and through the 18^th century, it was the poorer bride who came to her wedding dressed in a plain white robe. This was in the nature of a public statement that she brought nothing with her to her marriage and that therefore her husband was not responsible for her debts. Other brides simply wore their Sunday best. Red was a favorite during the Middle Ages in Europe. Icelandic brides chose black velvet. Colors were chosen for their symbolism as well as for preference. Blue meant constancy; green meant youth. Yellow signified jealousy and therefore was never worn. The brides of ancient Israel wore a blue ribbon on the shoulders of their robes to symbolize purity, fidelity and love. Over the years, the meaning of a white dress symbolized purity. Today, white merely symbolizes the wedding itself–and can be worn by anyone, including the second-time and re-affirming bride.

Origin of the Bridal Veil

In Far Eastern countries, people believed that wicked spirits were especially attracted to women. So, as protection from the Evil Eye, women always wore veils. The custom continued although the feeling behind it changed with time into a role of modesty and obedience. From this the veil developed into a symbol of chastity. Then it became the sign of submission of women.

The introduction of the veil into Europe came through returning Crusaders. In early wedding traditions in Europe, the bride was bargained for through her father, was swathed in a bridal veil, and revealed to her mate after the ceremony!

In early centuries, Hebrew, Greek and Roman brides wore veils of many colors, and veils threaded with gold and silver. In Southern Europe, early Christians placed a large cloth over both the bride and groom. In Anglo-Saxon times, the bride wore her hair hanging loose as part of the wedding ritual. The Chinese held a sacred umbrella over the bride's head. Around 1500 in Europe, there was a fashionable conical headdress topped with a veil that hung to the toes. Each era has revealed a different style for the bridal veil.

Nellie Custis was the first American woman to wear a long, white veil of lace when she married Lawrence Lewis, an aide to President Washington. Nellie chose lace because the Major had once glimpsed her face through the lace curtains of an open window–and then afterwards he couldn't stop telling her how beautiful she had looked!

The veil has traditionally stood for youth and virginity.

Origin of Throwing Rice, Old Shoes, Etc.

In the days when people lived off the land, their existence depended upon having a good harvest and enough children to help with all the work. Primitive people believed the bride and groom spread good luck on their wedding day. Anyone or anything that touched them would also be lucky. So they showered the couple with ripe grain or nuts, wishing a large harvest for themselves and a large family for the newlyweds. The throwing of grain seemed to symbolize good luck, fertility or abundance. To this day, wedding guests throw rice, grain, confetti, birdseed, etc.

Among the ancient Assyrians and Jews, when a bargain was made, a man gave his sandal as an indication of good faith. A shoe was the symbol of authority. When the Anglo-Saxons hurled a shoe, it indicated that authority had been transferred. Some authorities believe that the throwing of a shoe can be traced back to the missiles which the bride's father hurled at the robber caveman.

Origin of Flowers for the Wedding Party

Throughout history, most celebrations of weddings used flowers in some way. Almost every country has its own traditions and symbolism concerning flowers.

Customs associate the orange blossom most closely with the wedding ceremony. The wearing of a wreath of orange blossoms as a crown over the bridal veil was a Saracen custom introduced by returning Crusaders. Orange blossoms were so expensive that only the wealthy could afford them and poorer brides resorted to artificial ones. A "kissing knot" of croton leaves and rosemary was hung over the bridal couple in Elizabethan England. In Sweden it was believed necessary to put chives, garlic or rosemary in the bride's bouquet to keep the dwarfs from bothering her on her wedding day. In Poland it was believed that to sprinkle the bride's bouquet with sugar would keep her temper sweet. In Rome, roses and marigolds were used to decorate the bride's home. Below are some "meanings" associated with certain flowers:

Apple blossoms or quince blossoms–better things to come
Clematis–love vine
Ivy–gold luck
Rosebud–a promise
Myrtle–lover's flower
Laurel–peace
Tulips–infidelity
Yellow flowers of any kind–jealousy
Orange blossoms–fertility
Heather and sweet basil–fortune
Baby's breath–fertility
Cabbage roses–richness of spirit
Anemones–hope
Lily of the Valley–happiness
Red an white roses–unity in love
Lilacs–youthful love
Pansies, forget-me-nots, white clover–special friendship

Origin of the Wedding Cake

The wedding cake has always been an important part of any wedding feast. Where or when it first originated cannot really be told since it is such an ancient custom. Among certain American Indian tribes, and among the Fiji Islanders, a bride offered her husband a cake of meal. The Romans broke a cake made of salted meal over the bride's head as a symbol of abundance, or fertility. Many people of various nations customarily dropped wheat, flour or cake upon the bride's head, then ate these offerings for good luck. The early Britons baked large baskets of small dry crackers for weddings, and every guest took one home–thus, the tradition of taking wedding cake home to "dream on." During the Middle Ages, it was traditional for the bride and groom to kiss over a pile of small cakes. The small cakes gradually increased in size and richness. Then an enterprising young baker decided to mass all these cakes together and cover them with frosting, thus the modern tiered wedding cake was born.

Cultural Customs

Every culture has its own charming wedding customs. Use your imagination and adapt one from the land of your ancestors. We've researched a few and a librarian will help you probe further.

Africa
"Mayst thou bear 12 children with him" is still the common salutation to brides in remote areas. Many tribes marry the couple by binding their wrists with plaited grass.

American Indian
The groom wraps a woolen blanket around the bride to symbolize love and protection.

Afro-American
On antebellum plantations, brides believed Tuesday and Wednesday weddings guaranteed them a good husband, long lives and happy days.

Bermuda
Newlyweds plant a small tree in their garden. As it grows and strengthens, it symbolizes their love.

Belgium
Brides carry a handkerchief embroidered with their name. After the ceremony, it's framed and displayed until the next family bride adds her name.

China
Two goblets of honey and wine are joined with a red ribbon–the centuries-old color of love and joy–and the couple exchange a drink of unity.

Czechoslovakia
Brides wear wreaths of rosemary for wisdom, love and loyalty.

England
A country bride and her wedding party walk to church on a carpet of blossoms to assure a happy path through life.

Finland
A bride once wore a golden crown during the ceremony. Later she was blindfolded while unmarried women danced around her. Whomever she crowned was predicted to be the next bride.

France
The bride and groom drink a reception toast from an engraved silver two-handled cup, called a "coupe de marriage," and pass it on to future generations.

Germany
On the eve of the wedding, friends of the bride smash pottery at her door. The loud noise is said to avert bad luck. To be sure of future bliss, the bride must sweep it up by herself.

Greece
Couples hold candles decorated with ribbons and flowers.

Holland
A bride and groom sit on thrones under an evergreen canopy–for everlasting love–during a pre-wedding party given by the family. One by one guests approach and offer good wishes.

India
The groom's brother sprinkles flower petals on the couple at conclusion of ceremony. Each family has prepared puffed rice, which is mixed during the ceremony for prosperity and fertility.

Iran
In Persian times, the groom bought ten yards of white sheeting to wrap around the bride as a wedding dress.

Ireland
December 31 is considered the luckiest day for weddings in the Ould Sod.

Italy
Since Roman times, couples have walked through the village passing out cakes and sweets.

Japan
The bride and groom take nine sips of sake, becoming husband and wife after the first sip.

Israel
For centuries, couples have had a marriage contract in the form of written vows, called a ketubbah, which is embellished by an artisan with bible verses and decorative borders symbolizing the home.

Lithuania
Parents of the couple serve them symbols of married life: wine for joy, salt for tears and bread for work.

Mexico
A white silk cord is draped around the couple's shoulders to indicate their union. Later, guests hold hands in a heart-shaped circle while the newlyweds dance in the center.

Philippines
A white silk cord custom is practiced here as well as in Mexico. All wedding expenses are met by the groom's family, who give the bride old coins symbolizing prosperity. The bride's family presents the newlyweds with a cash dowry.

Poland
Brides wear embroidered white aprons over their gowns. Guests discreetly tuck money into the pockets of the aprons.

Rumania
Wedding guests, other than family, receive gifts rather than give them.

Spain
Brides wear mantillas and orange blossoms in their hair. Grooms wear a tucked shirt hand-embroidered by the bride.

Sweden
Brides carry fragrant herb bouquets to frighten away trolls and grooms have thyme sewn into their wedding suits.

Switzerland
Junior bridesmaids lead the procession tossing colored handkerchiefs to the guests. Whoever catches one contributes money for the couple's nest egg.

U.S.A.
Early Americans gave the honeymooners posset, a hot drink of sweetened and spiced milk curdled with ale or wine, to keep up their energy.

Wales
Brides give attendants cuttings of aromatic myrtle. When one blooms, it foretells another wedding.

Traditions

Trinkets of gold and silver (sometimes quite valuable) are wrapped in waxed paper or foil and often baked in one tier of the bride's cake, or inserted from the bottom after baking. These are intended only for the bridal party–the bridesmaid's gifts are on the left, and groomsmen's are on the right.

Usually the bottom tier of the cake is used, and when the trinkets are placed inside, a marking such as an extra blossom bud, or a piece of white satin ribbon is used to indicate where the surprises are. Traditionally, the following "fortunes" are signified by each trinket:

For the bridesmaids: Wishbone–luck
Heart–romance
Cat–old maid
Ring–next to marry
Dime–fortune
Thimble or miniature scissors–industry

For the groomsmen: A button or dog–bachelor
A man's wedding ring–next to marry
Gold coin–money
Dice–luck

Origin of Tossing the Bouquet or Garter

Originally, it was not a bouquet, but a garter that was tossed. This custom of tossing the garter originated in 14^th Century France. For a time a stocking was tossed, but its removal was not easy or graceful. Finally some bride thought of tossing her bouquet and this custom has been followed ever since. Of course, to this day, the gal that catches the bouquet is predicted to be the next to marry, and the guy that catches the garter will be the next guy to get married!

Origin of the Honeymoon

The first marriages were by capture, not choice. When early man felt it was time to take a bride, he carried off an unwilling woman to a secret place where her parents or relatives wouldn't find them. While the moon went through all its phases–about 30 days–they hid from the searchers and drank a brew made from mead and honey. Therefore, we get the word honeymoon. Today, this has come to be a time for the couple to get away to relax and enjoy each other after the hectic schedule of preparing for the wedding.

Officiant

2012-01-26T03:06:00.001-06:00

Who is the officiant and what is his/her role?

The officiant is the person who performs the wedding ceremony. It's the minister, priest, rabbi, judge, etc. The person who legally pronounces you man and wife. Other duties may include: counseling the couple prior to the wedding day, preparing the wedding ceremony wording, attending and presiding over the rehearsal, and then performing the ceremony on the wedding day. They are typically invited to the reception. They are also typically paid for their services.

Newspaper Announcements

2012-01-25T03:06:00.001-06:00

NEWSPAPER ANNOUNCEMENTS

Writing Your Announcements for the Newspaper

An otherwise memorable occasion may be marred if the newspaper account of your engagement/wedding is incorrect. This could involve something as minor as misspelling the name of one of your bridesmaids, or it could be a major as your having married the wrong groom. Because many errors can be traced to confusing information, omissions, or illegible handwriting, it's very important that the person submitting the story or wedding form be very clear on all the details. Typed information is the surest method of submitting the information. Many allow email submissions. To avoid confusion and disappointment, here are some tips on how to help the newspaper publish the right information.

Engagement announcements may be submitted by the bride's parents, by the bride and groom, or by the groom's family, especially when published in their hometown newspaper.

Announcements should be sent to your hometown newspaper and your fiancé's (if he lives elsewhere). If you have many relatives living in another community, include that paper and do the same for your fiancé. Obtain copies of the newspapers you plan to insert your announcement in to help you tailor your story to their style. Also obtain information as to what each newspaper requires from the lifestyle editor.

Engagement Form Rules

Each couple may choose to have either an engagement or wedding photo published. If the choice is an engagement photo, it may be submitted within the six months preceding the wedding.
Write your name on the back of the photo and clip it to the form. Photos are seldom returned, so don't submit the only copy of your favorite. And, you may be able to pick up the photo after publication.
Engagement announcements submitted without a photo may be printed at any time up to one month prior to the wedding.
Fill out the form using complete legal names (no nicknames).
The announcement should contain the full names of the bride and groom, the names of each set of parents, the city and state in which the wedding will be held (if it will take place in a different location from which the announcement is being published), and the date (or at least the month) when it will occur. You might want to also add information about your education and careers.

Wedding Form Rules

Each couple may choose to have either an engagement or wedding photo published. Photo must be of the couple.
Quality black and white photos of the couple are preferred. It is suggested a close-up portrait of the couple (head and shoulder picture) be submitted.
Fill out the form using complete legal names (no nicknames).
Write name on back of photo and clip to this form.
Return this form to the newspaper.
Wedding photographs may be picked up at the newspaper after publication.

Following these tips and preparing your wedding write-up with care may not guarantee against mistakes, but it should help the newspaper get your wedding story right and leave you with an announcement worth framing, or to put in a nice family scrapbook for all to enjoy!

Non Smoking

2012-01-24T03:06:00.001-06:00

Is it appropriate to put "non smoking occasion" on the invitations?

While you could print it if you want, those who smoke will find a place/way to do it anyway. It is an addiction and they need a fix. It's unrealistic to expect some smokers to go all day/night without a cigarette, much as you would like it. Printing it on the invitation may offend some guests and stop some smoking guests from attending, which you probably wouldn't want to do.

It somewhat depends also on where the wedding/reception is. Most people will not smoke in a church (and if there are signs posted no smoking, they will simply go outside). Many hotels/restaurants are no-smoking in public areas and many have separate smoking rooms or areas designated for smokers. You can post no smoking signs at your reception site if there are none already. Or, smokers will again simply go outside to smoke. If you have this at your parents house or some other relatives' house, you can certainly tell guests and post signs that say NO smoking in the house.

Church Membership

2012-01-23T03:06:00.001-06:00

Neither of us are members at a church, but would like a church wedding...what do you suggest?

Each church/denomination is different, so it's best to talk directly to the officiant (pastor, priest, rabbi, etc.) of a church you are considering. Many churches/clergy will marry non-members, although the costs will usually be more than for members. Most clergy also require talking to the engaged couple about their religion prior to performing the ceremony. Some people have used church facilities associated with a University campus, which typically perform weddings for people not affiliated with a specific church. They are often very beautiful locations, as often times are churches/chapels associated with the military or V.A. locations.

What Do I Do

2012-01-22T03:06:00.001-06:00

Help!!!! I don't know the first thing about planning a wedding, and I'm new at this computer thing so I'm not real good at it, I need to know what to do! Everything to do!!!

Plan has all the details you have to think about.

But if you like to read, why not buy books (or go to the library) - many have all the wedding details. There are also many Amazon Kindle books about weddings, including this excellent one:

Planning Kindle Book

Plan the Wedding of Your Dreams The Easy, No-Hassle Way - Complete with every detail

Nephews in Wedding

2012-01-21T03:06:00.001-06:00

When we were picking out the wedding party, I failed to think that my nephews would be in it. I thought my niece could be a jr bridesmaid and my fiancé's cousin would be the jr groomsmen. We already have the flower girl and ring bearer picked. My mother thought my nephews were going to be in it. Oopss! Forgot to tell her. Well, she told my sister that the boys are going to be in it. Okay, that is fine, they will look and be adorable. One problem, what part will they have? Any suggestions?

Depending on how old your nephews are, they could be ushers or Jr. ushers, candle lighters (light candles just before the mother of the bride is seated and extinguish them at the end of the ceremony - usually between ages 9-14), do a reading of some sort (scripture or poem, etc.), hand out wedding programs to the guests, play an instrument or sing, or be train bearers (carry a lengthy train down the aisle behind the bride - traditionally two boys about equal height are chosen for this - they can be as young as 4 to do this). They could be dressed the same as the Jr. groomsmen.

Edit Brid

2012-01-20T03:06:00.001-06:00

How do I edit the bride or groom name in EZWeddingPlanner?

Go to People and click on the name (which would be either the bride's or groom's name). You can edit these names, but do not delete either of these two. Any other guest names may be safely modified or deleted at any time. If you change the bride or groom name, it may take up to a day for this update to show unless you log out and then log back into the program.

Ceremony Music - Vocal Music for Non-Liturgical Wedding

2012-01-19T03:06:00.001-06:00

Ceremony Music - Vocal Music for Non-Liturgical Wedding

Amazing Grace	Collins	Hal Leonard
And I Love You So	McLean	Columbia
Annie's Song	Denver	Cherry Lane
Beautiful	Lightfoot	Warner Bros.
Benedictus	Simon & Garfunkle
Bridge Over Troubled Waters	Simon & Garfunkle	Hal Leonard
Candle On The Water	Kasha Hirschhorn	Cherry Lane
Can't Help Falling In Love	Peretti/Creatire/Weiss	Hal Leonard
Colour My World	Pankow	Columbia
Could I Have This Dance		Hal Leonard
Devoted To You	Bryant	Columbia
Endless Love		Hal Leonard
Evergreen	Streisand/Williams	Warner Bros.
Farewell Andromeda	Denver	Cherry Lane
First Time I Ever Saw Your Face	McColl	Columbia
Follow Me	Denver	Cherry Lane
For All We Know	Wilson/James/Karlin	Columbia
For Baby (For Bobby)	Denver	Cherry Lane
Forever Young	Dylan	Warner Bros.
The Hands Of Time (Brian's Song)	Legrand	Warner Bros.
Hawaiian Wedding Song		Hal Leonard
Hopelessly Devoted To You	Farrar	Hal Leonard
I Can't Help Falling In Love		Columbia
I Don't Know How To Love Him	Rice/Webber	Hal Leonard
I Honestly Love You	Allen/Barry	Columbia
I Just Want To Be Your Everything	Gibb	Hal Leonard
I Only Want To Be With You		Hal Leonard
I Won't Last A Day Without You	Williams	Columbia
If	Gates	Warner Bros.
If Ever I Would Leave You		Hal Leonard
If I Were A Carpenter	P. P. Mary	Columbia
If We Only Have Love	Brel	Hal Leonard
I'll Never Be Alone	McJuen
I'll Never Find Another You (The Promised Land)	The Seekers
In My Life	Lennon/McCartney	Cherry Lane
Just The Way You Are	Joel	Columbia
Let It Be	Lennon/McCartney	Cherry Lane
Let It Be Me	Becaud	Hal Leonard
Let's Get Together	Powers
Longer	Fogelberg	Columbia
Look To The Rainbow	Lane	Hal Leonard
Lord Of The Dance	Carter
Love	Lennon	Cherry Lane
Love Is A Many Splendored Thing	Webster/Fain	Columbia
Love Me Tender	Presley/Matson	Hal Leonard
Love Song	Murray	Warner Bros.
Love Song, A	Loggins
Love Story	Lai	Columbia
More	Ortolani/Oliviero	Hal Leonard
Morning Has Broken	Stevens	Warner Bros.
My Cup Runneth Over	Jones	Hal Leonard
My Sweet Lady	Denver	Cherry Lane
My Treasure	Brown	Sparrow Birdwing
Nadia's Theme	DeVorzon & Botkin	Warner Bros.
Our Love	Carpenters
People	Streisand	Hal Leonard
People Alone (The Competition)		Columbia
Perhaps Love	Denver	Cherry Lane
Poems, Prayers, and Promises	Denver	Cherry Lane
The Rose	McBroom	Warner Bros.
So Many Ways	King
Sometimes	Mancini	Columbia
Song Is Love, The	P. P. Mary	Warner Bros.
Sound Of Music	Rogers and Hammerstein	Hal Leonard
Speak, Softly Love	Rota
Starting Here, Starting Now	Maltby	Hal Leonard
Sunrise, Sunset	Harnick & Bock	Hal Leonard
Sunshine On My Shoulder	Denver	Cherry Lane
That's The Way	Terry	Sparrow Birdwing
This Is the Day	Brown
Through The Eyes Of Love	Sager/Hamlisch	Columbia
Till There Was You	Wilson	Hal Leonard
Time For Us, A	Rota/Kusik/Snyder	Columbia
Time In A Bottle	Croce	Warner Bros.
To Love	Cason/Gibb
Today	Sparks	Columbia
Together Forever	Jones
Top Of The World	Carpenters	Columbia
True Love	Porter	Hal Leonard
Truly	Richie	Cherry Lane
Try To Remember		Hal Leonard
Turn, Turn, Turn	Byrds	Hal Leonard
Twelfth Of Never	Mathis	Hal Leonard
Up Where We Belong		Columbia
Wedding Song	Collins
Wedding Song (There Is Love)	Stookey	Warner Bros.
You've Only Just Begun	Williams/Nichols	Columbia
What A Difference You've Made In My Life	Jordan	Hal Leonard
What Are You Doing The Rest O Your Life	Lagrand
Whenever I Call You Friend	Loggins	Warner Bros.
With You I'm Born Again	Conners/Shire	Columbia
Wonder Of You, The	Knight	Hal Leonard
Would You Walk With Me?	Colter
You And I	Wonder	Columbia
You Are The Sunshine Of My Life	Wonder	Columbia
You Light Up My Life	Brooks	Columbia
You Needed Me	Goodrum, Murray	Hal Leonard

CEREMONY MUSIC - CURRENT VOCAL MUSIC FOR NON-LITURGICAL WEDDINGS

After All (from Chances Are)	Cher & Cetera	Belwin
All I Ask Of you (Phantom of the Opera)	Andrew Lloyd Webber	Hal Leonard
Because I Love You	Brooks/Stevie B.	Hal Leonard
(Everything I Do) I Do It For You	Adams/Lange/Kamen	Warner/Belwin
From A Distance	J. Gould/B. Mitler	Belwin
Forever In Love (instrumental)	Kenny G.	Hal Leonard
Here and Now	Luther Vandross-Steel & Elliot	Hal Leonard
Have I Told You Lately	Van Morrison/Rod Stewart	Hal Leonard
I Cross My Heart	George Strait/Doff Haz	Warner/Belwin
Love Of A Lifetime	Levety Anare/Firehouse	Hal Leonard
Somewhere Out There (American Tale)	Horne/Mann/Weil	Hal Leonard
The Greatest Love Of All	Creed/Masser/Whitney Houston	Belwin
The Wind Beneath My Wings (From Beaches)	Henley/Siban	Warner
Unchained Melody	Aarek/North/Righteous Brothers	Hal Leonard
Vows Go Unbroken	Burr/Kaz/Kenny Rogers	Hal Leonard
When I Fall In Love	Celine Dion & Clive Griffin	Hal Leonard
Whole New World (Aladdin)	Alan Menkon & Tim Rice	Hal Leonard
You're The Inspiration	Cetera/Foster/Chicago	Belwin

Reception Music

2012-01-18T03:06:00.001-06:00

RECEPTION MUSIC

The music at your reception will set the tone for the festivities. Once you have decided on the kind of reception you want, you will then need to determine the kind of music you want. Your choice of entertainment should be made far in advance, as the best bands are usually booked early. There are probably local booking agents who represent and have demo tapes for many bands. You can specify your budget and they can provide you with many choices. Be aware that they also charge a percentage of the total as their fee, so negotiate up-front. For very formal, traditional weddings a big band or orchestra will give you a better ambience than a DJ.

In selecting a band:

Discuss with the leader the type of music you want played, as well as the kind of music you do not want.
Discuss what specific selections you want played and when.
Find out how many musicians there are, what they will wear, whether or not they play continuously or take short breaks. Specify the exact number of musicians you are hiring and what instruments they play.
If there are certain musicians whom you want to appear personally (vocalist or specific instrument) specify them by name in your contract.
Ask how the rate is computed – hourly or on a set fee basis.
Specify in the contract the date and location of the reception and at what times the band should arrive and leave.
Ask for referrals or ask to listen to them perform. Take time to go hear them at some of their next engagements.
Some bands also use professional staging and lighting effects. Be sure your reception site has adequate room for their equipment and enough electrical outlets.
Ask if you are required to provide the musicians with food.
You will probably need to pay a deposit, maybe up to 50%. Reserve some of the total payment till they are finished playing. This way, if you have disagreements, you can negotiate a final fee.
Get everything agreed upon in writing, including the names of the musicians and hours they will be performing. Also include any overtime rates.

You may also want to consider contacting a disc jockey, who can usually provide a wide variety of musical selections and may act as your master of ceremonies. A DJ will be less expensive than a live band and will require less space for equipment. Another benefit is that your guests will hear the original songs played as they remember them. And with a DJ, you will have continuous music, whereas live musicians generally require breaks.The volume is also more easily adjusted by a DJ than with a live band.
In selecting a DJ:

Ask for other wedding references and call them.
Discuss what music you want and don't want.
See if you can provide your own favorites if the DJ doesn't have them.
Specify in the contract the date and location of the reception and at what times the DJ should arrive and leave.
Find out how many hours are included in the fee and what are overtime rates.
Ask how many breaks he/she will take and for how long.
Ask if you are required to provide the DJ with a meal.
Check on what equipment he/she will bring and double check the room facilities.
Ask if he/she has backup equipment and/or a backup DJ in case of illness.
The DJ's attire should match the formality of your wedding.
Get everything agreed upon in writing.

Ceremony Music - Processionals and Recessionals

2012-01-17T03:06:00.001-06:00

CEREMONY MUSIC - PROCESSIONALS AND RECESSIONALS

A Wedding Processional	Near	Gray
Aginecourt Hymm	Dunstable	Presser in Treasury Of Organ Music ed. Biggs
Bridal Chorus (from Lohengrin)	Wagner	G. Schirmer, Belwin, and other wedding books
Cortege	Young	Young, 11 Organ Pieces, Flammer
Epithalame (Sortie)	Willan	Berandol, BMI Canada
Epithalame (Rise Up, My Love)	Willan	Oxford
Fanfare and Processional	Wagner	Flammer
Festival Flourish	Jacob	Oxford, Album of Praise
Hornpipe (from "Suite From Water Music")	Handel	J. Fischer, Novello-Wedding Album
Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring	Bach	Concordia, Oxford, etc.
Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee	Beethoven	Hope, Everything For The Wedding Organist
Largo (from Xerxes)	Handel	Lorenz, Handel Made Practical For The Church Organist
My Spirit Be Joyful	Bach	Presser, Belwin
National hymn	Warren	Hymnals
Now Thank We All Our God	Bach	Belwin, others
Now Thank We All Our God	Johnson	Augsburg
Organ Processional for Manuals	Bender	Concordia
Praise My Soul, The King Of Heaven	Goss	Hymnals
Praise To The Lord	Manz	Concordia, Choral Improvisations Set II
Prelude in Classic Style	Young	Lorenz
Processional of Joy (Beethoven's Ninth Symphony)	Beethoven	C. Fischer
Procession On "Westminster Abbey"	Wetzler	Concordia
Rigaudon	Campra	Belwin
Saint Anthony Chorale	Hayden	Hymnals
Thanks Be To Thee (Arioso)	Handel	Hymnals
Triumphal March	Grieg	Peters
Toccata From the 5^th Symphony	Widor	G. Schirmer, Kalmus
Trumpet Fanfare (Rondeau) (Theme from television series Masterpiece Theatre)	Clerambault	Mercury, Treasury Of Early Organ Music ed. Biggs
Variations on A Theme From Hayden	Brahms	G. Schirmer
Wedding Processional And Air	Leupold	Augsburg

Ceremony Music - Organ and Other Instruments

2012-01-16T03:06:00.001-06:00

Ceremony Music - Organ and Other Instruments

Alain, J. – Trois Movements (O & Flt)		LeDuc
Album Of 30 Classical Pieces, Vol. I & II		International
Bach/Grace – Jesu Joy Of Man's Desiring (O & Vln)		Oxford
Bach/Grace – Sheep May Safely (O & Strings)		Oxford
Classical Album (Oboe & Piano)		Boosey & Hawkes
Faure/Wilson – Pavae (Flt & Piano)		A. Broude
Flute Music Of The Baroque (Flt & Piano)		G. Schirmer
Satie – Three Gymnopedies (Clar, Flt or Oboe, Piano)		Elkan
Solos For The Oboe Player (Oboe, Piano)		G. Schirmer

Ceremony Music - Organ Collections

2012-01-15T03:06:00.001-06:00

Ceremony Music - Organ Collections

Baroque Album, Vol. I & II	Arr. Wolff	Concordia
Baroque Music for Manuals, Vol. I & II	Arr. Wolff	Concordia
Bliss-Royal Fanfares and Interludes		Novello
Bloch-Four Wedding Marches		G. Schirmer
Book Of Wedding Pieces, A		Oxford
Ceremonial Music For Organ, Book I & II		Oxford
Classical Wedding Music, Vol. I & II		Lorenz
Diane Bish Wedding Book	Arr. Bish	Gentry/Hinshaw
Glenschen-Organ Pieces For Wedding And General Use		Augsburg
Handel-Fireworks Music		Belwin
Handel-Suite From Water Music		J. Fisher
Handel-Water Music		Novello
Incidental Music For Weddings and Other Occasions, ed. Dearnley		Basil Ramsey
Modern organ Music, Vol. II & III		Oxford
Music For Weddings, ed. Rossine		Belwin
Second Book Of Wedding Pieces		Oxford
Three Trumpet Tunes	Arr. Johnson	Augsburg
Wedding Album For Manuals		Novello
Wedding Music Book I, II, III & IV	Arr. Johnson	Augsburg
Wedding Music, Vol. I & II		Concordia

Ceremony Music - Organ and Brass

2012-01-14T03:06:00.001-06:00

Ceremony Music - Organ and Brass

Bach/Biggs-My Spirit Be Joyful (O & Trpt)		Mercury
Bach/Biggs-Three Wedding Chorals		Associated
Baroque Composers Of the Chapels Royal (O & 2 Trpt)	Arr. Wolff	Concordia
Baroque Music For Weddings (O& 1 or 2 Trpt)	Arr. Wolff	Concordia
Baroque Music For Organ (O & 1 or 2 Trpt)	Arr. Wolff	Concordia
Bender-Wedding Sonata (O & Trpt, Trbn or Ob)		Hinshaw
Charpentier - Pelude To A Te Deum (O & Trpt)		Brass Press
Clarke/Kingsburg – Trumpt Voluntary in D (O & 3 Trpt)		Gray
Clark/Nelhybel – Trumpet Voluntary (O & 2 Trpt, 1 Trbn)		Hope
Gabrieli – Canzon Duodecimi Toni (O & BQ)		Augsburg
George – Wedding Music (O & Trpt)		Gray
Green/Boyce – A Suite Of Trumpet Voluntaries (O & 2 'D' Trpt)		Brass Press
Handel/Wolff – Six Processionals (O & 1 or 2 Trpt)		Concordia
Johnson – Eight Fanfares For Organ And Brass (O & BQ)		Augsburg
Johnson – Festival Pieces For Brass (Processional O & Trpt)		Augsburg
Johnson – Tune For Trumpet (O & Trmpt)		Augsburg
Marcello – Psalm XVIII (O & Trmpt)		Gray
Mouret – Sinfonies De Fanfares (O & Trpt)		Gray
Music Of Jubilee (O & 1 or 2 Trpt)	Arr. Wolff	Concordia
Powell – Antiphon For Two Trumpets and Organ		Concordia
Purcell – Sonata For Trumpet And Organ		Gray
Purcell – Suite in C Major (O & BQ)		Billaudot
Purcell – Three Celebrated Trumpet Tunes (O & Trpt)		GIA
Shaw – Grand Processsional (O & B Sextet)		Sacred Music Press
Sinfonia A 2 Trombe (O & 2 'D' Trpt)		Brass Press
Skinnel – Wedding Processional (O & BQ)		Wimbledon
Stanley – Voluntary In Re Majeur (O & Trpt)		Billaudot
Strauss, R. – Festival Procession (O & 3 Trpt)		Lienau/Peters
Suite For Organ From The French Baroque (O & 1 or 2 Trpt)	Arr. Wolff	Concordia
Telemann – Air De Trompette (O & Trpt)		Brass Press
Telemann – Airs For Trumpet And Organ		Gray
Telemann – Heroick Musick For Trumpet And Organ		SMP
Torelli – Sinfonia Con Tromba (O & Trpt)		King
Watson – Four Trumpet And Organ Arrangements		J. Fisher
Zabel – Procession (O & BQ)

Ceremony Music - Duets

2012-01-13T03:06:00.001-06:00

Ceremony Music - Duets

And Now We Join	Halfvarson	Hope in Everything For The Wedding Soloist
Beginning Today	Ducote	NALR in Like A Seal On Your Heart
Bless, O Lord, These Rings	Roff	GIA
Gift Of Love, The	Hopson	Hope in Folk Songs For Weddings
Greatest Of These Is Love	Bitgood	Gray
Lord Bless You, The	Bach	Concordia
Mary's Song	Joncas	NALR in Like A Seal On Your Heart
May God Smile On You	Bach	Peters
Love Divine, All Loves Excelling	Stainer	G. Schirmer
Only A Shadow	Landry	NALR in Like A Seal On Your Heart
Rainbow	Ducote	NALR in Like A Seal On Your Heart
There Is Only One Love	Danner	Triune in Love Is The Melody
Wedding Anthem (Psalm 128 text)	Oliver	Novello
Wedding Cantata (Vergnugte Pleissenstadt)	Bach	Associated
Wedding Prayer	Ault	NALR in Like A Seal On Your Heart
Wedding Prayer	Dunlap	G. Schirmer
Whither Thou Goest	Hildach	Broude

Dance Music

2012-01-12T03:06:00.001-06:00

DANCE MUSIC

Music for Bride's Dance with Dad

Daddy's Little Girl (Burke and Gerlach)
How Sweet It Is (to Be Loved by You) (Marvin Gaye)
My Girl (The Temptations)
My Heart Belongs to Daddy (Cole Porter)
Someone to Watch Over Me (Linda Ronstadt)
Sunshine of My Life (Stevie Wonder)
Sunrise, Sunset (Fiddler on the Roof)
Thanks for the Memory (Bob Hope)
The Way You Look Tonight (Frank Sinatra)
Through the Years (Kenny Rogers)
Turn Around (Harry Belafonte)
What a Wonderful World (Louis Armstrong)
Wind Beneath My Wings (Bette Midler)

Music for Groom's Dance with Mom

Wind Beneath My Wings (Bette Midler)
Greatest Love of All (Whitney Houston)
I Am Your Child (Barry Manilow)
I Remember You (Bette Midler)
Love of My Life (Carly Simon)
You Decorated My Life (Kenny Rogers)
You Are So Beautiful (Joe Cocker)
Just the Way You Are (Billy Joel)

Ceremony music - current vocal music for non-liturgical weddings

2012-01-11T03:06:00.001-06:00

CEREMONY MUSIC - CURRENT VOCAL MUSIC FOR NON-LITURGICAL WEDDINGS

After All (from Chances Are)	Cher & Cetera	Belwin
All I Ask Of you (Phantom of the Opera)	Andrew Lloyd Webber	Hal Leonard
Because I Love You	Brooks/Stevie B.	Hal Leonard
(Everything I Do) I Do It For You	Adams/Lange/Kamen	Warner/Belwin
From A Distance	J. Gould/B. Mitler	Belwin
Forever In Love (instrumental)	Kenny G.	Hal Leonard
Here and Now	Luther Vandross-Steel & Elliot	Hal Leonard
Have I Told You Lately	Van Morrison/Rod Stewart	Hal Leonard
I Cross My Heart	George Strait/Doff Haz	Warner/Belwin
Love Of A Lifetime	Levety Anare/Firehouse	Hal Leonard
Somewhere Out There (American Tale)	Horne/Mann/Weil	Hal Leonard
The Greatest Love Of All	Creed/Masser/Whitney Houston	Belwin
The Wind Beneath My Wings (From Beaches)	Henley/Siban	Warner
Unchained Melody	Aarek/North/Righteous Brothers	Hal Leonard
Vows Go Unbroken	Burr/Kaz/Kenny Rogers	Hal Leonard
When I Fall In Love	Celine Dion & Clive Griffin	Hal Leonard
Whole New World (Aladdin)	Alan Menkon & Tim Rice	Hal Leonard
You're The Inspiration	Cetera/Foster/Chicago	Belwin

Mothers' Colors

2012-01-10T03:06:00.001-06:00

What color and style of dresses do the mother of the bride and mother of groom wear for a formal wedding?

The mother of the bride should wear a color that blends and complements the bridesmaids' dresses, but does not match the exact color. Avoid all black or all white. The "mob" usually selects her dress first and then describes it to the mother of the groom, allowing enough time for her to shop. Both mothers can wear the same color, but not the same dress (preferably they should be the same style and length). For a very formal, large wedding before 6pm (over 200 guests): long or short dresses, not quite as formal as evening wear. For a formal wedding before 6pm (100 or more guests): elegant dresses or suits. In any event, both mothers should go with dresses that look good on them (color, figure size, personal sense of style, etc.) and they do not have to match.

Mixed Marriage

2012-01-09T03:06:00.001-06:00

My fiance is Jewish and I am not. Any advice?

We have a daughter whose husband is Jewish and she is not. They structured the ceremony (in 1998) to include a bit of both traditions. Married under the canopy, breaking the glass, married by a rabbi (outside) etc. They now have two children and are doing wonderfully well and both families get along great.

It's important to discuss the role religion will play in your lives, now and when you have children. Our grandsons gets both the Jewish holidays and the Christian ones - although young, in a few years they will surely have religious questions that will need answers.

Now to the planning:

Start looking for an officiant who will perform interfaith marriages. Some Rabbi's will, but many will not. The Unitarian church is one place that will perform interfaith weddings for non-members and encourages couples to design a service that reflects both of their traditions. There are also numbers of "freelance" clergy who will perform this type of ceremony anywhere.

You could have an outside wedding somewhere which works well for mixed religions, or a civil ceremony in a public office.

You could choose one religious ceremony over the other, which could work if one of you has strong religious ties and the other doesn't. You could have a secondary cleric of your choice to offer a special prayer or offer a blessing during the service or reception.

If you both have strong religious beliefs (or your families do), you may want to have 2 ceremonies, or 1 main ceremony and then a "blessing of the marriage ceremony (the same day or shortly thereafter), similar to the first, but without the exchange of rings again.

Talk with both families about how they feel about various traditions in weddings that they feel strongly about. This could avoid problems when the time comes.

The Advice section of EZWeddingPlanner has a "Jewish Weddings topic that deals with lots of details of that side. There are also other topics here that may help you.

There are several good books that talk about inter-faith marriages - check them out at your local library - "The New Jewish Wedding" by Anita Diamant and there's one with ceremony details called "The Children of Noah" by Rabbi Rebecca Alpert, Rabbi Linda Holtzman and Arthur Waskow.

Good luck,

Memorial Candle

2012-01-08T03:06:00.001-06:00

We would like to give a 12 year old daughter a family ring and we would also like to light a memorial candle. We don't have a clue on what to say or do. Please help.

I think it's very touching and a great gesture to give your daughter a family ring - it should help to make her feel a big part of this ceremony and family. If she is included in the wedding party, she would already be standing and close to both of you. After your ring ceremony, you could either have her move to stand by you or you both could walk to her for her ring ceremony. Or, if she is seated, the same choices hold true. Instead of the wording of "with this ring I thee wed" you could say something like "with this ring, we unite our family" or "as a symbol of our love for you, we give you this ring" or wording that expresses your desires in giving it to her.

As for the candle lighting, you could just light it without comment in the ceremony and then in the program print your sentiment. Or it could be read/spoken as you light the candle. Or the candle could be lit just before the ceremony and burn throughout. For my daughter's wedding, both her father and the groom's father have died. Here's what they printed on the back of their program: Our only regret for this day is that our fathers were not able to be physically present. They are both continually in our thoughts and we have honored them today by lighting two candles on the altar in their memory. They may have left our sides, but will always be present with us in our hearts.

Meeting With Clergy

2012-01-07T03:06:00.001-06:00

Isn't pre-marital counseling the same as meeting with a clergy member to discuss about our marriage?

It may or may not be. Some religions require pre-marital counseling before you can get married in their church. Some do not. This is much more in-depth discussions about your views on marriage, religion and children, etc.

But in any case, you would want to meet with the clergy member to discuss the details of your actual service - requirements, schedules, rehearsals, etc. which is separate from counseling.

Master of Ceremony

2012-01-06T03:06:00.001-06:00

We are planning on having a Master and Mistress of ceremony for my son's wedding, can you tell me exactly what their job entails. The Grooms God Parents have agreed to hold this position but are very concerned that they do the right thing at the right time. Please help their wedding is on June 3rd.

Here's some suggestions for wedding reception order - feel free to personalize this to your preferences.

If the receiving line is done at the reception, after the line and after the cocktail hour is finished, the guests move into the main dining area and are seated. When the guests are all seated, the M/MOC introduces the bridal party (check beforehand on preferences of names and pronunciations). If they have not already been seated also, they can have a procession - beginning with bride's parents, groom's parents, flower girl and ring bearer, bridesmaids and groomsmen, best man and maid of honor, and finally the bride and groom. If the receiving line is done after the ceremony, introductions can still be made at the reception, with or without a procession.

The first dance with the bride and groom only can take place right after the introductions above or after the meal is done. Toward the end of the song, the M/MOC tells the bridal party to join in and then guests may also be included if you like. One consideration is the length of time the photographer will be at the reception and if you want the first dance captured on his/her film.

The cake cutting is introduced by the M/MOC and they can direct guests to the location. This is usually done before the meal, so the cake can be served in sequence after the meal, without having guests get up and down.

Just before the main meal is served, the best man is introduced and he toasts the couple. The maid of honor can also toast if she wishes. And it is customary at religious weddings to have the officiant say a prayer before everyone eats (prepare him/her in advance to do this). If there is a buffet, some direction may be announced on what is where and perhaps a table order for forming the lines.

Toward the end of the reception, the M/MOC can gather eligible ladies to the middle of the floor and the bride tosses her bouquet. The groom can remove the garter and toss it to eligible men.

Other events can be announced, such as slide shows of bride/groom's growing up, professional dancers or entertainers, the dollar dance, disposable cameras on each table (and what guests are expected to do with them), etc.

Marriage Licenses

2012-01-05T03:06:00.001-06:00

MARRIAGE LICENSES

Marriage license requirements are state-regulated and may be obtained from the Clerk of Courts in most county courthouses. Requirements vary from state to state, but generally include the following:

Applying for and paying the fee for the marriage license. Make your application early enough to allow for any required waiting period before issuance. There is also a waiting period between the time the license is issued and when the ceremony may be performed, and the license must be signed by the officiating person and witnesses. Also determine if the marriage license has an expiration date by which the marriage must be performed.

Meeting of residency requirements of the state and/or county where the ceremony will take place.

Meeting the legal age requirements for both bride and groom, or having parental permission if underage.

Presenting upon application for the license any required identification, birth or baptismal certificates, marriage eligibility or other documents.

Obtaining a medical examination and/or blood test for both bride and groom, used for detection of communicable diseases, particularly venereal. Whether or not this is required, the couple owes it to themselves to begin their married life in good health. This is also an excellent time to discuss any questions on birth control or child-bearing with the doctor.

If you have been married before, you may need to bring a copy of your Divorce Decree.

As an example, below is the statute for marriage licenses for the State of Minnesota as of 1998.

517.08 Application for license.
Subdivision 1. Renumbered by amendment subds 1a,1b

Subd. 1a. Application for a marriage license shall be made upon a form provided for the purpose and shall contain the following information:

(1) the full names of the parties and the sex of each party;

(2) their post office addresses and county and state of residence;

(3) their full ages;

(4) if either party has previously been married, the party's married name, and the date, place and court in which the marriage was dissolved or annulled or the date and place of death of the former spouse;

(5) if either party is a minor, the name and address of the minor's parents or guardian;

(6) whether the parties are related to each other, and, if so, their relationship;

(7) the name and date of birth of any child of which both parties are parents, born before the making of the application, unless their parental rights and the parent and child relationship with respect to the child have been terminated;

(8) address of the bride and groom after the marriage to which the court administrator shall send a certified copy of the marriage certificate; and

(9) the full names the parties will have after marriage and the parties' social security numbers. The social security numbers must be collected for the application but must not appear on the marriage license.

Subd. 1b. Term of license; fee. The court administrator shall examine upon oath the party applying for a license relative to the legality of the contemplated marriage. If at the expiration of a five-day period, on being satisfied that there is no legal impediment to it, the court administrator shall issue the license, containing the full names of the parties before and after marriage, and county and state of residence, with the district court seal attached, and make a record of the date of issuance. The license shall be valid for a period of six months. In case of emergency or extraordinary circumstances, a judge of the district court of the county in which the application is made, may authorize the license to be issued at any time before the expiration of the five days. The court administrator shall collect from the applicant a fee of $70 for administering the oath, issuing, recording, and filing all papers required, and preparing and transmitting to the state registrar of vital statistics the reports of marriage required by this section. If the license should not be used within the period of six months due to illness or other extenuating circumstances, it may be surrendered to the court administrator for cancellation, and in that case a new license shall issue upon request of the parties of the original license without fee. A court administrator who knowingly issues or signs a marriage license in any manner other than as provided in this section shall pay to the parties aggrieved an amount not to exceed $1,000.

Subd. 1c. Disposition of license fee. Of the marriage license fee collected pursuant to subdivision 1b, the court administrator shall pay $55 to the state treasurer to be deposited as follows:

(1) $50 in the general fund;

(2) $3 in the special revenue fund to be appropriated to the commissioner of children, families, and learning for supervised visitation facilities; and

(3) $2 in the special revenue fund to be appropriated to the commissioner of health for developing and implementing the MN ENABL program.

This information is courtesy of http://www.ezweddingplanner.com

Marine Corp Invitations

2012-01-04T03:06:00.001-06:00

Do you have any idea where I can find any Marine Corp wedding invitations.

Regency Thermographers in Waynesboro, PA has a catalog of invitations that includes the Marine Corp logo (eagle/globe/anchor). They have several choices, but the woman I spoke with said she thought catalog # 6-4002 would be what you wanted. Their customer service phone number is 800-524-5056 and they said if you called, they can fax you the page of these logos to see if it's what you want. They don't sell directly to individuals, but said if you gave them your zip code, they could refer you to local stores who would have their catalog from which you could order the invitations, thank you cards, etc. (Regency does the printing for the Marine Corp for cards, etc.)

Maid or Matron?

2012-01-03T03:06:00.001-06:00

My sister is divorced. Would she be my maid or matron of honor?

The Maid of Honor is a single, never been married woman. The Matron of Honor is a married, divorced or widowed woman. The Maid of Honor takes precedence in the service if you have both a Maid and a Matron of Honor.

Out of Town Guests

2012-01-02T03:06:00.001-06:00

Who is responsible for the out of town guests' accommodations? (bride, groom, or guest)

General rule of thumb: If they are in the bridal party, then bride and groom pay. Others, guests, relatives, etc. pay their own way. Of course if someone needs help and you can afford to help out, do. You would also be kind to make the hotel arrangements for them, placing a small welcome gift in the room, like bottled water, chocolate, wine, fruit etc. - with a welcome note.

Who Gives the Shower

2012-01-01T03:06:00.001-06:00

Who is supposed to give the bride a bridal shower?

Typically, it is the maid of honor and/or other bridesmaids who host the shower. Any friend can also host one. Immediate family generally do not host showers (mothers, sisters, daughters, etc.)

Engagement Party

2011-12-31T03:06:00.001-06:00

Should the bride & groom have the engagement party or does one of our families have it for us?

The groom's parents can call the bride's parents and express their happiness about the upcoming marriage. Engagement parties can be hosted by the groom's or bride's parents (it can be anything from a buffet, barbecue to a formal party) This is an opportunity for the two families to get to know each other and to introduce you to their family and friends. In fact, an engagement party can be hosted by any family member - or even a friend - who would like to have this party for you. If neither family steps forward with an engagement party, the two of you can invite the parents out for a luncheon or some other get together for them to meet. Generally, both sets of parents attend the engagement party, whoever hosts it.

East or West

2011-12-30T03:06:00.001-06:00

I currently live in CA, but my whole family is back East, groom's family in CA (5 total), he wants to have something out here so his clients don't get offended. I want to do the whole thing back east because that is where I am from....what should I do? Do I just make my plans or try to be fair, this topic has already become a source of argument.

A lot of folks have been in this predicament. In fact it happened with one of my daughters who lives back east but is from the west. She got married in her husband's area because her friends and his family were much more numerous. Her family flew east and stayed for a few days for the festivities. The final decision was made by the number of people who would have to travel to get to the wedding.

Some solve the problem by having the first wedding at the bride's family's area because traditionally the bride's parents pay for the wedding. Some even have two weddings - the second being less elaborate. We've heard of people video taping the first wedding and playing it at the second, less formal wedding.

But most solve the problem by having two receptions with the wedding at the place with more family attending. A wedding East and a reception in CA which would include clients could solve your problem. You can choose to wear your wedding dress at both occasions or just a dressy cocktail dress to the second reception.

Second (or third) receptions may be just as formal as the first wedding reception, complete with printed invitations, wedding cake, champagne, and receiving line. Or, they may be very informal get-togethers, or anything in between. It's totally up to you.

Where to Register

2011-12-29T03:06:00.001-06:00

Where do you recommend that I register?

Generally brides register at major department stores in their area (Macys, Bloomingdales, Robinson May, JC Penney, etc.). Also stores like Target or Wal-Mart have a large variety of merchandise which are good for bridal showers as well as wedding gifts. Other interesting places to register are stores like Williams Sonoma, Crate and Barrel, or Pottery Barn. You can register at any store that has items of interest to you and your fiancé, including sporting goods stores or Home Depot. We recently went to a wedding and the only place they registered was Amazon.com (where you can get almost anything). You can register in as many stores as you like. Many stores and other merchants also have Internet on-line registries for your convenience.

When to Mail Invitations

2011-12-28T03:06:00.001-06:00

When should invitations be mailed out?

Go to Plan/Order Invitations and Announcements, click on the light bulb on the right. This gives suggestions for when and how to mail. For example: Wedding invitations are to be mailed four to six weeks prior to the wedding date. They should all be mailed at the same time.

When to Have Engagement Party

2011-12-27T03:06:00.001-06:00

How for away from our wedding should we be having the engagement party. None of the books give a general time.

You can have an engagement party as soon as you become engaged. Some people time it for just before or just after a newspaper announcement of the engagement. I have found one source that said no farther out than one year and no closer to the wedding than six months. Obviously this is not firm, since some people get engaged and married within a six month time frame. Also, some people have 2 years or more of engagement before the actual wedding.

The engagement party is really for both families to get together and get to know each other better. So, the earlier the better, especially if wedding finances need to be discussed and agreed on by both families.

Ceremony Order

2011-12-26T03:06:00.001-06:00

I would like to know in what order I should have the following in my wedding ceremony: reading of a poem by a friend, a song by groom to bride, a poem by bride to groom, lighting of candles: stepmother to light votive candle, my mother and mother in law to light taper candles, and then groom and bride to light unity candle. And how many songs should I have prior to the exchange of vows?

It really is your choice on what you would like in your ceremony. I've seen many different orders of ceremony, some with several solos before the exchange of vows, some with one before and one after, etc. The unity candle is always done after the vow exchange. Probably readings/poems would also be done before. In EZ Wedding Planner (Plan/Great Ideas) there are lots of topics relating to ceremony including samples. There is a sample order of service in Ceremony Programs that will give you some ideas.

How to Pick Flowers

2011-12-25T03:06:00.001-06:00

I want my wedding to be perfect, and I'm having a hard time deciding on flowers, and the decorations. I just can't seem to visualize in my mind how it's all going to look. I want it to be beautiful and I'm so confused, What do you recommend?

Most florists have lots of sample pictures of their work. Also bridal magazines have lots of pictures. Look around and talk to a number of florists for suggestions. Pick one you are comfortable with and whose work you like.

You can also talk to the person you booked your reception with for suggestions on decorations of what other brides have done or names of companies that have decorated that space for previous weddings. They should also have pictures and samples of what they have done/can do for you.

Still Have an Engagement Party?

2011-12-24T03:06:00.001-06:00

My fiancé and I have been engaged 1.5 years. Do we still have an engagement party and what all do we plan for that?

In your case, since you have been engaged for a year and a half, probably your families already know each other and perhaps you have already discussed the wedding finances, or it isn't an issue. Engagement parties are generally to announce your engagement to your family and friends and provide an opportunity for them to better get to know each other. So, it's really up to you if you want a formal engagement party or not. You don't have to have one, but it's always a good reason for families to get together and socialize with each other. And since it's probably not for introductions of the two families, it may be a good time to go over your plans and details of the wedding when both sets of parents etc. are together.

Ceremony Programs

2011-12-23T03:06:00.001-06:00

CEREMONY PROGRAMS

If you are going to have printed wedding programs, generally the following information is included:

Program Title
Order of Service
Acknowledgement of Participants
Messages and Notations

Program Title

This section is generally positioned at the top of the inside left-hand page for programs with full cover designs and usually includes the following:

DESCRIPTIVE PHRASE
BRIDE'S NAME
GROOM'S NAME
Day and Date
Time
Ceremony Location
City and State

Some suggestions for the descriptive phrase are:

THE WEDDING CEREMONY
OF
THE SACRAMENT OF
HOLY MATRIMONY
UNITING

WELCOME TO
THE MARRIAGE SERVICE

WELCOME TO
THE WEDDING CELEBRATION UNITING

THE CELEBRATION AND BLESSING
OF THE MARRIAGE UNITING

THE MARRIAGE CELEBRATION
OF
THE WORSHIP SERVICE
UNITING IN MARRIAGE

THE WEDDING MASS
UNITING

THE WEDDING SERVICE
UNITING

Order of Service

The Order of Service outlines the individual service segments – Prelude, Processional, Solo, Invocation, Scripture Reading, Marriage Ceremony, Lighting of Unity Candle, Benediction, Recessional, etc. Depending on faith, the customs and liturgical terminology will vary. It is best to consult with your clergy/officiant regarding the service.

A Sample Order of Service:

Prelude: Can be Solo [parents, grandparents ushered in]
Bridesmaids Processional: "Cannon" by Pachelbel
Bridal Processional: "Bridal Chorus" by Wagner
Welcome and Prayer by Officiant [Call to Worship in religious ceremony - see WELS Ceremony]
Reading by friend, family member, or officiant, etc. See Readings.
Solo: "Only God Could Love You More" by Niles Borop & Dwight Liles
Wedding Message by Officiant
Marriage Rite (vows, exchange of rings, declaration of marriage)
Lighting of the Unity Candle by Bride/Groom
Solo: "your choice of music" [can be sung while lighting candle]
Wedding Prayer
Lord's Prayer
The Blessing of the Marriage/Benediction
Recessional: "Wedding March" by Mendelssohn or "Trumpet Voluntary -D" by H. Purcell

Other items to include are music titles with composers and/or performers, book and poem titles with authors and/or readers, scripture passages with readers, hymn titles with hymnal page numbers, words for short congregational prayers, and any special notations. Generally, there is not enough room to include entire songs or readings. If these items are not available in church hymnals or prayer books, they could be printed on the back side of the program. Permission to reprint copyrighted material must be gotten from the respective publisher.

Participants

Participants can be grouped and sequenced using titled headers to separate the groupings, or everyone can be listed in a logical sequence under the single heading, "Wedding Participants." Be consistent with respect to naming individuals. Names should be preceded with titles such as Mrs., Ms., or Miss. Given names should be used, instead of nicknames.

Example One:

 	The Wedding Participants 		 Parents				Mrs. Carol Smith 				Mr. Philip Smith 				Mrs. Mary Jones 				Dr. Ralph Jones 					 Grandparents			Mr. Russell Martin 				Mrs. Alice Larsen 					 Matron of Honor			Mrs. Alicia Bright 					Friend of Bride 					 Bridesmaids			Miss Kari Kraemer 					Friend of Bride 				Ms. Debbie Smith 					Sister of Bride 					 Best Man			Mr. Craig Rosenberg 					Friend of Groom  Groomsmen			Mr. Joeseph Casselli 					Friend of Groom 				Mr. Mark Carter 					Cousin of Groom 					 Flower Girl			Miss Shellee Turner 					Niece of Bride  Ring Bearer			Mr. Brian Martinson 					Nephew of Groom  Ushers				Mr. Harry Tilson 					Friend of Groom 				Mr. Chris Fisher 					Friend of Groom  Pastor				Rev. Mathew Edwardman  Organist			Mrs. Janet Meier 					Friend of Bride 	 Soloist				Mr. Martin Anderson 					Friend of Couple

Example Two:

 		The Wedding Party 	 Officiate			The Honorable Judge Mark Johnson  Matron on Honor			Pamela Shueler - Friend of Bride  Best Man			Louis Praster - Friend of Groom  Reader				Sharon Mitchel - Cousin of Bride  Ushers				Thomas Shueler - Friend of Bride & Groom  Personal Attendant		Jodi Johnson - Friend of Bride  Parents				Michael Cruzes 				Susan Cruzes 					 				Paul & Karen Jordan  Music by			The Baroque Trio

Message and Notation Section

This section can be positioned at the bottom of the right-hand page or on the program's backside if blank. Short personal messages or expressions of thanks to the guests from the bride and groom are very appropriate and make for a lasting keepsake. As an alternative to the personal message, a special prayer, poem or short quotation might nicely express your feelings. Notations regarding the reception, picture-taking restriction, viewing of gifts, new home address or other information necessary for guests should be at the bottom of the page.

Following are some samples of personal messages or expressions of thanks you may want to have printed on your wedding programs, or spoken during the ceremony.

"Thank you for sharing this happy day with us."

"Thank you for sharing this service with us. You have added to our joy by being with us on our wedding day."

"We are honored you can share these sacred and joyous moments with us today. May God bless each one of you."

"Special thanks to everyone for sharing in this joy of ours today."

"Thank you for sharing this service with us on our wedding day."

"We have waited with much anticipation for this day to arrive and give thanks to God for creating both of us to be with one another. We are also very thankful that our families and friends could be here to share this blessed experience with us. We are grateful for the distances that many have traveled to be here with us today. The love of everyone here warms our hearts and fills us with cherished memories."

"Thank you for sharing these precious moments with us and for witnessing our vows to each other. You are invited to the home of the groom at ____________,
where the gifts may be seen following the reception."

"We would like to express our gratitude to our parents for their love and guidance. We also would like to thank our relatives and friends for coming today to share our joy. We ask God's blessing and your prayers upon our marriage."

"Especially for our parents – Thank you for bringing us to this day. We have learned love from you and hope in our marriage to always return it to you."

"To our parents, who have been so patient and understanding and have given us so much love and encouragement, thank you. On this very special day in our lives, we want you to know WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!"

"We would also like to express our gratitude to the many others who have freely given of their ideas, support and labor to make this day possible."

"Thank you for sharing this special day with us. That so many of our friends and family, especially those who came from such great distances, could be here to help us celebrate our marriage means a great deal to us. We pray that God will grant you a safe journey to your homes when the festivities have ended. May He always bless and enrich your lives with joy and love as much as you have enriched our with your friendship and generosity."

"It means a great deal to us to have each of you here today. Thank you for witnessing our expression of love for each other through the vows that begin our new life together. We feel that our love stems from our capacity to love deeply, enjoy simply, and to think freely. Our special wish is that each of you will continue to be a part of our lives. Without friends, family and parents, we have very little."

"As our hearts are joined and we begin our new life together, we pause to look at everyone here on our special day. We find it difficult to put into words our feelings to those who share our love and happiness. Words seldom go quite deep enough when thanks should be expressed. We would like at this time to thank those who wish us well. We would especially like to thank our parents and our brothers and sisters who not only wish us well, but who are always there when we need them. May God bless you always."

"To our families and friends – We are honored that you are here to help us celebrate this very important day in our lives. On this day, we shall vow our love and commitment to one another before God and you. It is our prayer that God be glorified in this service and each of you receive His blessing."

"WELCOME TO OUR WEDDING CEREMONY – We, the bride and groom, are honored to have you as our guests today. We want you to share these happy and sacred moments with us. May the blessing of the Lord be on all of us as we worship together. It is our desire that Christ shall be honored, not only in this ceremony, but in the years to come. We want him to be the head of our home and the Lord of our lives."

"We would like to express our sincerest thanks to all of you for helping us make this day a joyous celebration – especially our parents who gave us life; our families who shared our life; our relatives and friends who helped us grow up to this special day."

"TO OUR WEDDING GUESTS – Your presence here adds greatly to our joy and happiness on this day which marks the beginning of our lives together. We stand before you now, declaring before God and this congregation, our love for each other and for our intent to be joined in marriage; to share with each other without reservation our lives, fortunes and future. We hope that you will continue to wish us well in our new life as you have done in the past, and will pray for our continued happiness and success."

Wedding Party

2011-12-22T03:06:00.001-06:00

WEDDING PARTY

Early in the planning stages of your wedding, you and your fiance should choose those special people who will be your attendants. Usually you choose your closest friends and relatives to share in the excitement of your big day. Following is a list of the traditional wedding participants and their responsibilities.

Maid of Honor and/or Personal Attendants

The maid of honor is usually a special friend or sister of the bride. She is expected to help the bride as much as possible.

Helps the bride with addressing invitations, serves as a shopping adviser, helps bride with gifts, etc.
Attends all pre-wedding parties, showers, etc.
Pays for her own wedding attire.
Helps in organizing the bridesmaids and their wedding attire, and makes sure they know their ceremonial duties.
Is in charge of the groom's wedding ring until the appropriate time during the ceremony, when she exchanges it for the bride's bouquet.
Along with the best man, signs the wedding certificate as a legal witness.
Helps the bride in arranging her veil and train, and also when dressing for the wedding.
She is also a member of the receiving line.
Helps the bride get dressed in her going-away clothes, and takes the bridal gown to the cleaners, or to the bride's home.

Bridesmaids

The bridesmaids are primarily to add a warm, personal, colorful touch to the wedding festivities. They are always invited to all pre-wedding parties, showers, etc.

Bridesmaids are responsible for the purchase and fitting of their wedding attire (the bride may wish to buy their accessories).
Bridesmaids may assist the bride with pre-wedding tasks and errands.
Bridesmaids participate in rehearsal and ceremony and also in the receiving line.

Best Man

The best man is usually a brother or best friend of the groom. He is the groom's right-hand man in organizing his activities for the day.

Helps to host the bachelor party (or dinner, which is optional).
Pays for his own wedding attire.
The best man transports the groom to the church, and helps him dress for the ceremony.
Supervises the groomsmen and ushers and makes sure they are properly dressed and that they know their duties.
The best man takes care of the bride's ring until the appropriate time during the ceremony.
He presents the clergy person with his/her fee either just before or just after the ceremony.
The best man, along with the maid of honor, signs the wedding certificate as a legal witness.
The best man offers the first toast to the bride and groom at the reception, and reads aloud any congratulatory telegrams.
The best man dances with the bride after the groom and both fathers have danced with her.
Makes sure that the honeymoon car is ready and the suitcases are packed and put in the car.
He helps the groom get into his traveling clothes-takes care of any tickets, keys, etc. given to him for safekeeping.
He transports the newlyweds to the airport or from wherever they are leaving for their honeymoon.
The best man returns the groom's formal wear either to his home or back to the formal wear shop.

Groomsmen

The groomsmen are usually close friends, brothers, or relatives of the couple.

They pay for their own wedding attire.
They attend the bachelor dinner or party (if one is held).
They attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
They escort the bridesmaids during the ceremony processional and recessional.

Ushers

Ushers have more details to attend to. They should be specifically instructed as to their responsibilities.

They pay for their own wedding attire.
They should arrive at the church at least an hour before the ceremony.
They light the candles about 15 minutes before the ceremony begins (if this assignment is given to them by the clergy).
The ushers should obtain from the couple a list of guests for special or reserved seating.
They should make sure that grandparents, godparents, etc. have their flowers before they are seated.
The ushers distribute wedding service programs to the guests while seating them; or they may put the programs in the pews ahead of time.
The usher should introduce himself/herself to the guest and should ask whether he/she is a guest of the bride or the groom.
The bride's guests are traditionally seated on the left side and the groom's guests seated on the right side. Sides are reversed in an Orthodox Jewish wedding. Ushers may choose to balance the sides if one is filling up much faster than the other. In many church weddings, parents now go down the aisle with their respective children.
The usher should offer his/her right arm to the woman of a pair of guests, or to the oldest woman of a group. Other members of the guest group walk slightly behind as the usher escorts them to their seats. Single men may simply walk beside the usher.
The groom's parents should be seated last of all. They should be seated in the right front pew, and then the bride's mother in the left front pew. After the head usher escorts the bride's mother to her seat, no more guests are seated until after the processional. In some cases, the families are just simply seated as they come in.
After carefully unrolling the aisle carpet, the ushers should take their places. An extra usher should remain to seat latecomers.
The ushers should escort the parents of the bridal couple and any special designated guests out of the church after the recessional.
The ushers then indicate to other guests pew by pew, when they may leave their seats following the recessional.
Check over the church/synagogue to see that it is clean and orderly.
At the reception, ushers generally do not sit at the bridal table(s), but sit with the other guests

Mother of the Bride

Assists the bride in selecting gown and accessories, wedding colors and attendant's attire, and personal trousseau.
Helps in compiling the guest list, and in addressing invitations.
Provides friends with information about gift registry preferences of the bride.
Assists in ceremony and reception details.
Selects her own dress and consults with the groom's mother on their styles and colors of dresses.
Keeps the father of the bride and the groom's parents informed on wedding plans and preparations.
May take care of incoming gifts.
Acts as the official hostess at the wedding and reception. She is the last person to be seated at the ceremony and the first to greet the guests in the receiving line (see previous usher section). The bride's mother also sits in the place of honor at the parents' table. However, this is at the discretion of the bride and her mother.
May ride with father of the bride to the ceremony or assist in dressing the bride the day of the ceremony.

Father of the Bride

Rides with the bride to the ceremony.
In the traditional procession, he escorts his daughter during the processional, then sits with the mother of the bride in the left front pew. However, many brides walk down the aisle with both parents. (See also groom's parents.)
Preferably stands in the receiving line or may mingle as the host of the reception.
The father of the bride should dress in conformance with the groom and his attendants.
The father of the bride is usually the last person to leave the reception, and also bids guests farewell.

Groom's Parents

The groom's parents should call on the bride's parents to express their approval as soon as possible after the engagement.
The groom's parents might walk down the aisle with their son.
The groom's parents sit in the right front pew during the ceremony and they are special guests at the reception.
The groom's mother always stands in the receiving line, and the father may stand in the receiving line or mingle with the crowd.

Flower Girl and/or Ring Bearer

Note – Decisions relative to the use of flower girl and/or ring bearer have become a delicate one to make; in fact, many churches are discouraging this practice of rather dubious "origins."

The flower girl is usually between the ages of 4 and 10. Her dress may be exactly like the bridesmaids' or something similar. She should carry a small bouquet, or basket. She precedes the bride and her father.
The ring bearer is usually between the ages of 3 and 6 years of age. He carries a small pillow with a ring stitched onto it (preferably a fake ring). He also precedes the bride and her father.
The ring bearer may be dressed in short white pants, with a fancy white shirt, bow tie, and white shoes; or he may be dressed to match the men in the wedding party.
The parents of the flower girl and ring bearer pay for their children's wedding attire.
The flower girl and ring bearer should be included in transportation arrangements.
The children and their parents should be included in the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
The children do not have to stand in the receiving line.
It is a wise suggestion to have a baby-sitter to take care of the children during the reception so that the parents can relax and enjoy the evening.

Other Participants

You may find that you would like more friends and relatives involved than the size of your wedding party allows. There are a number of other duties that need attention. You might have a friend read a scripture passage at the ceremony; or serve as a candle-lighter; or greet guests as they arrive.

You may need assistance at the reception also. You could possibly ask a group of friends, or relatives, to decorate the hall, and to be in charge of the wedding gifts – take them either to your parents' home or your new home. You might ask younger cousins or friends to attend the guest book, serve punch and coffee, and clean up after the reception.

Wedding Attire

2011-12-21T03:06:00.001-06:00

Wedding Attire

WEDDING ATTIRE

Bridal gowns, like other wedding customs, are wide open to personal preference. There are so many styles and fabrics from which to choose! The choice is yours completely. Take the time to look through bridal magazines to get some idea of what you would like. There will be a wedding dress perfect for you no matter what style or tone you want to set for your wedding.

There are a number of things to consider when choosing your wedding dress:

The size and type of wedding you want. For a formal wedding, white or ivory is traditional with a long dress in any elegant fabric and a headpiece with a veil. For a semi-formal wedding your choices are the same, but not quite as formal. For an informal wedding you may choose whatever is tasteful and becoming to you. Headpieces should be coordinated with whatever dress you choose.
Also keep in mind the season of the year – you will want to wear fabrics that are comfortable and appropriate. Basically, there are two design seasons – spring/summer and fall/winter.
Choose a dress that is becoming to your figure, height and taste. Take the time to note the full effect of a dress, since your guests will see more of the back of you than the front during the ceremony.
Consider the budget with which you are working. Of course, you want the gown of your dreams, but be down-to-earth on the maximum amount you can afford to spend. When going to the bridal shops, inform the consultant of your price range, which will provide a guideline as to which dresses to show you.
Shop for your dress at least six months in advance of the wedding date. Most dresses have to be special-ordered, and you will need to have alterations made (see Alterations below). This will also ensure that your dress arrives in time for the wedding!
When going for fittings, wear the undergarments, shoes (see below), and accessories that you plan to wear on your wedding day.
Accessories should be kept to a minimum. Perhaps a pair of small earrings or a necklace of gold or pearls would give the finishing touch to your appearance.
Most shops require a deposit when you place your order. Payment and cancellation policies vary, so inquire beforehand. Some allow a five-day cancellation period; others place the order immediately, which means you must forfeit your deposit and pay for the dress. Keep all slips. Be sure everything promised is in writing and read the sale agreement carefully. The delivery date of the dress and headpiece should also be included.

If you allow enough time to shop for your dress, and work closely with the bridal shop consultant, you'll find the dress that's uniquely you! Here are some figure suggestions (which can also apply to your bridesmaids):

Short, Petite Brides:

A-Line and Sheath look best.
Stay away from bouffant skirts.
Consider beautiful detailing at the neckline to draw the eye to the face.
Avoid details like ruffles on the skirt and dangling beads on the sleeves.
Wear a taller headpiece, like a tiara style.

Tall, Thin Brides:

Good news - You can wear just about any style you want.

Full-figured Brides:

Light weight satins, chiffons, crepes and silk shantungs work best.
Avoid bulky fabrics like velvets and heavy satins.
Avoid glossy fabrics like shiny satin and go for the matte finish.
V-necks, keyholes and scoop necklines help de-emphasize the bust-line.
Go for fitted sleeves and avoid puff or full sleeves.
Empire waists and A-lines work best.
Avoid mermaid and form-fitting sheath silhouettes and skip the back bow.
Avoid the large, pouf veil, but go for beautiful jewelry or pretty headpiece.
Carry a small bouquet, rather than a mass of flowers.

Pale Skinned Brides:

Go for warmer, natural and ivory colors.
Avoid white, which tends to wash out already fair skin.

Darker Skinned Brides:

Most fabric colors will look great.
The only exception is African-American, Hispanics and other dark skin should stay away from ivory colors with yellow undertones, since that hue may not compliment a dark skin tone.
Consider pale "rum pink" colors available from some manufacturers.

The following is a guideline to help you better understand "bridal shop talk" when shopping for your wedding attire.

Sleeves

Bishop – fuller in the lower forearm, then gathered at wrist into a wide cuff.
Dolman – extending from an armhole so large it creates a cape-like effect, often fitted at the wrist.
Leg-of-mutton (or Gigot) – full, loose, rounded from shoulder to slightly below elbow, then nipped in at wrist.
Melon – extravagantly rounded from shoulder to elbow.
Puff – gathered into gentle puff near shoulders.

Silhouettes

Ball gown – appealing, off-the-shoulder yoke, or fitted bodice, and a natural, fitted waist with lavish, full skirt. Probably the most traditional.
Basque – natural waist with V-front and a full skirt.
Empire – small, scooped bodice gathering at high waist (right under the bust line), a slim yet full skirt.
A-line or Princess – slim-fitting style, with vertical seams flowing from shoulders down to hem of flared skirt. Unlike the ball gown, the waistline is not as defined. This fits many different body types.
Sheath – narrow, body-hugging style without a waist.
Mermaid-style gown - a variation of the Sheath, which is also form-fitting but flares out below the knees.

Lengths of Dresses and Trains

Street Length – hem just covering knees.
Intermission Length – hem falling slightly below or midway between the knee and ankle.
Ballet Length – hem swirling to ankles.
Floor Length – hem fully skimming the floor.
Sweep Train – shortest train, barely sweeping the floor.
Court Train – a train extending one foot longer than the sweep train.
Chapel Train – most popular of all bridal trains – trailing about 1 1/3 yards from waist.
Cathedral Train – worn at a very formal wedding – tumbling 2 ½ yards from waist.
Extended Cathedral Train, unfolding 3 yards from waist.

Necklines

High – collar just brushing the chin.
Off-the-shoulder – gracefully hovering above bust line, sometimes attached to a sheer net yoke and high collar.
Boat or Bateau – gently following curve of the collarbone – high in front and back, opening wide at sides, ending in shoulder seams.
Queen Anne – rising high at the nape (back) of neck, then sculpting low to outline a bare yoke.
Square – shaped like half of a square.
Sweetheart – shaped like the top half of a heart.

Fabrics

Brocade – heavy fabric with interwoven, raised design that has a contrasting white-on-white or ivory-on-ivory look. Commonly designed with a floral pattern.
Charmeuse - lightweight version of satin with a softer and more clingy look that is common with silk or rayon, but with less body than silk fabrics.
Chiffon – delicately sheer, a simple weaving – often of silk or rayon, although it can be made from just about any fiber – with a soft or stiff finishing. It is often layered and has an unusual luster.
Crepe - thin, light fabric with a ridged or finely crinkled surface.
Damask - similar to brocade (above) but of lighter weight.
Duchess Satin - may also be called silk-faced satin - weighs less and is less expensive than traditional silk finishes. Most are a blend of silk and polyester woven into a satin finish.
Dupioni - coarse fibers of various thicknesses woven into a crispy textured fabric with many visible natural twists of fiber.
Faille - ribbed fabric with structure and body, woven from silk, cotton, rayon or polyester.
Gazar - variation of Organza (below) that has a sheer effect with a stiff or starched feel.
Georgette - a type of crepe (above) with a dull texture.
Jersey - softly draping, machine knit fabric made from fibers like silk, rayon and nylon.
Matelasse - textured fabric woven to look like embossing.
Moire – silk taffeta that, when illuminated, glistens like water.
Organdy - crisp, transparent fabric made from cotton.
Organza – sheer, crisply textured fabric, almost transparent.
Satin - tightly woven with a sheen on one side. Can have a high gloss or matte finish. Generally made from polyester.
Shantung - originally silk, but now may be polyester. Has a rough, nubby appearance that is soft and light weight.
Silk-faced Satin – brimming with body, with a dusty sheen.
Slipper Satin – light, soft – a more closely woven fabric.
Taffeta – smooth, glossy – a finely textured fabric with body.
Tulle – tiny-meshed net of silk, cotton, or synthetics.
Twill - fibers woven with a diagonal pattern.
Polyester may also be used for dresses, alone or blended with natural fibers, like poly-organza or poly-chiffon.
Velvet - thick napped weave, available in silk, cotton or rayon blends. Crushed velvet has a high and low nap to give it a shimmering look.

Headpieces

Coronet – wreath resting high on crown of the head.
Floral Wreath – circlet of flowers which can nestle on top of the head or at mid-forehead.
Half Hat – small hat covering half, or less than half, of crown.
Juliet Cap – small cap, ornately festooned with pearls and jewels that snugly hugs the crown.
Mantilla – lace-trimmed netting usually secured to an elegant comb, gently framing the face.
Picture Hat – ornamented hat with a very large brim.
Tiara – crown, usually encrusted with crystals, pearls, or lace, resting high atop the head.
Toque – small, close-fitting hat without a brim.
Upturned Picture Hat – picture hat with brim tilting up to one side.
Except for the Mantilla, veiling is usually attached to all of these headpieces.

Lace

Alencon – originated in Alencon, France – a pretty, delicate, yet durable design, outlined with cord on net ground. Generally has a background of flowers and swags, may be pre-beaded or beaded after it is sewn on the dress
Battenburg - lace made by stitching a strip of linen fabric into a loop pattern connected with thread.
Chantilly – from Chantilly, France – graceful, floral sprays on fine lace background, outlined with silk threads or fine cording.
Dotted Swiss - small circles of flocked fabric over a background of netting.
Eyelet – open-weave embroidery with holes used for decorations.
Guipure - series of motifs, like roses, daisies or ovals, connected by a few threads.
Ribbon - random pattern of ribbon sewn over a net background.
Schiffli – machine-made, delicate floral embroidery.
Venise – heavy, raised, floral design, first made in Venice.

Veils

Blusher – loose veil worn forward over face or back over the headpiece, often attached to longer, three-tiered veil.
Flyaway – multi-layers that brush the shoulders, usually worn with an informal, ankle-length dress or a style with too-pretty-to-hide details in back.
Birdcage – falling just below chin, gently shirred at the sides, and usually attached to hats.
Chapel Length – tumbling 2 1/3 yards from headpiece.
Cathedral Length – cascading 3 ½ yards from headpiece, usually worn with cathedral train.
Ballet or Waltz Length – falling to the ankles.
Fingertip – most popular length, gracefully touching the finger-tips.
Most veils are made of nylon material called illusion. Decorations often include poufs, which are small gathers of veiling on the crown of a headpiece. Wreaths often have flowing ribbons called streamers, tied into "love knots."

Sizing

Bridal gowns do not correspond to regular clothing sizes. And different designers have different sizes for the same measurements. So, it is important for you to be measured (using a vinyl tape vs cloth which stretches) in 4 ways: bust, waist, hips, and length (also called hollow to hem). You should order the size that corresponds to your largest measurement. And remember, sample dresses have been tried on many times and have stretched larger than the size they show, so if this fits great, you will probably have to order a size or more larger. Dresses can always be taken in, but are difficult to let out. Bust is not necessarily your bra size, but the measurement around your chest at the fullest part of your breast, with arms to the side. The length is measured from the hollow at the base of your throat down to where you want the hem of your dress to be. This measurement should be taken with shoes on (the height you will be wearing) and if the dress has a full skirt, with the petticoat on, which will make the measurement at an angle to allow for this fullness. If you are tall, be sure the dress you want will allow for extra length (some manufacturers don't offer this). Some other measurements that may be needed include: inside sleeve length (armpit to wrist for long sleeve dresses), arm girth (around largest part of your upper arm), back shoulder width (shoulder blade to shoulder blade), waist to hem (natural waist straight down to desired hem), low hip (7 inches below natural waist), and center back (base of neck to natural waist).

Alterations

Virtually ALL wedding dresses will need to be altered. You do not need to use the seamstress from the bridal shop, so price around and find someone who has experience altering wedding dresses. The average bridal gown will require $75 to $250 in alterations (also depending on what part of the country you live). If you start adding features (like buttons and bows) or other significant changes, this could double or triple the cost. Dresses will need one or more of the following to be taken in, let out, raised, lowered or added: hem, side seams, bustle, sleeves, and shoulders. Because charges vary greatly and often shift, be sure to get all alteration promises, quotes and special deals in writing. Insist on a final fitting when all alterations are complete, before signing any release or paying the final bill. Remember alterations take time, so order your dress early to allow for this (8-12 weeks before the wedding)

Here's some typical alteration charges (from a West coast bridal shop).

	Wedding Dress	Price
Sides	One Layer	$45-$60
	Double Seams	$50-$80
Shoulders	Raised and sewn	$30-$60
	Tighten Elastic	$30
Gussets	Adding fabric in sides plus cost of lace if needed	$100
Hemming	From the Bottom	$55-$75
	Rolled Under (usually no lace)	$75-$125
	From the Top	$70-$90
	Each additional Layer	$10-$20
	All the way around (remove train)	$100+
Bustle	Standard, Each (approx 3-7)	$12 each
	French (total)	$55
Sleeves	English, Each (approx 3-7)	$15 each
	Take In or Out	$35-$40
	Shorten, with Gathers	$27-$35
	Shorten, with Lace	$50-$60
Bodice	Lengthen, with Lace	$50
	Add cups	$15
Pressing	Press for Pick-up	$50-$100
	Clean and Press	$135-$160
Heirloom	Clean and Box Wedding Dress	$179
	Additional Items	$10 each
	Bridesmaid Dresses
Sides	One Seam	$25-$35
	Two Seams	$30-$40
Shoulders	Up	$25-40
Hemming	One layer	$25-$35
	Two layers	$30-$45
Sleeves	Shorten or Taper	$22-$35

Shoes

Bridal shoes are one of the important items of your bridal attire. You will be walking and dancing in them for most of your wedding day. And, you need the shoes you are going to wear when you are altering your wedding dress, so it will be the correct length. Several inches will make a difference in the look of your dress.

Be sure you buy your shoes (if you don't already have a pair you will wear under your wedding dress) well in advance and wear them before your wedding day to break them in and also to see if you will be able to wear them comfortably on your big day. There is nothing worse than sore feet on your wedding day. Or, tripping because you are not used to your shoes.

Some brides wear beautiful high healed shoes for the wedding and pictures and then change to other shoes for the dance (or take them off). But, remember if your dress is the length for 3" heals, and you take them off, your dress will now be 3" longer!

Some brides choose to wear ballet type shoes under their wedding gown the whole day. And, the dress is altered to that length. Some do this because of the height difference between the bride and groom (if you are both about the same height), some brides don't want to tower over their groom on the wedding day and pictures, so they wear flats. Others may do this strictly for comfort and some because they never wear high heals. But, if you want the height and elegance of high healed shoes, there are many beautiful styles from which to choose.

Wedding Shoes

Sizzle by Coloriffics Women's Bermuda Pump

Dyeables Women's Abbey Pump, White

Liz Rene Couture Women's Saskia Pump

Badgley Mischka Women's Eavan Open Toe Pump

Coloriffics Women's Tiffany Sandal

Menbur Women's Wedding Flat

Other Clothing Needs

Once you have selected your dress, you should choose the attire for your attendants. Their dresses should compliment your dress. For a formal wedding their dresses should be floor length; at a less formal wedding, they can be shorter, even if your dress is long. Again, keep in mind their height, weight and coloring. Also keep in mind their budgets since they will be paying for their own dresses. If you want to ask someone who has "limited means" to be a bridesmaid, either rethink this or consider picking up some or all of the costs. If you have bridesmaids with greatly different body types, consider A-lines, princess lines or empire-waist dresses which will work for everyone. If you have out-of-town bridesmaids, consider ordering from a mail-order service (like Discount Bridal Service) or a catalog like Talbot's. Or, get her measurements and order for her - lots of trust here (it helps to send her pictures and sample swatches). You could also consider having them sewn (buy fabric and patterns and avoid the bridal stores). This way, the out-of-towners can have their dress sewn locally and they will still all match. One money-saving idea is to pick a color and give each bridesmaid a swatch. Then they can choose a dress they like (from a department store). They won't be the same dresses, but the colors will match and make for an interesting look. Shoes should be comfortable, and should preferably be dyed to match the dresses. When deciding on bridesmaids dress colors, take into consideration the colors at your ceremony site (carpet, walls, etc.) to avoid clashes in your pictures.

Both mothers should wear a dress appropriate for the style and formality of your wedding. The mother of the bride should wear a color that blends and complements the bridesmaids' dresses, but does not match the exact color. Avoid all black or all white. The "mob" usually selects her dress first and then describes it to the mother of the groom, allowing enough time for her to shop. Both mothers can wear the same color, but not the same dress (preferably they should be the same style and length). For a very formal, large wedding before 6pm (over 200 guests): long or short dresses, not quite as formal as evening wear. For a formal wedding before 6pm (100 or more guests): elegant dresses or suits. In any event, both mothers should go with dresses that look good on them (color, figure size, personal sense of style, etc.) and they do not have to match.

The wedding attire of the groom, as well as that of the other men in the bridal party should compliment the attire of the bride and her attendants with respect to the degree of formality and the time of day for the wedding ceremony. See Grooms Guide for lots of details on the groom and groomsmen's attire. Traditionally, the groom, best man, groomsmen, ushers and both fathers dress alike, except that subtle differences in their accessories – the style of shirt, collar, tie, etc. differentiate the groom and possibly the best man from the other men. Coordinating or matching attire should be worn by the ring bearer, if there is one.

Again, looking through bridal magazines will help you get some ideas as to styles available. Plan to visit the formal wear store at least six weeks in advance of the wedding date. Take sample swatches of the bridesmaid's dresses with you to help coordinate colors. Once you have selected the men's formal wear, you will need to make arrangements for the men to have their measurements taken and formal wear fitted.

If you have any questions concerning the style or formality of the wedding clothes, ask your bridal shop representative or formal wear specialist. They will be able to answer any questions you may have and will be able to assist you in choosing the appropriate style for the type of wedding you have chosen.

Last Minute Fix-Up Kit

It is a good suggestion to have a handy "first aid" kit with you (or your mother) on your wedding day. A ripped hem or seam, snagged panty hose, unruly hair, etc. are problems no bride wants to put up with on her wedding day. A handy little kit – perhaps a decorated shoe box, clutch purse, or sewing kit – should be with the bridal party at all times. You may wish to leave it in the lady's restroom at the place of your reception, as long as it is not a public restroom.

Many brides want to have a small purse, clutch or handbag with them, which may include some of the items below and also have a place to put other personal items or special gifts. It is not a good idea to carry a lot of money in a purse, because you will be dancing and mingling with your guests and it may sit at your bridal table unattended for periods of time. That said, there are many beautiful bridal purses/bags that would compliment your wedding attire.

Beautiful Bridal Clutch/Purse

Menbur Wedding Clutch, satin with flower embellishment, clasp closure

Menbur Wedding Clutch, crepe satin with poufs of beaded chiffon at the entry, clasp closure

Items to bring along may include:

Safety pins
Band-Aids
Hair pins
Tissues
Breath mints
Hand towelettes
Nail polish
Scissors
Needle and thread to match dresses
Comb/brush
Baby powder
Scotch tape
Nail file
Tampons
Aspirin
Pantyhose
Mascara
Lip gloss
Contact lens fluid
Hair spray
Blush
And any other items you may feel necessary to have around on your big day!

Wedding Date

2011-12-20T03:06:00.001-06:00

What is the best way to figure out the wedding date?

Depending on the size and complexity of the wedding you are planning, you want to give yourself enough time to plan and implement it. Saturday's are the most popular wedding day, so the pressure for reception sites, photographers, etc. will be greatest on those days. There are only a little over 50 Saturday's in a year, so they get pretty booked. If you can get married on a Friday night, or Sunday, you will also save money, because vendors often charge less for those days than for Saturday events.

You will need to mail invitations 6-8 weeks before the wedding and you need time to figure how many you need and to order and receive them and address them, so figure at least 3-4 months for that process. Planning a wedding around a holiday or other special day (superbowl, etc.) may impact your guests and attendance, so it's probably better to avoid them. Consider what the weather will do at different times of the year - could you have a blizzard or extreme heat, etc. depending on where you plan to be married. Also how easy will it be for your guests to get to your wedding/reception.

Most brides find that it takes about a year or more in advance to plan a wedding - to book the places and vendors you want and to do all the details needed (see the EZ Wedding Planner Plan for a list of details.) However, some brides pull it off in weeks instead of years, with a few compromises. How far out you go may also depend on who's paying and also where/when you are going to go on a honeymoon. Some people pick days that have significance to them (like the anniversary of when you met, or first date, etc.)

Wedding Announcements

2011-12-19T03:06:00.001-06:00

When should wedding announcements be sent and who gets them?

Wedding announcements should be mailed the day of or day after the wedding or very shortly thereafter. These would go to people who were not invited to the wedding or reception, but with whom you would like to share the news of your wedding. It could include business associates, neighbors, club or association members, sorority/fraternity sisters/brothers, distant relatives, friends of your parents, etc. You could refer to holiday-card lists, old personal address books, alumni directories, etc. to be sure you are including those people you want notified.

Want Money not Gifts

2011-12-18T03:06:00.001-06:00

What if you don't want to register for wedding gifts, but would rather have a money tree or something similar. Is there a tactful way to do that?

There just isn't a way to request money with out being tacky. If guests ask what you would like, you can drop hints, but cannot directly tell them what to give. Hints that cash would be preferred always start with, "We really have all the household things we need, and we're just happy to have you included in our celebration… but, we're saving up for…" Guests who are comfortable giving money as a gift will figure out that a contribution to your savings project is really what you would like. Some guests simply never give cash! So you should always give a real project that you are saving for, like your honeymoon trip, in case a guest decides to get you something you can use when you finally spend the savings on the stated project. It may be easier for your family to pass on the word that what you really want is money, however they can use the same tact of "saving up for" and should not directly request money.

Vows

2011-12-17T03:06:00.001-06:00

I would like some ideas on the vows, it will be a non denominational, Christian, wedding.

Here are some ideas...

I Name take you Name to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

I take you Name to be my wife/husband from this day forward, to join with you and share all that is to come, and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us.

or the officiate may ask these in question like form with a response of I will, or I do.

O: (to the groom) Name, will you take Name to be your wife? Will you be guided by the counsel and direction God has given in his Word and love your wife as Christ loved the Church? Will you be faithful to her, cherish her, support her, and help her in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live? If so, answer, "I will".

G: I will

O: (to the bride) Name, will you take Name to be your husband? Will you be guided by the counsel and direction God has given in his Word and submit to your husband as the Church submits to Christ? Will you be faithful to him, cherish him, support him, and help him in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live? If so, answer, "I will".

B: I will

O: join your right hands and make your promises to each other: - the groom and bride will say in turn:

I, Name, in the presence of God and these witnesses, take you Name, to be my wife/husband. I promise to be faithful to you as long as we both shall live.

I, Name, take you Name, to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

I Name, commit my life to our partnership in marriage. I promise to comfort you, to encourage you in all walks of life. I promise to express my thoughts and emotions to you, and to listen to you in times of joy and in times of sorrow. Name, I love you. Will you let me share my life and all that I am with you?

Name: I will

In you vows, you can express your feelings towards each other and your lifelong commitment in wording that you write or some of the above.

Venue defined

2011-12-16T03:06:00.001-06:00

What do they mean by venue?

Venue means site - a reception venue is where the reception is held, a hotel, a back yard, a country club, etc., and wedding venue can be the church etc.

Veil Removal

2011-12-15T03:06:00.001-06:00

Do I wear the veil the whole time at the reception?

You do not need to wear the veil for the reception. In fact, many brides remove them after the wedding. Some have 2 veils - a long one for the wedding and a short one for the reception. If you intend to remove the veil, coordinate this with who is doing your hair, so they can plan for it accordingly. Also, some headpieces are built to remove the veil easily.

I know of some brides who intended to remove their veil, but loved it so much that they kept it on for the reception, because of the "look and feel" it gave them.

Protecting Your Valuables

2011-12-14T03:06:00.001-06:00

PROTECTING YOUR VALUABLES

A few simple precautions will help you protect your belongings for now and for the future. Gifts you receive from friends and family will certainly have some sentimental worth, as well as cash value – so protect those valuables before, during, and after the wedding!

It is suggested that you take out insurance to cover anticipated gifts. A "wedding present floater" is a special policy covering anything that won't stay in one place. The homeowners' insurance held by your parents, for instance, probably won't protect any gifts gathered in their house that you will move to your apartment. The "floater" is good for a temporary period – usually about 90 days after the wedding. It gives "blanket coverage," meaning that you don't have to list each item you're insuring, since you really don't know what gifts will be coming in. You're protected against theft, fire, breakage, etc. There's seldom a deductible which would have you picking up part of any loss. You get back the total value.

If you already own or rent the home you will live in, you will need regular coverage. A smarter investment, then, would be a homeowners' or renters' policy to cover all of your possessions. If you already have this type of insurance, you should "up" your coverage to include any new items you will be receiving or purchasing. For example, if your current policy is good for $7,000, you may want to "up" it an additional $2,000 to cover the gifts that you will be receiving for your wedding. Also, be sure to check with your insurance agent to see what exactly is covered.

Recording and keeping track of all your possessions and gifts may seem tedious, but it is wise to take the time to do this. Your "Wedding Gift Register" is one of your most valuable assets. It provides you with the name and address of the gift giver, the date of acknowledgement, the item given, and the place of purchase. The "register" is your best resource for future fill-ins or replacement and evaluation for insurance purposes. When a claim is filed on a theft loss, the insurance company requires documentation of ownership. If you do not have a household inventory, receipts showing purchase are acceptable proof. However, newlyweds do not have receipts for their wedding gifts, but if you keep good documentation in your "register" you may use this for documentation of ownership.

You must also have record of all personal possessions owned by both of you before your marriage, and items purchased by your after you were married.

An inventory of everything you own, including gifts received at showers, etc., should be taken before the wedding so that you know how much coverage you will need. All items should be recorded, indicating their cash value and age if it is a family heirloom or antique. You may wish to consult a professional appraiser for some items. Be certain your engagement ring and wedding rings have an up-to-date appraisal. The value of gold, silver, and jewels changes constantly.

When taking your inventory be sure to include clothing, sports or hobby equipment, furniture, appliances, etc. If you can find receipts for any of your items, collect them and put them in an envelope to keep on file. Also, it is a good practice to take photos of all your possessions. You should put identifying numbers on all items that can be engraved. Contact your local police department for more information on identification numbers. This practice deters thieves.

After your inventory has been taken and a list is made, you should make a copy for your records, and store the original in a safe-deposit box. Also, update your records from time to time.

If all this seems unnecessary and tedious, total up the cash value of all the items on your inventory and see what an investment it represents. Does the amount surprise you? Once you realize the value of these belongings, you will probably want to take steps to assure the safety of your precious possessions! With a little thoughtful planning, the things you love can be with you for a lifetime.

Ushers or Groomsmen?

2011-12-13T03:06:00.001-06:00

I am planning a wedding of approximately 150 guests. I know that you are supposed to have one usher to every fifty guests. Do those ushers also have to be groomsmen?

No, they do not have to be the same people. You can have separate ushers whose only job it is to escort people to (and maybe from) their seats. This is one way to have friends/relatives participate in your wedding without having them in the actual wedding party. But, if you choose, they can be the same people. After the guests are seated, they then take their places as groomsmen.

Unity Candle

2011-12-12T03:06:00.001-06:00

We would like to include the unity candle in our service. Any suggestions on how to do this?

There are a number of different ways to incorporate the unity candle. There are two candles which are lit prior to or during the service. This can be done by the clergy, both sets of parents, attendants, etc. One of these burning candles is on the bride's side of the alter (or a side table) and the other on the groom's side. A taller, unlit candle is in the middle. After the couple are pronounced husband and wife, they each take a lit candle and together light the unlit, center candle. They then blow out the two other candles. This symbolizes the unification of two families and two hearts and so two people become one. During the lighting of the candle, the clergy may talk about the significance of the unity candle, a soloist may sing, or there may just be silence.

Plan in Two Months

2011-12-11T03:06:00.001-06:00

We have about 2 months until the wedding. We are expecting 350 guest. Where do we start. Could you suggest a week by week to do list.

It will be hard to plan a large wedding in 2 months. The first thing you need to do is find a location for the wedding/reception. Many places book up a year or more in advance, so you may have to call lots of places to find one that can hold that many people. Then, ask the people you want as attendants and get busy finding dresses etc. They need to be rush ordered with enough time for alterations and you may find 2 months is not enough time. So, you may want to consider buying dresses from a department store (even coordinating colors can work nicely if they can't all get the same dress). When you find a site, you will need to work with the caterer on food soon. Also, when you have a pretty firm guest count, you will need to order invitations, because you generally need to mail them out 4-6 weeks before the wedding. It takes a bit of time to address them all, so allow for this.

You can start now by entering the guests names and addresses in the People section of EZ Wedding Planner. Then you can print lists by address, etc. for invitations. You can also track the RSVPs for reception count. And you can seat them at reception tables using the Seating section of EZWP (usually an extremely time consuming job if done manually, but easy to do here).

One other vendor that books far in advance is a photographer, so start now to find one who is available on your wedding date.

You can use the Plan as a checklist of things to do - check them off as you do them and then only display the Not Done items. They are in the general order of how things usually are done, but the dates will not line up with a 2 month wedding, so just start picking them off from the top and work your way down. You may want to turn your email reminders off in Options, so you aren't swamped with overdue items emailed to you.

Register at Travel Agency

2011-12-10T03:06:00.001-06:00

My best friend is getting married. It is her 1st wedding, but the groom's 2nd. They have all the household necessities they need. People keep asking her if she is registered anywhere. We are having a personal shower for her and are having a Jack and Jill. Is she still supposed to register somewhere or is there a way to say they just want money without being tacky? She was wondering if they can register at their Travel agency. I hope you can help.

There just isn't a way to request money with out being tacky. If guests ask what she would like, she can drop hints, but cannot directly tell them what to give. Hints that cash would be preferred always start with, "We really have all the household things we need, and we're just happy to have you included in our celebration… but, we're saving up for…" Guests who are comfortable giving money as a gift will figure out that a contribution to their savings project is really what they would like. Some guests simply never give cash! So she should always give a real project that they are saving for, like their honeymoon trip, in case a guest decides to get them something they can use when they finally spend the savings on the stated project.

Registering at a travel agency would only not seem tacky if she is also registered somewhere else where guests can buy other gifts. This way several registries can be listed and those who would be happy giving money can select the travel agency.

You could have a travel theme at the Jack and Jill shower, and they could register somewhere (like a local department store) for travel type items which they could use (travel alarm, shoe bags, travel hair dryer, toiletry bags, passport holder, money belts, etc.) This theme may then be a "hint" to the guests that money towards the trip would be appropriate, without actually specifying it.

Guest Transportation

2011-12-09T03:06:00.001-06:00

Our wedding ceremony is approx. 35 minutes away from the hotel where the reception is being held. Do you think we should provide transportation from the hotel to the wedding for those guests that were part of the rehearsal dinner or those people that stayed at the hotel Friday night.

Generally, guests provide their own transportation to/from the wedding/reception. But, it is considerate for the wedding hosts to arrange transportation for all out-of-town guests. You could arrange for a bus, vans, limos, or taxis to transport out-of-town guests between the sites. Or you could ask local wedding attendants (generally family) or other close friends if they could provide rides. A small thank you gift or personal note of thanks should be given to those family/friends providing rides.

Transportation

2011-12-08T03:06:00.001-06:00

TRANSPORTATION

Wedding Day Transportation

A very important part of planning your wedding day is arranging the transportation. After all, you want to make sure that you, the wedding party, your parents, and the guests all get to the church and reception on time!

The bride is traditionally responsible for making transportation arrangements to the church for herself, her parents, the bridesmaids, and also the groom's parents. The classic way to travel on your wedding day is by a nice, shiny limousine. Check around for rates and availability. Otherwise, ask you friends or relatives if their cars would be available to use. Offer to pay for gas and a car wash, and thank them with a small gift.

On the wedding day, have all the cars arrive at your house in time to reach the church at least 15 minutes before the ceremony. If you will be dressing at the church, allow extra time. Plan all your at-home candid photos well in advance of your leaving for church. In the first car should be your mother with your honor attendant, and perhaps another bridesmaid or two; the second car has the rest of your bridesmaids; the third car is for you and your father. Of course, you will have a chauffeur driving these cars. A separate car can pick up the groom's parents. You're on your way! The groom and his best man should take care of their own transportation to the church. They should get there at least 15 minutes to a half hour before the ceremony so that the best man has enough time to give the clergy-person the fee, and also to help the groom straighten his tie and calm any pre-wedding jitters!

If you have many out-of-town guests coming to your wedding, be sure they know how to get to the church and to the reception hall. If you live in a large city, you may want to have maps made up giving directions. These can be included with the invitation, or may be handed out after the ceremony. Reserve parking for the wedding party cars.

When leaving the church, you and your new husband ride in one car – the one that brought you, and your father to the church. Your parents and the groom's parents travel to the reception in their own cars, bridesmaids and ushers in the remaining cars. Chances are that your attendants will slip away during the reception to decorate your getaway car. Or, some friends may do this during the ceremony. Have the groom drop some hints as to how he would like the cars decorated. Decorations should be safe and should not obstruct the driver's vision. If you plan to honk horns as you drive through the city, be considerate of neighborhood residents, hospital zones, etc. Drive safely!

Limousines

You'll feel so special on your wedding day, and look so grand, you deserve to travel in style. Chauffeur-driven limousines are the traditional deluxe travel mode and they're still very much in fashion.

The standard limousine, called format, is supplied by most services. Routinely, it comes equipped with stereo and a glass divider between driver and passengers. A few firms also supply "stretch" or Rolls Royce limousines outfitted with the works – stereo, bar and color TV.

Most firms charge from the time the limousine leaves the garage until it returns. You'll probably want to rent from someone reasonably near your home. A three hour minimum rental (plus gratuity) is required by most services, though a few have a two-hour minimum after which they charge by the quarter hour. These standard packages are based on the assumption that mileage will be within certain limits. If you exceed that mileage, charges will be by the hour and by the mile.

Our worksheet will help you make a choice. Make your reservation at least one month in advance. Most limousine services require a deposit, one to two weeks ahead, ranging from fifty percent of the total to one hundred percent. When there is a balance, it is expected at pickup time.

Be sure to ask about cancellation policies. If cancellation is within five days of the reservation date, some firms will return your deposit. Others reserve the right to keep all or some of it.

Limousine services schedule tightly, some over a twenty-four hour span. Before you place your order, be sure of pickup time and place, destinations and approximate length of rental time.

Other Travel Modes

Just about anything that moves can be used for getaway transportation – and often is! Attracted by the grace of its slower pace, many couples use a horse-drawn carriage. Antique cars and hot air balloons are favorites too. Some travel in helicopters or small, private planes. One energy-conscious pair we know peddled away on their 10-speed bikes. You're beginning a long, sentimental journey together – why not start it with flair?

Parking

You may also find it a good idea to notify the local police department, so they can decide if a traffic officer is necessary. Often, if the gathering will be held in a home or residential area, police can waive certain parking restrictions if given enough time in advance. At the reception, it is also nice to provide your own valet parking – especially if people have to walk any distance. If the reception is being held in a big city, you may want to recommend a parking garage to guests arriving from out-of-town. It may even be wise to reserve space in a parking garage or lot if you anticipate a problem with availability.

Toasts - Who?

2011-12-07T03:06:00.001-06:00

Do you have a list of who is supposed to do toasts at the reception, and what order they should go in? I am at a loss as far as this goes!

Traditionally, the best man makes the first reception toast to the bride and groom (after everyone has been poured a glass of champagne or other sparkling drink.) The groom rises, thanks the best man and then toasts his bride and both sets of parents. The maid of honor also toasts the couple. The bride can then make a toast, followed by parents, relatives, wedding party members and friends. This becomes pretty much open season after the first few toasts.

Toasts should be less than three minutes each, short and sincere. The person giving the toast should stand and the person(s) being toasted remain seated and do not raise their glass and drink to him/herself. Toast the person/people by name and mention your relationship to them. Don't be lewd, suggestive or rude.

Toasts - Samples

2011-12-06T03:06:00.001-06:00

TOASTS

In a Nutshell

Traditionally, the best man makes the first reception toast to the bride and groom (after everyone has been poured a glass of champagne or other sparkling drink.) The groom rises, thanks the best man and then toasts his bride and both sets of parents. The bride can then make a toast, followed by parents, relatives, wedding party members and friends. This becomes pretty much open season after the first few toasts and not every one need give a toast. It can easily stop after the parent's toast.

Toasting should be done in a way that is most comfortable to you. You may remain seated, although if there is a large group, it will be easier for everyone to hear you if you stand. Don't mix toasts with other messages you might want to convey. Keep it simple.

Toasts should be less than three minutes each, short and sincere. In a large group, the person giving the toast should stand and the person(s) being toasted remain seated and do not raise their glass and drink to him/herself. Toast the person/people by name and mention your relationship to them. Make sure the toast you are delivering is appropriate for the group at hand. Don't be lewd, suggestive or rude.

Ten Helpful Steps to Toasting

1. Write the toast. This is your chance to honor the couple, so don't wait until the night before the wedding to think of what you're going to say. Even if you want to be spontaneous, it's good to have a toast written in case your mind goes blank. The toast should be short, sweet, and personal. A humorous quote or story can add a nice touch, just keep it tasteful. Anecdotes that involve nakedness, drunkenness, or ex-significant others of the couple could make the moment very awkward for yourself, the couple, and the guests!

2. Make notes. You might get flashbacks of making presentations in school, but putting notes on index cards really is a good idea, especially if you're not confident in your public speaking abilities. Don't write your entire speech out word-for-word...You don't want to spend the entirety of the toast staring at your index cards and sounding like a robot. Instead, include short quotes or key phrases like "Talk about meeting bride for first time, mention how comfortable they were with each other." The idea is for the note to jog your memory, but the actual wording should be off the top of your head, provided you follow the next step.

3. Practice your speech. Get a kitchen timer, a mirror, and an audience (any combination of people and stuffed animals will do, as long as they have eyes and can sit still like attentive wedding guests). Rehearse your speech in its entirety as if you were at the wedding. Modify your index cards as needed. Keep practicing until you feel at ease with the toast.

Go through all the motions. Imagine where the audience is sitting, for example, and pretend to make gestures and eye contact in that direction.
Insert strategic pauses to add emphasis. Doing so will also help prevent you from rushing through the speech.
Keep your toast to around two minutes. If you find yourself talking quickly (which is likely if you're nervous) make a conscious effort to slow down.

4. Wait for your turn. Timing is everything. Chances are, you're not the only one who wants to make a toast. Your order in the line-up depends on your relationship to the bride and groom.

In formal weddings, the toast is usually given after the meal. If the couple is cutting a wedding cake for dessert, the toast is given after the cutting but before dessert. But if it's a less formal or afternoon wedding, the toasting often takes place after the couple's first dance.
If there is a toastmaster (which may be the case in a formal, traditional wedding), follow his or her cues. If there is no toastmaster, the best man might be expected to coordinate the toasts.
One traditional order for toasts is as follows:
- To the couple, by the father of the bride or an old friend of the family.
- To the health of the bridesmaids, normally by the groom.
- To the health of the parents of the couple, normally by the best man.
More commonly, the best man gives the first toast, followed by the fathers, the groom, the bride, family friends, relatives, maid or matron of honor, the mothers and anyone else who would like to.

5. Stand up. Look around and check that all glasses (including yours) are full before making the toast. There should be wine, champagne, or something that looks like wine or champagne in your glass, as toasting with water is offensive in some cultures.

6. Raise your glass to the person you're toasting. While many people associate making a toast with tapping the side of your glass with a utensil, consider that you might damage fine crystal at a formal affair. To play it safe, say "I'd like to make a toast" in a firm voice and wait.

7. Announce your relationship to the couple. Some people at the wedding might not know who you are, so making this clear at the beginning will avoid any confusion. Bring your glass down as you start to speak, but continue holding it in one hand (unless you're holding both a microphone and notes).

8. Give the speech. Look at the person you're toasting to, but also shift eye contact towards the guests occasionally.

9. End the toast on a positive note. Include a formal indication to inform them of the ending of the toast and what to say next. For example: "Let us now toast the happiness of Jill and Jack. To Jill and Jack!" As you say this, wave your glass to all, then tip it towards the person you are toasting to, or clink their glass if you're close enough. Then clink your glass gently with those around you and sip (don't gulp or chug) your drink.

10. Sit down and wait for the next toast. If the person you toasted to offers a toast in response, remain seated and don't raise your glass; just say "Thank you", smile and sip your drink when they're done!

Tips

Since weddings are as individual as the couples that have them, feel free to adjust your words and the toasting conventions to suit the occasion.
Usually, the people in the wedding party are more familiar with one half of the newly married couple than the other. Try to get to know that other person as much as possible, and include something that relates to a unique aspect of both the bride and groom - something about their personality or their interests.
The toast will certainly be colored by the lens you view the couple through, but check to be sure that the star in the toast is the couple (or at least the half of the couple you know) and not the person giving it.
It can be tempting to do a short, sweet and generic toast. But the couple would probably like something a little more personal, otherwise it may seem like you didn't care about this duty, or that the couple isn't interesting enough to be the subject of a toast.
Bring tissues if you think you may shed a few tears while you're speaking.
At an inter-cultural wedding, learn about the cultures involved to make sure you don't say something that is completely inappropriate to a significant number of guests.
Give thanks. Show gratitude to whoever is hosting the wedding, whether it's the parents of the bride or the couple themselves. E.g. "Thank you for welcoming us to this happy occasion, and sharing your joy with us today."
Share an anecdote. Stories of how various parties met are always popular, whether you talk about how the bride and groom met or your first time meeting either of them. Here are some additional ideas:
- The first time the bride or groom told you about meeting their partner.
- The first time you realized these people were an important part of your life.
- A time you got through something together, whether challenging or fun.
- The story you are looking forward to telling their kids one day.
- The way you have seen the bride or groom change for the better since they met.
- When you're 90 and looking back, what would you say of your friendship?
- Tell a story of some specific detail or action that exemplifies why this person is special in this world, and to you in particular.
- If you were given three wishes for the couple, what would they be? Be careful with the use of clichés here. Don't use wishes you've heard before.
- Tell about the time your friend saw you through an embarrassing moment. (Careful. Consider the audience).
- If it's a second marriage and there are children involved, consider a toast referencing the newly created family.
Offer a compliment. Say something nice about the person (or couple) you are toasting to. Although your intentions might be good, don't go on and on about how great a person is; instead, choose a few appreciate adjectives that go a long way (e.g. "he's generous, intelligent, and kind").
End the toast on a positive note. Offer a wish, a traditional toast, or a blessing. Here are some ideas:
- Here's to the groom, a man who keeps his head though he loses his heart.
- May she share everything with her husband, including the housework.
- My greatest wish for the two of you is that through the years your love for each other will so deepen and grow, that years from now you will look back on this day, your wedding day, as the day you loved each other the least.
- May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse.
- Here's to the groom with bride so fair, And here's to the bride with groom so rare!
- May I see you grey, and combing your grandchildren's hair.
- May you live each day like your last, and live each night like your first.
- May you see each other through many dark days, and make all the rest a little brighter.
- To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
- I would like to make a toast to lying, stealing, cheating and drinking. If you're going to lie, lie for a friend. If you're going to steal, steal a heart. If your going to cheat, cheat death. And if you're going to drink, drink with me.

Warnings

Don't drink before you toast. Your speech should be spoken, not slurred.
Speeches that dwell on how difficult marriage is, however realistic, can make it sound like the couple is doomed to fail.
An audience will be very forgiving as long as your toast is heartfelt, decent, and relatively short. A TV commercial is only 30 seconds long. Only confident speakers should go longer than a minute and a half.
Avoid inside jokes as well as other references which might be deemed inappropriate for the occasion.
Do not use this event as a way to kick-start your comedy career. If you tell a joke and it bombs, finish up as quickly as possible.

Sample Best Man's Toast

It can be brief and sentimental ("Here's to the happiness of the couple close to us all - Mark and Susan.") or it can be more detailed and personal, amusing and anecdotal. Childhood, or friendship memories can be included.

Here's to Susan and Mark. I've been waiting to come to their wedding for some time, since I introduced them two years ago. May their lives be full of happiness like we are all enjoying here today.

Also see the Parents toasts (below), as some can also apply to best man toasts.

Sample Groom's Toast to Bride (or vice versa)

[Thank the best man for his toast], then: I toast you, Susan, for coming into my life and agreeing to share your life with me. And I toast, and thank your parents for welcoming me into their family, and for giving us this incredible wedding. I also toast my own parents and family for their support and love over the years. And I thank all of you for coming to share this day with us.

To my husband, the most wonderful man in the world. To my new family, with thanks for raising such a loving and supportive person. And to my parents, for all the love and strength they've given me over the years. May we all have many, many more memorable days together.

Because I love you truly,
Because you love me, too,
My very greatest happiness
Is sharing life with you.

To my wife,
My bride and joy.

Here's to the prettiest, here's to the wittiest,
Here's to the truest of all who are true,
Here's to the neatest one, here's to the sweetest one,
Here's to them all in one - here's to you.

I have known many,
liked quite a few,
Loved one -
Here's to You!

Here's to my mother-in-law's daughter,
Here's to her father-in-law's son;
And here's to the vows we've just taken,
And the life we've just begun.

Sample Parent's Toasts:

I'd like to toast Susan and Mark, and tell them how happy her mother and I are to be here today and celebrate their wedding. We feel that we are not losing a daughter, but gaining a son. Love and happiness to you both. And I'd like to thank everyone here for coming and sharing this day. Cheers!

"When children find true love,
parents find true joy."
Here's to your joy and ours,
from this day forward.

May you both live as long as you want, and may you never want as long as you live.

Here's to you both
a beautiful pair
on the eve (day)(beginning)
of your love affair.

May you always look forward with pleasure, and backward with no regrets.

Here's to the groom with bride so fair,
And here's to the bride with groom so rare!

Here's to the husband - and here's to the wife;
May they remain lovers for life.

May your wedding days be few and your anniversaries many.

To the newlyweds: May "for better or worse" be far better than worse.

Tissue Paper

2011-12-05T03:06:00.000-06:00

I've heard this question so many times and no one seems to be sure of the answer. When mailing wedding invitations, what do you do with the tissue inside? Where does it go? And what about the gold sticker/seal - on inside envelope or outside mailing envelope?

Tissue paper is placed over the engraving or printing. Or, the tissue paper can be discarded and not used, as this is an old custom which was used to prevent smearing of ink. If the invitations contain several enclosures, the proper order of placement is as follows: The non-gummed envelope contains the invitation along with the other enclosures and is placed in the outer envelope so it faces the flap. Response cards are tucked inside the invitation and, if needed, include a map. Be sure it is a clear reproduction on good quality paper. This also belongs inside the invitation with the other enclosures. Enclosures can also be placed directly on top of the invitation, inside the inner envelope. If you have a gold sticker/seal it would go on the back of the outside envelope.

Tipping

2011-12-04T03:06:00.001-06:00

Do you tip florist, DJ, photographer? If so, how much is normal?

General Tipping Suggestions:

Catering: There are package deals - get detailed list of what's included: sales tax, gratuities and bar fees etc.. These may greatly increase your wedding budget.

Caterer, Club manager, hotel banquet manager = 15-20% of the food & drink bill. Just 10% of the bill if there is also a maitre d'hotel. Reception host may be asked to pay the bill in advance. If not covered, the host or wedding consultant pays in an envelope during the reception.

Maitre d'hotel - 15 -20% of food & drink bill or $1.50 - $5.00 per guest. The reception host or wedding consultant pays in an envelope near the end of the reception.

Waiters, Waitresses, table captains - usually not tipped directly. Maitre d'hotel often divides his tip.

Bartenders 10% of the total liquor bill.

Powder room attendants $.50 - $1.00 per guest or arrange gratuity with hotel etc.

Parking attendants - same

Limousine drivers 15 -20% of total Limo bill.

Delivery truck drivers for florist, baker, etc. - $5.00 - $10.00 each

The reception host or wedding consultant offers in envelopes at the end of the reception.

Note: Hiring a D.J. will be less expensive than hiring live musicians. Most charge a set fee, amount should be specified as well as overtime rates, late arrival penalties etc., in your contract. Also allow for a tip at the end of the evening.

Clergy members usually receive a donation to the house of worship ($20.00 & up) ask church secretary or sexton - What is the suggested fee? If there are no payment guidelines, give the clergy member a gift.

Ask if fees for alter servers, sextons, cantors, choir, directors and organists are included in the church or synagogue fee; an additional gift or money amount may be appropriate.

[Answer compliments of Dianna Emerson, Bonne Foi Bridals & Weddings]

Luau Reception

2011-12-03T03:06:00.001-06:00

We plan on having a luau theme reception, do you have any ideas?

You could serve pu pu platters of food, or have a pig roast or fish, or platters of fresh fruits like pineapple and mango, etc. Kabobs work well also, with pineapple and meat. Drinks could include mai tais or other tropical drinks with small umbrellas. You could rent some tiki torches and/or palm fronds for decorations and give out flower or shell leis as favors at each table. A fun conversation piece could also be an aquarium or gold fish bowls at each table, or shells and sand in bowls/trays/little sail boats. Music could carry the theme - Hawaiian or luau appropriate music.

You could include a note in the invitations, telling your guests its a luau and some may dress accordingly. If you want to go all out, you may be able to get lots of inexpensive grass skirts for your guests to wear over their clothes.

You could also hire some local dancers to perform a hula or other fire dances or stick dances, etc. (perhaps dance clubs or a local cultural center could suggest who would know these dances).

Bridal Lineup

2011-12-02T03:06:00.001-06:00

I want to know about the procession and lineup of the bridal party. I have attended to a lot of weddings and some were not very organized. I just need a little help with the lineup and do's and do not's. Any suggestions will be helpful.

Generally the procession in Christian weddings goes as follows: Any grandparents are ushered in, then the groom's mother (with groom's father walking behind usher & mother), and then the bride's mother gets ushered in. She is the last person to be seated by an usher. If using a runner, this is then spooled out by ushers.

The officiant (minister or priest) takes his/her place, followed by the groom & best man (who usually enter from the chancel door) and stand facing the guests. The groom is next to the officiant and best man one step behind at an angle. The groomsmen then enter from the back of the church (or wedding site), in pairs, by height, with the shortest entering first. If there is an odd number, the shortest walks in first, alone. They leave three or four pews between them as they walk in. Or, if you prefer, all the groomsmen can enter together with the groom and line up at an angle, by height, shortest to tallest.

The bridesmaids walk down the aisle next, shortest to tallest. The maid of honor walks in after the last bridesmaid (so she stands next to the bride). Then the ring bearer and flower girl. As each reaches their place up front, they turn to their right and form a diagonal line from the bride and groom. The ring bearer and flower girl can stand at the altar if they are old enough or they can sit in the second or third pews with their parents during the ceremony if they can't stand still for long periods of time. They stand in front of the attendants if remaining by the altar.

Finally, the bride and her father (or escort) with the bride on her father's left arm. Pages if there are any, come last to carry the bride's train.

Jewish weddings have a different order (which included both the bride's parents walking her down the aisle and often also includes the groom's parents with the groom, all who stand with the bride and groom under the huppah during the ceremony.)

Then for the recession, the bride and groom leave first, followed by the flower girl and ring bearer. Then the bridesmaids and groomsmen walk in pairs down the aisle. Then ushers can escort the mothers of the couple and any other honored guests out. You can go directly to a receiving line for guests if you want (some do this at the reception), but at some time before you leave the church (or the wedding site), the bride and groom, maid of honor and best man and the officiant have to meet to sign the marriage license.

Lilies

2011-12-01T03:06:00.001-06:00

My fiance and I would like to have a black and white wedding...I'd like to have a bold, large white flower with a long stem. Are lilies appropriate for a wedding, or should they be kept strictly a funeral flower. Please keep in mind, we are on a budget and may not be able to afford white roses. Thanks!

Lilies are fine. They are also used on Easter in Christian churches. You can click on the light bulb on the right side of Plan/Arrange for Flowers for a list of various seasonal flowers. Your florist can also suggest what may be available and at what prices.

Karaoke

2011-11-30T03:06:00.001-06:00

We have the ballroom until 2am. We have a band but I am thinking of having Karaoke from 12am-2am after the band. Is this feasible? How long does the band usually need to break their equipment down and can the Karaoke get set up quickly, or do you think this is too much of a break in the festivities?

As far as the Karaoke goes, I would say it depends somewhat on your guest list. Generally, most middle aged to older guests would already be gone by midnight or be happy to wrap up the long day (especially if they have to drive any distance to get home). Younger guests may be happy to party all night. You may find that when the band stops playing and packs up that your guests will take the cue and leave also. The time needed to break down band equipment depends on the size of the band and the amount of equipment they have set up. There is probably not much involved in setting up for Karaoke - a microphone, a CD player & speakers (and someone assigned to change songs, etc.) You may even have some of this set up on the side, before the band starts, so you can be ready when they are through.

Grooms Guide

2011-11-29T03:06:00.001-06:00

GROOMS GUIDE

Much has been written for and about brides and wedding etiquette, etc. Often times it is the bride and her family who do most of the planning for your wedding. But, as an involved groom, you can participate in the whole process. Your bride-to-be will surely appreciate any and all help you provide. The partnership skills developed between the two of you during this process will help you work as a team throughout your marriage. It's also important that you both discuss finances, budgets, expectations, and preferences early on in the planning process.

Many grooms (and brides) have asked us a variety of questions regarding wedding planning. Here is an attempt to consolidate these and other issues specifically involving the groom.

The Ring

Probably the first thing you do as a groom-to-be is propose and probably give your future spouse an engagement ring. This can be done in many different ways, places, and methods. Only your imagination will limit how you actually pop the question. This is something you and your fiancé will remember your whole lives, so be creative. Note that you do not necessarily have to have a ring to propose. Some brides prefer to be in on the selection process and some prefer to simply have a wedding ring and not wear an engagement ring at all. Selecting the rings together will ensure you are both happy with the choices. Your finances may also dictate the timing of purchasing rings.

Engagement rings can be any size, shape, gem, and price. If you want a traditional diamond ring, check with local jewelers, etc. for choices. There are 4 Cs - cut, color, clarity and carat. Most jewelers will recommend spending about two months' salary for a diamond engagement ring. But, some very beautiful rings can be had for much less (depending on the salary). You could spend anywhere from several hundred to many thousands of dollars. This depends purely on your choice and budget. There's no need to go broke on one of the first items in your wedding planning. See the extensive discussion on engagement rings for more details.

The Expenses

The next big thing is to discuss the wedding budget and size with the bride and her and your family, depending on who is going to pay the bills. Clearly define who is going to pay for what and how much. Then stick to it. There is no reason for anyone to go broke for a wedding. First let us say that in today's weddings, it is common for the bride and groom to help pay for expenses and if they are older and have been away from home for years, they may choose to pay for the whole wedding. A great way to keep track of the total budget and who is responsible for paying what is in the EZ Wedding Planner Budget.

That said, if the bride's parent(s) pay for the bulk and the budget goes down the older, traditional way, here's what the groom and/or his family would pay for.

the bride's engagement and wedding rings
an engagement party (family)
a bachelor dinner
the rehearsal dinner
the groom's attire for the wedding (tux or suit)
the attire for the groom's mother and father
the bride's bouquet
boutonnieres for the men in the wedding party
corsages for the mothers and grandmothers
the marriage license
clergymember's or judge's fee
a wedding gift for the bride
a gift for each of the groom's attendants
accommodations for any of the groom's attendants who have to travel from out-of-town
honeymoon transportation (to airport, etc.)
the complete honeymoon

The Attendants

One of the important decisions by the groom is selecting his best man and attendants/ushers. Rule of thumb is one usher for every 50 guests. You will then need to organize the attire they will wear (rented tuxes, etc. and go for fittings). Attire should be coordinated with the bride and the overall formality of your wedding. Generally, one of the duties of the best man is to return any rental clothing after the wedding. See Formal wear discussion below.

If you are asking friends/relatives who live far away, you should also provide for their lodging and perhaps help with other travel expenses. They, however pay for the cost of their wedding clothing.

The groom can also arrange for transportation to the ceremony and reception for the wedding party. Perhaps a limo. Coordinate this with the bride and the best man. See the discussion on transportation.

Some groom's have asked about the best man duties. Some can include:

Organizing bachelor party (or dinner, which is optional).
Paying for your own wedding attire.
Helping groom dress for the ceremony.
Making sure the groom, groomsmen and ushers are at the ceremony on time & dressed properly.
Driving groom to ceremony if need be.
Presenting envelopes (from the groom) with fees/tips for people like the officiant (just before or after ceremony).
Carrying the brides' ring down the isle and handing it to the officiant.
Signing the marriage license, along with the maid of honor, as a legal witness.
Giving the first toast to the couple at the reception and reading aloud any congratulatory telegrams.
Dancing with the bride after the groom and fathers have danced with her.
Driving the couple to the airport or hotel if they need a ride on the way to their honeymoon.
Taking care of any tickets, keys, etc. the groom may need later.
Organizing the return of all rented formal wear.

The Formal Wear

While you can certainly get married in a suit you already own, some other dressy clothing, a military uniform or cultural clothing like a kilt, most grooms choose to wear something more formal, i.e., a tuxedo with all the trimmings. They can be single or double breasted. You can buy your own if you think you will have lots of occasions to wear a tux, but most grooms and attendants rent them. If you want everyone to match, and if a groomsman will wear his own tuxedo, the shirts and accessories should all be rented, since colors, styles, ties, studs and cuff links will vary. The groom/groomsmen clothing should match the formality of the wedding and the time of day of the wedding/reception. For instance, morning, daytime or early afternoon weddings may call for a cutaway or stroller jacket and striped pants instead of a traditional tuxedo.

A good men's formal wear store is usually the best place to rent your wedding clothing, because they have large selections and sizes, can do quick alterations and can recommend appropriate attire for your situation (time of day and formality). The groom and groomsmen should be measured for formal wear three months before the wedding. It's best to rent all clothing from the same store. Most stores you rent from will provide postcards with the brand name and style number of the tuxedo included for out-of-town men. Then, these attendants can visit their local formal wear store for measurements using the same brand jacket (most stores are happy to do this) and send the card to the appropriate formal wear store. Then, they should arrive a few days before the wedding and go to the tux store for fittings to allow time for final alterations. Jacket sleeve length and pant length are always altered. In general, the wedding clothing should be picked up 2-3 days before the wedding and everyone should try them on and be sure all accessories are accounted for. The rented tuxedos are a package deal, which means you get all the clothing and accessories for one price. Ask about other "specials", like rent six and get the groom's free or other such deals.

In formal weddings, everyone, including the fathers, wears the same formal wear. The accessories are what differentiate the groom and perhaps the best man from the rest of the bridal party. The groom can wear a different color or fabric on the cummerbunds, vests, suspenders and/or bow tie. He can also wear a hat, carry a cane or even wear a cape. The groom's cummerbund or vest might match the trim on the bride's gown, especially if there is rich embroidery. The pleats of a cummerbund always are worn facing up. A popular option is a colorful solid or patterned vest, which can also be bought as gifts, so the groomsmen can wear them again after your wedding. Some choose to have the tuxedos match, but all the vests be of a different design (they can be the same color), chosen by each groomsman to fit their personality.

The best man and groomsmen (and ushers) wear the same flowers in their left lapels. The groom's may be a different variety or color. Or, instead of a boutonniere, you may prefer to tuck a pocket square in the jacket's left breast pocket.

Formal shoes should always be worn with a tuxedo; heavy business shoes are not appropriate. Shoes may also be rented with the tuxes. Formal shoes are sleeker, lighter and generally a plain slip-on black. Socks should match the color of the trousers.

The shirt is traditionally pleated with a tuxedo, although there are also plain white, with or without the need for cuff links. Allow one-half to one inch of shirt sleeve to show beneath the sleeve of the jacket. Shirts can close with a stud or buttons, and the cuff links may match the stud or have some other design that suits the wearer's personality. The collars can be wing, lay-down or stand-up. All are paired with a bow tie or ascot, except the mandarin-collar which has a jeweled-button closure.

Have each attendant come into the store to check the fit of his formalwear and all accessories. You can do this all together or separately, as they have time. The shirts should hug the neck and if it's too tight, ask for a color extender. Pants should touch the top of shoes and break once about 5 inches above the ankle. They should be hemmed, never cuffed. Waistbands are generally adjustable. Jackets should fit snugly, yet have room to move comfortably with no bulges or buckled lapels. Jacket sleeves should end at the wrist bone and each have the same number of buttons. Be sure to check all rented clothing for stains, fabric snags, holes, or other damage before leaving the store. Then appoint an attendant (generally the best man) to return all formal wear to the store on time. This is usually done the first working day after the wedding. There is generally a penalty for late returns and perhaps an extra charge if the clothing is damaged or seriously stained (blood, grease, etc.). Most other food and drink stains, sweat, etc. can be dry-cleaned out and are considered normal wear. Be sure any deposits left are returned/refunded.

The Gifts You Need to Buy

The groom should give a gift to each of his groomsmen. It's traditional to provide identical items to each, however the best man gets something extra special. And a ring bearer might need something less sophisticated than the other men. Some suggestions include: cuff links, tie clip or tac, desk accessories or name plate, leather or gold engraved business card holders, pen/pencil sets, letter opener, key ring, engraved picture frames, beer mugs, shot glasses, money clips, belt or wallet, etc. Or, things they can use up but are fun like: sports or concert tickets, restaurant gift certificates, movie theater or video rental certificates.

Some people have the groomsmen also usher people into the church, in which case the above ideas apply. Some people have separate ushers whose only job is to usher people into/out of the church and are not also groomsmen. They should also be given some token gift which can be smaller/less expensive than the groomsmen gifts if you like. Some of the above may apply, or perhaps cigars if they are smokers, perhaps a framed picture of the wedding party with them in it, or if nothing else, a boutonniere for their lapel and a thank you card later expressing your gratitude.

The groom also generally gives the bride a gift. Besides the obvious engagement and wedding rings, other gifts often include: engraved wristwatch, pocket watch, pearls, gold bracelet, necklace or earrings, locket, cuff links, jewelry box, money clip, two champagne flutes, a scrapbook filled with relationship and courtship mementos and photos, wallet, camera, leather passport holders, luggage, or music box. Some untraditional gifts can include season tickets to a favorite sporting event or to the theater or concerts, health club membership, sports equipment like skis or bicycle, etc.

The Guests

Both you and your bride (and perhaps her family if they are paying) need to decide on the number of guests who will be invited to the wedding/reception. Then, you can decide on how many will be invited from the groom's side (family and friends). Guest numbers may be limited by the size of the reception facility. Once this is done, you need to compile the names and addresses of all the guests you will be inviting. This can be done with your parents also. One easy way to keep track of guests on both the bride and groom's side is to enter them in EZ Wedding Planner. This keeps track of the number invited and attending by bride and groom designations.

If the number of guests is greatly uneven (one side having many more than the other), you may want to make adjustments on who is paying for what at the reception. That is, if the bride's parents are paying for the reception and her side has 20 guests and yours has 150, you and/or your family will probably want to help pay for reception expenses.

Another job the groom can help with is traffic control. Directions/maps should be provided to the ceremony and reception site(s). They can be included in the same envelope with the invitations. If either are held at a private residence, parking may be an issue. If shuttle buses or other mass transit are required, the groom can coordinate this.

If either of you have out-of-town guests, you can arrange for a block of rooms to be reserved. Coordinate this with the bride and perhaps the reception site if it is in or near a hotel.

Help the bride in writing thank you notes to your guests for the gifts you receive. Personal, hand-written notes are essential. Your guests took the time and thought to give you the gifts, so you take the time to thank them in a timely manner.

The Bachelor Party

Today, many grooms are opting out of the drinking/naked women version of the bachelor party. Instead, many go for camaraderie, like a sporting event, a golf weekend, or a black-tie only dinner in an elegant restaurant. Some have also opted to have a Jack and Jill celebration which includes both men and women. The bachelor party is usually hosted by the men in the wedding party, however if they do not live where the wedding will be held, or cannot afford to host it, the groom can decide to handle the event.

The Rehearsal Dinner

Generally, the rehearsal dinner is the given by the groom's family. If space and/or finances are limited, only the members of the wedding party need to be invited. But, the guest list usually includes your attendants and the spouses of married attendants (or live-in partners), the immediate family on both sides (parents and siblings and their partners), parents of children in the wedding (young children are optional), and the officiant and his/her spouse. Most people also include out-of-town guests arriving for the wedding (or plan some other function for them to attend the night before the wedding). If you want to expand it, you can include grandparents and special aunts/uncles too. The purpose of the rehearsal dinner is to have an opportunity to visit and relax with those closest to the bride and groom, so you can decide how many people that includes. It can be anywhere from a formal sit-down dinner to an informal buffet, or a backyard barbecue or lasagna party. This is also the occasion where most bridal couples give the gifts to their attendants.

The Marriage License Check the requirements in your state (or in the location where you will be married, if different). They vary by state and some require blood tests and waiting periods. In most cases, you will both need to be present to apply and get the marriage license. See the discussion on licenses for more detail.

The Ceremony

Check all last-minute details with your groomsmen and family. Give the best man any envelopes for payment to the officiant, etc. after the service. Also give the best man the bride's wedding ring to present at the ceremony. Go over any special seating arrangements for family members or others with the ushers. Double check that you have the marriage license (to be signed after the ceremony by the officiant and your witnesses).

The Honeymoon

Discuss with your fiancé where (and perhaps when) you should go on a honeymoon. Again, budget may be an issue. The groom generally pays for the entire honeymoon. Then, get busy with the arrangements. If going out-of-the-country, you both may need passports and/or visas and shots, etc., so plan ahead. Check with a number of travel agents for special, honeymoon packages at your destination. If renting a car at your destination, find out ahead if there are any restrictions (age, credit card payments, etc.). Some rental car companies will not rent cars to people under a certain age. Arrange for traveler's checks and find out about ATM machines at your destination. See the honeymoon discussion for more tips.

This information is courtesy of http://www.ezweddingplanner.com

Catering Do It Yourself

2011-11-28T03:06:00.001-06:00

CATERING - DO IT YOURSELF

Here are some suggestions on food to serve 50 people. If you have more or less, scale these numbers to fit the amount of guests you are serving. This information and these numbers are courtesy of Byerly's in Minnesota and the Byerly's Culinary Specialists. Byerly's also makes excellent wedding cakes.

Condiments

Catsup 66 (1 tbsp.) servings	1 (40 oz.) bottle
Mayonnaise 64 (1 tbsp.) servings	1 Quart
Mustard 51 (1 tsp.) servings	1 (9 oz.) jar

Entrees

Beef (boneless Top Round for roasting and slicing)
Meal	20 lbs.
reception	12-15 lbs.
Ham (boneless-cooked
meal (4 oz. serving)	12 lbs.
reception (2-3 oz. serving)	7-9 lbs.
Combination for reception
Ham/cold cuts (2 oz. serving)	6 lbs.
Cheese (1 oz serving)	3 lbs.
Chicken Salad
luncheon (1 cup serving)	3 gal. 1 pt.
reception (1/2 cup serving)	1 1/2 - 2 gal.
Open Face Sandwiches	12 doz.

Accompaniments

Crackers (2 crackers each)	2 lbs.
Rolls (1 1/2 each)	6 doz.
Baked Beans (1/2 cup serving)	1 1/2 - 2 gal.
Cole Slaw (1/2 cup serving)	1 1/2 - 2 gal.
Potato Salad (1/2 cup serving)	1 1/2 - 2 gal.
Potato Chips (1 oz. serving)	3 lbs.

Miscellaneous

Butter	1 - 1 1/2 lbs
Dip for Veggies (1-2 tbsp. serving)	1-2 qts.
Ice Cream (1/2 cup serving)	2 gal.
40 (1/2 cup serving)	1 gal. + 1 qt. pail
Mints: pillows	1 lb.
wafer	1 1/2 lb.
Mixed Nuts	1 1/2 lb.
Olives or Pickles	2 qts.
Sugar Cubes (1 cube)	1 lb. box (108-126 cubes)

Beverages

Coffee
1 lb. ground coffee	= 50 (6 oz.) servings
2 cups percolator grind coffee	= 30 (6 oz.) servings
4 cups	= 55-60 (6 oz.) servings
Cream for Coffee
1 qt.	= 62 (1 tbsp.) servings
Ice
1 (5 lb.) bag	= about 10 people
Mineral Water
5 (16 oz.) bottles	= 10 servings
Punch
1 1/2 gal.	= 48 (4 oz.) servings
1 gal.	= 20 (6 oz.) servings
Soft Drinks
2 liter bottle or 6 pack	= 11 (6 oz.) servings
Wine
1 (750 ml.) wine bottle	= 6 (4 oz.) glasses
1 liter alcohol	= 22 (1 1/2 oz.) drinks
1 (1.5 liter) wine bottle	= 12 (4 oz.) glasses
1 bottle champagne	= 6 flute or 7 saucer glasses
Magnum Champagne	= 12 (4 oz.) glasses
1 case of champagne	= 72 drinks

All-Time Favorite Veggie Platters

Prepare fresh vegetables the day before the party. Arrange in food storage bags, add several ice cubes; seal bag. Store bags in refrigerator vegetable crisper. A few hours before serving, live pretty shallow baskets with plastic wrap, cover with leaf lettuce or purple kale. Arrange veggies on lettuce, cover tightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate until serving time.

Raw Veggie Favorites

Wash and cut vegetables in desired shapes and sizes. Allow 4-8 pieces per person, depending on occasion and type of use (appetizer, salad, relish).

* For a bright green color, these vegetables may be blanched. Plunge into boiling water, start counting time immediately. Blanch 2 minutes; immediately plunge into ice water. Drain; pat dry with paper towels.

Vegetable	Approximate Yield
Asparagus*, 1 lb	30-35 spears
Bell pepper, 7 oz. (1)	24 - 3 1/2 x 1/2" sticks
Broccoli, 2 3/4 lbs.	45 - 1 1/4" florets
Broccoli-Wokly, 1 lb. bag	40 florets
Carrots, 1 lb.	65 - 3 1/2" sticks
Baby-cut carrots, 1 lb.	About 40
Cauliflower, 4 3/4 lbs.	75 - 1 1/4" florets
Cauliettes, 1 lb. bag	17-20 florets
Celery, 1 3/4 lbs.	100 - 4x 1/2" sticks
Cherry tomatoes, 1 pt.	25 - 1" tomatoes
Cucumber, 1 3/4 lb. (2)	45 - 4 x 3/4" spears, seeded
Jicama, 1 1/4 lbs.	40 - 4 x 1/2" sticks, peeled
Mushrooms, 1 lb.	20 whole, 1 1/2 - 2" caps
Pea pods*, 1/4 lb.	30 pods
Zucchini, 1 1/4 lbs. (three 6")	35 - 1/2" slices, unpeeled
Sweet mini peppers, 1 dry pt.	18 peppers
Dip, 1 - 2 Qts.	50 (1-2 tbsp.) servings

All-Time Favorite Fruit Platters

For the fruit platter, cut and slice fruits the night before; except for the strawberries, which are washed just before serving. Fruit chunks can be stored in individual, air tight containers or plastic food storage bags. Arrange on the platter early on the day of the party. If time is short, select three fruits for a fruit platter. Cover tightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate until serving time.

Fruit Platter Recipe An attractive arrangement of fresh fruit. With a large knife, cut pineapple into fourths from base through greet top. Remove core and loosen pineapple from shell using a grapefruit or paring knife. Slice each quarter into 5 triangular shape wedges; cut down center to make 10 wedges leaving them in place in shell. Place a frilly cocktail pick in each chunk. Peel and cut melons into chunks. Snip grapes into clusters. Leave strawberries whole, stems on. Arrange fruit in interesting design on large platter. Serves 25.

Fruit	Approximate Yield
1 (3-4 lb.) pineapple	= 40 triangular shape chunks
1 (4 lb.) cantaloupe	= 36 chunks
1 (2 lb.) honeydew	= 36 chunks
1 (4-5 lb.) watermelon piece	= 48 chunks
1 lb. seedless green grapes	= 12-15 clusters
1 lb. seedless red grapes	= 12-15 clusters
1 lb. strawberries	=20-25 large berries

Watermelon Bowl

Serve from an informal watermelon boat (see below) or a crystal bowl for more formal occasions. Select a variety of fruits. Clear fragile fruit such as berries the day of serving; use these fruits near top of bowl and as garnish as they crush easily. Allow 1/2 cup prepared fruit per person for receptions and teas; 3/4 cup per person for buffet meals. Prepare total fruit needed; refrigerate. Replenish serving container as needed.

	12 servings	25 servings	50 servings	100 servings
1/2 cup serving prepared fruit	6 cups	13 cups	25 cups	50 cups
3/4 cup serving prepared fruit	9 cups	19 cups	38 cups	75 cups

Fruit	Approximate Yield
1 (18 1/2 lb.) watermelon	16 cups
1 (4 lb.) pineapple	5 cups
1 (3 lb.) honeydew or cantaloupe	4 cups
1 lb. strawberries	4 cups
1 lb. Tokay grapes	3 cups
1 lb. green grapes	2 cups
1 pt. blueberries or raspberries	2 cups
1 (3 oz.) kiwi fruit	1/2 cup or 12 (1/8") slices

To Prepare Watermelon Boat

Cut thin slice from bottom of melon so it will rest flat. Using a cardboard guide of a 1 1/2" scallop, draw scallop design about 1/3 of the way down from top of melon. Cut out scallops with paring knife; remove top section. Cut out melon into balls or wedges; leave shell 1" thick. Can be done ahead; wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate. Fill just before serving.

Some Purchase Pointers

Some amounts listed above are in gallons. When purchasing an item from the deli, amounts will translate this way:

1 pt. = 1 lb. = Serves 2-3
1 qt. - 2 lbs. = Serves 4-6
1/2 gal. = 4 lbs. = Serves 10-12
1 gal. = 8 lbs. = Serves 20-25

Bakery Cakes

1/4 sheet = 24 (2x2") pieces
1/2 sheet = 48 (2x2" pieces)
Full sheet = 96 (2x2" pieces)

Cheese

1/4 lb., shredded = 1 (4 oz.) pkg. = 1 cup
1/2 lb., shredded = 1 (8 oz.) pkg. = 2 cups
3/4 lb., shredded = 1 (12 oz.) pkg = 3 cups
1 lb., shredded = 1 (16 oz.) pkg. = 4 cups

Deli

Cocktail Wieners	1 lb. = 25 pieces
Meatballs	1 lb. = 25 meatballs
Meats	1 lb. shaved cooked ham, turkey, roast beef = approx. 4 cups. &. fills 14-16 cocktail buns or 10-12 turkey buns
	1 lb. shaved (1/16") cooked ham, turkey, roast beef = approx. 15-16 (1 oz.) slices fills 5 regular sandwiches or 10 turkey buns

Poultry

3 lbs. chicken breasts with ribs, split = 4 - 4 1/2 cups cooked and cubed
3 lbs. whole boneless chicken breasts = 5-6 cups cooked and cubed
1 (5 lb.) chicken = 4 cups cooked and cubed
1 (10-12 lb.) turkey = 14 cups cooked and cubed
1 (16-18 lb.) turkey = 20 cups cooked and cubed
1 (18-20 lb.) turkey = 23 cups cooked and cubed
1 (6 1/4 lb.) turkey breast = 10 cups cooked and cubed

Sandwiches from Byerly's Deli

Hoagie Sandwich = 3 servings per foot (two foot minimum, up to six feet)
Focaccia Sandwich = 6-12 servings
Sandwich Loaves = 12 servings

Vegetables

Cabbage 1 (2 lb.) head	= 8 cups, shredded
Potatoes for Salad*	5 lbs. = 25 servings
	10 lbs = 50 servings
	20 lbs = 100 servings
	*Depends somewhat on amounts of other ingredients.
	3 lbs. boiling potatoes (7-8 large) = 8 cups cooked and cubed.

Bride's Hair

2011-11-27T03:06:00.001-06:00

I want to wear my hair down falling past my shoulders. What is the best veil for that. My wedding dress is going to be simply decorated with a train.

Probably a chapel-length or fingertip veil would work the best. Since the dress is simple, the headpiece may be decorated with lace, flowers, pearls, beading, or whatever you want that will complement the dress. Try them both on at the same time to refine your look. Also see the Great Ideas article on Hair in EZ Wedding Planner, which details hair styles, veils and headpieces.

Second Marriage Color

2011-11-26T03:06:00.001-06:00

What is the traditionally correct color for a bride to wear for her second marriage?

Any color is fine, including white which is a symbol of joy. You could also go for ivory, pastels, silvery gray, mauve, etc. Just do without the long train and veil, which are generally reserved for first time weddings. Flowers, a tiara, a hat, etc. or nothing at all will work best for second timers. The time of day and formality of the wedding can dictate the length of the dress, but really any length you prefer is also fine. Many second time brides go for dresses with beading or embroidery or a suit with long skirt and jacket instead of the lace and ruffles. Bottom line is wear whatever you are comfortable with.

Some Second Marriage Books of Interest

Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts

Happily Remarried: Making Decisions Together * Blending Families Successfully * Building a Love That Will Last

Making Your Second Marriage a First-Class Success

I Do Again: How We Found a Second Chance at Our Marriage--and You Can Too

Estate Planning for Blended Families: Providing for Your Spouse & Children in a Second Marriage

The Second Wives' Club: Secrets for Becoming Lovers for Life

Vows - Writing your own

2011-11-25T03:06:00.001-06:00

Vows - Writing Your Own

If you would like to write your own vows, you should first meet with your Officiant to find out what must be legally kept in the ceremony, and what can be written by you. It is a good idea to make a list of what you would both like to say to your family and friends about your relationship and future life together, your hopes and dreams. You may want to say something about your feelings for each other, your views on commitment and trust, or simply read a poem.

Couples often find that their own words can be more meaningful than traditional vows. Some couples feel that the traditional vows are chauvinistic, and because of this, reciting these vows may be inappropriate if you have strong views on equality. Such couples are frequently omitting the word "obey" from their vows. Instead, they substitute such words as: "I promise to love you, comfort and encourage you, to be open and honest with you, and stay with you as long as we both shall live"

Name, today we make a commitment to one another. I want you to know that you are a precious gift and that you bring so much joy into my life. I affirm the special bond between us, and promise to keep it alive always. I promise to be your confidante, your best friend and to share in your hopes and dreams. In recognition of this, I, Name, take you, Name, to be my wife/husband. With this vow we face new responsibilities together. I will be trustworthy as your wife/husband, and to love you in all circumstances.

I take you Name to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and, in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, and thereto I pledge you my faith and love.

I take you Name, to be my wife/husband from this day forward, to join with you and share all that is to come, and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us.

I take you Name to be my wedded wife/husband. I pledge that I will love you and tenderly care for you in sickness and in health, when life is peaceful and when it is in disorder. I will honor your goals and your dreams, and help you to realize them. And I vow to share my life with you through the best and worst of what is to come.

I take you Name to be my wedded wife/husband. I promise to be faithful to you, to give and to receive, to care and console, to inspire and respond, loving you now, but even more in your growing and becoming. I will love you when we are together and when we are apart, when life is peaceful and in disorder, when I am proud of you and when I am disappointed in you, in times of leisure and in times of work. I will honor goals and dreams, and help you to realize them. I will be open and honest with you, and join with you in seeking the fulfillment of our lives with God as my help.

I take you Name to be my wedded wife/husband, and these things I promise you: I will respect, trust, help, and care for you; I will share my life with you; I will forgive you as we have been forgiven; and I will try with you better to understand ourselves, the world, and God; through the best and the worst of what is to come as long as we live.

Name, I take you as my wife/husband. I pledge to share my life openly with you, to speak the truth to you in love. I promise to honor and tenderly care for you, to cherish and encourage your own fulfillment as an individual through all the changes of our lives.

I Name promise to love and cherish you Name, to give you my strength, to help you in good times and bad, to respect our individuality, to make our home one of love and understanding. I give you all of my trust, all of my tomorrows, all of my life.

In the name of God, I Name, take you Name, to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward for better, for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

How to write a thank you note

2011-11-24T03:06:00.001-06:00

How to write a thank you note

The construction of a thank you note is simple and here are the elements:

The salutation: "Dear Uncle Jerome and Aunt Mildred"
The thanks: "Thank you for the wonderful new car."
The usefulness: "We will have years thinking of you as we run around in our shiny new car ... we really needed it at this point in our lives. The old junker was at the end of its road."
The relationship: "I remember how fun it was to sit in your lap at the lake and hear your stories of olden times. And we can't wait to see you in our new home. You both are so special to us."
Say it again: "Thank you for being so thoughtful and kind today and always."
The signature: "Love, Sally and David"

Do NOT include anything else about your busy life. This is a thank you note, not a letter or a catch-up.

IMPORTANT: Do not email or IM this. It must be handwritten on paper and placed in a handwritten addressed envelope and mailed (yes, post office mail) with a stamp.
Not a tradition in your family? Make it one of yours. It shows you have class, courtesy and good taste. Everyone forgets emails. No one forgets the written note that arrives in the mail with love.

Getting bored writing the same words in each thank you note? Well try some other fun descriptions like:

Instead of 'really' or 'very', how about: wonderfully, positively, appropriately, magnificently, perfectly, exceptionally, uncommonly, especially, rarely, exceedingly, truly, certainly, unusually, greatly, intensely, or completely.
Instead of 'pretty', how about: beautiful, godsend, graceful, superb, serene, radiant, attractive, elegant, exquisite, perfect, handsome, lovely, comely, gorgeous, smashing, fine, super, matchless, best ever, distinctive, thoughtful, helpful, useful, or magnificent.
'Nice' is such a non-descriptive word - how about: pleasant, superior quality, admirable, wonderful, agreeable, careful, excellent, just right, delicate, particular fine, good, great, inviting, thoughtful, delightful, considerate, refined, blessing, jewel, pride and joy, accurate, exact, subtle, spiffy, topnotch, heaven-sent, praiseworthy, treasured, gem, peachy, or humdinger.

Origins and Customs

2011-11-23T03:06:00.001-06:00