Church Membership

Neither of us are members at a church, but would like a church wedding...what do you suggest?

Each church/denomination is different, so it's best to talk directly to the officiant (pastor, priest, rabbi, etc.) of a church you are considering. Many churches/clergy will marry non-members, although the costs will usually be more than for members. Most clergy also require talking to the engaged couple about their religion prior to performing the ceremony. Some people have used church facilities associated with a University campus, which typically perform weddings for people not affiliated with a specific church. They are often very beautiful locations, as often times are churches/chapels associated with the military or V.A. locations.

What Do I Do

Help!!!! I don't know the first thing about planning a wedding, and I'm new at this computer thing so I'm not real good at it, I need to know what to do! Everything to do!!!

Plan has all the details you have to think about.

But if you like to read, why not buy books (or go to the library) - many have all the wedding details. There are also many Amazon Kindle books about weddings, including this excellent one:

Planning Kindle Book  Plan the Wedding of Your Dreams The Easy, No-Hassle Way - Complete with every detail

Nephews in Wedding

When we were picking out the wedding party, I failed to think that my nephews would be in it. I thought my niece could be a jr bridesmaid and my fiancé's cousin would be the jr groomsmen. We already have the flower girl and ring bearer picked. My mother thought my nephews were going to be in it. Oopss! Forgot to tell her. Well, she told my sister that the boys are going to be in it. Okay, that is fine, they will look and be adorable. One problem, what part will they have? Any suggestions?

Depending on how old your nephews are, they could be ushers or Jr. ushers, candle lighters (light candles just before the mother of the bride is seated and extinguish them at the end of the ceremony - usually between ages 9-14), do a reading of some sort (scripture or poem, etc.), hand out wedding programs to the guests, play an instrument or sing, or be train bearers (carry a lengthy train down the aisle behind the bride - traditionally two boys about equal height are chosen for this - they can be as young as 4 to do this). They could be dressed the same as the Jr. groomsmen.

Edit Brid

How do I edit the bride or groom name in EZWeddingPlanner?

 Go to People and click on the name (which would be either the bride's or groom's name). You can edit these names, but do not delete either of these two. Any other guest names may be safely modified or deleted at any time. If you change the bride or groom name, it may take up to a day for this update to show unless you log out and then log back into the program.

Ceremony Music - Vocal Music for Non-Liturgical Wedding

Ceremony Music - Vocal Music for Non-Liturgical Wedding

Amazing Grace	Collins	Hal Leonard
And I Love You So	McLean	Columbia
Annie's Song	Denver	Cherry Lane
Beautiful	Lightfoot	Warner Bros.
Benedictus	Simon & Garfunkle
Bridge Over Troubled Waters	Simon & Garfunkle	Hal Leonard
Candle On The Water	Kasha Hirschhorn	Cherry Lane
Can't Help Falling In Love	Peretti/Creatire/Weiss	Hal Leonard
Colour My World	Pankow	Columbia
Could I Have This Dance		Hal Leonard
Devoted To You	Bryant	Columbia
Endless Love		Hal Leonard
Evergreen	Streisand/Williams	Warner Bros.
Farewell Andromeda	Denver	Cherry Lane
First Time I Ever Saw Your Face	McColl	Columbia
Follow Me	Denver	Cherry Lane
For All We Know	Wilson/James/Karlin	Columbia
For Baby (For Bobby)	Denver	Cherry Lane
Forever Young	Dylan	Warner Bros.
The Hands Of Time (Brian's Song)	Legrand	Warner Bros.
Hawaiian Wedding Song		Hal Leonard
Hopelessly Devoted To You	Farrar	Hal Leonard
I Can't Help Falling In Love		Columbia
I Don't Know How To Love Him	Rice/Webber	Hal Leonard
I Honestly Love You	Allen/Barry	Columbia
I Just Want To Be Your Everything	Gibb	Hal Leonard
I Only Want To Be With You		Hal Leonard
I Won't Last A Day Without You	Williams	Columbia
If	Gates	Warner Bros.
If Ever I Would Leave You		Hal Leonard
If I Were A Carpenter	P. P. Mary	Columbia
If We Only Have Love	Brel	Hal Leonard
I'll Never Be Alone	McJuen
I'll Never Find Another You (The Promised Land)	The Seekers
In My Life	Lennon/McCartney	Cherry Lane
Just The Way You Are	Joel	Columbia
Let It Be	Lennon/McCartney	Cherry Lane
Let It Be Me	Becaud	Hal Leonard
Let's Get Together	Powers
Longer	Fogelberg	Columbia
Look To The Rainbow	Lane	Hal Leonard
Lord Of The Dance	Carter
Love	Lennon	Cherry Lane
Love Is A Many Splendored Thing	Webster/Fain	Columbia
Love Me Tender	Presley/Matson	Hal Leonard
Love Song	Murray	Warner Bros.
Love Song, A	Loggins
Love Story	Lai	Columbia
More	Ortolani/Oliviero	Hal Leonard
Morning Has Broken	Stevens	Warner Bros.
My Cup Runneth Over	Jones	Hal Leonard
My Sweet Lady	Denver	Cherry Lane
My Treasure	Brown	Sparrow Birdwing
Nadia's Theme	DeVorzon & Botkin	Warner Bros.
Our Love	Carpenters
People	Streisand	Hal Leonard
People Alone (The Competition)		Columbia
Perhaps Love	Denver	Cherry Lane
Poems, Prayers, and Promises	Denver	Cherry Lane
The Rose	McBroom	Warner Bros.
So Many Ways	King
Sometimes	Mancini	Columbia
Song Is Love, The	P. P. Mary	Warner Bros.
Sound Of Music	Rogers and Hammerstein	Hal Leonard
Speak, Softly Love	Rota
Starting Here, Starting Now	Maltby	Hal Leonard
Sunrise, Sunset	Harnick & Bock	Hal Leonard
Sunshine On My Shoulder	Denver	Cherry Lane
That's The Way	Terry	Sparrow Birdwing
This Is the Day	Brown
Through The Eyes Of Love	Sager/Hamlisch	Columbia
Till There Was You	Wilson	Hal Leonard
Time For Us, A	Rota/Kusik/Snyder	Columbia
Time In A Bottle	Croce	Warner Bros.
To Love	Cason/Gibb
Today	Sparks	Columbia
Together Forever	Jones
Top Of The World	Carpenters	Columbia
True Love	Porter	Hal Leonard
Truly	Richie	Cherry Lane
Try To Remember		Hal Leonard
Turn, Turn, Turn	Byrds	Hal Leonard
Twelfth Of Never	Mathis	Hal Leonard
Up Where We Belong		Columbia
Wedding Song	Collins
Wedding Song (There Is Love)	Stookey	Warner Bros.
You've Only Just Begun	Williams/Nichols	Columbia
What A Difference You've Made In My Life	Jordan	Hal Leonard
What Are You Doing The Rest O Your Life	Lagrand
Whenever I Call You Friend	Loggins	Warner Bros.
With You I'm Born Again	Conners/Shire	Columbia
Wonder Of You, The	Knight	Hal Leonard
Would You Walk With Me?	Colter
You And I	Wonder	Columbia
You Are The Sunshine Of My Life	Wonder	Columbia
You Light Up My Life	Brooks	Columbia
You Needed Me	Goodrum, Murray	Hal Leonard

CEREMONY MUSIC - CURRENT VOCAL MUSIC FOR NON-LITURGICAL WEDDINGS

After All (from Chances Are)	Cher & Cetera	Belwin
All I Ask Of you (Phantom of the Opera)	Andrew Lloyd Webber	Hal Leonard
Because I Love You	Brooks/Stevie B.	Hal Leonard
(Everything I Do) I Do It For You	Adams/Lange/Kamen	Warner/Belwin
From A Distance	J. Gould/B. Mitler	Belwin
Forever In Love (instrumental)	Kenny G.	Hal Leonard
Here and Now	Luther Vandross-Steel & Elliot	Hal Leonard
Have I Told You Lately	Van Morrison/Rod Stewart	Hal Leonard
I Cross My Heart	George Strait/Doff Haz	Warner/Belwin
Love Of A Lifetime	Levety Anare/Firehouse	Hal Leonard
Somewhere Out There (American Tale)	Horne/Mann/Weil	Hal Leonard
The Greatest Love Of All	Creed/Masser/Whitney Houston	Belwin
The Wind Beneath My Wings (From Beaches)	Henley/Siban	Warner
Unchained Melody	Aarek/North/Righteous Brothers	Hal Leonard
Vows Go Unbroken	Burr/Kaz/Kenny Rogers	Hal Leonard
When I Fall In Love	Celine Dion & Clive Griffin	Hal Leonard
Whole New World (Aladdin)	Alan Menkon & Tim Rice	Hal Leonard
You're The Inspiration	Cetera/Foster/Chicago	Belwin

Reception Music

RECEPTION MUSIC

The music at your reception will set the tone for the festivities. Once you have decided on the kind of reception you want, you will then need to determine the kind of music you want. Your choice of entertainment should be made far in advance, as the best bands are usually booked early. There are probably local booking agents who represent and have demo tapes for many bands. You can specify your budget and they can provide you with many choices. Be aware that they also charge a percentage of the total as their fee, so negotiate up-front. For very formal, traditional weddings a big band or orchestra will give you a better ambience than a DJ.

In selecting a band:

• Discuss with the leader the type of music you want played, as well as the kind of music you do not want.
• Discuss what specific selections you want played and when.
• Find out how many musicians there are, what they will wear, whether or not they play continuously or take short breaks. Specify the exact number of musicians you are hiring and what instruments they play.
• If there are certain musicians whom you want to appear personally (vocalist or specific instrument) specify them by name in your contract.
• Ask how the rate is computed – hourly or on a set fee basis.
• Specify in the contract the date and location of the reception and at what times the band should arrive and leave.
• Ask for referrals or ask to listen to them perform. Take time to go hear them at some of their next engagements.
• Some bands also use professional staging and lighting effects. Be sure your reception site has adequate room for their equipment and enough electrical outlets.
• Ask if you are required to provide the musicians with food.
• You will probably need to pay a deposit, maybe up to 50%. Reserve some of the total payment till they are finished playing. This way, if you have disagreements, you can negotiate a final fee.
• Get everything agreed upon in writing, including the names of the musicians and hours they will be performing. Also include any overtime rates.

You may also want to consider contacting a disc jockey, who can usually provide a wide variety of musical selections and may act as your master of ceremonies. A DJ will be less expensive than a live band and will require less space for equipment. Another benefit is that your guests will hear the original songs played as they remember them. And with a DJ, you will have continuous music, whereas live musicians generally require breaks.The volume is also more easily adjusted by a DJ than with a live band.
In selecting a DJ:

• Ask for other wedding references and call them.
• Discuss what music you want and don't want.
• See if you can provide your own favorites if the DJ doesn't have them.
• Specify in the contract the date and location of the reception and at what times the DJ should arrive and leave.
• Find out how many hours are included in the fee and what are overtime rates.
• Ask how many breaks he/she will take and for how long.
• Ask if you are required to provide the DJ with a meal.
• Check on what equipment he/she will bring and double check the room facilities.
• Ask if he/she has backup equipment and/or a backup DJ in case of illness.
• The DJ's attire should match the formality of your wedding.
• Get everything agreed upon in writing.

Ceremony Music - Processionals and Recessionals

CEREMONY MUSIC - PROCESSIONALS AND RECESSIONALS

A Wedding Processional	Near	Gray
Aginecourt Hymm	Dunstable	Presser in Treasury Of Organ Music ed. Biggs
Bridal Chorus (from Lohengrin)	Wagner	G. Schirmer, Belwin, and other wedding books
Cortege	Young	Young, 11 Organ Pieces, Flammer
Epithalame (Sortie)	Willan	Berandol, BMI Canada
Epithalame (Rise Up, My Love)	Willan	Oxford
Fanfare and Processional	Wagner	Flammer
Festival Flourish	Jacob	Oxford, Album of Praise
Hornpipe (from "Suite From Water Music")	Handel	J. Fischer, Novello-Wedding Album
Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring	Bach	Concordia, Oxford, etc.
Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee	Beethoven	Hope, Everything For The Wedding Organist
Largo (from Xerxes)	Handel	Lorenz, Handel Made Practical For The Church Organist
My Spirit Be Joyful	Bach	Presser, Belwin
National hymn	Warren	Hymnals
Now Thank We All Our God	Bach	Belwin, others
Now Thank We All Our God	Johnson	Augsburg
Organ Processional for Manuals	Bender	Concordia
Praise My Soul, The King Of Heaven	Goss	Hymnals
Praise To The Lord	Manz	Concordia, Choral Improvisations Set II
Prelude in Classic Style	Young	Lorenz
Processional of Joy (Beethoven's Ninth Symphony)	Beethoven	C. Fischer
Procession On "Westminster Abbey"	Wetzler	Concordia
Rigaudon	Campra	Belwin
Saint Anthony Chorale	Hayden	Hymnals
Thanks Be To Thee (Arioso)	Handel	Hymnals
Triumphal March	Grieg	Peters
Toccata From the 5th Symphony	Widor	G. Schirmer, Kalmus
Trumpet Fanfare (Rondeau) (Theme from television series Masterpiece Theatre)	Clerambault	Mercury, Treasury Of Early Organ Music ed. Biggs
Variations on A Theme From Hayden	Brahms	G. Schirmer
Wedding Processional And Air	Leupold	Augsburg

Ceremony Music - Organ and Other Instruments

Ceremony Music - Organ and Other Instruments

Alain, J. – Trois Movements (O & Flt)		LeDuc
Album Of 30 Classical Pieces, Vol. I & II		International
Bach/Grace – Jesu Joy Of Man's Desiring (O & Vln)		Oxford
Bach/Grace – Sheep May Safely (O & Strings)		Oxford
Classical Album (Oboe & Piano)		Boosey & Hawkes
Faure/Wilson – Pavae (Flt & Piano)		A. Broude
Flute Music Of The Baroque (Flt & Piano)		G. Schirmer
Satie – Three Gymnopedies (Clar, Flt or Oboe, Piano)		Elkan
Solos For The Oboe Player (Oboe, Piano)		G. Schirmer

Ceremony Music - Organ Collections

Ceremony Music - Organ Collections

Baroque Album, Vol. I & II	Arr. Wolff	Concordia
Baroque Music for Manuals, Vol. I & II	Arr. Wolff	Concordia
Bliss-Royal Fanfares and Interludes		Novello
Bloch-Four Wedding Marches		G. Schirmer
Book Of Wedding Pieces, A		Oxford
Ceremonial Music For Organ, Book I & II		Oxford
Classical Wedding Music, Vol. I & II		Lorenz
Diane Bish Wedding Book	Arr. Bish	Gentry/Hinshaw
Glenschen-Organ Pieces For Wedding And General Use		Augsburg
Handel-Fireworks Music		Belwin
Handel-Suite From Water Music		J. Fisher
Handel-Water Music		Novello
Incidental Music For Weddings and Other Occasions, ed. Dearnley		Basil Ramsey
Modern organ Music, Vol. II & III		Oxford
Music For Weddings, ed. Rossine		Belwin
Second Book Of Wedding Pieces		Oxford
Three Trumpet Tunes	Arr. Johnson	Augsburg
Wedding Album For Manuals		Novello
Wedding Music Book I, II, III & IV	Arr. Johnson	Augsburg
Wedding Music, Vol. I & II		Concordia

Ceremony Music - Organ and Brass

Ceremony Music - Organ and Brass

Bach/Biggs-My Spirit Be Joyful (O & Trpt)		Mercury
Bach/Biggs-Three Wedding Chorals		Associated
Baroque Composers Of the Chapels Royal (O & 2 Trpt)	Arr. Wolff	Concordia
Baroque Music For Weddings (O& 1 or 2 Trpt)	Arr. Wolff	Concordia
Baroque Music For Organ (O & 1 or 2 Trpt)	Arr. Wolff	Concordia
Bender-Wedding Sonata (O & Trpt, Trbn or Ob)		Hinshaw
Charpentier - Pelude To A Te Deum (O & Trpt)		Brass Press
Clarke/Kingsburg – Trumpt Voluntary in D (O & 3 Trpt)		Gray
Clark/Nelhybel – Trumpet Voluntary (O & 2 Trpt, 1 Trbn)		Hope
Gabrieli – Canzon Duodecimi Toni (O & BQ)		Augsburg
George – Wedding Music (O & Trpt)		Gray
Green/Boyce – A Suite Of Trumpet Voluntaries (O & 2 'D' Trpt)		Brass Press
Handel/Wolff – Six Processionals (O & 1 or 2 Trpt)		Concordia
Johnson – Eight Fanfares For Organ And Brass (O & BQ)		Augsburg
Johnson – Festival Pieces For Brass (Processional O & Trpt)		Augsburg
Johnson – Tune For Trumpet (O & Trmpt)		Augsburg
Marcello – Psalm XVIII (O & Trmpt)		Gray
Mouret – Sinfonies De Fanfares (O & Trpt)		Gray
Music Of Jubilee (O & 1 or 2 Trpt)	Arr. Wolff	Concordia
Powell – Antiphon For Two Trumpets and Organ		Concordia
Purcell – Sonata For Trumpet And Organ		Gray
Purcell – Suite in C Major (O & BQ)		Billaudot
Purcell – Three Celebrated Trumpet Tunes (O & Trpt)		GIA
Shaw – Grand Processsional (O & B Sextet)		Sacred Music Press
Sinfonia A 2 Trombe (O & 2 'D' Trpt)		Brass Press
Skinnel – Wedding Processional (O & BQ)		Wimbledon
Stanley – Voluntary In Re Majeur (O & Trpt)		Billaudot
Strauss, R. – Festival Procession (O & 3 Trpt)		Lienau/Peters
Suite For Organ From The French Baroque (O & 1 or 2 Trpt)	Arr. Wolff	Concordia
Telemann – Air De Trompette (O & Trpt)		Brass Press
Telemann – Airs For Trumpet And Organ		Gray
Telemann – Heroick Musick For Trumpet And Organ		SMP
Torelli – Sinfonia Con Tromba (O & Trpt)		King
Watson – Four Trumpet And Organ Arrangements		J. Fisher
Zabel – Procession (O & BQ)

Ceremony Music - Duets

Ceremony Music - Duets

And Now We Join	Halfvarson	Hope in Everything For The Wedding Soloist
Beginning Today	Ducote	NALR in Like A Seal On Your Heart
Bless, O Lord, These Rings	Roff	GIA
Gift Of Love, The	Hopson	Hope in Folk Songs For Weddings
Greatest Of These Is Love	Bitgood	Gray
Lord Bless You, The	Bach	Concordia
Mary's Song	Joncas	NALR in Like A Seal On Your Heart
May God Smile On You	Bach	Peters
Love Divine, All Loves Excelling	Stainer	G. Schirmer
Only A Shadow	Landry	NALR in Like A Seal On Your Heart
Rainbow	Ducote	NALR in Like A Seal On Your Heart
There Is Only One Love	Danner	Triune in Love Is The Melody
Wedding Anthem (Psalm 128 text)	Oliver	Novello
Wedding Cantata (Vergnugte Pleissenstadt)	Bach	Associated
Wedding Prayer	Ault	NALR in Like A Seal On Your Heart
Wedding Prayer	Dunlap	G. Schirmer
Whither Thou Goest	Hildach	Broude

Dance Music

DANCE MUSIC

Music for Bride's Dance with Dad

Daddy's Little Girl (Burke and Gerlach)
How Sweet It Is (to Be Loved by You) (Marvin Gaye)
My Girl (The Temptations)
My Heart Belongs to Daddy (Cole Porter)
Someone to Watch Over Me (Linda Ronstadt)
Sunshine of My Life (Stevie Wonder)
Sunrise, Sunset (Fiddler on the Roof)
Thanks for the Memory (Bob Hope)
The Way You Look Tonight (Frank Sinatra)
Through the Years (Kenny Rogers)
Turn Around (Harry Belafonte)
What a Wonderful World (Louis Armstrong)
Wind Beneath My Wings (Bette Midler)

Music for Groom's Dance with Mom

Wind Beneath My Wings (Bette Midler)
Greatest Love of All (Whitney Houston)
I Am Your Child (Barry Manilow)
I Remember You (Bette Midler)
Love of My Life (Carly Simon)
You Decorated My Life (Kenny Rogers)
You Are So Beautiful (Joe Cocker)
Just the Way You Are (Billy Joel)

Ceremony music - current vocal music for non-liturgical weddings

CEREMONY MUSIC - CURRENT VOCAL MUSIC FOR NON-LITURGICAL WEDDINGS

After All (from Chances Are)	Cher & Cetera	Belwin
All I Ask Of you (Phantom of the Opera)	Andrew Lloyd Webber	Hal Leonard
Because I Love You	Brooks/Stevie B.	Hal Leonard
(Everything I Do) I Do It For You	Adams/Lange/Kamen	Warner/Belwin
From A Distance	J. Gould/B. Mitler	Belwin
Forever In Love (instrumental)	Kenny G.	Hal Leonard
Here and Now	Luther Vandross-Steel & Elliot	Hal Leonard
Have I Told You Lately	Van Morrison/Rod Stewart	Hal Leonard
I Cross My Heart	George Strait/Doff Haz	Warner/Belwin
Love Of A Lifetime	Levety Anare/Firehouse	Hal Leonard
Somewhere Out There (American Tale)	Horne/Mann/Weil	Hal Leonard
The Greatest Love Of All	Creed/Masser/Whitney Houston	Belwin
The Wind Beneath My Wings (From Beaches)	Henley/Siban	Warner
Unchained Melody	Aarek/North/Righteous Brothers	Hal Leonard
Vows Go Unbroken	Burr/Kaz/Kenny Rogers	Hal Leonard
When I Fall In Love	Celine Dion & Clive Griffin	Hal Leonard
Whole New World (Aladdin)	Alan Menkon & Tim Rice	Hal Leonard
You're The Inspiration	Cetera/Foster/Chicago	Belwin

Mothers' Colors

What color and style of dresses do the mother of the bride and mother of groom wear for a formal wedding?

The mother of the bride should wear a color that blends and complements the bridesmaids' dresses, but does not match the exact color. Avoid all black or all white. The "mob" usually selects her dress first and then describes it to the mother of the groom, allowing enough time for her to shop. Both mothers can wear the same color, but not the same dress (preferably they should be the same style and length). For a very formal, large wedding before 6pm (over 200 guests): long or short dresses, not quite as formal as evening wear. For a formal wedding before 6pm (100 or more guests): elegant dresses or suits. In any event, both mothers should go with dresses that look good on them (color, figure size, personal sense of style, etc.) and they do not have to match.

Mixed Marriage

My fiance is Jewish and I am not. Any advice?

We have a daughter whose husband is Jewish and she is not. They structured the ceremony (in 1998) to include a bit of both traditions. Married under the canopy, breaking the glass, married by a rabbi (outside) etc. They now have two children and are doing wonderfully well and both families get along great.

It's important to discuss the role religion will play in your lives, now and when you have children. Our grandsons gets both the Jewish holidays and the Christian ones - although young, in a few years they will surely have religious questions that will need answers.

Now to the planning:

Start looking for an officiant who will perform interfaith marriages. Some Rabbi's will, but many will not. The Unitarian church is one place that will perform interfaith weddings for non-members and encourages couples to design a service that reflects both of their traditions. There are also numbers of "freelance" clergy who will perform this type of ceremony anywhere.

You could have an outside wedding somewhere which works well for mixed religions, or a civil ceremony in a public office.

You could choose one religious ceremony over the other, which could work if one of you has strong religious ties and the other doesn't. You could have a secondary cleric of your choice to offer a special prayer or offer a blessing during the service or reception.

If you both have strong religious beliefs (or your families do), you may want to have 2 ceremonies, or 1 main ceremony and then a "blessing of the marriage ceremony (the same day or shortly thereafter), similar to the first, but without the exchange of rings again.

Talk with both families about how they feel about various traditions in weddings that they feel strongly about. This could avoid problems when the time comes.

The Advice section of EZWeddingPlanner has a "Jewish Weddings topic that deals with lots of details of that side. There are also other topics here that may help you.

There are several good books that talk about inter-faith marriages - check them out at your local library - "The New Jewish Wedding" by Anita Diamant and there's one with ceremony details called "The Children of Noah" by Rabbi Rebecca Alpert, Rabbi Linda Holtzman and Arthur Waskow.

Good luck,

Memorial Candle

We would like to give a 12 year old daughter a family ring and we would also like to light a memorial candle. We don't have a clue on what to say or do. Please help.

I think it's very touching and a great gesture to give your daughter a family ring - it should help to make her feel a big part of this ceremony and family. If she is included in the wedding party, she would already be standing and close to both of you. After your ring ceremony, you could either have her move to stand by you or you both could walk to her for her ring ceremony. Or, if she is seated, the same choices hold true. Instead of the wording of "with this ring I thee wed" you could say something like "with this ring, we unite our family" or "as a symbol of our love for you, we give you this ring" or wording that expresses your desires in giving it to her.

As for the candle lighting, you could just light it without comment in the ceremony and then in the program print your sentiment. Or it could be read/spoken as you light the candle. Or the candle could be lit just before the ceremony and burn throughout. For my daughter's wedding, both her father and the groom's father have died. Here's what they printed on the back of their program: Our only regret for this day is that our fathers were not able to be physically present. They are both continually in our thoughts and we have honored them today by lighting two candles on the altar in their memory. They may have left our sides, but will always be present with us in our hearts.

Meeting With Clergy

Isn't pre-marital counseling the same as meeting with a clergy member to discuss about our marriage?

It may or may not be. Some religions require pre-marital counseling before you can get married in their church. Some do not. This is much more in-depth discussions about your views on marriage, religion and children, etc.

But in any case, you would want to meet with the clergy member to discuss the details of your actual service - requirements, schedules, rehearsals, etc. which is separate from counseling.

Master of Ceremony

We are planning on having a Master and Mistress of ceremony for my son's wedding, can you tell me exactly what their job entails. The Grooms God Parents have agreed to hold this position but are very concerned that they do the right thing at the right time. Please help their wedding is on June 3rd.

 Here's some suggestions for wedding reception order - feel free to personalize this to your preferences.

If the receiving line is done at the reception, after the line and after the cocktail hour is finished, the guests move into the main dining area and are seated. When the guests are all seated, the M/MOC introduces the bridal party (check beforehand on preferences of names and pronunciations). If they have not already been seated also, they can have a procession - beginning with bride's parents, groom's parents, flower girl and ring bearer, bridesmaids and groomsmen, best man and maid of honor, and finally the bride and groom. If the receiving line is done after the ceremony, introductions can still be made at the reception, with or without a procession.

The first dance with the bride and groom only can take place right after the introductions above or after the meal is done. Toward the end of the song, the M/MOC tells the bridal party to join in and then guests may also be included if you like. One consideration is the length of time the photographer will be at the reception and if you want the first dance captured on his/her film.

The cake cutting is introduced by the M/MOC and they can direct guests to the location. This is usually done before the meal, so the cake can be served in sequence after the meal, without having guests get up and down.

Just before the main meal is served, the best man is introduced and he toasts the couple. The maid of honor can also toast if she wishes. And it is customary at religious weddings to have the officiant say a prayer before everyone eats (prepare him/her in advance to do this). If there is a buffet, some direction may be announced on what is where and perhaps a table order for forming the lines.

Toward the end of the reception, the M/MOC can gather eligible ladies to the middle of the floor and the bride tosses her bouquet. The groom can remove the garter and toss it to eligible men.

Other events can be announced, such as slide shows of bride/groom's growing up, professional dancers or entertainers, the dollar dance, disposable cameras on each table (and what guests are expected to do with them), etc.

Marriage Licenses

MARRIAGE LICENSES

Marriage license requirements are state-regulated and may be obtained from the Clerk of Courts in most county courthouses. Requirements vary from state to state, but generally include the following:

• Applying for and paying the fee for the marriage license. Make your application early enough to allow for any required waiting period before issuance. There is also a waiting period between the time the license is issued and when the ceremony may be performed, and the license must be signed by the officiating person and witnesses. Also determine if the marriage license has an expiration date by which the marriage must be performed.

• Meeting of residency requirements of the state and/or county where the ceremony will take place.

• Meeting the legal age requirements for both bride and groom, or having parental permission if underage.

• Presenting upon application for the license any required identification, birth or baptismal certificates, marriage eligibility or other documents.

• Obtaining a medical examination and/or blood test for both bride and groom, used for detection of communicable diseases, particularly venereal. Whether or not this is required, the couple owes it to themselves to begin their married life in good health. This is also an excellent time to discuss any questions on birth control or child-bearing with the doctor.

• If you have been married before, you may need to bring a copy of your Divorce Decree.

As an example, below is the statute for marriage licenses for the State of Minnesota as of 1998.

517.08 Application for license. Subdivision 1. Renumbered by amendment subds 1a,1b Subd. 1a. Application for a marriage license shall be made upon a form provided for the purpose and shall contain the following information: (1) the full names of the parties and the sex of each party; (2) their post office addresses and county and state of residence; (3) their full ages; (4) if either party has previously been married, the party's married name, and the date, place and court in which the marriage was dissolved or annulled or the date and place of death of the former spouse; (5) if either party is a minor, the name and address of the minor's parents or guardian; (6) whether the parties are related to each other, and, if so, their relationship; (7) the name and date of birth of any child of which both parties are parents, born before the making of the application, unless their parental rights and the parent and child relationship with respect to the child have been terminated; (8) address of the bride and groom after the marriage to which the court administrator shall send a certified copy of the marriage certificate; and (9) the full names the parties will have after marriage and the parties' social security numbers. The social security numbers must be collected for the application but must not appear on the marriage license. Subd. 1b. Term of license; fee. The court administrator shall examine upon oath the party applying for a license relative to the legality of the contemplated marriage. If at the expiration of a five-day period, on being satisfied that there is no legal impediment to it, the court administrator shall issue the license, containing the full names of the parties before and after marriage, and county and state of residence, with the district court seal attached, and make a record of the date of issuance. The license shall be valid for a period of six months. In case of emergency or extraordinary circumstances, a judge of the district court of the county in which the application is made, may authorize the license to be issued at any time before the expiration of the five days. The court administrator shall collect from the applicant a fee of $70 for administering the oath, issuing, recording, and filing all papers required, and preparing and transmitting to the state registrar of vital statistics the reports of marriage required by this section. If the license should not be used within the period of six months due to illness or other extenuating circumstances, it may be surrendered to the court administrator for cancellation, and in that case a new license shall issue upon request of the parties of the original license without fee. A court administrator who knowingly issues or signs a marriage license in any manner other than as provided in this section shall pay to the parties aggrieved an amount not to exceed $1,000. Subd. 1c. Disposition of license fee. Of the marriage license fee collected pursuant to subdivision 1b, the court administrator shall pay $55 to the state treasurer to be deposited as follows: (1) $50 in the general fund; (2) $3 in the special revenue fund to be appropriated to the commissioner of children, families, and learning for supervised visitation facilities; and (3) $2 in the special revenue fund to be appropriated to the commissioner of health for developing and implementing the MN ENABL program. Copyright 1998 by the Office of Revisor of Statutes, State of Minnesota.

This information is courtesy of http://www.ezweddingplanner.com

Marine Corp Invitations

Do you have any idea where I can find any Marine Corp wedding invitations.

 Regency Thermographers in Waynesboro, PA has a catalog of invitations that includes the Marine Corp logo (eagle/globe/anchor). They have several choices, but the woman I spoke with said she thought catalog # 6-4002 would be what you wanted. Their customer service phone number is 800-524-5056 and they said if you called, they can fax you the page of these logos to see if it's what you want. They don't sell directly to individuals, but said if you gave them your zip code, they could refer you to local stores who would have their catalog from which you could order the invitations, thank you cards, etc. (Regency does the printing for the Marine Corp for cards, etc.)

Maid or Matron?

My sister is divorced. Would she be my maid or matron of honor?

 The Maid of Honor is a single, never been married woman. The Matron of Honor is a married, divorced or widowed woman. The Maid of Honor takes precedence in the service if you have both a Maid and a Matron of Honor.

Out of Town Guests

Who is responsible for the out of town guests' accommodations? (bride, groom, or guest)

General rule of thumb: If they are in the bridal party, then bride and groom pay. Others, guests, relatives, etc. pay their own way. Of course if someone needs help and you can afford to help out, do. You would also be kind to make the hotel arrangements for them, placing a small welcome gift in the room, like bottled water, chocolate, wine, fruit etc. - with a welcome note.

Who Gives the Shower

Who is supposed to give the bride a bridal shower?

Typically, it is the maid of honor and/or other bridesmaids who host the shower. Any friend can also host one. Immediate family generally do not host showers (mothers, sisters, daughters, etc.)

Engagement Party

Should the bride & groom have the engagement party or does one of our families have it for us?

The groom's parents can call the bride's parents and express their happiness about the upcoming marriage. Engagement parties can be hosted by the groom's or bride's parents (it can be anything from a buffet, barbecue to a formal party) This is an opportunity for the two families to get to know each other and to introduce you to their family and friends. In fact, an engagement party can be hosted by any family member - or even a friend - who would like to have this party for you. If neither family steps forward with an engagement party, the two of you can invite the parents out for a luncheon or some other get together for them to meet. Generally, both sets of parents attend the engagement party, whoever hosts it.

East or West

I currently live in CA, but my whole family is back East, groom's family in CA (5 total), he wants to have something out here so his clients don't get offended. I want to do the whole thing back east because that is where I am from....what should I do? Do I just make my plans or try to be fair, this topic has already become a source of argument.

A lot of folks have been in this predicament. In fact it happened with one of my daughters who lives back east but is from the west. She got married in her husband's area because her friends and his family were much more numerous. Her family flew east and stayed for a few days for the festivities. The final decision was made by the number of people who would have to travel to get to the wedding.

Some solve the problem by having the first wedding at the bride's family's area because traditionally the bride's parents pay for the wedding. Some even have two weddings - the second being less elaborate. We've heard of people video taping the first wedding and playing it at the second, less formal wedding.

But most solve the problem by having two receptions with the wedding at the place with more family attending. A wedding East and a reception in CA which would include clients could solve your problem. You can choose to wear your wedding dress at both occasions or just a dressy cocktail dress to the second reception.

Second (or third) receptions may be just as formal as the first wedding reception, complete with printed invitations, wedding cake, champagne, and receiving line. Or, they may be very informal get-togethers, or anything in between. It's totally up to you.

Where to Register

Where do you recommend that I register?

Generally brides register at major department stores in their area (Macys, Bloomingdales, Robinson May, JC Penney, etc.). Also stores like Target or Wal-Mart have a large variety of merchandise which are good for bridal showers as well as wedding gifts. Other interesting places to register are stores like Williams Sonoma, Crate and Barrel, or Pottery Barn. You can register at any store that has items of interest to you and your fiancé, including sporting goods stores or Home Depot. We recently went to a wedding and the only place they registered was Amazon.com (where you can get almost anything). You can register in as many stores as you like. Many stores and other merchants also have Internet on-line registries for your convenience.

When to Mail Invitations

When should invitations be mailed out?

Go to Plan/Order Invitations and Announcements, click on the light bulb on the right. This gives suggestions for when and how to mail. For example: Wedding invitations are to be mailed four to six weeks prior to the wedding date. They should all be mailed at the same time.

When to Have Engagement Party

How for away from our wedding should we be having the engagement party. None of the books give a general time.

You can have an engagement party as soon as you become engaged. Some people time it for just before or just after a newspaper announcement of the engagement. I have found one source that said no farther out than one year and no closer to the wedding than six months. Obviously this is not firm, since some people get engaged and married within a six month time frame. Also, some people have 2 years or more of engagement before the actual wedding.

The engagement party is really for both families to get together and get to know each other better. So, the earlier the better, especially if wedding finances need to be discussed and agreed on by both families.