Alcohol

What would be the normal amount of alcohol to get if you were going to buy the alcohol for your reception of 300 people for beer and mixed drinks and champagne for the toast?

There are a lot of variables... the ages of your guests, the time of day of the reception and how long it will go, inside or outside reception, etc. Also, do you think more of your guests are beer drinkers or wine drinkers or mixed drink people. This will determine somewhat the variety of what you buy. Some people may also specify certain brands of liquor that they prefer and soda water, tonic water, etc. And many people will not drink alcohol at all, so you would also want pop, water, or punch, etc. for those guests.

Your best bet would be to ask the liquor store (where you will be purchasing the alcohol from) these questions. They know how many cups a keg of beer holds (you can get different sizes). You might be able to figure out a bottle of booze by dividing 1 1/2 to 2 oz. of liquor in the total oz. size of the bottle. 60 oz of Windsor = 30 to 40 drinks, a bottle of wine = 4 - 6 glasses, etc. You could figure 1-2 drinks per hour per drinking guest. Also check if you can return any unopened bottles or kegs for your money back.

For the champagne toast, you can probably get 7-8 glasses per bottle (depending again on the size of the bottle). So you need to figure out how many people will get champagne glasses (children probably won't). Also you may want some non-alcoholic for those who do not/cannot drink alcohol.

Or, if you are having the food catered, they may have good guestimates. You may consider hiring several bartenders for 300 guests, in which case they will probably know the mix that is appropriate.

$5,000 or Less

I want to have a cost effective wedding reception, but still include a buffet dinner and provide beer and wine. Am I being realistic to want to keep the cost to $5000 or less?

It depends on where your reception is held, how many people you are inviting, and what food you are serving, etc. Many locations will cost more than others and the more people, obviously the greater the cost. Given all that, I think you should be able to do what you want for $5,000 or less.

Some brides have family or friends make the food, buy their own beer and wine, and have the reception at someone's home or at a local park. Check on permits if you want liquor in a park. This greatly reduces the cost. I've even seen the wedding ceremony done in a park pavilion with the reception in the park following.

Some Books That Might Help  Bridal Bargains, 9th Edition: Secrets to Throwing a Fantastic Wedding on a Realistic Budget   How to Have a Big Wedding on a Small Budget   Intimate Weddings: Planning a Small Wedding that Fits Your Budget and Style   The Green Bride Guide: How to Create an Earth-Friendly Wedding on Any Budget

Tip Included

The Limo and the Caterer include tax and gratuity, does this mean I'm supposed to re-tip them on my Wedding Day?

If gratuity is included in what you are already paying, there is no need to tip again. Check with the Caterer to see who is included in the tip to them (be sure bartenders, waiters, etc. are included). See Tipping for more info.

Plan Timetable

Can my plan timetable be adjusted and uncluttered?

 When you sign up on EZWeddingPlanner your plan will automatically adjust for your wedding date. Plan is based on the closest of three schedules, 18 months out, a year out and six months out. And, you can change specific dates for plan items. Go to Plan and click on any event. Here you can also delete any items you do not want on your plan. And to help clear the screen of things you no longer need to see, when you complete an item, check it off as done. Then, check "no" for Display done descriptions and click Do It. Then only the items left to be done will display.

Time of Marriage

Is it bad luck to get married on the top of the hour like 3 pm? I heard you were supposed to get married on the half hour like 3:30 pm?

Interesting question. I have not heard of any thing like this before. It turns out, though, that the time of marriage is when you are pronounced man and wife. And for that to happen exactly on a half hour would be very unusual.

Thank You Notes

If you receive gifts before the wedding is it ok to send thank yous at that time, or should you wait until after the ceremony (and then thank them for attending etc.)?

Yes, you can certainly send thank you notes for gifts received before the wedding as you receive them. You should send them no later than 2 weeks after receiving gifts before the wedding date. Since you will probably verbally thank everyone for coming at the reception, you need not send them another thank you note after the wedding. One thank you note per gift is enough. Gifts received at the wedding should get thank you notes within a month of your honeymoon return and within a month if it is received afterwards.

Steamboat, Colorado

Any suggestions for an outdoor wedding in Steamboat Colorado in August?

Try looking at these sites. Perhaps you could get ideas of dates to schedule near or around and other activities going on. These sites also list hotels, vendors, parks, etc.

SteamboatColorado.com

SteamboatSprings.AreaGuides.net

Ci.Steamboat.Co.us/Recreation/Parks.htm

Ci.Steamboat.Co.us/Recreation/Yrbgardn.htm#YampaRiver Gardens - available for weddings

Stability

I really like your website and would like to use it for planning my wedding. However, with the DOTCOM financial problems, what assurance can you provide that this service is here to stay?

While I guess noone can guarantee everything, we've (Hopkins Technology, LLC) been in business since 1986 and certainly plan to be around for many more years. We created EZWeddingPlanner in 1999 (when we married off 3 of our children in 13 months) and it has been growing ever since with hundreds of thousands of couples planning their weddings with it. We've been expanding it as brides request additions and it's the best place on Internet to do the detail work that you actually have to do to plan your wedding. While some sites focus more on directories of resources and bridal registry sell-you-stuff, EZWeddingPlanner is big on functionality. And, we also have local and national Sponsors (who support the program).

Hope this helps. Have fun planning your wedding!

Small Items

I am writing to find out if the site has info on the small things that might be in a list form on your site like the ring pillow, guest book suggestions, or stores in general that provide wedding supplies even like the memoirs given out at the wedding. Please let me know what sites there may be available from your site.

 We have a few sites that provide services like this. EZWeddingPlanner members can find them in our Resources section.

Also, you can go to Wedding Accessories which has many items from which to choose.

EZ Wedding Planner is continually adding more vendors and we have added a new selection along the top of EZWP called Resources.

Special Speech for Groom

Is there something special, unique I can do for the groom either at the church or at the reception... a speech or something? Do people do things like that..

Yes, it is very nice of you to do a reading of some special poem, verse, scripture or something you have written yourself that expresses your feelings for him. A good time to do this at the ceremony is before the vows and after the exchange of rings (check with the officiant for time suggestions and run the reading past him/her before you give it). Keep it short (no more than a few minutes).

You could also do it at the reception, as part of the toast process (best man proposed toast, etc.)

Small Budget

We have a small budget of $1000. We need tables chairs a cake and dinner. Please let us know if you can help. Thank You.

See the Advice section (top menu bar in EZWP) especially the Budget Wedding Tips topic.

If you or your family are members of a church, they usually have tables and chairs that you can borrow for free. You may also consider having the reception in the Church basement, which generally has enough room and kitchen facilities, etc. The ladies society of your church may also help serve (and you can give them a donation). There may be other places to rent/borrow tables/chairs inexpensively (local schools, or American legions, etc.)

Cakes from grocery stores and local bakeries taste great and are generally much cheaper than specialty cake bakers. Depending on the number of guests you are inviting, a small cake may do. Also, it is less expensive to have a small tiered cake to cut for show and then sheet cakes to cut up to feed the guests. No one cares what type of cake it came from as long as they get a piece. You may also find that you have an Aunt or neighbor, etc. who makes wedding cakes as a side business and will do one for you inexpensively or donate it if as your gift if they are coming to your wedding. Be sure to see pictures of their work before you accept, because it might be a mistake, unless you've seen the finished product before.

You didn't say if you are catering this yourself or not, but also in Advice, there is a topic on Catering - do-it-yourself with suggested amounts of food, etc. Also look at some of the other catering topics - like low cost ideas, which may give you some tips on feeding your guests.

Time of day of the wedding and day of week, etc. make a difference on how much food and costs, etc. you need. Again low cost catering ideas may help.

Where to Seat Son and Brother

I am having my oldest son and my brother give me away at my wedding because my father has past away and I was wondering should they sit at the head table or just at my family's table with my mother?

The person/people who give you away do not need to sit at the bridal/head table (which typically is just the bridal party - bride/groom bridesmaids and groomsmen).

It's perfectly acceptable to have them sit with your mother at the family table and they/she may prefer that. You can, however, have anyone you want sit at the bridal table. The size and layout of the tables and reception room may also determine how many people comfortably sit at each table.

Site Fees

What or why do I have to pay for 'site fee', 'ceremony site fee' and ceremony, and officient? What is the difference?

Generally there is some charge (or requested donation) for the site where the ceremony is held (a church for instance) and almost always for a reception site. There may also be janitorial charges. The officiant is the person who performs the ceremony - a minister, priest, rabbi, judge, etc. They are also generally reimbursed for their services. EZ Wedding Planner includes these charges in the Budget. If they do not apply to your wedding, simply delete them from your budget (or change the amounts).

Two Weddings a Month Apart

My fiancé and I announced our wedding in January. My sister (who is the maid of honor) was upset I was getting married before her. Now she has announced her and her new boyfriend (who I don't really know) are getting married by a justice of the peace a month before me. What is the proper thing to do regarding bridal showers and a wedding gift. Right now all of my money is going to my own wedding, as well as all my time. What do I do in this situation?

Short answer, wish her well and do your best to mean it. Even though you don't know her fiancé now, he will also become part of your family soon and you will probably see him often. Given that, you continue to plan your wedding as you wanted it (and let her plan her own wedding, as she's the one who chose the close dates knowing your plans already). You could also sit down and talk with her about this and see if she is flexible on her date.

Since she is your maid of honor, I assume you are fairly close and that she would be the one, along with your other bridesmaids to host a shower for you. (and if you are going to be in her small wedding, you would also host one for her). This poses a bit of a problem for the shower guests, since many of them would want to buy gifts for both of you. You could have two showers about a month apart, or combine the showers and just have one large shower (hosted by your other bridesmaids or family friends of both of you). Or, you can simply plan your own wedding/showers, etc. and not worry about what she is going to do. Realistically, since she is your sister, you will be involved with her shower and vice versa, regardless of timing of the weddings.

Or, since shower guests are generally also invited to the wedding, and your sister is probably not going to invite many people to her wedding, she may not have a formal shower prior to her marriage. But probably your relatives who would be coming to your shower would also feel obliged to buy her a present also. Is she planning any type of reception after the wedding? This may be the place where her friends and relatives will give her gifts.

If you start saving now, you can probably come up with some money for a small wedding present for her also (even though you are paying for your own). It may not be as much as you would have spent for her if she had picked another date, but she will have to live with those consequences.

Singer's Fees

What is the usual fee for a person who will sing at the ceremony?

They can range all over the place, depending on who is singing, the part of the country, how many songs, if they are friends or professional singers, if its a small wedding in a small church or a grand affair in a cathedral, etc. I've seen them range from $40 to $1,000.

Often times the ceremony site will have suggested guidelines, so you may want to check with them too and if the singer is a professional, he/she will tell you the fee.

Simple Outside Wedding

We want a short outside wedding. How can we make it real simple?

You could have it at your house, a favorite garden or park or other meaningful site to you and your fiancé. It can be as simple or elaborate as you want. For real simplicity, you needn't wear the white wedding dress & bridesmaids dresses, etc. You can invite as many or few guests as you want and have a large or small or no reception after the wedding. It can consist of you and your fiancé, a maid of honor and best man (to witness and sign the marriage license) and the officiant and that's all. You could just take the best man and maid of honor out to eat after the ceremony. The officiant can be a clergy person or judge/justice of the peace. Talk to whoever you are going to have officiating about a simple service and wording, etc. You will probably want to have a photographer take pictures (this could be a friend or a hired professional). You could have a private wedding (with as many or few family members as you want) and a party/reception anytime later (not necessarily on the same day). Again, add or subtract any details of the wedding and reception as you prefer. See outdoor wedding for other considerations.

Silk Flowers

Are silk flowers cheaper and just as pretty as real ones?

 Silk flowers may be less expensive than real flowers, however much of the expense is in the labor if you have a florist arrange them. So if you are comfortable arranging them yourself, you can probably save a bundle. You could also consider substituting silk exotics (like orchids) for real ones and have the florist make combination bouquets. Some silk flowers look as pretty as the real thing and it's hard to tell the difference. Also, if you have a silk bouquet, it will still look the same for years to come, whereas real flowers will need to be preserved or dried or thrown out.

There are a variety of silk flowers and some are better made and look more realistic than others. Some of this depends on price and some on where they are manufactured. So, check around for high quality silk flowers if you are going that route.

Who to Invite to the Shower

We have guests that are going to be invited to the wedding. Should they also be invited to the shower, I know that they will not be able to attend and I do not want them to feel obligated to send a gift, but I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings by not inviting them. Please let me know the proper thing to do.

You do not need to invite all the wedding guests to your shower(s). In fact, this is generally not the case, in that there are usually more wedding guests than shower guests. If you invite someone to a shower, however, they should also be invited to the wedding (except in the case of office showers).

Shower guests usually just include your maid of honor and bridesmaids (groomsmen too if men are invited), the mothers and sisters of the bride and groom, and other close relatives and friends.

Your wedding guests who you know cannot attend a shower should not feel hurt by not being invited. They will simply be happy to get invites to the wedding.

When to Have Showers

Hello! I have a quick question about the Bridal Shower. Is there a certain time frame that this should be given? I was thinking it needed to be done about a month before the wedding, but am not sure that is correct. Any advise on time frame would be greatly appreciated.

 Bridal showers should be scheduled a significant time after the engagement parties, but anywhere from two months to at least two weeks before the wedding. Shower invitations should be mailed at least three weeks in advance if possible. The couple should have registered for gifts at gift registries before the showers and these can be listed, along with decorating colors, in the invitations. The time frame exception is brides who live far away from where the wedding is held. Then showers may be planned for when she is in town so she doesn't have to make extra trips. Or, if there's absolutely no time before the wedding, a shower can be given after the couple returns from their honeymoon.

Showers

SHOWERS

The custom of a "bridal shower" came about when a poor Dutch miller fell in love with a maiden whose father forbade the match and refused to provide a dowry. The miller's friends came to the rescue and "showered" the bride-to-be with enough gifts in order to start housekeeping.

The wedding shower, traditionally a get-together for women only, is now just as likely to include the female and male. A "his and her" shower is a perfect way for the bride's friends and the groom's friends to meet each other. It also is easier to plan showers around what both the bride and groom enjoy.

Bridal showers should be scheduled a significant time after the engagement parties, but anywhere from two months to at least two weeks before the wedding. Shower invitations should be mailed at least three weeks in advance if possible. The couple should have registered for gifts at gift registries before the showers and these can be listed, along with decorating colors, in the invitations. The time frame exception is brides who live far away from where the wedding is held. Then showers may be planned for when she is in town so she doesn't have to make extra trips. Or, if there's absolutely no time before the wedding, a shower can be given after the couple returns from their honeymoon.

Shower guests should also be invited to the wedding, unless it's an office shower. Don't invite the same friends and relatives to multiple showers (one shower gift per person/family should be enough). Although, the bride and groom's mothers and the maid of honor may come to multiples and need not bring a gift to every one.

Any friend of the bride and groom may give a shower. Traditionally, it should not be a member of their immediate families. Often, it is the maid of honor and other bridesmaids who host a shower. Plan with your friends when selecting a date, as you may be busy during this time with making other plans for your wedding day. Consult with them as to where you are registered for wedding gift ideas. Then you may wish to choose a theme for the shower. Shower theme ideas are given below:

Kitchen Shower

Kitchen showers offer a wide range of gift ideas and prices.

Gadgets/strainers, peelers, etc.
Nonstick-coated cookware/bakeware
Small appliances/clock, electric skillet, coffee maker, electric can opener, hand
Mixer, crock pot, popcorn maker, deep fryer, etc.
Cookbooks
Canister set – spice rack/spices
Cutlery – cutting board
Utensil set – measuring cups/spoons
Mugs
Salt & pepper shakers
Funnels
Kitchen towels, dish cloths, pot holders, scrub pads, dish soap, laundry soap, etc.
Aprons
Serving bowls, freezer containers, etc.

Bar Shower

Everything the couple will need for stocking a basic home bar.
Assorted liquor
Assorted wines
Assorted liqueurs
Assorted aperitifs
Mixers
Glasses/goblets/snifters
Ice bucket
Cocktail shaker
Wine rack
Bar utensils
A guide to mixing drinks
Carafe
Punch bowl
Pitchers
Coasters
Corkscrew
Blender
Ice crusher

Personal Shower

To pamper the bride and groom at this special time.

Hers	His
Peignoir sets	Pajamas
Nightgown	Robe
Robe	Terry wrap
Teddy	Slippers
Bra & bikini set	Razor
Camisole	Travel alarm
Slips	After shave/cologne
Slippers	Travel alarm
Padded hangers	Calculator
Scents/soaps	Stationery
Sachets
Cologne
Dusting powder
Monogrammed stationery

Plant Shower/Gardening Shower

Gardening tools
Variety of plants
Pots
Potting soil
Plant fertilizer
Planting utensils
Gardening equipment
Plant hangers
Gloves
Gardening clogs
Bulbs/seeds
Plant stand
Book about plants
Watering can
Sun dial
Lawn furniture

Linen Shower

Tablecloths/table runners
Napkins/napkin rings
Placemats
Dish towels/cloths
Potholder/mitts
Towels/bath, hand, guest
Bath sheets
Washcloths
Accessories
Bath mats
Scale
Sheets
Pillows
Pillowcases
Blankets
Electric blanket
Comforter
Bedspread
Pillow shams
Hamper
Rug and lid set
Shower curtain & liner

Gourmet Shower

a joint shower idea for the couple that enjoys cooking and entertaining.

Assorted prepackaged foods
Soufflé dish
Warming trays
Food processor
Stand mixer
Toaster-oven
Matching aprons
Espresso maker
Microwave/convection oven
Molds
Coffee grinder
Poachers
Crepe maker
Vegetable steamer
Wok
Vinegars
Preserves
Herbs & spices
Cheese boards/servers
Baskets
Salad spinner
Food slicer
Hibachi
Yogurt maker
Ice cream maker
Juicer
Serving bowls
Recipe books

Joint Gift Ideas

A place setting of fine china
A place setting of sterling
Informal dinnerware
Flatware
Sterling candlesticks
Crystal decanter set
Electronic games
Stereo equipment
Camera/lens
Gas grill
Sports equipment
Gift certificates
Luggage
Radio
Television
Vacuum cleaner
Garden equipment
Home video equipment

Barbecue Shower

Grill
Charcoal
Picnic basket
Picnic accessories
Lawn ornaments
Yard games (croquet, darts, horseshoes, etc.)
Barbecue utensils
Lighter fluid, starting devices
Cookbook, recipes
Yard/Ornamental lights
Insect repelling devices

Recipe Shower

Each guest brings a favorite recipe and either some of the ingredients or some of the utensils necessary to make the recipe.

Recipe cards (blank)
Recipe box
Recipe books
Recipe holders

Pantry Shower

Canned goods
Prepared foods
Anything for the kitchen cupboard–staples

Paper Shower

Table mats
Paper towels
Personalized stationery
Napkins
Magazine subscriptions
Book matches

Tupperware Shower

Anything made of Tupperware–containers, etc.

Crystal Shower

Any needed glassware, etc.

Holiday Shower

Champagne flutes for New Year's
Christmas ornaments
Christmas table linens
Seder plate for Passover
Flag for Fourth of July and Veterans Day
Turkey plate for Thanksgiving
Ceramic pumpkin for Halloween
Decorations for any other holiday

Of course, these are just some themes for showers. The list can go on and on, depending on what the couple may need or like. Just let your imagination go to work!

If the couple is beginning marriage with virtually nothing, a general shower is probably the best to give, even if you are including the groom. If they are merging households and need to fill in items, a theme shower is the most practical. This way you can indulge the couple with necessities and luxuries at the same time. In any case, consult the bridal registries, family, and mutual friends for gift suggestions. When you decide the type of shower you will hold, be sure to specify it on the invitations.

Shower Activities, Food and Games

The main event at all showers is the bride and groom opening the gifts. Make sure you have one of the hosts or a guest record the gifts and the giver so the bride will have an accurate account when writing out thank you notes. Have someone take snapshots at the shower. This may also be a nice gift from the "photographer." He/she may wish to put together a photo album of the shower.

Refreshments served will depend on the time of day you plan to hold the shower. Keep refreshments as simple as possible. Salads, casseroles, cold cuts, barbecues, sandwiches, etc. are the easiest to make and can be done ahead of time. If you have a theme shower, you may wish to coordinate the food served with the theme. A garden shower could feature vegetable salads, pasta with asparagus, etc., a bar shower could include typical finger foods, like chicken wings, mini pizzas, little wieners, etc., a gourmet shower could include quiche, various cheeses and fancy desserts, a barbeque shower could have barbeque hamburgers, chicken, etc., a holiday shower could have Christmas cookies, Easter ham, or turkey sandwiches, etc... you get the idea.

Games and other fun activities liven up a shower, but don't have too many or play them for too long. Some ideas can include:

• Dice Doubles - wrap up a bunch of small gifts in colorful and different sized packages. Have two sets of dice rotate around the guests (in pie tins). Each person shakes and when they get a double, they pick a gift. When all gifts are gone, set a time limit (10 minutes or so) and then when doubles are rolled, gifts are taken away from those who have them. When the time is up, everyone gets to open and keep their gifts.
• Bride Bingo - make bingo cards that instead of numbers, have gift items that the bride is likely to receive. As she opens her gifts, the guests mark off the items they have on their cards. Whoever gets bingo first (or comes closest), receives a gift. This keeps guests interested in everything the bride opens. Ready made bridal bingo cards can be ordered online.
• Make a montage or album - have each guest bring a favorite photo of the bride, groom or couple. They can then tell the story of the photo (which should be recorded or brought along with the picture). These can then be given to the bride as keepsakes.
• Pin the Boutonniere on the Groom - Blow up a photo of the groom and then blindfold guests one at a time and have them pin a paper flower on him. The guest who gets closest to the left lapel wins a prize.
• Bridal Jeopardy - The shower hostess compiles a series of trivia questions about the bride and groom and then asks the guests to phrase the questions. Example: (Answer "Champs Bar". Question "Where did they meet".) The guest who guesses the most wins a prize.
• Bridal Questions - Have a sheet of paper with questions about the bride and groom that may not be obvious to most people. Give them pencils and a time limit and the guest who completes the most questions correctly wins a prize. You can also give prizes for least answered, second most, etc. Questions like, where did they meet, where did they go for their first date, where did they get engaged, what's their favorite food, etc.
• Who/What am I - pin words on the back of guests (like: groom, church, unity candle, cake, etc.) and then everyone has to ask yes or no questions of the other guests to guess who/what they are. The first one to guess correctly gets a prize.

When to Send Shower Invitations

Is it ok to send out shower invitations if the wedding invitations have not been sent yet? One shower is in August and the other is in September. The wedding date is October 21st.

Yes, it's ok to send shower invitations first. Shower invitations are usually mailed at least two weeks before the shower. Wedding invitations are usually mailed six to eight weeks before the wedding (depending on if the wedding falls on a holiday, long weekend or if you have lots of out-of-town guests). It's acceptable for guests to receive wedding invitations up to two weeks before the wedding.

So if you have a shower in August, this would happen before you have sent the wedding invitations (and maybe for the Sept shower also). All showers should be held at least two weeks before the wedding (in your case, this is certainly true).

Shower

I have recently started a new job (approximately 1 1/2 months). Everyone there knows I am getting married. Should I invite the girls I work with now to the bridal shower?

 Most often the people who are invited to bridal showers are also the people who will be invited to the wedding. Showers should only include close family on both sides and close social friends (which includes your bridesmaids and the bride's/groom's mothers/grandmothers). If you have multiple showers, whoever is hosting should tell repeat guests that they need only give one gift. If you are not inviting your new co-workers to your wedding (which you probably are not), then it's best not to invite them to showers thrown by your bridesmaids or other relatives. Sometimes, there will be a work only shower hosted by the people you work with. This is usually done on one of the closest days to your wedding that you will still be at work. It could be a lunchtime or right after work affair and generally they would give you a group gift. Being you have only been on your job for a short time, don't expect an office shower, but they could surprise you.

Selecting Musicians

SELECTING MUSICIANS FOR YOUR WEDDING

The following outline gives you some basic and general ideas to consider in choosing the musicians for your wedding, as well as the various instruments that might be included in the ceremony. Start looking for your musicians as soon as your wedding date is set. Some bands, musicians and soloists are booked a year or more in advance. The choice of repertoire that would be deemed appropriate for a wedding is vast; therefore keep in mind that this list is not a specific list, but a general one. Also notice that there are pieces that are written specifically for organ and instruments. In a large number of cases the piano part can be modified for organ, should a piano not be available. Many churches require that their own musicians be responsible for all weddings performed there.

Your Musicians

How many?

During what parts of the service and reception are they going to play?

Most musicians should receive some type of payment. How much can you afford and how much are their fees?

• This should be discussed early.
• "Union" musicians will require union scale pay.

What level of performance capability are you seeking?

• A friend's performance, possibly non-professional.
• Professional job (are you going to record the ceremony?)
• How long would you like the musicians' performance to be?
  Prelude before the service?
  During the service?
  After the service?
  At the reception?

• Some amateurs may not have the "stamina" to last through a long session.

Where do you find your musicians?

Friends, family members

• If you're using more than one performer, are their playing levels compatible?
• Can they handle a wedding performance?
• Nervousness?
• Music at their ability to avoid unnecessary pressure?
• Do they have their instrument in playable condition?

Performers

• Local college or school.
• Small performance ensembles who regularly meet and are willing to take on a wedding.

Professionals

• Referral services.
• Musicians' union.
• Established performance groups.
• Try to see a live performance or watch an audition tape for any band you are considering hiring.

The Music

Who chooses the music?

If you choose the music – Talk it over with your musicians first, maintaining constant communication with the church personnel. Very important!

• How difficult should the arrangement be? The harder the music, the more practice and rehearsal required.
• Do they have any suggestions for suitable material?
• Popular music: Very few arrangements are available with instrumental parts.
• Check with your instrumentalist regarding range and transposing.
• Be sure to check with your church on requirements, as many will not allow the use of popular music because of the sacredness of the rite.

If the musicians choose the music.

• Give them exact times during the service you would like them to play.
• Talk over particular titles and/or composers, or eras (Baroque, Romantic) of music you would like to have.

Who pays for the music?

• If you're dealing with professional musicians, they may have their library to draw from.
• If you have friends doing the service: Do they have music on hand that is suitable? Bride and groom are responsible for music expense. How much do you wish to spend?

Rehearsals

When using instruments plus organ or piano accompaniment.

• Soloist may want to rehearse with organist/pianist previous to church rehearsal. Arrangements should be made.
• It is advisable to have a rehearsal at the church or hall if it can be scheduled so the other musicians can practice with the organ/piano they will be using.

When using multiple instrument groups.

• If professional musicians or a group who rehearse together on a regular basis are used, there should be no problem with extra rehearsals. If you hire professionals, a rehearsal at the church may cost extra.
• If friends or family members are playing.
  Extra rehearsals are advised, just to get the feel of playing together.
  Rehearsal in the church or reception area will allow the musicians time to make adjustments for acoustics.

Have a clear order of performance and signals.

• Make sure the musicians know the order in which the pieces are scheduled.

• Have your musicians' cue worked out beforehand.
  When to start (prelude or postlude.)
  When to finish (prelude or postlude.)
  Actual cue words or gestures for performance during the ceremony.

Double check equipment needs.

Do the musicians need:
Special chairs?
Stands?
Do you need to make any special provisions for the "sound" system?
Extra microphones (classic guitars, flute)
Extra speakers (electric guitars, electric pianos, etc.)

Popular Instrumental Combinations for Weddings

Woodwinds

Trio
Flute, oboe, clarinet
Oboe, clarinet, bassoon

Quintet
Flute, oboe, clarinet, horn, bassoon
Oboe, clarinet, horn, bassoon, piano

Brass

Quartet
Two trumpets, horn, trombone
Two trumpets, two trombones

Quintet – two trumpets, horn, trombone, tuba

Strings

Trio – violin, cello, piano
Quartet – two violins, viola, cello

Woodwind and string quartets

Flute, violin, viola, cello
Oboe, violin, viola, cello

Trio sonatas

Two flutes, bassoon (cello) basso continuo (piano, harpsichord or organ)
Flute, oboe, bassoon (cello) and basso continuo
Two violins, bassoon (cello) and basso continuo
Flute, violin, bassoon (cello) and basso continuo
Violin, oboe, bassoon (cello) and basso continuo

Shower for Second Marriages?

I am the groom's daughter. This is a second marriage for both. They are both in their mid 50's. Should we have a shower? I have no part in the wedding, who should put the shower on...if there is one?

Discuss the shower idea with them. They may request that they don't want any showers since they probably have most everything they need already. However, if they would like a shower, it could be a hobby shower or travel or gardening shower etc. Generally, the bridesmaids or maid of honor host the shower, although any friend may also host a shower. Typically, members of the immediate family do not host showers, however if none of the other apply, you can certainly host the shower if they want one and you would like to do it.

Second Marriage

Can you give me the proper etiquette for second marriage weddings regarding the ceremony, gifts, etc.?

A second wedding should not appear to be duplicating or competing with the first. If this is a multiple wedding for both bride and groom, the ceremony is traditionally small and informal. However, it is really up to you. Weddings can range from very small to grand, white dress weddings with kids as bridesmaids. It may help children to be a part of the wedding, rather than have them feel excluded. Check with your church or clergy regarding second marriages, as some are reluctant to marry divorced people. If you feel uncomfortable with guests bringing gifts, perhaps you can word the invitations specifying your preferences (your presence not presents desired, donations preferred to a charity, or food shelf gifts, etc.) Else, just go for it and let your guests decide what gifts they find appropriate.

Seating

SEATING

Ceremony Seating

In a Christian wedding, the bride's family and friends are seated on the left side of the church facing the altar. The groom's family and friends will sit on the right side of the church. In a Jewish wedding, this is reversed. Also, all parents remain standing under the Huppah throughout the ceremony.

When bride's parents are divorced, but not remarried, if they are congenial, they might sit together in the left front row at Christian weddings. Otherwise the parent who raised you (and guest or spouse) sits in the left front pew and the other parent (and guest or spouse) sit in the third row on the left side. This is also an individual decision, depending on their relationships and preferences. For groom's parents, simply reverse the seating (using the right side). At Jewish ceremonies, women sit on the left and men on the right.

If one family has many more guests than the other, everyone may sit together without assigned sides of the church. This will even out the seating and fill up the church from the front to back.

Parents of both sides sit in the first or second pew on their respective sides (often times the first pew is left empty in case someone from the bridal party must sit down during the ceremony). Grandparents sit in the next pew on the outside (next to the isle). Siblings can also sit in the grandparents pew. You can reserve additional pews for other honored guests (like family of flower girl and ring bearer, etc.) The reserved pews can be marked with flowers, etc. or the ushers can just seat the guests behind the reserved pews.

Guests who arrive after the bride's mother has been seated should not be seated by the ushers. They may simply slip into an empty pew behind the other seated guests.

Reception Seating

Many brides say seating arrangements at the reception is their biggest headache. Don't seat older guests near the band or kitchen. Seat people who share hobbies or occupations together. Single guests and teens or children can be seated together. Consider a chaperone or entertainment on children's tables. Seat divorced parents separately, each with their own table of family and friends. This is also a parents choice depending on their civility. They may choose to sit together at a parents' table. Seat spouses or guests of attendants at head table if bridal party is small, or together on one table if bridal party is large. Consider seating smokers together and away from non-smokers if possible.

In EZ Wedding Planner, there is a seating feature that lets you easily arrange and rearrange all of your guests (either by number in party or by those who have said they will be attending). This will let you add, size, and populate reception tables.

If you have a head table, the wedding party should be seated facing the guests, so that everyone can see. Your groom should sit to your left, your maid of honor will sit next to the groom, and the best man will go next to you. The bridesmaids and groomsmen will be seated alternately around the rest of the table. You may also wish to include the clergy-person, your parents, the groom's parents, grandparents, and godparents.

Many couples are foregoing the head table in favor of regular smaller tables, like the guests sit at. One benefit of this is that you can also seat spouses or guests of the wedding party with their respective attendant. Some feel this is more comfortable for everyone involved in the wedding. It also takes up less room than a head table, if space is limited. Individual tables are also less formal, depending on the atmosphere you want at your reception.

If you are designating seating, write out guests' names and table numbers on table cards. These cards can be set on a table by the door, arranged in alphabetical order. If you write the guest's name on both sides, it is easier for guests at the same table who do not know each other to talk to each other. Or a master seating chart can be posted with each guest's name and table number.

Seating Guests

Do you have any suggestions on how to seat all the people at our reception?

Many brides say seating arrangements at the reception is their biggest headache. Don't seat older guests near the band or kitchen. Seat people who share hobbies or occupations together. Single guests and teens or children can be seated together. Consider a chaperone or entertainment on children's tables. Seat divorced parents separately, each with their own table of family and friends. Seat spouses or guests of attendants at head table if bridal party is small, or together on one table if bridal party is large. Consider seating smokers together and away from non-smokers if possible. In EZ Wedding Planner, there is a seating feature that lets you easily arrange and rearrange all of your guests (either by number in party or by those who have said they will be attending). The seating program will let you add, size, and populate reception tables.

Seat Groom's Parents

Where do I sit the groom's parents? I need to give you some information first. His mother has remarried, so the groom has a step-father. He calls his mother's ex-husband his daddy since this man adopted him when he married his mother but his biological father will also be at the wedding. I have not met his biological father. He wants to escort his mother in and the man he calls daddy. A friend of his is going to be his best man and I don't know how to seat these 3 people. Please help me with this.

His mother and step-father would be seated in the first row of people on the groom's side - current husband would sit with his wife (in non-Jewish ceremonies this is on the right as you face the front). His biological father could be seated in the third row - right side. Second row could be siblings or grandparents.

I'm not clear if there are two step-fathers here (you say "daddy" is his mother's ex-husband?). If so, you could space them with a row in between each - unless they get along with each other, in which case they can be seated together if you and they like.

Many times the very first row is left empty in case someone from the wedding party needs to sit down quickly, so all guests are seated beginning in the second row. This practice may vary by location and officiant.