ORIGINS AND CUSTOMS
Origin of the Engagement and Wedding Rings The ring as a symbol of marriage may have evolved from an African custom where the bride and groom's wrists were tied together with grass during the ceremony. And when grooms negotiated purchase of their brides, they often gave metal rings as partial payment. Eventually, the more precious the metal the wealthier the groom. In ancient Egypt before coins were minted, gold rings were used as currency. To show he trusted his wife with his money, the Egyptian husband placed one of these rings on her finger. The ancients thought that love traveled to the heart in the vein of the third finger of the left hand. To this day, that is still the finger on which the wedding ring is worn. To them, the circle indicated eternity and the iron symbolized lastingness. In any case, the bride received just one ring–upon her engagement. Then, in 1215 the Pope declared a longer waiting period between betrothal and the marriage. So, a second ring, the wedding ring, was placed on the bride's finger during the ceremony when she finally wed.
Another interesting legend is the ring ceremony. During the ceremony the ring was placed on the open Bible. The clergyman then sprinkled it with holy water and blessed it. Then the groom picked it up with his right hand and placed it on the bride's thumb, saying, "In the name of the Father." He then transferred it to the first finger, saying, "And of the Son." Next he changed it to the second finger as he said, "And of the Holy Ghost." Finally he placed it on her finger with "Amen." It did not seem to matter whether the ring was placed on the bride's right or left hand. Sometimes it was placed on the right hand at the espousal and on the left at the wedding ceremony.
Origin of the White Bridal Gown In early Saxon days and through the 18th century, it was the poorer bride who came to her wedding dressed in a plain white robe. This was in the nature of a public statement that she brought nothing with her to her marriage and that therefore her husband was not responsible for her debts. Other brides simply wore their Sunday best. Red was a favorite during the Middle Ages in Europe. Icelandic brides chose black velvet. Colors were chosen for their symbolism as well as for preference. Blue meant constancy; green meant youth. Yellow signified jealousy and therefore was never worn. The brides of ancient Israel wore a blue ribbon on the shoulders of their robes to symbolize purity, fidelity and love. Over the years, the meaning of a white dress symbolized purity. Today, white merely symbolizes the wedding itself–and can be worn by anyone, including the second-time and re-affirming bride.
Origin of the Bridal Veil In Far Eastern countries, people believed that wicked spirits were especially attracted to women. So, as protection from the Evil Eye, women always wore veils. The custom continued although the feeling behind it changed with time into a role of modesty and obedience. From this the veil developed into a symbol of chastity. Then it became the sign of submission of women.
The introduction of the veil into Europe came through returning Crusaders. In early wedding traditions in Europe, the bride was bargained for through her father, was swathed in a bridal veil, and revealed to her mate after the ceremony!
In early centuries, Hebrew, Greek and Roman brides wore veils of many colors, and veils threaded with gold and silver. In Southern Europe, early Christians placed a large cloth over both the bride and groom. In Anglo-Saxon times, the bride wore her hair hanging loose as part of the wedding ritual. The Chinese held a sacred umbrella over the bride's head. Around 1500 in Europe, there was a fashionable conical headdress topped with a veil that hung to the toes. Each era has revealed a different style for the bridal veil.
Nellie Custis was the first American woman to wear a long, white veil of lace when she married Lawrence Lewis, an aide to President Washington. Nellie chose lace because the Major had once glimpsed her face through the lace curtains of an open window–and then afterwards he couldn't stop telling her how beautiful she had looked!
The veil has traditionally stood for youth and virginity.
Origin of Throwing Rice, Old Shoes, Etc. In the days when people lived off the land, their existence depended upon having a good harvest and enough children to help with all the work. Primitive people believed the bride and groom spread good luck on their wedding day. Anyone or anything that touched them would also be lucky. So they showered the couple with ripe grain or nuts, wishing a large harvest for themselves and a large family for the newlyweds. The throwing of grain seemed to symbolize good luck, fertility or abundance. To this day, wedding guests throw rice, grain, confetti, birdseed, etc.
Among the ancient Assyrians and Jews, when a bargain was made, a man gave his sandal as an indication of good faith. A shoe was the symbol of authority. When the Anglo-Saxons hurled a shoe, it indicated that authority had been transferred. Some authorities believe that the throwing of a shoe can be traced back to the missiles which the bride's father hurled at the robber caveman.
Origin of Flowers for the Wedding Party Throughout history, most celebrations of weddings used flowers in some way. Almost every country has its own traditions and symbolism concerning flowers.
Customs associate the orange blossom most closely with the wedding ceremony. The wearing of a wreath of orange blossoms as a crown over the bridal veil was a Saracen custom introduced by returning Crusaders. Orange blossoms were so expensive that only the wealthy could afford them and poorer brides resorted to artificial ones. A "kissing knot" of croton leaves and rosemary was hung over the bridal couple in Elizabethan England. In Sweden it was believed necessary to put chives, garlic or rosemary in the bride's bouquet to keep the dwarfs from bothering her on her wedding day. In Poland it was believed that to sprinkle the bride's bouquet with sugar would keep her temper sweet. In Rome, roses and marigolds were used to decorate the bride's home. Below are some "meanings" associated with certain flowers:
Apple blossoms or quince blossoms–better things to come
Clematis–love vine
Ivy–gold luck
Rosebud–a promise
Myrtle–lover's flower
Laurel–peace
Tulips–infidelity
Yellow flowers of any kind–jealousy
Orange blossoms–fertility
Heather and sweet basil–fortune
Baby's breath–fertility
Cabbage roses–richness of spirit
Anemones–hope
Lily of the Valley–happiness
Red an white roses–unity in love
Lilacs–youthful love
Pansies, forget-me-nots, white clover–special friendship
Origin of the Wedding Cake The wedding cake has always been an important part of any wedding feast. Where or when it first originated cannot really be told since it is such an ancient custom. Among certain American Indian tribes, and among the Fiji Islanders, a bride offered her husband a cake of meal. The Romans broke a cake made of salted meal over the bride's head as a symbol of abundance, or fertility. Many people of various nations customarily dropped wheat, flour or cake upon the bride's head, then ate these offerings for good luck. The early Britons baked large baskets of small dry crackers for weddings, and every guest took one home–thus, the tradition of taking wedding cake home to "dream on." During the Middle Ages, it was traditional for the bride and groom to kiss over a pile of small cakes. The small cakes gradually increased in size and richness. Then an enterprising young baker decided to mass all these cakes together and cover them with frosting, thus the modern tiered wedding cake was born.
Cultural Customs Every culture has its own charming wedding customs. Use your imagination and adapt one from the land of your ancestors. We've researched a few and a librarian will help you probe further.
Africa
"Mayst thou bear 12 children with him" is still the common salutation to brides in remote areas. Many tribes marry the couple by binding their wrists with plaited grass. American Indian
The groom wraps a woolen blanket around the bride to symbolize love and protection. Afro-American
On antebellum plantations, brides believed Tuesday and Wednesday weddings guaranteed them a good husband, long lives and happy days. Bermuda
Newlyweds plant a small tree in their garden. As it grows and strengthens, it symbolizes their love. Belgium
Brides carry a handkerchief embroidered with their name. After the ceremony, it's framed and displayed until the next family bride adds her name. China
Two goblets of honey and wine are joined with a red ribbon–the centuries-old color of love and joy–and the couple exchange a drink of unity. Czechoslovakia
Brides wear wreaths of rosemary for wisdom, love and loyalty. England
A country bride and her wedding party walk to church on a carpet of blossoms to assure a happy path through life. Finland
A bride once wore a golden crown during the ceremony. Later she was blindfolded while unmarried women danced around her. Whomever she crowned was predicted to be the next bride. France
The bride and groom drink a reception toast from an engraved silver two-handled cup, called a "coupe de marriage," and pass it on to future generations. Germany
On the eve of the wedding, friends of the bride smash pottery at her door. The loud noise is said to avert bad luck. To be sure of future bliss, the bride must sweep it up by herself. Greece
Couples hold candles decorated with ribbons and flowers. Holland
A bride and groom sit on thrones under an evergreen canopy–for everlasting love–during a pre-wedding party given by the family. One by one guests approach and offer good wishes. India
The groom's brother sprinkles flower petals on the couple at conclusion of ceremony. Each family has prepared puffed rice, which is mixed during the ceremony for prosperity and fertility. Iran
In Persian times, the groom bought ten yards of white sheeting to wrap around the bride as a wedding dress. Ireland
December 31 is considered the luckiest day for weddings in the Ould Sod. Italy
Since Roman times, couples have walked through the village passing out cakes and sweets. Japan
The bride and groom take nine sips of sake, becoming husband and wife after the first sip. Israel
For centuries, couples have had a marriage contract in the form of written vows, called a ketubbah, which is embellished by an artisan with bible verses and decorative borders symbolizing the home. Lithuania
Parents of the couple serve them symbols of married life: wine for joy, salt for tears and bread for work. Mexico
A white silk cord is draped around the couple's shoulders to indicate their union. Later, guests hold hands in a heart-shaped circle while the newlyweds dance in the center. Philippines
A white silk cord custom is practiced here as well as in Mexico. All wedding expenses are met by the groom's family, who give the bride old coins symbolizing prosperity. The bride's family presents the newlyweds with a cash dowry. Poland
Brides wear embroidered white aprons over their gowns. Guests discreetly tuck money into the pockets of the aprons. Rumania
Wedding guests, other than family, receive gifts rather than give them. Spain
Brides wear mantillas and orange blossoms in their hair. Grooms wear a tucked shirt hand-embroidered by the bride. Sweden
Brides carry fragrant herb bouquets to frighten away trolls and grooms have thyme sewn into their wedding suits. Switzerland
Junior bridesmaids lead the procession tossing colored handkerchiefs to the guests. Whoever catches one contributes money for the couple's nest egg. U.S.A.
Early Americans gave the honeymooners posset, a hot drink of sweetened and spiced milk curdled with ale or wine, to keep up their energy. Wales
Brides give attendants cuttings of aromatic myrtle. When one blooms, it foretells another wedding.
Traditions Trinkets of gold and silver (sometimes quite valuable) are wrapped in waxed paper or foil and often baked in one tier of the bride's cake, or inserted from the bottom after baking. These are intended only for the bridal party–the bridesmaid's gifts are on the left, and groomsmen's are on the right.
Usually the bottom tier of the cake is used, and when the trinkets are placed inside, a marking such as an extra blossom bud, or a piece of white satin ribbon is used to indicate where the surprises are. Traditionally, the following "fortunes" are signified by each trinket:
For the bridesmaids: Wishbone–luck
Heart–romance
Cat–old maid
Ring–next to marry
Dime–fortune
Thimble or miniature scissors–industry For the groomsmen: A button or dog–bachelor
A man's wedding ring–next to marry
Gold coin–money
Dice–luck
Origin of Tossing the Bouquet or Garter Originally, it was not a bouquet, but a garter that was tossed. This custom of tossing the garter originated in 14th Century France. For a time a stocking was tossed, but its removal was not easy or graceful. Finally some bride thought of tossing her bouquet and this custom has been followed ever since. Of course, to this day, the gal that catches the bouquet is predicted to be the next to marry, and the guy that catches the garter will be the next guy to get married!
Origin of the Honeymoon The first marriages were by capture, not choice. When early man felt it was time to take a bride, he carried off an unwilling woman to a secret place where her parents or relatives wouldn't find them. While the moon went through all its phases–about 30 days–they hid from the searchers and drank a brew made from mead and honey. Therefore, we get the word honeymoon. Today, this has come to be a time for the couple to get away to relax and enjoy each other after the hectic schedule of preparing for the wedding.
Do you have some ideas for couples over 50? We need all the ideas we can get.
Probably you will be paying for your own wedding, although if your parent's are still around, they could be listed as hosts if you like. Else you could word the invitations something like... The honour of your presence is requested at the wedding of Susan Lynn Smith to Matthew Andrew Larson... or Susan Lynn Smith and Matthew Andrew Larson wish you to share in their joy as they are united in marriage on... If you are having under 50 guests, you can hand write invitations on pretty paper or just telephone them. You may prefer a smaller ceremony and larger reception, in which case you could send out reception only cards. But if you would like a big wedding and reception, go for it, there is no reason not to. 
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