Singer's Fees

What is the usual fee for a person who will sing at the ceremony?

They can range all over the place, depending on who is singing, the part of the country, how many songs, if they are friends or professional singers, if its a small wedding in a small church or a grand affair in a cathedral, etc. I've seen them range from $40 to $1,000.

Often times the ceremony site will have suggested guidelines, so you may want to check with them too and if the singer is a professional, he/she will tell you the fee.

Simple Outside Wedding

We want a short outside wedding. How can we make it real simple?

You could have it at your house, a favorite garden or park or other meaningful site to you and your fiancé. It can be as simple or elaborate as you want. For real simplicity, you needn't wear the white wedding dress & bridesmaids dresses, etc. You can invite as many or few guests as you want and have a large or small or no reception after the wedding. It can consist of you and your fiancé, a maid of honor and best man (to witness and sign the marriage license) and the officiant and that's all. You could just take the best man and maid of honor out to eat after the ceremony. The officiant can be a clergy person or judge/justice of the peace. Talk to whoever you are going to have officiating about a simple service and wording, etc. You will probably want to have a photographer take pictures (this could be a friend or a hired professional). You could have a private wedding (with as many or few family members as you want) and a party/reception anytime later (not necessarily on the same day). Again, add or subtract any details of the wedding and reception as you prefer. See outdoor wedding for other considerations.

Silk Flowers

Are silk flowers cheaper and just as pretty as real ones?

 Silk flowers may be less expensive than real flowers, however much of the expense is in the labor if you have a florist arrange them. So if you are comfortable arranging them yourself, you can probably save a bundle. You could also consider substituting silk exotics (like orchids) for real ones and have the florist make combination bouquets. Some silk flowers look as pretty as the real thing and it's hard to tell the difference. Also, if you have a silk bouquet, it will still look the same for years to come, whereas real flowers will need to be preserved or dried or thrown out.

There are a variety of silk flowers and some are better made and look more realistic than others. Some of this depends on price and some on where they are manufactured. So, check around for high quality silk flowers if you are going that route.

Who to Invite to the Shower

We have guests that are going to be invited to the wedding. Should they also be invited to the shower, I know that they will not be able to attend and I do not want them to feel obligated to send a gift, but I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings by not inviting them. Please let me know the proper thing to do.

You do not need to invite all the wedding guests to your shower(s). In fact, this is generally not the case, in that there are usually more wedding guests than shower guests. If you invite someone to a shower, however, they should also be invited to the wedding (except in the case of office showers).

Shower guests usually just include your maid of honor and bridesmaids (groomsmen too if men are invited), the mothers and sisters of the bride and groom, and other close relatives and friends.

Your wedding guests who you know cannot attend a shower should not feel hurt by not being invited. They will simply be happy to get invites to the wedding.

When to Have Showers

Hello! I have a quick question about the Bridal Shower. Is there a certain time frame that this should be given? I was thinking it needed to be done about a month before the wedding, but am not sure that is correct. Any advise on time frame would be greatly appreciated.

 Bridal showers should be scheduled a significant time after the engagement parties, but anywhere from two months to at least two weeks before the wedding. Shower invitations should be mailed at least three weeks in advance if possible. The couple should have registered for gifts at gift registries before the showers and these can be listed, along with decorating colors, in the invitations. The time frame exception is brides who live far away from where the wedding is held. Then showers may be planned for when she is in town so she doesn't have to make extra trips. Or, if there's absolutely no time before the wedding, a shower can be given after the couple returns from their honeymoon.

Showers

SHOWERS

The custom of a "bridal shower" came about when a poor Dutch miller fell in love with a maiden whose father forbade the match and refused to provide a dowry. The miller's friends came to the rescue and "showered" the bride-to-be with enough gifts in order to start housekeeping.

The wedding shower, traditionally a get-together for women only, is now just as likely to include the female and male. A "his and her" shower is a perfect way for the bride's friends and the groom's friends to meet each other. It also is easier to plan showers around what both the bride and groom enjoy.

Bridal showers should be scheduled a significant time after the engagement parties, but anywhere from two months to at least two weeks before the wedding. Shower invitations should be mailed at least three weeks in advance if possible. The couple should have registered for gifts at gift registries before the showers and these can be listed, along with decorating colors, in the invitations. The time frame exception is brides who live far away from where the wedding is held. Then showers may be planned for when she is in town so she doesn't have to make extra trips. Or, if there's absolutely no time before the wedding, a shower can be given after the couple returns from their honeymoon.

Shower guests should also be invited to the wedding, unless it's an office shower. Don't invite the same friends and relatives to multiple showers (one shower gift per person/family should be enough). Although, the bride and groom's mothers and the maid of honor may come to multiples and need not bring a gift to every one.

Any friend of the bride and groom may give a shower. Traditionally, it should not be a member of their immediate families. Often, it is the maid of honor and other bridesmaids who host a shower. Plan with your friends when selecting a date, as you may be busy during this time with making other plans for your wedding day. Consult with them as to where you are registered for wedding gift ideas. Then you may wish to choose a theme for the shower. Shower theme ideas are given below:

Kitchen Shower

Kitchen showers offer a wide range of gift ideas and prices.

Gadgets/strainers, peelers, etc.
Nonstick-coated cookware/bakeware
Small appliances/clock, electric skillet, coffee maker, electric can opener, hand
Mixer, crock pot, popcorn maker, deep fryer, etc.
Cookbooks
Canister set – spice rack/spices
Cutlery – cutting board
Utensil set – measuring cups/spoons
Mugs
Salt & pepper shakers
Funnels
Kitchen towels, dish cloths, pot holders, scrub pads, dish soap, laundry soap, etc.
Aprons
Serving bowls, freezer containers, etc.

Bar Shower

Everything the couple will need for stocking a basic home bar.
Assorted liquor
Assorted wines
Assorted liqueurs
Assorted aperitifs
Mixers
Glasses/goblets/snifters
Ice bucket
Cocktail shaker
Wine rack
Bar utensils
A guide to mixing drinks
Carafe
Punch bowl
Pitchers
Coasters
Corkscrew
Blender
Ice crusher

Personal Shower

To pamper the bride and groom at this special time.

Hers	His
Peignoir sets	Pajamas
Nightgown	Robe
Robe	Terry wrap
Teddy	Slippers
Bra & bikini set	Razor
Camisole	Travel alarm
Slips	After shave/cologne
Slippers	Travel alarm
Padded hangers	Calculator
Scents/soaps	Stationery
Sachets
Cologne
Dusting powder
Monogrammed stationery

Plant Shower/Gardening Shower

Gardening tools
Variety of plants
Pots
Potting soil
Plant fertilizer
Planting utensils
Gardening equipment
Plant hangers
Gloves
Gardening clogs
Bulbs/seeds
Plant stand
Book about plants
Watering can
Sun dial
Lawn furniture

Linen Shower

Tablecloths/table runners
Napkins/napkin rings
Placemats
Dish towels/cloths
Potholder/mitts
Towels/bath, hand, guest
Bath sheets
Washcloths
Accessories
Bath mats
Scale
Sheets
Pillows
Pillowcases
Blankets
Electric blanket
Comforter
Bedspread
Pillow shams
Hamper
Rug and lid set
Shower curtain & liner

Gourmet Shower

a joint shower idea for the couple that enjoys cooking and entertaining.

Assorted prepackaged foods
Soufflé dish
Warming trays
Food processor
Stand mixer
Toaster-oven
Matching aprons
Espresso maker
Microwave/convection oven
Molds
Coffee grinder
Poachers
Crepe maker
Vegetable steamer
Wok
Vinegars
Preserves
Herbs & spices
Cheese boards/servers
Baskets
Salad spinner
Food slicer
Hibachi
Yogurt maker
Ice cream maker
Juicer
Serving bowls
Recipe books

Joint Gift Ideas

A place setting of fine china
A place setting of sterling
Informal dinnerware
Flatware
Sterling candlesticks
Crystal decanter set
Electronic games
Stereo equipment
Camera/lens
Gas grill
Sports equipment
Gift certificates
Luggage
Radio
Television
Vacuum cleaner
Garden equipment
Home video equipment

Barbecue Shower

Grill
Charcoal
Picnic basket
Picnic accessories
Lawn ornaments
Yard games (croquet, darts, horseshoes, etc.)
Barbecue utensils
Lighter fluid, starting devices
Cookbook, recipes
Yard/Ornamental lights
Insect repelling devices

Recipe Shower

Each guest brings a favorite recipe and either some of the ingredients or some of the utensils necessary to make the recipe.

Recipe cards (blank)
Recipe box
Recipe books
Recipe holders

Pantry Shower

Canned goods
Prepared foods
Anything for the kitchen cupboard–staples

Paper Shower

Table mats
Paper towels
Personalized stationery
Napkins
Magazine subscriptions
Book matches

Tupperware Shower

Anything made of Tupperware–containers, etc.

Crystal Shower

Any needed glassware, etc.

Holiday Shower

Champagne flutes for New Year's
Christmas ornaments
Christmas table linens
Seder plate for Passover
Flag for Fourth of July and Veterans Day
Turkey plate for Thanksgiving
Ceramic pumpkin for Halloween
Decorations for any other holiday

Of course, these are just some themes for showers. The list can go on and on, depending on what the couple may need or like. Just let your imagination go to work!

If the couple is beginning marriage with virtually nothing, a general shower is probably the best to give, even if you are including the groom. If they are merging households and need to fill in items, a theme shower is the most practical. This way you can indulge the couple with necessities and luxuries at the same time. In any case, consult the bridal registries, family, and mutual friends for gift suggestions. When you decide the type of shower you will hold, be sure to specify it on the invitations.

Shower Activities, Food and Games

The main event at all showers is the bride and groom opening the gifts. Make sure you have one of the hosts or a guest record the gifts and the giver so the bride will have an accurate account when writing out thank you notes. Have someone take snapshots at the shower. This may also be a nice gift from the "photographer." He/she may wish to put together a photo album of the shower.

Refreshments served will depend on the time of day you plan to hold the shower. Keep refreshments as simple as possible. Salads, casseroles, cold cuts, barbecues, sandwiches, etc. are the easiest to make and can be done ahead of time. If you have a theme shower, you may wish to coordinate the food served with the theme. A garden shower could feature vegetable salads, pasta with asparagus, etc., a bar shower could include typical finger foods, like chicken wings, mini pizzas, little wieners, etc., a gourmet shower could include quiche, various cheeses and fancy desserts, a barbeque shower could have barbeque hamburgers, chicken, etc., a holiday shower could have Christmas cookies, Easter ham, or turkey sandwiches, etc... you get the idea.

Games and other fun activities liven up a shower, but don't have too many or play them for too long. Some ideas can include:

• Dice Doubles - wrap up a bunch of small gifts in colorful and different sized packages. Have two sets of dice rotate around the guests (in pie tins). Each person shakes and when they get a double, they pick a gift. When all gifts are gone, set a time limit (10 minutes or so) and then when doubles are rolled, gifts are taken away from those who have them. When the time is up, everyone gets to open and keep their gifts.
• Bride Bingo - make bingo cards that instead of numbers, have gift items that the bride is likely to receive. As she opens her gifts, the guests mark off the items they have on their cards. Whoever gets bingo first (or comes closest), receives a gift. This keeps guests interested in everything the bride opens. Ready made bridal bingo cards can be ordered online.
• Make a montage or album - have each guest bring a favorite photo of the bride, groom or couple. They can then tell the story of the photo (which should be recorded or brought along with the picture). These can then be given to the bride as keepsakes.
• Pin the Boutonniere on the Groom - Blow up a photo of the groom and then blindfold guests one at a time and have them pin a paper flower on him. The guest who gets closest to the left lapel wins a prize.
• Bridal Jeopardy - The shower hostess compiles a series of trivia questions about the bride and groom and then asks the guests to phrase the questions. Example: (Answer "Champs Bar". Question "Where did they meet".) The guest who guesses the most wins a prize.
• Bridal Questions - Have a sheet of paper with questions about the bride and groom that may not be obvious to most people. Give them pencils and a time limit and the guest who completes the most questions correctly wins a prize. You can also give prizes for least answered, second most, etc. Questions like, where did they meet, where did they go for their first date, where did they get engaged, what's their favorite food, etc.
• Who/What am I - pin words on the back of guests (like: groom, church, unity candle, cake, etc.) and then everyone has to ask yes or no questions of the other guests to guess who/what they are. The first one to guess correctly gets a prize.

When to Send Shower Invitations

Is it ok to send out shower invitations if the wedding invitations have not been sent yet? One shower is in August and the other is in September. The wedding date is October 21st.

Yes, it's ok to send shower invitations first. Shower invitations are usually mailed at least two weeks before the shower. Wedding invitations are usually mailed six to eight weeks before the wedding (depending on if the wedding falls on a holiday, long weekend or if you have lots of out-of-town guests). It's acceptable for guests to receive wedding invitations up to two weeks before the wedding.

So if you have a shower in August, this would happen before you have sent the wedding invitations (and maybe for the Sept shower also). All showers should be held at least two weeks before the wedding (in your case, this is certainly true).

Shower

I have recently started a new job (approximately 1 1/2 months). Everyone there knows I am getting married. Should I invite the girls I work with now to the bridal shower?

 Most often the people who are invited to bridal showers are also the people who will be invited to the wedding. Showers should only include close family on both sides and close social friends (which includes your bridesmaids and the bride's/groom's mothers/grandmothers). If you have multiple showers, whoever is hosting should tell repeat guests that they need only give one gift. If you are not inviting your new co-workers to your wedding (which you probably are not), then it's best not to invite them to showers thrown by your bridesmaids or other relatives. Sometimes, there will be a work only shower hosted by the people you work with. This is usually done on one of the closest days to your wedding that you will still be at work. It could be a lunchtime or right after work affair and generally they would give you a group gift. Being you have only been on your job for a short time, don't expect an office shower, but they could surprise you.

Selecting Musicians

SELECTING MUSICIANS FOR YOUR WEDDING

The following outline gives you some basic and general ideas to consider in choosing the musicians for your wedding, as well as the various instruments that might be included in the ceremony. Start looking for your musicians as soon as your wedding date is set. Some bands, musicians and soloists are booked a year or more in advance. The choice of repertoire that would be deemed appropriate for a wedding is vast; therefore keep in mind that this list is not a specific list, but a general one. Also notice that there are pieces that are written specifically for organ and instruments. In a large number of cases the piano part can be modified for organ, should a piano not be available. Many churches require that their own musicians be responsible for all weddings performed there.

Your Musicians

How many?

During what parts of the service and reception are they going to play?

Most musicians should receive some type of payment. How much can you afford and how much are their fees?

• This should be discussed early.
• "Union" musicians will require union scale pay.

What level of performance capability are you seeking?

• A friend's performance, possibly non-professional.
• Professional job (are you going to record the ceremony?)
• How long would you like the musicians' performance to be?
  Prelude before the service?
  During the service?
  After the service?
  At the reception?

• Some amateurs may not have the "stamina" to last through a long session.

Where do you find your musicians?

Friends, family members

• If you're using more than one performer, are their playing levels compatible?
• Can they handle a wedding performance?
• Nervousness?
• Music at their ability to avoid unnecessary pressure?
• Do they have their instrument in playable condition?

Performers

• Local college or school.
• Small performance ensembles who regularly meet and are willing to take on a wedding.

Professionals

• Referral services.
• Musicians' union.
• Established performance groups.
• Try to see a live performance or watch an audition tape for any band you are considering hiring.

The Music

Who chooses the music?

If you choose the music – Talk it over with your musicians first, maintaining constant communication with the church personnel. Very important!

• How difficult should the arrangement be? The harder the music, the more practice and rehearsal required.
• Do they have any suggestions for suitable material?
• Popular music: Very few arrangements are available with instrumental parts.
• Check with your instrumentalist regarding range and transposing.
• Be sure to check with your church on requirements, as many will not allow the use of popular music because of the sacredness of the rite.

If the musicians choose the music.

• Give them exact times during the service you would like them to play.
• Talk over particular titles and/or composers, or eras (Baroque, Romantic) of music you would like to have.

Who pays for the music?

• If you're dealing with professional musicians, they may have their library to draw from.
• If you have friends doing the service: Do they have music on hand that is suitable? Bride and groom are responsible for music expense. How much do you wish to spend?

Rehearsals

When using instruments plus organ or piano accompaniment.

• Soloist may want to rehearse with organist/pianist previous to church rehearsal. Arrangements should be made.
• It is advisable to have a rehearsal at the church or hall if it can be scheduled so the other musicians can practice with the organ/piano they will be using.

When using multiple instrument groups.

• If professional musicians or a group who rehearse together on a regular basis are used, there should be no problem with extra rehearsals. If you hire professionals, a rehearsal at the church may cost extra.
• If friends or family members are playing.
  Extra rehearsals are advised, just to get the feel of playing together.
  Rehearsal in the church or reception area will allow the musicians time to make adjustments for acoustics.

Have a clear order of performance and signals.

• Make sure the musicians know the order in which the pieces are scheduled.

• Have your musicians' cue worked out beforehand.
  When to start (prelude or postlude.)
  When to finish (prelude or postlude.)
  Actual cue words or gestures for performance during the ceremony.

Double check equipment needs.

Do the musicians need:
Special chairs?
Stands?
Do you need to make any special provisions for the "sound" system?
Extra microphones (classic guitars, flute)
Extra speakers (electric guitars, electric pianos, etc.)

Popular Instrumental Combinations for Weddings

Woodwinds

Trio
Flute, oboe, clarinet
Oboe, clarinet, bassoon

Quintet
Flute, oboe, clarinet, horn, bassoon
Oboe, clarinet, horn, bassoon, piano

Brass

Quartet
Two trumpets, horn, trombone
Two trumpets, two trombones

Quintet – two trumpets, horn, trombone, tuba

Strings

Trio – violin, cello, piano
Quartet – two violins, viola, cello

Woodwind and string quartets

Flute, violin, viola, cello
Oboe, violin, viola, cello

Trio sonatas

Two flutes, bassoon (cello) basso continuo (piano, harpsichord or organ)
Flute, oboe, bassoon (cello) and basso continuo
Two violins, bassoon (cello) and basso continuo
Flute, violin, bassoon (cello) and basso continuo
Violin, oboe, bassoon (cello) and basso continuo

Shower for Second Marriages?

I am the groom's daughter. This is a second marriage for both. They are both in their mid 50's. Should we have a shower? I have no part in the wedding, who should put the shower on...if there is one?

Discuss the shower idea with them. They may request that they don't want any showers since they probably have most everything they need already. However, if they would like a shower, it could be a hobby shower or travel or gardening shower etc. Generally, the bridesmaids or maid of honor host the shower, although any friend may also host a shower. Typically, members of the immediate family do not host showers, however if none of the other apply, you can certainly host the shower if they want one and you would like to do it.

Second Marriage

Can you give me the proper etiquette for second marriage weddings regarding the ceremony, gifts, etc.?

A second wedding should not appear to be duplicating or competing with the first. If this is a multiple wedding for both bride and groom, the ceremony is traditionally small and informal. However, it is really up to you. Weddings can range from very small to grand, white dress weddings with kids as bridesmaids. It may help children to be a part of the wedding, rather than have them feel excluded. Check with your church or clergy regarding second marriages, as some are reluctant to marry divorced people. If you feel uncomfortable with guests bringing gifts, perhaps you can word the invitations specifying your preferences (your presence not presents desired, donations preferred to a charity, or food shelf gifts, etc.) Else, just go for it and let your guests decide what gifts they find appropriate.

Seating

SEATING

Ceremony Seating

In a Christian wedding, the bride's family and friends are seated on the left side of the church facing the altar. The groom's family and friends will sit on the right side of the church. In a Jewish wedding, this is reversed. Also, all parents remain standing under the Huppah throughout the ceremony.

When bride's parents are divorced, but not remarried, if they are congenial, they might sit together in the left front row at Christian weddings. Otherwise the parent who raised you (and guest or spouse) sits in the left front pew and the other parent (and guest or spouse) sit in the third row on the left side. This is also an individual decision, depending on their relationships and preferences. For groom's parents, simply reverse the seating (using the right side). At Jewish ceremonies, women sit on the left and men on the right.

If one family has many more guests than the other, everyone may sit together without assigned sides of the church. This will even out the seating and fill up the church from the front to back.

Parents of both sides sit in the first or second pew on their respective sides (often times the first pew is left empty in case someone from the bridal party must sit down during the ceremony). Grandparents sit in the next pew on the outside (next to the isle). Siblings can also sit in the grandparents pew. You can reserve additional pews for other honored guests (like family of flower girl and ring bearer, etc.) The reserved pews can be marked with flowers, etc. or the ushers can just seat the guests behind the reserved pews.

Guests who arrive after the bride's mother has been seated should not be seated by the ushers. They may simply slip into an empty pew behind the other seated guests.

Reception Seating

Many brides say seating arrangements at the reception is their biggest headache. Don't seat older guests near the band or kitchen. Seat people who share hobbies or occupations together. Single guests and teens or children can be seated together. Consider a chaperone or entertainment on children's tables. Seat divorced parents separately, each with their own table of family and friends. This is also a parents choice depending on their civility. They may choose to sit together at a parents' table. Seat spouses or guests of attendants at head table if bridal party is small, or together on one table if bridal party is large. Consider seating smokers together and away from non-smokers if possible.

In EZ Wedding Planner, there is a seating feature that lets you easily arrange and rearrange all of your guests (either by number in party or by those who have said they will be attending). This will let you add, size, and populate reception tables.

If you have a head table, the wedding party should be seated facing the guests, so that everyone can see. Your groom should sit to your left, your maid of honor will sit next to the groom, and the best man will go next to you. The bridesmaids and groomsmen will be seated alternately around the rest of the table. You may also wish to include the clergy-person, your parents, the groom's parents, grandparents, and godparents.

Many couples are foregoing the head table in favor of regular smaller tables, like the guests sit at. One benefit of this is that you can also seat spouses or guests of the wedding party with their respective attendant. Some feel this is more comfortable for everyone involved in the wedding. It also takes up less room than a head table, if space is limited. Individual tables are also less formal, depending on the atmosphere you want at your reception.

If you are designating seating, write out guests' names and table numbers on table cards. These cards can be set on a table by the door, arranged in alphabetical order. If you write the guest's name on both sides, it is easier for guests at the same table who do not know each other to talk to each other. Or a master seating chart can be posted with each guest's name and table number.

Seating Guests

Do you have any suggestions on how to seat all the people at our reception?

Many brides say seating arrangements at the reception is their biggest headache. Don't seat older guests near the band or kitchen. Seat people who share hobbies or occupations together. Single guests and teens or children can be seated together. Consider a chaperone or entertainment on children's tables. Seat divorced parents separately, each with their own table of family and friends. Seat spouses or guests of attendants at head table if bridal party is small, or together on one table if bridal party is large. Consider seating smokers together and away from non-smokers if possible. In EZ Wedding Planner, there is a seating feature that lets you easily arrange and rearrange all of your guests (either by number in party or by those who have said they will be attending). The seating program will let you add, size, and populate reception tables.

Seat Groom's Parents

Where do I sit the groom's parents? I need to give you some information first. His mother has remarried, so the groom has a step-father. He calls his mother's ex-husband his daddy since this man adopted him when he married his mother but his biological father will also be at the wedding. I have not met his biological father. He wants to escort his mother in and the man he calls daddy. A friend of his is going to be his best man and I don't know how to seat these 3 people. Please help me with this.

His mother and step-father would be seated in the first row of people on the groom's side - current husband would sit with his wife (in non-Jewish ceremonies this is on the right as you face the front). His biological father could be seated in the third row - right side. Second row could be siblings or grandparents.

I'm not clear if there are two step-fathers here (you say "daddy" is his mother's ex-husband?). If so, you could space them with a row in between each - unless they get along with each other, in which case they can be seated together if you and they like.

Many times the very first row is left empty in case someone from the wedding party needs to sit down quickly, so all guests are seated beginning in the second row. This practice may vary by location and officiant.

Wedding Seating

I need seating layout for wedding ceremony. Where do parents, brothers/sisters, grand parents, aunts/uncles and friends sit?

In a Christian wedding, the bride's family and friends are seated on the left side of the church facing the altar. The groom's family and friends will sit on the right side of the church. In a Jewish wedding, this is reversed. Also, all parents remain standing under the Huppah throughout the ceremony.

When bride's parents are divorced, but not remarried, if they are congenial, they might sit together in the left front row at Christian weddings. Otherwise the parent who raised you (and guest or spouse) sits in the left front pew and the other parent (and guest or spouse) sit in the third row on the left side. This is also an individual decision, depending on their relationships and preferences. For groom's parents, simply reverse the seating (using the right side). At Jewish ceremonies, women sit on the left and men on the right.

If one family has many more guests than the other, everyone may sit together without assigned sides of the church. This will even out the seating and fill up the church from the front to back.

Parents of both sides sit in the first or second pew on their respective sides (often times the first pew is left empty in case someone from the bridal party must sit down during the ceremony). Grandparents sit in the next pew on the outside (next to the isle). Siblings can also sit in the grandparents pew. You can reserve additional pews for other honored guests (like family of flower girl and ring bearer, etc.) The reserved pews can be marked with flowers, etc. or the ushers can just seat the guests behind the reserved pews.

Guests who arrive after the bride's mother has been seated should not be seated by the ushers. They may simply slip into an empty pew behind the other seated guests.

Seat Attendants

Do you have a seating chart in EZWeddingPlanner just for attendants, because number of people at those tables vary.

You can use the EZ Wedding Planner seating program to seat anyone, including attendants. You can specify the size and shape of each table as well as the number of people to be seated at each table. You then assign the people to the tables (guests and attendants must be entered in your People list before they will show up in the seating program to be assigned tables). The number of people at each table can vary by table. They can be moved around and reassigned as many times as you like.

Sand Ceremony

Some couples are using a sand ceremony as an alternative to the traditional unity candle ceremony at a wedding. Three nesting glass vases are used. Each side vase is filled with a different color sand, and gently poured simultaneously by the bride and groom to make a lovely blended display in the center vase.

This sand ceremony is also popular with blended families. Children may help the parents pour from their vase, or using some additional mini nesting vases with different colored sand, the children can pour into the larger vase. This is a delightful expression of the unity of the families and works well for any number of children. Colored sand can be found in craft stores or even fish stores and any size/shape of vase may be used.

They are ideal for a beach or outdoor weddings where it is too windy for candles and also a wonderful touch for mixed-racial weddings.

Following the wedding, the outer vases may be used for flowers, while the center vase remains with the unity sand as a lovely display in your home.

Sand Castle Centerpieces

I am looking for sand castles for the centerpiece on tables.

 You might want to try searching (google or others) for sand castles. There are numbers of sites that have sand castle centerpieces.

RSVP Date

Do I have to have an RSVP and if I do, what date should I make it? My wedding is June 8, 2011.

There are many reasons you will want an RSVP from your guests.

The RSVP is used and most often needed to get an accurate count of the number of people coming to your reception. You will have to guarantee a number and you don't want to have to pay for people/food that won't be there. If you are doing food yourself and not hiring a caterer, it's still good to know how many people are coming to know how much food to prepare.

Also, you probably order favors, etc. which will be dependant on the guest count. If you do a seating chart/name tags etc. for the reception, you will need to know who and how many people are coming.

In addition, many brides have A and B lists of people (because of cost or reception room limitations not everyone you may want to invite makes the A list.) Anyway, if you send invitations early enough (about 5-6 weeks before), then when A list people RSVP "no", you can send an invitation to someone on the B list. It's acceptable to mail invitations up to 2 1/2 weeks before the wedding.

Many brides also then contact those who have not RSVP'd by the date given and ask them if they will be attending.

Given all that, you will need to make the RSVP by date before you need to guarantee a count and with enough time to do the other things (order favors, send more invitations, plan seating, or call them, etc. So, probably around 3 weeks before the wedding is a good date (mid May 2011).

RSVP

I have never RSVP'd to a wedding. The only weddings I have been to have been family. The question is: on the RSVP note what does the "M" stand for and do I write our names on that line?

The M allows the guests to write in Mr., Mrs., Miss, Ms, etc. and their names indicating that they will (or will not) attend the wedding. The guests then return the RSVP card to the bride (in the self-addressed, stamped envelope provided by the bride along with the RSVP card). This way the bride can have an accurate count of how many people are coming - which the bride will need for the reception.

Rings

RINGS

There is no substitute for a reliable, reputable jeweler when selecting your rings. His expertise will help you make your selection to ensure that you will be happy and satisfied for years to come.

It is suggested that you and your fiancé decide together on the engagement ring, since you probably have already established preferences as to cut, style, etc. At this time, you may also wish to select your wedding rings.

There are basically three different metals to choose from - gold, platinum, and palladium. Gold is the most used ring metal and is available in a yellow or white color. Pure gold (24K) is too soft for rings. Gold ring settings are usually 14K or 18K alloys of gold and other stronger metals. Platinum is a white metal, which is very expensive. It is the strongest ring metal available and is often used for the prongs which hold the stones in rings of gold. Palladium is similar to platinum in color and strength, but is lighter in weight and costs less.

Of course, the design you choose will depend on your personal preference. A narrow band with a solitaire (single stone) is fitting for a tiny hand, whereas a larger hand can accommodate a cluster of stones. Most jewelers have a wide selection from which to choose, to see what style is best for you, and your budget.

Make the final sale contingent on an appraisal from an appraiser of your choice. Be sure returns are allowed if the appraisal of the ring(s) doesn't meet with your expected standards. Ask the appraiser for a genuine appraisal, as opposed to one for insurance purposes, which may be inflated.

Four basic things to look for when selecting your diamond are color, clarity, cut and carat. The clearer the diamond, the greater its value, however, most diamonds contain yellow or brown traces. Diamonds that are clear (no color) and colorless or of a faint blue are considered to be perfect. Jewelers grade a diamond's color with a letter scale, beginning with a high score of D, which is colorless and going to Z which is yellow. As the stone's degree of color increases, the value decreases. The degree to which the stone is free from interior or exterior flaws (inner cracks, bubbles and specks) will determine its clarity. Flawless is rated "F1" and "I3" is imperfect. The sparkle of a diamond depends on the cut and design used. Diamond cutting is a precise and delicate process during which nearly half of the rough diamond is lost. The cut is usually considered the most important, because this is what gives a diamond its brilliance. The diamond is cut, with each facet proportional in exact geometric relation to one another, then polished. There are several cuts or designs available–brilliant, marquise, oval, emerald cut, single cut, pear, heart-shaped or baguette. Carats deal with the weight of the diamond. One carat is equivalent to 100 points. A diamond weight of 1/2 carat is 50 points.

Brilliant	Marquise	Oval	Emerald Cut	Single Cut	Pear	Heart Shape	Baquette

An engagement ring does not have to be a diamond. You may wish to choose from some of the other semi-precious stones available. For example, you may want your birthstone, or a ruby, emerald, sapphire, opal, or pearl–just to name a few.

Birthstones and Their Significance

January	Garnet or Hyacinth	Constancy
February	Amethyst	Sincerity
March	Bloodstone or Aquamarine	Courage
April	Diamond	Innocence or enduring love
May	Emerald	Success in love
June	Pearl, Moonstone or Agate	Health and long life
July	Ruby or Onyx	Contentment
August	Sardonyx, Peridot, or Carnelian	Felicity
September	Sapphire	Love
October	Opal or Tourmaline	Hope
November	Topaz	Fidelity
December	Turquoise or Lapis Lazuli	Prosperity

In addition to the traditional birthstones assigned to the months of the year, certain stones also are assigned to the days of the week:

Sunday	Topaz
Monday	Pearl of crystal
Tuesday	Ruby or emerald
Wednesday	Amethyst or loadstone
Thursday	Sapphire or carnelian
Friday	Emerald or cat's eye
Saturday	Turquoise or diamond

Again, your knowledgeable jeweler will be able to help you make the right decision when selecting your rings so that it will express your personality and be unique for you to enjoy for a lifetime.

The diamond is worn as the engagement ring prior to the wedding. Before the ceremony, this ring can be taken off or worn on the right hand, so you have a free left finger for the wedding ring exchange during the ceremony. Or, if you leave the diamond on for the ceremony, reverse them later. After the wedding, the wedding band is worn closest to your heart and the diamond engagement ring on the outside, closest to your fingertip (on the left hand). They may be soldered together after the wedding, but some brides prefer to keep them separate, in case one or the other needs work in the future. Some rings that come as sets clasp together with a small hook and hole (or other method), so they do not need to be permanently connected.

Some brides prefer to only wear one wedding band and not have a separate engagement ring. This is purely your choice. You can certainly be engaged without a ring. Or, if the single ring contains diamonds, you can wear it as an engagement ring and then take it off and use it again during the ring giving in the ceremony.

Care of Rings

Now that you have made the big decision, you will certainly want to take care of this precious treasure. First of all, be sure your ring is insured–either under your parents' insurance policy, or your renter's/homeowner's insurance policy–in case of theft or loss. Below are some tips to keep your jewelry brilliant and sparkling for years to come:

1. Remove rings when doing housework; bleaches and cleansers can pit or discolor mountings.
2. Diamonds can scratch things, so wrap them separately in tissue paper when travelling. At home, store rings in a ring holder.
3. Remove rings during sports activities or heavy work to lessen the chance of losing.
4. Keep your hands and nails well manicured because everyone will want to see that beautiful diamond!
5. Have your jeweler check your stone and mounting at least once a year.
6. Clean your ring at least once a month:

• Use liquid detergent and warm water, then brush gently (use small brush). Put rings, earrings, etc. in a wire tea strainer to protect them while rinsing under warm running water. Dry with a soft cloth.

• Or use equal amounts of cold water and household ammonia. Soak for 30 minutes. Lift out, tap off liquid around the mounting, dip again and drain on paper towel to air-dry.

• Or you may choose to use a commercial jewelry cleaner.

How to Wear Rings

We bought a bridal set as my rings. How do you wear it. The diamond as engagement ring? The additional band is worn on the outside or inside of the ring? Do you solder them together before or after the wedding?

 The diamond is worn as the engagement ring prior to the wedding. Before the ceremony, this ring can be taken off or worn on the right hand, so you have a free left finger for the wedding ring exchange during the ceremony. Or, if you leave the diamond on for the ceremony, reverse them later. After the wedding, the wedding band is worn closest to your heart and the diamond engagement ring on the outside, closest to your fingertip (on the left hand). They may be soldered together after the wedding, but some brides prefer to keep them separate, in case one or the other needs work in the future. Some rings that come as sets clasp together with a small hook and hole (or other method), so they do not need to be permanently connected.

Some brides prefer to only wear one wedding band and not have a separate engagement ring. This is purely your choice. You can certainly be engaged without a ring. Or, if the single ring contains diamonds, you can wear it as an engagement ring and then take it off and use it again during the ring giving in the ceremony.

Ring Cost

How much should the average engagement ring cost?

 Engagement rings can be any size, shape, gem, and price. If you want a traditional diamond ring, check with local jewelers, etc. for choices. There are 4 Cs - cut, color, clarity and carat. Most jewelers will recommend spending about two months' salary for a diamond engagement ring. But, some very beautiful rings can be had for much less (depending on the salary). You could spend anywhere from several hundred to many thousands of dollars. This depends purely on your choice and budget. There's no need to go broke on one of the first items in your wedding planning.

In EZ Wedding Planner, there is an extensive discussion on engagement rings. This can be found in Plan/Great Ideas/Rings.

Ribbon Curl

I am doing my own flowers and I wanted to know if there is a good way to get the curl to hold in the ribbon that will be hanging down.

One way is to use ribbon that has a thin wire going down the side (made inside the ribbon, so it doesn't show) which is called French ribbon. The downside is that if the ribbons get crunched anywhere (by setting them down or bunching them together, etc.) they may stay that way. The other suggestion (from a florist) is to use the end of the bolt ribbon for the hanging down part because it is wound tighter to start with, it stays curled more. Use the top or middle of the bolt for the bows. Some craft shops sell ribbon by the yard, so you could find some bolts that are close to the end for the curls.

Rent a Hall

I'm looking for a place to have a wedding reception, either to rent a hall and have food catered and served, or a banquet hall for 75-100 guests with a cheap price but nice setting.

See the Great Ideas (in Plan) in EZ Wedding Planner - especially the article on receptions.

This lists many ideas on where to host receptions and details to consider when booking a location.

Renewal of Vows

RENEWAL OF VOWS

You can do a reaffirmation of your wedding vows anywhere you want and as elaborately or simply as you want. If you want this is a church visit with the clergy member for suggestions on wording, music, service guidelines, etc. Or, you could do it at home, in a park or other scenic location, etc. Since it is not a legal function, anyone can preside, including family members. You could write your own vows or see if the officiant has a standard format.

If you had attendants at your first wedding, you could ask them to stand up again, or many people have their children (or grandchildren) do this. Since you don't need witnesses to sign a license, you don't need any attendants at all. You can wear any type of dress you want (original wedding dress, new traditional, or any nice dress.) A veil is not worn, but you could use a small hat, flowers, jeweled combs, etc. You could carry a small bouquet of in season flowers or a floral bracelet or just a corsage. The groom may wear anything from a tux to his normal suit. (or if you are doing this outside, you could wear something more casual). The groom should also have a fresh floral boutonniere on his left lapel.

You can invite as many or few guests as you like (and can afford). You could do printed invitations, or simply call them and tell them about the event. Depending on the size of the guest list, you could go out to a restaurant, host a meal at home (finger foods, barbecues, pot luck, or full sit down meal). You could have a small wedding cake & even use your original cake topper (if you still have it). Or, you can have a large, formal reception with all the trimmings.

The wording on the invitations to your reaffirmation/renewal of vows could read something like:

The honour of your presence
is requested at the reaffirmation
of the wedding vows of
Mr. and Mrs. Martin Anderson
Saturday, the second of December
at four o'clock
St. Paul's Church
Minneapolis, Minnesota
and at a reception following
in the Church basement

You could use your same wedding rings and have the clergy person bless them, or get new ones (like an anniversary ring, etc.)

Photos are a must (either professionally or with your camera or friends/relatives cameras). You could also put up a photo collage of your years together including first wedding pictures.

You could put out a guest book (if you have lots of guests) so they can write in their best wishes. If you have the original guest book that has extra empty pages, you could use that & everyone will have fun looking at the first signatures.

You don't have to spend a lot of money to have a nice, memorable occasion.

Vow Renewal Invitations

We are trying to plan a 40th Anniversary for my husband's parents. They are planning on renewing their vows with a reception following. Right now I am trying to find a guideline for wording invitations.

The wording on the invitations to your reaffirmation/renewal of vows could read something like:

The honour of your presence
is requested at the reaffirmation
of the wedding vows of
Mr. and Mrs. Martin Anderson
Saturday, the second of December
at four o'clock
St. Paul's Church
Minneapolis, Minnesota
and at a reception following
in the Church basement

[you could also include info that this is in honor of their 40th anniversary, perhaps after their names]

Renew Vows

My husband and I are renewing our vows next year. I was wondering if my father has to walk me down the aisle. I would like for my husband and I to walk down together. How does that sound?

Since you are already married, your father does not have to walk you down the aisle and your husband certainly can.

Renew Vows on Small Budget

I am planning a renewal of my wedding vows and am on a small budget, can you give me tips?

You can do a reaffirmation of your wedding vows anywhere you want and as elaborately or simply as you want. If you want this is a church visit with the clergy member for suggestions on wording, music, service guidelines, etc. Or, you could do it at home, in a park or other scenic location, etc. Since it is not a legal function, anyone can preside, including family members. You could write your own vows or see if the officiant has a standard format.

If you had attendants at your first wedding, you could ask them to stand up again, or many people have their children (or grandchildren) do this. You can wear any type of dress you want (original wedding dress, new traditional, or any nice dress.) A veil is not worn, but you could use a small hat, flowers, jeweled combs, etc. You could carry a small bouquet of in season flowers or a floral bracelet or just a corsage. The groom may wear anything from a tux to his normal suit. (or if you are doing this outside, you could wear something more casual). The groom should also have a fresh floral boutonniere on his left lapel.

You can invite as many or few guests as you like (and can afford). You could do printed invitations, or simply call them and tell them about the event.

You could use your same wedding rings and have the clergy person bless them, or get new ones (like an anniversary ring, etc.)

Depending on the size of the guest list, you could go out to a restaurant, host a meal at home (finger foods, barbecues, pot luck, or full sit down meal). You could have a small wedding cake & even use your original cake topper (if you still have it).

Photos are a must (either professionally or with your camera or friends/relatives cameras). You could also put up a photo collage of your years together including first wedding pictures.

You could put out a guest book (if you have lots of guests) so they can write in their best wishes. If you have the original guest book that has extra empty pages, you could use that & everyone will have fun looking at the first signatures.

You don't have to spend a lot of money to have a nice, memorable occasion.

Renew Vow Resources

My wife and I are renewing our wedding vows and wanted to know proper procedures as well as vows to tell one another.

The reaffirmation or service of blessing can be held in a church or synagogue but it is not a legal act. If you decide to hold it in a church or synagogue you will need a clergy member to sanction your vows. It may also include many elements of your first wedding and should include an emphasis on the two of you. You may repeat the same vows or as you wish we can write new vows for you.

You can send invitations, you may add a blessing of the original rings or purchase new reaffirmation rings. You can have music for your processional and recessional, share in a cup of wine and or distribute flowers to those in attendance. Planning is same as the different degrees of the wedding - Formal, Semi-formal etc. and all the trimming's can be included. Attendants aren't necessary but you can if you so choose.

Preparation:
If Religious Reaffirmation speak with your clergy member for guidelines.

You may want to find out about marriage encounter programs i.e... Worldwide Marriage Encounter, Inc. (presented in 12 faith expressions and several languages) 1-800-795-LOVE (5683).

United Marriage Encounter 1-800-334-8920

Jewish Marriage Encounter (of any faith call for referral group in your area) 1-516-538-7766

ENRICH- P.O. Box 190 Minneapolis, MN 55413

[Answer compliments of Dianna Emerson, Bonne Foi Bridals & Weddings]