Meeting With Clergy

Isn't pre-marital counseling the same as meeting with a clergy member to discuss about our marriage?

It may or may not be. Some religions require pre-marital counseling before you can get married in their church. Some do not. This is much more in-depth discussions about your views on marriage, religion and children, etc.

But in any case, you would want to meet with the clergy member to discuss the details of your actual service - requirements, schedules, rehearsals, etc. which is separate from counseling.

Master of Ceremony

We are planning on having a Master and Mistress of ceremony for my son's wedding, can you tell me exactly what their job entails. The Grooms God Parents have agreed to hold this position but are very concerned that they do the right thing at the right time. Please help their wedding is on June 3rd.

 Here's some suggestions for wedding reception order - feel free to personalize this to your preferences.

If the receiving line is done at the reception, after the line and after the cocktail hour is finished, the guests move into the main dining area and are seated. When the guests are all seated, the M/MOC introduces the bridal party (check beforehand on preferences of names and pronunciations). If they have not already been seated also, they can have a procession - beginning with bride's parents, groom's parents, flower girl and ring bearer, bridesmaids and groomsmen, best man and maid of honor, and finally the bride and groom. If the receiving line is done after the ceremony, introductions can still be made at the reception, with or without a procession.

The first dance with the bride and groom only can take place right after the introductions above or after the meal is done. Toward the end of the song, the M/MOC tells the bridal party to join in and then guests may also be included if you like. One consideration is the length of time the photographer will be at the reception and if you want the first dance captured on his/her film.

The cake cutting is introduced by the M/MOC and they can direct guests to the location. This is usually done before the meal, so the cake can be served in sequence after the meal, without having guests get up and down.

Just before the main meal is served, the best man is introduced and he toasts the couple. The maid of honor can also toast if she wishes. And it is customary at religious weddings to have the officiant say a prayer before everyone eats (prepare him/her in advance to do this). If there is a buffet, some direction may be announced on what is where and perhaps a table order for forming the lines.

Toward the end of the reception, the M/MOC can gather eligible ladies to the middle of the floor and the bride tosses her bouquet. The groom can remove the garter and toss it to eligible men.

Other events can be announced, such as slide shows of bride/groom's growing up, professional dancers or entertainers, the dollar dance, disposable cameras on each table (and what guests are expected to do with them), etc.

Marriage Licenses

MARRIAGE LICENSES

Marriage license requirements are state-regulated and may be obtained from the Clerk of Courts in most county courthouses. Requirements vary from state to state, but generally include the following:

• Applying for and paying the fee for the marriage license. Make your application early enough to allow for any required waiting period before issuance. There is also a waiting period between the time the license is issued and when the ceremony may be performed, and the license must be signed by the officiating person and witnesses. Also determine if the marriage license has an expiration date by which the marriage must be performed.

• Meeting of residency requirements of the state and/or county where the ceremony will take place.

• Meeting the legal age requirements for both bride and groom, or having parental permission if underage.

• Presenting upon application for the license any required identification, birth or baptismal certificates, marriage eligibility or other documents.

• Obtaining a medical examination and/or blood test for both bride and groom, used for detection of communicable diseases, particularly venereal. Whether or not this is required, the couple owes it to themselves to begin their married life in good health. This is also an excellent time to discuss any questions on birth control or child-bearing with the doctor.

• If you have been married before, you may need to bring a copy of your Divorce Decree.

As an example, below is the statute for marriage licenses for the State of Minnesota as of 1998.

517.08 Application for license. Subdivision 1. Renumbered by amendment subds 1a,1b Subd. 1a. Application for a marriage license shall be made upon a form provided for the purpose and shall contain the following information: (1) the full names of the parties and the sex of each party; (2) their post office addresses and county and state of residence; (3) their full ages; (4) if either party has previously been married, the party's married name, and the date, place and court in which the marriage was dissolved or annulled or the date and place of death of the former spouse; (5) if either party is a minor, the name and address of the minor's parents or guardian; (6) whether the parties are related to each other, and, if so, their relationship; (7) the name and date of birth of any child of which both parties are parents, born before the making of the application, unless their parental rights and the parent and child relationship with respect to the child have been terminated; (8) address of the bride and groom after the marriage to which the court administrator shall send a certified copy of the marriage certificate; and (9) the full names the parties will have after marriage and the parties' social security numbers. The social security numbers must be collected for the application but must not appear on the marriage license. Subd. 1b. Term of license; fee. The court administrator shall examine upon oath the party applying for a license relative to the legality of the contemplated marriage. If at the expiration of a five-day period, on being satisfied that there is no legal impediment to it, the court administrator shall issue the license, containing the full names of the parties before and after marriage, and county and state of residence, with the district court seal attached, and make a record of the date of issuance. The license shall be valid for a period of six months. In case of emergency or extraordinary circumstances, a judge of the district court of the county in which the application is made, may authorize the license to be issued at any time before the expiration of the five days. The court administrator shall collect from the applicant a fee of $70 for administering the oath, issuing, recording, and filing all papers required, and preparing and transmitting to the state registrar of vital statistics the reports of marriage required by this section. If the license should not be used within the period of six months due to illness or other extenuating circumstances, it may be surrendered to the court administrator for cancellation, and in that case a new license shall issue upon request of the parties of the original license without fee. A court administrator who knowingly issues or signs a marriage license in any manner other than as provided in this section shall pay to the parties aggrieved an amount not to exceed $1,000. Subd. 1c. Disposition of license fee. Of the marriage license fee collected pursuant to subdivision 1b, the court administrator shall pay $55 to the state treasurer to be deposited as follows: (1) $50 in the general fund; (2) $3 in the special revenue fund to be appropriated to the commissioner of children, families, and learning for supervised visitation facilities; and (3) $2 in the special revenue fund to be appropriated to the commissioner of health for developing and implementing the MN ENABL program. Copyright 1998 by the Office of Revisor of Statutes, State of Minnesota.

This information is courtesy of http://www.ezweddingplanner.com

Marine Corp Invitations

Do you have any idea where I can find any Marine Corp wedding invitations.

 Regency Thermographers in Waynesboro, PA has a catalog of invitations that includes the Marine Corp logo (eagle/globe/anchor). They have several choices, but the woman I spoke with said she thought catalog # 6-4002 would be what you wanted. Their customer service phone number is 800-524-5056 and they said if you called, they can fax you the page of these logos to see if it's what you want. They don't sell directly to individuals, but said if you gave them your zip code, they could refer you to local stores who would have their catalog from which you could order the invitations, thank you cards, etc. (Regency does the printing for the Marine Corp for cards, etc.)

Maid or Matron?

My sister is divorced. Would she be my maid or matron of honor?

 The Maid of Honor is a single, never been married woman. The Matron of Honor is a married, divorced or widowed woman. The Maid of Honor takes precedence in the service if you have both a Maid and a Matron of Honor.

Out of Town Guests

Who is responsible for the out of town guests' accommodations? (bride, groom, or guest)

General rule of thumb: If they are in the bridal party, then bride and groom pay. Others, guests, relatives, etc. pay their own way. Of course if someone needs help and you can afford to help out, do. You would also be kind to make the hotel arrangements for them, placing a small welcome gift in the room, like bottled water, chocolate, wine, fruit etc. - with a welcome note.

Who Gives the Shower

Who is supposed to give the bride a bridal shower?

Typically, it is the maid of honor and/or other bridesmaids who host the shower. Any friend can also host one. Immediate family generally do not host showers (mothers, sisters, daughters, etc.)

Engagement Party

Should the bride & groom have the engagement party or does one of our families have it for us?

The groom's parents can call the bride's parents and express their happiness about the upcoming marriage. Engagement parties can be hosted by the groom's or bride's parents (it can be anything from a buffet, barbecue to a formal party) This is an opportunity for the two families to get to know each other and to introduce you to their family and friends. In fact, an engagement party can be hosted by any family member - or even a friend - who would like to have this party for you. If neither family steps forward with an engagement party, the two of you can invite the parents out for a luncheon or some other get together for them to meet. Generally, both sets of parents attend the engagement party, whoever hosts it.

East or West

I currently live in CA, but my whole family is back East, groom's family in CA (5 total), he wants to have something out here so his clients don't get offended. I want to do the whole thing back east because that is where I am from....what should I do? Do I just make my plans or try to be fair, this topic has already become a source of argument.

A lot of folks have been in this predicament. In fact it happened with one of my daughters who lives back east but is from the west. She got married in her husband's area because her friends and his family were much more numerous. Her family flew east and stayed for a few days for the festivities. The final decision was made by the number of people who would have to travel to get to the wedding.

Some solve the problem by having the first wedding at the bride's family's area because traditionally the bride's parents pay for the wedding. Some even have two weddings - the second being less elaborate. We've heard of people video taping the first wedding and playing it at the second, less formal wedding.

But most solve the problem by having two receptions with the wedding at the place with more family attending. A wedding East and a reception in CA which would include clients could solve your problem. You can choose to wear your wedding dress at both occasions or just a dressy cocktail dress to the second reception.

Second (or third) receptions may be just as formal as the first wedding reception, complete with printed invitations, wedding cake, champagne, and receiving line. Or, they may be very informal get-togethers, or anything in between. It's totally up to you.

Where to Register

Where do you recommend that I register?

Generally brides register at major department stores in their area (Macys, Bloomingdales, Robinson May, JC Penney, etc.). Also stores like Target or Wal-Mart have a large variety of merchandise which are good for bridal showers as well as wedding gifts. Other interesting places to register are stores like Williams Sonoma, Crate and Barrel, or Pottery Barn. You can register at any store that has items of interest to you and your fiancé, including sporting goods stores or Home Depot. We recently went to a wedding and the only place they registered was Amazon.com (where you can get almost anything). You can register in as many stores as you like. Many stores and other merchants also have Internet on-line registries for your convenience.

When to Mail Invitations

When should invitations be mailed out?

Go to Plan/Order Invitations and Announcements, click on the light bulb on the right. This gives suggestions for when and how to mail. For example: Wedding invitations are to be mailed four to six weeks prior to the wedding date. They should all be mailed at the same time.

When to Have Engagement Party

How for away from our wedding should we be having the engagement party. None of the books give a general time.

You can have an engagement party as soon as you become engaged. Some people time it for just before or just after a newspaper announcement of the engagement. I have found one source that said no farther out than one year and no closer to the wedding than six months. Obviously this is not firm, since some people get engaged and married within a six month time frame. Also, some people have 2 years or more of engagement before the actual wedding.

The engagement party is really for both families to get together and get to know each other better. So, the earlier the better, especially if wedding finances need to be discussed and agreed on by both families.

Choosing the Perfect Venue for Your Dream Wedding

You've been planning your wedding for, well, forever and you may already have the dresses and the tuxes planned but what about the venue? The venue should be one of the first things you lock in. You can't have a confirmed date unless you have the venue booked. Also, the venue will guide most of your other choices. The style of the venue will influence tablescapes, flowers, services, and even the font you use on the programs. At artsyweddingblog.com--flowers, arrangements, elegant dining ideas, beautiful designs, menu options, and entertainment choices are pictured for all wedding types and styles.

What elements combine to make a dream venue?

1. Photogenic
   The photos taken of you and your fiance on this day will be the ones on display for the rest of your life. You're going to look great, so make sure you're in a setting that does you justice. Does the venue have beautiful indoor and outdoor spaces? If you have to go crazy decorating the space, it's not ideal. The perfect venue will just need little accents to make it your own.

2. Personal
   Anyone can get married at a country club, why would you? Did you meet there? Is it the hip place to be? This party is about YOU. Your venue should be too. Think about where you met, what your favorite hobbies were, what you each studied in college. These are all great ways to be inspired and find venues that are unique and interesting.

3. Unique
   In 20 years, no one will be talking about whether they ordered the right entree. They might not even be talking about your wedding at all – unless you make it memorable. Kim Kardashian's wedding was memorable for its opulence and notorious for the failure of the marriage. Don't get caught up in having “the best” or “the most” but go back to being personal. People will remember a reception at the art museum where you had your first date.

4. Weatherproof
   You don't get a do-over on your wedding day, so resist the temptation to rely on good weather to make your day a success. Don't worry, you can still do outdoors, just plan on a tent from a reputable rental company.

5. Basics
   You and your guests have certain needs. If a venue doesn't have bathrooms, tables, chairs, plates, food service equipment, parking spots, et al you'll be in trouble. If your budget allows, most of these items can be ordered in, but you'll need a great wedding planner or coordinator to supervise any necessary permits and planning.

6. Excellent Service
   If it looks good on paper, you're halfway there, but don't let poor customer service ruin your special day. Make sure that you know the service philosophy and who on staff will be available to troubleshoot. If anything were to go array on your wedding day, the best venue will solve problems seamlessly.

7. Guest Options
   Your guests will only be spending a few hours of the weekend at your wedding, so have it in a city or region with entertainment and activities to do. If you have lots of folks traveling for your wedding, it's nice if they can make a long weekend or vacation out of the trip. Destination Weddings & Honeymoons rates Vail, Colorado, Portland, Maine, and The Outer Banks, California, as among the top places to wed.

8. Easily Accessible
   Your ceremony and reception won't be much of a party if your guests can't get to the locations. Make sure it's either easily accessible via car, taxi or shuttle.

Securing a venue that meets your needs and fits your style is the first step and foundation for wedding planning. Once the venue is reserved, you can start to plan other details such as transportation, personalization and decorative accents.

Ceremony Order

I would like to know in what order I should have the following in my wedding ceremony: reading of a poem by a friend, a song by groom to bride, a poem by bride to groom, lighting of candles: stepmother to light votive candle, my mother and mother in law to light taper candles, and then groom and bride to light unity candle. And how many songs should I have prior to the exchange of vows?

It really is your choice on what you would like in your ceremony. I've seen many different orders of ceremony, some with several solos before the exchange of vows, some with one before and one after, etc. The unity candle is always done after the vow exchange. Probably readings/poems would also be done before. In EZ Wedding Planner (Plan/Great Ideas) there are lots of topics relating to ceremony including samples. There is a sample order of service in Ceremony Programs that will give you some ideas.

How to Pick Flowers

I want my wedding to be perfect, and I'm having a hard time deciding on flowers, and the decorations. I just can't seem to visualize in my mind how it's all going to look. I want it to be beautiful and I'm so confused, What do you recommend?

Most florists have lots of sample pictures of their work. Also bridal magazines have lots of pictures. Look around and talk to a number of florists for suggestions. Pick one you are comfortable with and whose work you like.

You can also talk to the person you booked your reception with for suggestions on decorations of what other brides have done or names of companies that have decorated that space for previous weddings. They should also have pictures and samples of what they have done/can do for you.

Still Have an Engagement Party?

My fiancé and I have been engaged 1.5 years. Do we still have an engagement party and what all do we plan for that?

In your case, since you have been engaged for a year and a half, probably your families already know each other and perhaps you have already discussed the wedding finances, or it isn't an issue. Engagement parties are generally to announce your engagement to your family and friends and provide an opportunity for them to better get to know each other. So, it's really up to you if you want a formal engagement party or not. You don't have to have one, but it's always a good reason for families to get together and socialize with each other. And since it's probably not for introductions of the two families, it may be a good time to go over your plans and details of the wedding when both sets of parents etc. are together.

Ceremony Programs

CEREMONY PROGRAMS

If you are going to have printed wedding programs, generally the following information is included:

• Program Title
• Order of Service
• Acknowledgement of Participants
• Messages and Notations

Program Title

This section is generally positioned at the top of the inside left-hand page for programs with full cover designs and usually includes the following:

DESCRIPTIVE PHRASE
BRIDE'S NAME
GROOM'S NAME
Day and Date
Time
Ceremony Location
City and State

Some suggestions for the descriptive phrase are:

THE WEDDING CEREMONY
OF
THE SACRAMENT OF
HOLY MATRIMONY
UNITING

WELCOME TO
THE MARRIAGE SERVICE

WELCOME TO
THE WEDDING CELEBRATION UNITING

THE CELEBRATION AND BLESSING
OF THE MARRIAGE UNITING

THE MARRIAGE CELEBRATION
OF
THE WORSHIP SERVICE
UNITING IN MARRIAGE

THE WEDDING MASS
UNITING

THE WEDDING SERVICE
UNITING

Order of Service

The Order of Service outlines the individual service segments – Prelude, Processional, Solo, Invocation, Scripture Reading, Marriage Ceremony, Lighting of Unity Candle, Benediction, Recessional, etc. Depending on faith, the customs and liturgical terminology will vary. It is best to consult with your clergy/officiant regarding the service.

A Sample Order of Service:

Prelude: Can be Solo [parents, grandparents ushered in]
Bridesmaids Processional: "Cannon" by Pachelbel
Bridal Processional: "Bridal Chorus" by Wagner
Welcome and Prayer by Officiant [Call to Worship in religious ceremony - see WELS Ceremony]
Reading by friend, family member, or officiant, etc. See Readings.
Solo: "Only God Could Love You More" by Niles Borop & Dwight Liles
Wedding Message by Officiant
Marriage Rite (vows, exchange of rings, declaration of marriage)
Lighting of the Unity Candle by Bride/Groom
Solo: "your choice of music" [can be sung while lighting candle]
Wedding Prayer
Lord's Prayer
The Blessing of the Marriage/Benediction
Recessional: "Wedding March" by Mendelssohn or "Trumpet Voluntary -D" by H. Purcell

Other items to include are music titles with composers and/or performers, book and poem titles with authors and/or readers, scripture passages with readers, hymn titles with hymnal page numbers, words for short congregational prayers, and any special notations. Generally, there is not enough room to include entire songs or readings. If these items are not available in church hymnals or prayer books, they could be printed on the back side of the program. Permission to reprint copyrighted material must be gotten from the respective publisher.

Participants

Participants can be grouped and sequenced using titled headers to separate the groupings, or everyone can be listed in a logical sequence under the single heading, "Wedding Participants." Be consistent with respect to naming individuals. Names should be preceded with titles such as Mrs., Ms., or Miss. Given names should be used, instead of nicknames.

Example One:

  	The Wedding Participants  		  Parents				Mrs. Carol Smith  				Mr. Philip Smith  				Mrs. Mary Jones  				Dr. Ralph Jones  					  Grandparents			Mr. Russell Martin  				Mrs. Alice Larsen  					  Matron of Honor			Mrs. Alicia Bright  					Friend of Bride  					  Bridesmaids			Miss Kari Kraemer  					Friend of Bride  				Ms. Debbie Smith  					Sister of Bride  					  Best Man			Mr. Craig Rosenberg  					Friend of Groom    Groomsmen			Mr. Joeseph Casselli  					Friend of Groom  				Mr. Mark Carter  					Cousin of Groom  					  Flower Girl			Miss Shellee Turner  					Niece of Bride    Ring Bearer			Mr. Brian Martinson  					Nephew of Groom    Ushers				Mr. Harry Tilson  					Friend of Groom  				Mr. Chris Fisher  					Friend of Groom    Pastor				Rev. Mathew Edwardman    Organist			Mrs. Janet Meier  					Friend of Bride  	  Soloist				Mr. Martin Anderson  					Friend of Couple  

Example Two:

  		The Wedding Party  	  Officiate			The Honorable Judge Mark Johnson    Matron on Honor			Pamela Shueler - Friend of Bride    Best Man			Louis Praster - Friend of Groom    Reader				Sharon Mitchel - Cousin of Bride    Ushers				Thomas Shueler - Friend of Bride & Groom    Personal Attendant		Jodi Johnson - Friend of Bride    Parents				Michael Cruzes  				Susan Cruzes  					  				Paul & Karen Jordan    Music by			The Baroque Trio    

Message and Notation Section

This section can be positioned at the bottom of the right-hand page or on the program's backside if blank. Short personal messages or expressions of thanks to the guests from the bride and groom are very appropriate and make for a lasting keepsake. As an alternative to the personal message, a special prayer, poem or short quotation might nicely express your feelings. Notations regarding the reception, picture-taking restriction, viewing of gifts, new home address or other information necessary for guests should be at the bottom of the page.

Following are some samples of personal messages or expressions of thanks you may want to have printed on your wedding programs, or spoken during the ceremony.

"Thank you for sharing this happy day with us." "Thank you for sharing this service with us. You have added to our joy by being with us on our wedding day." "We are honored you can share these sacred and joyous moments with us today. May God bless each one of you." "Special thanks to everyone for sharing in this joy of ours today." "Thank you for sharing this service with us on our wedding day." "We have waited with much anticipation for this day to arrive and give thanks to God for creating both of us to be with one another. We are also very thankful that our families and friends could be here to share this blessed experience with us. We are grateful for the distances that many have traveled to be here with us today. The love of everyone here warms our hearts and fills us with cherished memories." "Thank you for sharing these precious moments with us and for witnessing our vows to each other. You are invited to the home of the groom at ____________, where the gifts may be seen following the reception." "We would like to express our gratitude to our parents for their love and guidance. We also would like to thank our relatives and friends for coming today to share our joy. We ask God's blessing and your prayers upon our marriage." "Especially for our parents – Thank you for bringing us to this day. We have learned love from you and hope in our marriage to always return it to you." "To our parents, who have been so patient and understanding and have given us so much love and encouragement, thank you. On this very special day in our lives, we want you to know WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!" "We would also like to express our gratitude to the many others who have freely given of their ideas, support and labor to make this day possible." "Thank you for sharing this special day with us. That so many of our friends and family, especially those who came from such great distances, could be here to help us celebrate our marriage means a great deal to us. We pray that God will grant you a safe journey to your homes when the festivities have ended. May He always bless and enrich your lives with joy and love as much as you have enriched our with your friendship and generosity." "It means a great deal to us to have each of you here today. Thank you for witnessing our expression of love for each other through the vows that begin our new life together. We feel that our love stems from our capacity to love deeply, enjoy simply, and to think freely. Our special wish is that each of you will continue to be a part of our lives. Without friends, family and parents, we have very little." "As our hearts are joined and we begin our new life together, we pause to look at everyone here on our special day. We find it difficult to put into words our feelings to those who share our love and happiness. Words seldom go quite deep enough when thanks should be expressed. We would like at this time to thank those who wish us well. We would especially like to thank our parents and our brothers and sisters who not only wish us well, but who are always there when we need them. May God bless you always." "To our families and friends – We are honored that you are here to help us celebrate this very important day in our lives. On this day, we shall vow our love and commitment to one another before God and you. It is our prayer that God be glorified in this service and each of you receive His blessing." "WELCOME TO OUR WEDDING CEREMONY – We, the bride and groom, are honored to have you as our guests today. We want you to share these happy and sacred moments with us. May the blessing of the Lord be on all of us as we worship together. It is our desire that Christ shall be honored, not only in this ceremony, but in the years to come. We want him to be the head of our home and the Lord of our lives." "We would like to express our sincerest thanks to all of you for helping us make this day a joyous celebration – especially our parents who gave us life; our families who shared our life; our relatives and friends who helped us grow up to this special day." "TO OUR WEDDING GUESTS – Your presence here adds greatly to our joy and happiness on this day which marks the beginning of our lives together. We stand before you now, declaring before God and this congregation, our love for each other and for our intent to be joined in marriage; to share with each other without reservation our lives, fortunes and future. We hope that you will continue to wish us well in our new life as you have done in the past, and will pray for our continued happiness and success."

Wedding Party

WEDDING PARTY

Early in the planning stages of your wedding, you and your fiance should choose those special people who will be your attendants. Usually you choose your closest friends and relatives to share in the excitement of your big day. Following is a list of the traditional wedding participants and their responsibilities.

Maid of Honor and/or Personal Attendants

The maid of honor is usually a special friend or sister of the bride. She is expected to help the bride as much as possible.

• Helps the bride with addressing invitations, serves as a shopping adviser, helps bride with gifts, etc.
• Attends all pre-wedding parties, showers, etc.
• Pays for her own wedding attire.
• Helps in organizing the bridesmaids and their wedding attire, and makes sure they know their ceremonial duties.
• Is in charge of the groom's wedding ring until the appropriate time during the ceremony, when she exchanges it for the bride's bouquet.
• Along with the best man, signs the wedding certificate as a legal witness.
• Helps the bride in arranging her veil and train, and also when dressing for the wedding.
• She is also a member of the receiving line.
• Helps the bride get dressed in her going-away clothes, and takes the bridal gown to the cleaners, or to the bride's home.

Bridesmaids

The bridesmaids are primarily to add a warm, personal, colorful touch to the wedding festivities. They are always invited to all pre-wedding parties, showers, etc.

• Bridesmaids are responsible for the purchase and fitting of their wedding attire (the bride may wish to buy their accessories).
• Bridesmaids may assist the bride with pre-wedding tasks and errands.
• Bridesmaids participate in rehearsal and ceremony and also in the receiving line.

Best Man

The best man is usually a brother or best friend of the groom. He is the groom's right-hand man in organizing his activities for the day.

• Helps to host the bachelor party (or dinner, which is optional).
• Pays for his own wedding attire.
• The best man transports the groom to the church, and helps him dress for the ceremony.
• Supervises the groomsmen and ushers and makes sure they are properly dressed and that they know their duties.
• The best man takes care of the bride's ring until the appropriate time during the ceremony.
• He presents the clergy person with his/her fee either just before or just after the ceremony.
• The best man, along with the maid of honor, signs the wedding certificate as a legal witness.
• The best man offers the first toast to the bride and groom at the reception, and reads aloud any congratulatory telegrams.
• The best man dances with the bride after the groom and both fathers have danced with her.
• Makes sure that the honeymoon car is ready and the suitcases are packed and put in the car.
• He helps the groom get into his traveling clothes-takes care of any tickets, keys, etc. given to him for safekeeping.
• He transports the newlyweds to the airport or from wherever they are leaving for their honeymoon.
• The best man returns the groom's formal wear either to his home or back to the formal wear shop.

Groomsmen

The groomsmen are usually close friends, brothers, or relatives of the couple.

• They pay for their own wedding attire.
• They attend the bachelor dinner or party (if one is held).
• They attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
• They escort the bridesmaids during the ceremony processional and recessional.

Ushers

Ushers have more details to attend to. They should be specifically instructed as to their responsibilities.

• They pay for their own wedding attire.
• They should arrive at the church at least an hour before the ceremony.
• They light the candles about 15 minutes before the ceremony begins (if this assignment is given to them by the clergy).
• The ushers should obtain from the couple a list of guests for special or reserved seating.
• They should make sure that grandparents, godparents, etc. have their flowers before they are seated.
• The ushers distribute wedding service programs to the guests while seating them; or they may put the programs in the pews ahead of time.
• The usher should introduce himself/herself to the guest and should ask whether he/she is a guest of the bride or the groom.
• The bride's guests are traditionally seated on the left side and the groom's guests seated on the right side. Sides are reversed in an Orthodox Jewish wedding. Ushers may choose to balance the sides if one is filling up much faster than the other. In many church weddings, parents now go down the aisle with their respective children.
• The usher should offer his/her right arm to the woman of a pair of guests, or to the oldest woman of a group. Other members of the guest group walk slightly behind as the usher escorts them to their seats. Single men may simply walk beside the usher.
• The groom's parents should be seated last of all. They should be seated in the right front pew, and then the bride's mother in the left front pew. After the head usher escorts the bride's mother to her seat, no more guests are seated until after the processional. In some cases, the families are just simply seated as they come in.
• After carefully unrolling the aisle carpet, the ushers should take their places. An extra usher should remain to seat latecomers.
• The ushers should escort the parents of the bridal couple and any special designated guests out of the church after the recessional.
• The ushers then indicate to other guests pew by pew, when they may leave their seats following the recessional.
• Check over the church/synagogue to see that it is clean and orderly.
• At the reception, ushers generally do not sit at the bridal table(s), but sit with the other guests

Mother of the Bride

• Assists the bride in selecting gown and accessories, wedding colors and attendant's attire, and personal trousseau.
• Helps in compiling the guest list, and in addressing invitations.
• Provides friends with information about gift registry preferences of the bride.
• Assists in ceremony and reception details.
• Selects her own dress and consults with the groom's mother on their styles and colors of dresses.
• Keeps the father of the bride and the groom's parents informed on wedding plans and preparations.
• May take care of incoming gifts.
• Acts as the official hostess at the wedding and reception. She is the last person to be seated at the ceremony and the first to greet the guests in the receiving line (see previous usher section). The bride's mother also sits in the place of honor at the parents' table. However, this is at the discretion of the bride and her mother.
• May ride with father of the bride to the ceremony or assist in dressing the bride the day of the ceremony.

Father of the Bride

• Rides with the bride to the ceremony.
• In the traditional procession, he escorts his daughter during the processional, then sits with the mother of the bride in the left front pew. However, many brides walk down the aisle with both parents. (See also groom's parents.)
• Preferably stands in the receiving line or may mingle as the host of the reception.
• The father of the bride should dress in conformance with the groom and his attendants.
• The father of the bride is usually the last person to leave the reception, and also bids guests farewell.

Groom's Parents

• The groom's parents should call on the bride's parents to express their approval as soon as possible after the engagement.
• The groom's parents might walk down the aisle with their son.
• The groom's parents sit in the right front pew during the ceremony and they are special guests at the reception.
• The groom's mother always stands in the receiving line, and the father may stand in the receiving line or mingle with the crowd.

Flower Girl and/or Ring Bearer

Note – Decisions relative to the use of flower girl and/or ring bearer have become a delicate one to make; in fact, many churches are discouraging this practice of rather dubious "origins."

• The flower girl is usually between the ages of 4 and 10. Her dress may be exactly like the bridesmaids' or something similar. She should carry a small bouquet, or basket. She precedes the bride and her father.
• The ring bearer is usually between the ages of 3 and 6 years of age. He carries a small pillow with a ring stitched onto it (preferably a fake ring). He also precedes the bride and her father.
• The ring bearer may be dressed in short white pants, with a fancy white shirt, bow tie, and white shoes; or he may be dressed to match the men in the wedding party.
• The parents of the flower girl and ring bearer pay for their children's wedding attire.
• The flower girl and ring bearer should be included in transportation arrangements.
• The children and their parents should be included in the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
• The children do not have to stand in the receiving line.
• It is a wise suggestion to have a baby-sitter to take care of the children during the reception so that the parents can relax and enjoy the evening.

Other Participants

You may find that you would like more friends and relatives involved than the size of your wedding party allows. There are a number of other duties that need attention. You might have a friend read a scripture passage at the ceremony; or serve as a candle-lighter; or greet guests as they arrive.

You may need assistance at the reception also. You could possibly ask a group of friends, or relatives, to decorate the hall, and to be in charge of the wedding gifts – take them either to your parents' home or your new home. You might ask younger cousins or friends to attend the guest book, serve punch and coffee, and clean up after the reception.

Wedding Attire

WEDDING ATTIRE

Bridal gowns, like other wedding customs, are wide open to personal preference. There are so many styles and fabrics from which to choose! The choice is yours completely. Take the time to look through bridal magazines to get some idea of what you would like. There will be a wedding dress perfect for you no matter what style or tone you want to set for your wedding.

There are a number of things to consider when choosing your wedding dress:

• The size and type of wedding you want. For a formal wedding, white or ivory is traditional with a long dress in any elegant fabric and a headpiece with a veil. For a semi-formal wedding your choices are the same, but not quite as formal. For an informal wedding you may choose whatever is tasteful and becoming to you. Headpieces should be coordinated with whatever dress you choose.
• Also keep in mind the season of the year – you will want to wear fabrics that are comfortable and appropriate. Basically, there are two design seasons – spring/summer and fall/winter.
• Choose a dress that is becoming to your figure, height and taste. Take the time to note the full effect of a dress, since your guests will see more of the back of you than the front during the ceremony.
• Consider the budget with which you are working. Of course, you want the gown of your dreams, but be down-to-earth on the maximum amount you can afford to spend. When going to the bridal shops, inform the consultant of your price range, which will provide a guideline as to which dresses to show you.
• Shop for your dress at least six months in advance of the wedding date. Most dresses have to be special-ordered, and you will need to have alterations made (see Alterations below). This will also ensure that your dress arrives in time for the wedding!
• When going for fittings, wear the undergarments, shoes (see below), and accessories that you plan to wear on your wedding day.
• Accessories should be kept to a minimum. Perhaps a pair of small earrings or a necklace of gold or pearls would give the finishing touch to your appearance.
• Most shops require a deposit when you place your order. Payment and cancellation policies vary, so inquire beforehand. Some allow a five-day cancellation period; others place the order immediately, which means you must forfeit your deposit and pay for the dress. Keep all slips. Be sure everything promised is in writing and read the sale agreement carefully. The delivery date of the dress and headpiece should also be included.

If you allow enough time to shop for your dress, and work closely with the bridal shop consultant, you'll find the dress that's uniquely you! Here are some figure suggestions (which can also apply to your bridesmaids):

Short, Petite Brides:

• A-Line and Sheath look best.
• Stay away from bouffant skirts.
• Consider beautiful detailing at the neckline to draw the eye to the face.
• Avoid details like ruffles on the skirt and dangling beads on the sleeves.
• Wear a taller headpiece, like a tiara style.

Tall, Thin Brides:

• Good news - You can wear just about any style you want.

Full-figured Brides:

• Light weight satins, chiffons, crepes and silk shantungs work best.
• Avoid bulky fabrics like velvets and heavy satins.
• Avoid glossy fabrics like shiny satin and go for the matte finish.
• V-necks, keyholes and scoop necklines help de-emphasize the bust-line.
• Go for fitted sleeves and avoid puff or full sleeves.
• Empire waists and A-lines work best.
• Avoid mermaid and form-fitting sheath silhouettes and skip the back bow.
• Avoid the large, pouf veil, but go for beautiful jewelry or pretty headpiece.
• Carry a small bouquet, rather than a mass of flowers.

Pale Skinned Brides:

• Go for warmer, natural and ivory colors.
• Avoid white, which tends to wash out already fair skin.

Darker Skinned Brides:

• Most fabric colors will look great.
• The only exception is African-American, Hispanics and other dark skin should stay away from ivory colors with yellow undertones, since that hue may not compliment a dark skin tone.
• Consider pale "rum pink" colors available from some manufacturers.

The following is a guideline to help you better understand "bridal shop talk" when shopping for your wedding attire.

Sleeves

• Bishop – fuller in the lower forearm, then gathered at wrist into a wide cuff.
• Dolman – extending from an armhole so large it creates a cape-like effect, often fitted at the wrist.
• Leg-of-mutton (or Gigot) – full, loose, rounded from shoulder to slightly below elbow, then nipped in at wrist.
• Melon – extravagantly rounded from shoulder to elbow.
• Puff – gathered into gentle puff near shoulders.

Silhouettes

• Ball gown – appealing, off-the-shoulder yoke, or fitted bodice, and a natural, fitted waist with lavish, full skirt. Probably the most traditional.
• Basque – natural waist with V-front and a full skirt.
• Empire – small, scooped bodice gathering at high waist (right under the bust line), a slim yet full skirt.
• A-line or Princess – slim-fitting style, with vertical seams flowing from shoulders down to hem of flared skirt. Unlike the ball gown, the waistline is not as defined. This fits many different body types.
• Sheath – narrow, body-hugging style without a waist.
• Mermaid-style gown - a variation of the Sheath, which is also form-fitting but flares out below the knees.

Lengths of Dresses and Trains

• Street Length – hem just covering knees.
• Intermission Length – hem falling slightly below or midway between the knee and ankle.
• Ballet Length – hem swirling to ankles.
• Floor Length – hem fully skimming the floor.
• Sweep Train – shortest train, barely sweeping the floor.
• Court Train – a train extending one foot longer than the sweep train.
• Chapel Train – most popular of all bridal trains – trailing about 1 1/3 yards from waist.
• Cathedral Train – worn at a very formal wedding – tumbling 2 ½ yards from waist.
• Extended Cathedral Train, unfolding 3 yards from waist.

Necklines

• High – collar just brushing the chin.
• Off-the-shoulder – gracefully hovering above bust line, sometimes attached to a sheer net yoke and high collar.
• Boat or Bateau – gently following curve of the collarbone – high in front and back, opening wide at sides, ending in shoulder seams.
• Queen Anne – rising high at the nape (back) of neck, then sculpting low to outline a bare yoke.
• Square – shaped like half of a square.
• Sweetheart – shaped like the top half of a heart.

Fabrics

• Brocade – heavy fabric with interwoven, raised design that has a contrasting white-on-white or ivory-on-ivory look. Commonly designed with a floral pattern.
• Charmeuse - lightweight version of satin with a softer and more clingy look that is common with silk or rayon, but with less body than silk fabrics.
• Chiffon – delicately sheer, a simple weaving – often of silk or rayon, although it can be made from just about any fiber – with a soft or stiff finishing. It is often layered and has an unusual luster.
• Crepe - thin, light fabric with a ridged or finely crinkled surface.
• Damask - similar to brocade (above) but of lighter weight.
• Duchess Satin - may also be called silk-faced satin - weighs less and is less expensive than traditional silk finishes. Most are a blend of silk and polyester woven into a satin finish.
• Dupioni - coarse fibers of various thicknesses woven into a crispy textured fabric with many visible natural twists of fiber.
• Faille - ribbed fabric with structure and body, woven from silk, cotton, rayon or polyester.
• Gazar - variation of Organza (below) that has a sheer effect with a stiff or starched feel.
• Georgette - a type of crepe (above) with a dull texture.
• Jersey - softly draping, machine knit fabric made from fibers like silk, rayon and nylon.
• Matelasse - textured fabric woven to look like embossing.
• Moire – silk taffeta that, when illuminated, glistens like water.
• Organdy - crisp, transparent fabric made from cotton.
• Organza – sheer, crisply textured fabric, almost transparent.
• Satin - tightly woven with a sheen on one side. Can have a high gloss or matte finish. Generally made from polyester.
• Shantung - originally silk, but now may be polyester. Has a rough, nubby appearance that is soft and light weight.
• Silk-faced Satin – brimming with body, with a dusty sheen.
• Slipper Satin – light, soft – a more closely woven fabric.
• Taffeta – smooth, glossy – a finely textured fabric with body.
• Tulle – tiny-meshed net of silk, cotton, or synthetics.
• Twill - fibers woven with a diagonal pattern.
• Polyester may also be used for dresses, alone or blended with natural fibers, like poly-organza or poly-chiffon.
• Velvet - thick napped weave, available in silk, cotton or rayon blends. Crushed velvet has a high and low nap to give it a shimmering look.

Headpieces

• Coronet – wreath resting high on crown of the head.
• Floral Wreath – circlet of flowers which can nestle on top of the head or at mid-forehead.
• Half Hat – small hat covering half, or less than half, of crown.
• Juliet Cap – small cap, ornately festooned with pearls and jewels that snugly hugs the crown.
• Mantilla – lace-trimmed netting usually secured to an elegant comb, gently framing the face.
• Picture Hat – ornamented hat with a very large brim.
• Tiara – crown, usually encrusted with crystals, pearls, or lace, resting high atop the head.
• Toque – small, close-fitting hat without a brim.
• Upturned Picture Hat – picture hat with brim tilting up to one side.
• Except for the Mantilla, veiling is usually attached to all of these headpieces.

Lace

• Alencon – originated in Alencon, France – a pretty, delicate, yet durable design, outlined with cord on net ground. Generally has a background of flowers and swags, may be pre-beaded or beaded after it is sewn on the dress
• Battenburg - lace made by stitching a strip of linen fabric into a loop pattern connected with thread.
• Chantilly – from Chantilly, France – graceful, floral sprays on fine lace background, outlined with silk threads or fine cording.
• Dotted Swiss - small circles of flocked fabric over a background of netting.
• Eyelet – open-weave embroidery with holes used for decorations.
• Guipure - series of motifs, like roses, daisies or ovals, connected by a few threads.
• Ribbon - random pattern of ribbon sewn over a net background.
• Schiffli – machine-made, delicate floral embroidery.
• Venise – heavy, raised, floral design, first made in Venice.

Veils

• Blusher – loose veil worn forward over face or back over the headpiece, often attached to longer, three-tiered veil.
• Flyaway – multi-layers that brush the shoulders, usually worn with an informal, ankle-length dress or a style with too-pretty-to-hide details in back.
• Birdcage – falling just below chin, gently shirred at the sides, and usually attached to hats.
• Chapel Length – tumbling 2 1/3 yards from headpiece.
• Cathedral Length – cascading 3 ½ yards from headpiece, usually worn with cathedral train.
• Ballet or Waltz Length – falling to the ankles.
• Fingertip – most popular length, gracefully touching the finger-tips.
• Most veils are made of nylon material called illusion. Decorations often include poufs, which are small gathers of veiling on the crown of a headpiece. Wreaths often have flowing ribbons called streamers, tied into "love knots."

Sizing

Bridal gowns do not correspond to regular clothing sizes. And different designers have different sizes for the same measurements. So, it is important for you to be measured (using a vinyl tape vs cloth which stretches) in 4 ways: bust, waist, hips, and length (also called hollow to hem). You should order the size that corresponds to your largest measurement. And remember, sample dresses have been tried on many times and have stretched larger than the size they show, so if this fits great, you will probably have to order a size or more larger. Dresses can always be taken in, but are difficult to let out. Bust is not necessarily your bra size, but the measurement around your chest at the fullest part of your breast, with arms to the side. The length is measured from the hollow at the base of your throat down to where you want the hem of your dress to be. This measurement should be taken with shoes on (the height you will be wearing) and if the dress has a full skirt, with the petticoat on, which will make the measurement at an angle to allow for this fullness. If you are tall, be sure the dress you want will allow for extra length (some manufacturers don't offer this). Some other measurements that may be needed include: inside sleeve length (armpit to wrist for long sleeve dresses), arm girth (around largest part of your upper arm), back shoulder width (shoulder blade to shoulder blade), waist to hem (natural waist straight down to desired hem), low hip (7 inches below natural waist), and center back (base of neck to natural waist).

Alterations

Virtually ALL wedding dresses will need to be altered. You do not need to use the seamstress from the bridal shop, so price around and find someone who has experience altering wedding dresses. The average bridal gown will require $75 to $250 in alterations (also depending on what part of the country you live). If you start adding features (like buttons and bows) or other significant changes, this could double or triple the cost. Dresses will need one or more of the following to be taken in, let out, raised, lowered or added: hem, side seams, bustle, sleeves, and shoulders. Because charges vary greatly and often shift, be sure to get all alteration promises, quotes and special deals in writing. Insist on a final fitting when all alterations are complete, before signing any release or paying the final bill. Remember alterations take time, so order your dress early to allow for this (8-12 weeks before the wedding)

Here's some typical alteration charges (from a West coast bridal shop).

	Wedding Dress	Price
Sides	One Layer	$45-$60
	Double Seams	$50-$80
Shoulders	Raised and sewn	$30-$60
	Tighten Elastic	$30
Gussets	Adding fabric in sides plus cost of lace if needed	$100
Hemming	From the Bottom	$55-$75
	Rolled Under (usually no lace)	$75-$125
	From the Top	$70-$90
	Each additional Layer	$10-$20
	All the way around (remove train)	$100+
Bustle	Standard, Each (approx 3-7)	$12 each
	French (total)	$55
Sleeves	English, Each (approx 3-7)	$15 each
	Take In or Out	$35-$40
	Shorten, with Gathers	$27-$35
	Shorten, with Lace	$50-$60
Bodice	Lengthen, with Lace	$50
	Add cups	$15
Pressing	Press for Pick-up	$50-$100
	Clean and Press	$135-$160
Heirloom	Clean and Box Wedding Dress	$179
	Additional Items	$10 each
	Bridesmaid Dresses
Sides	One Seam	$25-$35
	Two Seams	$30-$40
Shoulders	Up	$25-40
Hemming	One layer	$25-$35
	Two layers	$30-$45
Sleeves	Shorten or Taper	$22-$35

Shoes

Bridal shoes are one of the important items of your bridal attire. You will be walking and dancing in them for most of your wedding day. And, you need the shoes you are going to wear when you are altering your wedding dress, so it will be the correct length. Several inches will make a difference in the look of your dress.

Be sure you buy your shoes (if you don't already have a pair you will wear under your wedding dress) well in advance and wear them before your wedding day to break them in and also to see if you will be able to wear them comfortably on your big day. There is nothing worse than sore feet on your wedding day. Or, tripping because you are not used to your shoes.

Some brides wear beautiful high healed shoes for the wedding and pictures and then change to other shoes for the dance (or take them off). But, remember if your dress is the length for 3" heals, and you take them off, your dress will now be 3" longer!

Some brides choose to wear ballet type shoes under their wedding gown the whole day. And, the dress is altered to that length. Some do this because of the height difference between the bride and groom (if you are both about the same height), some brides don't want to tower over their groom on the wedding day and pictures, so they wear flats. Others may do this strictly for comfort and some because they never wear high heals. But, if you want the height and elegance of high healed shoes, there are many beautiful styles from which to choose.

Wedding Shoes  Sizzle by Coloriffics Women's Bermuda Pump   Dyeables Women's Abbey Pump, White   Liz Rene Couture Women's Saskia Pump   Badgley Mischka Women's Eavan Open Toe Pump   Coloriffics Women's Tiffany Sandal   Menbur Women's Wedding Flat

Other Clothing Needs

Once you have selected your dress, you should choose the attire for your attendants. Their dresses should compliment your dress. For a formal wedding their dresses should be floor length; at a less formal wedding, they can be shorter, even if your dress is long. Again, keep in mind their height, weight and coloring. Also keep in mind their budgets since they will be paying for their own dresses. If you want to ask someone who has "limited means" to be a bridesmaid, either rethink this or consider picking up some or all of the costs. If you have bridesmaids with greatly different body types, consider A-lines, princess lines or empire-waist dresses which will work for everyone. If you have out-of-town bridesmaids, consider ordering from a mail-order service (like Discount Bridal Service) or a catalog like Talbot's. Or, get her measurements and order for her - lots of trust here (it helps to send her pictures and sample swatches). You could also consider having them sewn (buy fabric and patterns and avoid the bridal stores). This way, the out-of-towners can have their dress sewn locally and they will still all match. One money-saving idea is to pick a color and give each bridesmaid a swatch. Then they can choose a dress they like (from a department store). They won't be the same dresses, but the colors will match and make for an interesting look. Shoes should be comfortable, and should preferably be dyed to match the dresses. When deciding on bridesmaids dress colors, take into consideration the colors at your ceremony site (carpet, walls, etc.) to avoid clashes in your pictures.

Both mothers should wear a dress appropriate for the style and formality of your wedding. The mother of the bride should wear a color that blends and complements the bridesmaids' dresses, but does not match the exact color. Avoid all black or all white. The "mob" usually selects her dress first and then describes it to the mother of the groom, allowing enough time for her to shop. Both mothers can wear the same color, but not the same dress (preferably they should be the same style and length). For a very formal, large wedding before 6pm (over 200 guests): long or short dresses, not quite as formal as evening wear. For a formal wedding before 6pm (100 or more guests): elegant dresses or suits. In any event, both mothers should go with dresses that look good on them (color, figure size, personal sense of style, etc.) and they do not have to match.

The wedding attire of the groom, as well as that of the other men in the bridal party should compliment the attire of the bride and her attendants with respect to the degree of formality and the time of day for the wedding ceremony. See Grooms Guide for lots of details on the groom and groomsmen's attire. Traditionally, the groom, best man, groomsmen, ushers and both fathers dress alike, except that subtle differences in their accessories – the style of shirt, collar, tie, etc. differentiate the groom and possibly the best man from the other men. Coordinating or matching attire should be worn by the ring bearer, if there is one.

Again, looking through bridal magazines will help you get some ideas as to styles available. Plan to visit the formal wear store at least six weeks in advance of the wedding date. Take sample swatches of the bridesmaid's dresses with you to help coordinate colors. Once you have selected the men's formal wear, you will need to make arrangements for the men to have their measurements taken and formal wear fitted.

If you have any questions concerning the style or formality of the wedding clothes, ask your bridal shop representative or formal wear specialist. They will be able to answer any questions you may have and will be able to assist you in choosing the appropriate style for the type of wedding you have chosen.

Last Minute Fix-Up Kit

It is a good suggestion to have a handy "first aid" kit with you (or your mother) on your wedding day. A ripped hem or seam, snagged panty hose, unruly hair, etc. are problems no bride wants to put up with on her wedding day. A handy little kit – perhaps a decorated shoe box, clutch purse, or sewing kit – should be with the bridal party at all times. You may wish to leave it in the lady's restroom at the place of your reception, as long as it is not a public restroom.

Many brides want to have a small purse, clutch or handbag with them, which may include some of the items below and also have a place to put other personal items or special gifts. It is not a good idea to carry a lot of money in a purse, because you will be dancing and mingling with your guests and it may sit at your bridal table unattended for periods of time. That said, there are many beautiful bridal purses/bags that would compliment your wedding attire.

Beautiful Bridal Clutch/Purse  Menbur Wedding Clutch, satin with flower embellishment, clasp closure    Menbur Wedding Clutch, crepe satin with poufs of beaded chiffon at the entry, clasp closure

Items to bring along may include:

Safety pins
Band-Aids
Hair pins
Tissues
Breath mints
Hand towelettes
Nail polish
Scissors
Needle and thread to match dresses
Comb/brush
Baby powder
Scotch tape
Nail file
Tampons
Aspirin
Pantyhose
Mascara
Lip gloss
Contact lens fluid
Hair spray
Blush
And any other items you may feel necessary to have around on your big day!

Wedding Date

What is the best way to figure out the wedding date?

Depending on the size and complexity of the wedding you are planning, you want to give yourself enough time to plan and implement it. Saturday's are the most popular wedding day, so the pressure for reception sites, photographers, etc. will be greatest on those days. There are only a little over 50 Saturday's in a year, so they get pretty booked. If you can get married on a Friday night, or Sunday, you will also save money, because vendors often charge less for those days than for Saturday events.

You will need to mail invitations 6-8 weeks before the wedding and you need time to figure how many you need and to order and receive them and address them, so figure at least 3-4 months for that process. Planning a wedding around a holiday or other special day (superbowl, etc.) may impact your guests and attendance, so it's probably better to avoid them. Consider what the weather will do at different times of the year - could you have a blizzard or extreme heat, etc. depending on where you plan to be married. Also how easy will it be for your guests to get to your wedding/reception.

Most brides find that it takes about a year or more in advance to plan a wedding - to book the places and vendors you want and to do all the details needed (see the EZ Wedding Planner Plan for a list of details.) However, some brides pull it off in weeks instead of years, with a few compromises. How far out you go may also depend on who's paying and also where/when you are going to go on a honeymoon. Some people pick days that have significance to them (like the anniversary of when you met, or first date, etc.)

Wedding Announcements

When should wedding announcements be sent and who gets them?

 Wedding announcements should be mailed the day of or day after the wedding or very shortly thereafter. These would go to people who were not invited to the wedding or reception, but with whom you would like to share the news of your wedding. It could include business associates, neighbors, club or association members, sorority/fraternity sisters/brothers, distant relatives, friends of your parents, etc. You could refer to holiday-card lists, old personal address books, alumni directories, etc. to be sure you are including those people you want notified.

Want Money not Gifts

What if you don't want to register for wedding gifts, but would rather have a money tree or something similar. Is there a tactful way to do that?

There just isn't a way to request money with out being tacky. If guests ask what you would like, you can drop hints, but cannot directly tell them what to give. Hints that cash would be preferred always start with, "We really have all the household things we need, and we're just happy to have you included in our celebration… but, we're saving up for…" Guests who are comfortable giving money as a gift will figure out that a contribution to your savings project is really what you would like. Some guests simply never give cash! So you should always give a real project that you are saving for, like your honeymoon trip, in case a guest decides to get you something you can use when you finally spend the savings on the stated project. It may be easier for your family to pass on the word that what you really want is money, however they can use the same tact of "saving up for" and should not directly request money.

Vows

I would like some ideas on the vows, it will be a non denominational, Christian, wedding.

Here are some ideas...

I Name take you Name to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

or

I take you Name to be my wife/husband from this day forward, to join with you and share all that is to come, and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us.

or the officiate may ask these in question like form with a response of I will, or I do.

or

O: (to the groom) Name, will you take Name to be your wife? Will you be guided by the counsel and direction God has given in his Word and love your wife as Christ loved the Church? Will you be faithful to her, cherish her, support her, and help her in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live? If so, answer, "I will".

G: I will

O: (to the bride) Name, will you take Name to be your husband? Will you be guided by the counsel and direction God has given in his Word and submit to your husband as the Church submits to Christ? Will you be faithful to him, cherish him, support him, and help him in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live? If so, answer, "I will".

B: I will

O: join your right hands and make your promises to each other: - the groom and bride will say in turn:

I, Name, in the presence of God and these witnesses, take you Name, to be my wife/husband. I promise to be faithful to you as long as we both shall live.

or

I, Name, take you Name, to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

or

I Name, commit my life to our partnership in marriage. I promise to comfort you, to encourage you in all walks of life. I promise to express my thoughts and emotions to you, and to listen to you in times of joy and in times of sorrow. Name, I love you. Will you let me share my life and all that I am with you?

Name: I will

In you vows, you can express your feelings towards each other and your lifelong commitment in wording that you write or some of the above.

Venue defined

What do they mean by venue?

Venue means site - a reception venue is where the reception is held, a hotel, a back yard, a country club, etc., and wedding venue can be the church etc.

Veil Removal

Do I wear the veil the whole time at the reception?

You do not need to wear the veil for the reception. In fact, many brides remove them after the wedding. Some have 2 veils - a long one for the wedding and a short one for the reception. If you intend to remove the veil, coordinate this with who is doing your hair, so they can plan for it accordingly. Also, some headpieces are built to remove the veil easily.

I know of some brides who intended to remove their veil, but loved it so much that they kept it on for the reception, because of the "look and feel" it gave them.

Protecting Your Valuables

PROTECTING YOUR VALUABLES

A few simple precautions will help you protect your belongings for now and for the future. Gifts you receive from friends and family will certainly have some sentimental worth, as well as cash value – so protect those valuables before, during, and after the wedding!

It is suggested that you take out insurance to cover anticipated gifts. A "wedding present floater" is a special policy covering anything that won't stay in one place. The homeowners' insurance held by your parents, for instance, probably won't protect any gifts gathered in their house that you will move to your apartment. The "floater" is good for a temporary period – usually about 90 days after the wedding. It gives "blanket coverage," meaning that you don't have to list each item you're insuring, since you really don't know what gifts will be coming in. You're protected against theft, fire, breakage, etc. There's seldom a deductible which would have you picking up part of any loss. You get back the total value.

If you already own or rent the home you will live in, you will need regular coverage. A smarter investment, then, would be a homeowners' or renters' policy to cover all of your possessions. If you already have this type of insurance, you should "up" your coverage to include any new items you will be receiving or purchasing. For example, if your current policy is good for $7,000, you may want to "up" it an additional $2,000 to cover the gifts that you will be receiving for your wedding. Also, be sure to check with your insurance agent to see what exactly is covered.

Recording and keeping track of all your possessions and gifts may seem tedious, but it is wise to take the time to do this. Your "Wedding Gift Register" is one of your most valuable assets. It provides you with the name and address of the gift giver, the date of acknowledgement, the item given, and the place of purchase. The "register" is your best resource for future fill-ins or replacement and evaluation for insurance purposes. When a claim is filed on a theft loss, the insurance company requires documentation of ownership. If you do not have a household inventory, receipts showing purchase are acceptable proof. However, newlyweds do not have receipts for their wedding gifts, but if you keep good documentation in your "register" you may use this for documentation of ownership.

You must also have record of all personal possessions owned by both of you before your marriage, and items purchased by your after you were married.

An inventory of everything you own, including gifts received at showers, etc., should be taken before the wedding so that you know how much coverage you will need. All items should be recorded, indicating their cash value and age if it is a family heirloom or antique. You may wish to consult a professional appraiser for some items. Be certain your engagement ring and wedding rings have an up-to-date appraisal. The value of gold, silver, and jewels changes constantly.

When taking your inventory be sure to include clothing, sports or hobby equipment, furniture, appliances, etc. If you can find receipts for any of your items, collect them and put them in an envelope to keep on file. Also, it is a good practice to take photos of all your possessions. You should put identifying numbers on all items that can be engraved. Contact your local police department for more information on identification numbers. This practice deters thieves.

After your inventory has been taken and a list is made, you should make a copy for your records, and store the original in a safe-deposit box. Also, update your records from time to time.

If all this seems unnecessary and tedious, total up the cash value of all the items on your inventory and see what an investment it represents. Does the amount surprise you? Once you realize the value of these belongings, you will probably want to take steps to assure the safety of your precious possessions! With a little thoughtful planning, the things you love can be with you for a lifetime.

Ushers or Groomsmen?

I am planning a wedding of approximately 150 guests. I know that you are supposed to have one usher to every fifty guests. Do those ushers also have to be groomsmen?

 No, they do not have to be the same people. You can have separate ushers whose only job it is to escort people to (and maybe from) their seats. This is one way to have friends/relatives participate in your wedding without having them in the actual wedding party. But, if you choose, they can be the same people. After the guests are seated, they then take their places as groomsmen.

Unity Candle

We would like to include the unity candle in our service. Any suggestions on how to do this?

There are a number of different ways to incorporate the unity candle. There are two candles which are lit prior to or during the service. This can be done by the clergy, both sets of parents, attendants, etc. One of these burning candles is on the bride's side of the alter (or a side table) and the other on the groom's side. A taller, unlit candle is in the middle. After the couple are pronounced husband and wife, they each take a lit candle and together light the unlit, center candle. They then blow out the two other candles. This symbolizes the unification of two families and two hearts and so two people become one. During the lighting of the candle, the clergy may talk about the significance of the unity candle, a soloist may sing, or there may just be silence.

Plan in Two Months

We have about 2 months until the wedding. We are expecting 350 guest. Where do we start. Could you suggest a week by week to do list.

It will be hard to plan a large wedding in 2 months. The first thing you need to do is find a location for the wedding/reception. Many places book up a year or more in advance, so you may have to call lots of places to find one that can hold that many people. Then, ask the people you want as attendants and get busy finding dresses etc. They need to be rush ordered with enough time for alterations and you may find 2 months is not enough time. So, you may want to consider buying dresses from a department store (even coordinating colors can work nicely if they can't all get the same dress). When you find a site, you will need to work with the caterer on food soon. Also, when you have a pretty firm guest count, you will need to order invitations, because you generally need to mail them out 4-6 weeks before the wedding. It takes a bit of time to address them all, so allow for this.

You can start now by entering the guests names and addresses in the People section of EZ Wedding Planner. Then you can print lists by address, etc. for invitations. You can also track the RSVPs for reception count. And you can seat them at reception tables using the Seating section of EZWP (usually an extremely time consuming job if done manually, but easy to do here).

One other vendor that books far in advance is a photographer, so start now to find one who is available on your wedding date.

You can use the Plan as a checklist of things to do - check them off as you do them and then only display the Not Done items. They are in the general order of how things usually are done, but the dates will not line up with a 2 month wedding, so just start picking them off from the top and work your way down. You may want to turn your email reminders off in Options, so you aren't swamped with overdue items emailed to you.

Register at Travel Agency

My best friend is getting married. It is her 1st wedding, but the groom's 2nd. They have all the household necessities they need. People keep asking her if she is registered anywhere. We are having a personal shower for her and are having a Jack and Jill. Is she still supposed to register somewhere or is there a way to say they just want money without being tacky? She was wondering if they can register at their Travel agency. I hope you can help.

There just isn't a way to request money with out being tacky. If guests ask what she would like, she can drop hints, but cannot directly tell them what to give. Hints that cash would be preferred always start with, "We really have all the household things we need, and we're just happy to have you included in our celebration… but, we're saving up for…" Guests who are comfortable giving money as a gift will figure out that a contribution to their savings project is really what they would like. Some guests simply never give cash! So she should always give a real project that they are saving for, like their honeymoon trip, in case a guest decides to get them something they can use when they finally spend the savings on the stated project.

Registering at a travel agency would only not seem tacky if she is also registered somewhere else where guests can buy other gifts. This way several registries can be listed and those who would be happy giving money can select the travel agency.

You could have a travel theme at the Jack and Jill shower, and they could register somewhere (like a local department store) for travel type items which they could use (travel alarm, shoe bags, travel hair dryer, toiletry bags, passport holder, money belts, etc.) This theme may then be a "hint" to the guests that money towards the trip would be appropriate, without actually specifying it.

Guest Transportation

Our wedding ceremony is approx. 35 minutes away from the hotel where the reception is being held. Do you think we should provide transportation from the hotel to the wedding for those guests that were part of the rehearsal dinner or those people that stayed at the hotel Friday night.

Generally, guests provide their own transportation to/from the wedding/reception. But, it is considerate for the wedding hosts to arrange transportation for all out-of-town guests. You could arrange for a bus, vans, limos, or taxis to transport out-of-town guests between the sites. Or you could ask local wedding attendants (generally family) or other close friends if they could provide rides. A small thank you gift or personal note of thanks should be given to those family/friends providing rides.