Rehearsal Dinner

Who attends the rehearsal dinner? Immediate family?

 If space and/or finances are limited, only the members of the wedding party need to be invited. But, the guest list usually includes your attendants and the spouses of married attendants (or live-in partners), the immediate family on both sides (parents and siblings and their partners), parents of children in the wedding (young children are optional), and the officiant and his/her spouse. Most people also include out-of-town guests arriving for the wedding (or plan some other function for them to attend the night before the wedding). If you want to expand it, you can include grandparents and special aunts/uncles too. The purpose of the rehearsal dinner is to have an opportunity to visit and relax with those closest to the bride and groom, so you can decide how many people that includes. It can be anywhere from a formal sit-down dinner to an informal buffet, or a backyard barbecue or lasagna party. This is also the occasion where most bridal couples give the gifts to their attendants.

Guest Page

I want my friends to see the latest event schedule, gift status and registry. How do I do that?

You can go to Options - Guest Web Pages and set a password for your friends, guests and families to use. With that password they will be able to see a list of your event schedule, your gift list and the places you have registered. It's a great way to keep everyone who is net connected informed. When anyone goes in to look at your stuff you will get email that tells you who checked it out. To test it, follow the link you get in your email. To enter places where you are registered, go to Lists. Towards the bottom you will see the Registry link.

You can also get your own personalized website through EZWeddingPlanner.com with a combination of your names where your guests can see pictures of you and any wedding details you want to show them.

When to Register for Gifts

When to you register for gifts? I used to work for Target and I know that if you register too far ahead most of the merchandise will be discontinued before the showers. Would it be okay to wait. When is the last time we should consider registering for gifts?

If you want to give suggestions for guests who might attend engagement parties or showers, etc. you may want to register early. Many guests will buy the shower/wedding presents as soon as they hear you are getting married. You can always add new stuff to the registry as it gets closer to the wedding and you see what price range items have already been purchased. It's a good idea to select a wide variety and price range of items so there is something for every budget. You should be registered at least by the time you send out the wedding invitations.

Reception Order of Events

Reception Order of Events

Here are some suggestions for wedding reception order - feel free to personalize this to your preferences, as all receptions are a bit different, sometimes depending on location and/or religion.

If the receiving line is done at the reception, after the line and after the cocktail hour is finished, the guests move into the main dining area and are seated. When the guests are all seated, the Master/Mistress of Ceremony (sometimes the DJ acts as M/MOC) introduces the bridal party. Whoever does the introductions should check beforehand on preferences of names and pronunciations. If they have not already been seated also, there can be a procession - beginning with bride's parents, groom's parents, flower girl and ring bearer, bridesmaids and groomsmen, best man and maid of honor, and finally the bride and groom. If the receiving line is done after the ceremony, introductions can still be made at the reception, with or without a procession.

The first dance with just the bride and groom can take place right after the introductions above or after the meal is done. Toward the end of the song, the M/MOC tells the bridal party to join in and then guests may also be included if you like. One consideration is the length of time the photographer will be at the reception and if you want the first dance captured on his/her film.

The cake cutting is introduced by the M/MOC and they can direct guests to the location. This is usually done before the meal, so the cake can be served in sequence after the meal, without having guests get up and down.

Just before the main meal is served, the best man is introduced and he toasts the couple. The maid of honor can also toast if she wishes. And it is customary at religious weddings to have the officiant say a prayer before everyone eats (prepare him/her in advance to do this). If there is a buffet, some direction may be announced on what is where and perhaps a table order for forming the lines.

Toward the end of the reception, the M/MOC can gather eligible ladies to the middle of the floor and the bride tosses her bouquet. The groom can remove the garter and toss it to eligible men.

The groom/bride and/or bride's father/mother can stand up and formally thank the guests for attending and helping to make the wedding special.

Other events can be announced/done, such as slide shows of bride/groom's growing up, professional dancers or entertainers, solo singers, readings/speeches, the dollar dance, disposable cameras on each table (and what guests are expected to do with them), etc.

Reception Planning

Do you have a to do list for planning the wedding reception. We want to make sure we don't forget anything.

 There are several sources in EZ Wedding Planner dealing with the reception. In Plan/Great Ideas there is a topic on reception. Also, see the question dealing with master/mistress of ceremony.

Reception Food and Beverages

Reception Food and Beverages

Food

Choosing the right caterer is very important. The catering expert will be able to help you choose the proper menu for the time of day your reception is being held. Many caterers will let you sample different dishes to decide on what to serve and to see how the plates will actually be displayed for your guests. Generally, the caterers will supply all the dishes, flatware, glasses, cups, saucers, and table linens. They will also be able to assist you in setting up the tables and also give you ideas for decorations, etc.

The cost will largely depend on the service the caterer will provide. Some caterers will charge a flat rate or on a per-person basis. Ask what the staff-to-guest ratio will be (one waiter per 8-10 guests for a seated meal is usually adequate). Are all costs including gratuity included in the meal cost? You will probably need to give a final headcount estimate at least one week in advance. Ask if they prepare extra food for a certain percentage over your estimate, if so you may be able to underestimate and still be covered. It's a good bet that someone who has RSVP'd yes will not show up. On the other hand, you could have a few unexpected guests, so be thoughtful in your final numbers. Be sure to get all cost estimates in writing.

For things to consider when interviewing caterers, click here.

For low cost catering ideas, click here.

For a handy caterer worksheet, click here.

For tips on proportions for doing your own catering and preparing your own food, click here.

Cake

Your wedding cake is important not only for photos, but for taste. Be sure to sample a variety of wedding cakes before choosing a baker. Many sites will wave the cutting/serving fee in lieu of serving other deserts. Or, you may want to have both, in which case there will probably be a charge for serving the wedding cake. See Cake Ordering and Cutting for more details regarding the cake.

Unique Cake Tops  Family Stylized Heart Cake Topper   Bride "Reaching for Her Star" Figurine   Beach Bride and Groom Cake Topper   Rhinestone Letter Cake Topper   "Super Sexy Spy" Wedding Bride and Groom Figurine   Porcelain Interracial Bride and Groom Cake Top Wedding

Beverages

Depending on the location you choose for your reception, you will need to make a careful decision about the liquor or other beverages you plan to serve. You will need to decide whether you want an open bar or cash bar. Then you need to decide on the types of beverages you will serve. This item is one of the major expenses of your reception.

If your reception is in a hotel or restaurant, most likely you will not be allowed to provide your own stock. Check with the banquet manager on the cost to you. Some let you decide to pay on a per-drink basis or a flat fee per-person basis. House brands of liquor are less expensive than premium brands. Ask how they handle obviously intoxicated guests and do they continue to serve them? You may want to offer taxi service or designated drivers if you have guests who should not drive home.

Many guests will appreciate nonalcoholic beverages, such as punch, mineral water, soft drinks, coffee, tea (decaf also), and something sparkling for the toast.

If your reception is in a hall or a private home, you may have to supply your own beverages. Contact your local liquor dealer, who will be able to assist you in determining the types of liquor to serve and the quantities needed. Again, planning in advance will allow you to watch for sales on these items and buying by the case will give you discounts. Also, be sure to ask about returning unopened, unused bottles for cash.

Some things to consider when ordering liquor: the ages of your guests, the time of day of the reception and how long it will go, inside or outside reception, etc. Also, do you think more of your guests are beer drinkers or wine drinkers or mixed drink people. This will determine somewhat the variety of what you buy. Some people may also specify certain brands of liquor that they prefer and soda water, tonic water, etc.

Your best bet would be to talk with the liquor store (where you will be purchasing the alcohol). They know how many cups a keg of beer holds (you can get different sizes). You might be able to figure out a bottle of booze by dividing 1 1/2 to 2 oz. of liquor in the total oz. size of the bottle. 60 oz of Windsor = 30 to 40 drinks, a bottle of wine = 4 - 6 glasses, etc. You could figure 1-2 drinks per hour per drinking guest. Also check if you can return any unopened bottles or kegs for your money back.

For the champagne toast, you can probably get 6-7 glasses per bottle (depending again on the size of the bottle). So you need to figure out how many people will get champagne glasses (children probably won't). Also you may want some non-alcoholic for those who do not/cannot drink alcohol. For instance, for 100 drinking/toasting guests at one glass per person, you would need 17 bottles.

For wine with dinner, figure 2 glasses per person, so at 5 glasses per bottle, for 100 drinking guests you would need 40 bottles.

You may consider hiring several bartenders for 100 guests. One for every 50 guests for the cocktail hour and then one per seventy guests after the cocktail hour works well.

Reception Activities

Can you give me a list of fun activities to do at the wedding reception?

Besides the regular reception activities, eating, toasting, dancing, cake cutting, throwing bouquet, etc. you could have picture boards with bride/groom growing up or slide shows of bride/groom's growing up, professional dancers or entertainers, wandering musicians, solo singers, readings/speeches, the dollar dance, disposable cameras on each table for guests to take candid photos with, etc. Sometimes DJs have props and play games with guests and/or live bands are always entertaining to watch.

Guests are probably not expecting lots of activities at a wedding reception and are happy to be fed and visit with you, other family members and each other.

Reception Site

Reception Site

The reception is a party, a celebration of your marriage – the tone and style should reflect and compliment your wedding theme. Again. Planning ahead will ensure that everything goes smoothly according to your plans. The hour of the ceremony will be a guide as to the appropriate reception time to choose. Ideally, invite all your guests to both the ceremony and the reception, if possible. The reception should follow the ceremony immediately.

Location

Once you have decided on the number of guests, the type of reception you want, and the amount of money you want to spend, you will need to choose a location. Some ideas of who to contact are listed below:

• Hotels - many also offer package deals including special room rates for guests.
• Historical mansions - check with historical societies, chamber of commerce or yellow pages. Elegant mansions can often offer unique reception sites.
• Specialty wedding sites - some locations cater specifically to weddings and can provide a full-service location, e.g. The Inn at Mystic in CT.
• Fraternal organizations – try your local Moose, Elks, Knights of Columbus, Fraternal Order of Police, Eagles, Veterans of Foreign Wars, or American Legion lodges. Many rent their halls to non-members. Each has its own rules and policies.
• Churches – Many have halls they will rent to members and non-members as well. Again, check on their policies.
• Country club.
• Restaurants with banquet rooms – Check your local Yellow Pages.
• Ballrooms – Check your local Yellow Pages.
• Parks – Check city, county and state parks with suitable facilities.
• Home – Be sure there is enough room for everyone to move about comfortably and sufficient parking space available.
• Outdoors – You may want to rent a tent so that you have a covering over your head in case of rainy weather.

Check you local Yellow Pages for names of places to contact, or ask friends, relatives, and recent newlyweds for suggestions.

Once you have narrowed down your search, here are some questions to ask before you book a reception site:

• Is there a rental fee and what does it include? How many hours does this include?
• Are there restrictions on decorations, flowers, candles, photography, etc.?
• Are any decorations included in your rental fees (e.g. table decorations)?
• Will you need to pay extra for services like bartenders, janitorial, parking attendants, coat-check, etc.
• What about parking and cost?
• Is there a limitation on the number of people the room will hold and for what type of reception - sit down meal, buffet, etc.?
• What time can your guests be admitted and is there adequate space outside the room if they have to wait?
• When can vendors deliver items - cake, decorations, etc?
• Is there a dance floor, how big, any extra charges, and any restrictions on music/musicians/equipment?
• Are there microphones and/or any other equipment provided? At what cost?
• Who will do the catering - must you use theirs?
• Is there adequate kitchen facilities?
• Is there a wedding coordinator or banquet manager who will be in charge and can you meet him/her before the reception?
• Are there restrictions on smoking and is there a separate location set aside for smokers?
• Is there liability insurance in case someone gets injured?
• What is their policy if something gets damaged or broken?
• What is the payment schedule and when do you have to guarantee number of guests?
• Is the deposit refundable and what is the cancellation policy?
• Are there any other activities going on at the same site or any other weddings booked for the same day? If so, do they also have music?

Decorations

The color scheme you choose for your wedding should follow through – from your attendants' dresses and flowers to the colors you choose to decorate the hall. Discuss with the manager as to what extra touches are necessary and/or allowable. They may also have recommendations for vendors who have previously decorated the site and what was done.

Many locations may provide some decorations included in your rental fee, such as table centerpieces, fresh flowers, etc. If you have an outside wedding, flowers may already be there and your challenge may be how to decorate tents and food tables.

Also, it is often more convenient to hire someone to decorate the reception hall or site, as well as to remove the decorations and clean up. Some sites require all decorations to be gone directly after the reception. Your family or friends may be very willing, but it may not be convenient for them. The hall usually has some personnel available for hire, or a referral list of acceptable persons. Cleanup may also be included in your rental fee, but should be discussed when choosing the site.

The Head Table at the Reception

Naturally, the seat of honor will be yours at the main table during the reception. You will want to make the very best impression, as will the entire wedding party. Here are some helpful hints for the time when all eyes are upon you!

• Keep your voice at a moderate level, and refrain from conversation during any "little" ceremonies – when the best man is giving the newlyweds a toast, or when the clergy-person is saying a prayer before the meal, etc.
• Concentrate when you are eating – be careful so that you don't accidentally spill some food or beverage on that beautiful dress. If you're too nervous to eat, don't force yourself. But do eat something if you plan to indulge in a few ceremonial toasts.
• Keep that wedding glow about yourself – Remember you're the focus of attention for the whole crowd, the cameras, and so forth. Groomsmen should leave their jackets on. Bridesmaids should wait to kick off their shoes!
• Appoint a special person to wait on the head table to keep it uncluttered. A low centerpiece should be used so that it won't block anyone's view.
• If guests jointly propose a toast, try to give everyone the pleasure of acknowledging their toast by giving each other a short kiss.
• Rise to greet guests who come to offer their best wishes, and let them know how glad you are that they could come.

If you have a head table, the wedding party should be seated facing the guests, so that everyone can see. Your groom should sit to your left, your maid of honor will sit next to the groom, and the best man will go next to you. The bridesmaids and groomsmen will be seated alternately around the rest of the table. You may also wish to include the clergy-person, your parents, the groom's parents, grandparents, and godparents.

Many couples are foregoing the head table in favor of regular smaller tables, like the guests sit at. One benefit of this is that you can also seat spouses or guests of the wedding party with their respective attendant. Some feel this is more comfortable for everyone involved in the wedding. It also takes up less room than a head table, if space is limited. Individual tables are also less formal, depending on the atmosphere you want at your reception.

Be a Wise Consumer

Pay with a credit card (deposits too). That way if you are unhappy with the service or have problems that aren't resolved, you may have some recourse with the credit card company. Don't forget to ask for references and check them out. You can also check with the Better Business Bureau in your local area prior to booking a vendor, to see if there have been any complaints and if so, how they were handled. Be sure to get any agreements in writing, so there won't be any misunderstandings later as to what was supposed to be done.

Reception for 100

I would like to know a few ideas about having a reception for about 100 people and where abouts I could have it?

Under the "Great Ideas Topic List" in Plan there are lots of helpful tips. One of them is Reception which gives suggestions on location and other details. See Reception in EZ Wedding Planner for details.

Receiving Line

We would like to do a receiving line outside of the church. How much time should we budget for this. We are planning on having about 200 guests.

It depends somewhat on you and your guests and how much they each stop to talk with you. You can move it along more quickly by stopping someone who wants to chat by saying you will talk more with them later, etc. (and then be sure you do.) Also, the fewer people you have standing in the receiving line, the less time it will take your guests to walk through it. Don't have bridesmaids or lots of family members in the line with you. If the weather is not nice, many guests will hurry through or skip it altogether. Depending on weather, you may consider having the receiving line at the reception site instead.

But in any event, if each guest took 10 seconds average it would be a little over a half-hour total. You know some will take more than that, so you should figure 45 minutes to an hour to get 200 guests through a receiving line.

Receiving Line

Could you please tell me in what order do people stand in the receiving line.

The wedding hosts, typically the bride's parents, head the line. Bride's mother, then father, then groom's mother and father, then bride and groom, and optionally, the bride's honor attendant and other bridesmaids. The best man and ushers, as well as any children in your wedding always mingle and do not stand in the line. Also, the fathers are optional - they can just mingle with the guests rather than stand in line if they prefer. If any parents are divorced, they can stand in the line if they wish, but generally not next to each other (unless they are on good terms with each other and prefer to stand together). If a parent is deceased, you could consider replacing them in line with a grandparent or other honored guest. The shorter the number of people in line, the less time your guests need to spend here and the sooner your reception can begin.

RECEIVING LINE

Receiving Line

Once the official has concluded the ceremony with the pronouncement of marriage, the recessional follows [this is usually in reverse order from the processional]. The maid of honor gives the bride her bouquet and adjusts her train, the bride takes her groom's right arm, and they exit first, with the flower girl and ring bearer following. The maid of honor takes the best man's right arm and they exit next, with the bridesmaids and ushers following in pairs as a symbol of the marital union that has just been formed.

The receiving line may be formed in the vestibule of the church if the clergy so permits, following the order of exit. Or, if the area is small, the receiving line may be done outside (weather permitting). The ushers return to escort mothers, grandmothers, and other older female relatives of the bride and groom, with the bride's parents first. The remaining guests then exit by alternating left and right rows, and may file through the receiving line to offer best wishes and congratulations.

The wedding hosts, typically the bride's parents, head the line. Bride's mother, then father, then groom's mother and father, then bride and groom, and optionally, the bride's honor attendant and other bridesmaids. The best man and ushers, as well as any children in your wedding always mingle and do not stand in the line. Also, the fathers are optional - they can just mingle with the guests rather than stand in line if they prefer. If any parents are divorced, they can stand in the line if they wish, but generally not next to each other (unless they are on good terms with each other and prefer to stand together). If a parent is deceased, you could consider replacing them in line with a grandparent or other honored guest. Stepparents that you are close to may also stand in the receiving line, next to their spouse. The shorter the number of people in line, the less time your guests need to spend here and the sooner your reception can begin.

Keep each greeting short if your line is long. Simply thank each guest for coming and tell them how happy you are to see them. Introduce them to your new spouse if they do not already know them. It is helpful to go over your guest list a day or so before the wedding, so the names are fresh in your mind. If you don't know a guest, or the name escapes you, introduce yourself - he or she should then offer his or her name in return. It is probably easiest if the bride and bridesmaids set their flowers down (out of the way) before receiving guests. Also remove any gloves for handshaking.

If bridal party pictures are to be taken after the ceremony, a receiving line can be set up at the reception site. Food and drinks can be passed out to those waiting in line. A picture board with photos of the bride and groom is a good idea to have at the reception site.

Quick Wedding

I'm planning on having a very small, inexpensive wedding in a few months and have very little time to plan it. Do you have any type of planning advice for me?

The first thing you need to do is plan the big 4 - date, location, budget and who's going to be in your wedding. The first 2 may be the hardest on short notice.

Use the EZ Wedding Planner "Plan" feature so as not to forget any details.

A photographer is important, because after all the excitement, you will be left with the pictures. If you have less than 50 guests, you can hand write invitations on stationery or call them. If you are planning a standard wedding/reception, invitations should be sent at least 4 weeks before the wedding. This could be tight when time is an issue. Ask the printers if they can rush them.

Bridesmaids can get dresses off the rack from a department store (which is quicker than ordering from bridal shop). Consider buying a bridal store demo (off the rack) or consignment shops for your dress, or renting or having it sewn for you. Try the bakery at your local grocery store for the cake - their lead time is usually much shorter than specialty bakers (one of our daughters got her cake from a local upscale grocer and it was outstanding). Use flowers that are in season, as they are always cheaper than exotic flowers and are readily available. Or, get married in a garden/arboretum with ready made flowers. DJs are easier to come by and less expensive than a band on short notice if you want music and dancing at the reception. Or, you don't have to have music - your guests may enjoy just socializing without the music. If you are getting married in a church, consider using the basement or community room for the reception. This is generally available on little notice.

Or, if you have a large home or yard, consider hosting the reception (and maybe even the ceremony) there. (Tents for outside in case of rain). You may have friends who would help with the food or, for ease - find a local caterer.

If you are planning to register for gifts, do so soon. Check on marriage license requirements and get the license. Also, some religious officiants require pre-marriage counseling - check to see and allow enough time. You can also do your own programs on your computer. Printing on colored paper and folding works great.

Be creative and have fun.

Questions Most Commonly Asked

QUESTIONS MOST COMMONLY ASKED

What do we do if our parents are divorced?

Although this can be an awkward moment for everyone, the most important point to remember is in considering everybody's feelings. The approach depends upon your relationship with the entire family – parents and stepparents. Communication is the solution. Discuss your feelings with them and listen to their objections. Each situation is unique. Try to remain sensitive and then proceed with arrangements that allow everyone to participate with grace. Keep in mind that you cannot change the divorce, and the success of your wedding is your ultimate goal.

Consider who is sponsoring the wedding. If they are absolutely unwilling to be civil, you must simply keep them apart. Most often, they will overlook their feelings for the sake of your feelings and your wedding day.

The reception is more relaxed and less structured. Most seating arrangements can be dealt with at this level as everyone is more at ease. The ceremony is much more delicate and therefore guidelines for seating will reduce the amount of anxiety or tension.

If your parents are divorced, but not remarried, if they are congenial, they might sit together in the left front row at Christian weddings; women sit on the left and men on the right at Jewish ceremonies. Otherwise your mother sits in the left front pew and your father sits in the third row on the left side. (This is also an individual decision.)

When each parent has remarried, your mother sits in the customary place with her husband, and your father sits with his wife in the third left-hand row.

If you happen to be living with your father and stepmother who are sponsoring the wedding, they sit in the front row. Then your mother and stepfather, as honored guests, sit in the third left-hand row.

If your brother or uncle is taking the place of your absent father, he sits with your mother. The same would apply to anyone substituting for your mother.

Seat your groom's divorced parents in identical position, but in the right-hand rows.

What do we do if this is a second marriage?

A second wedding should not appear to be duplicating or competing with the first. When both the bride and groom remarry, the ceremony is traditionally small and informal with the bride and her party dressed in elegant, but not formal "bridal" attire. This is not always followed. Many couples who are remarrying have a much more monumental wedding. They may even include their children in the actual ceremony, which is actually quite healthy when reuniting the "family" unit. Also, it helps to include them rather than give them the feeling of exclusion and insecurity.

If one of you is marrying for the first time, a traditional wedding is probably the answer. However, compromise is often the key and communication the means to achieve your decision. Usually, in a remarriage, the couples are paying for the wedding themselves so financial guidelines will dictate the type of wedding you will have.

Be sure to consult with your church and clergy-person regarding a second marriage. You must be sure to realize that some churches/denominations are reluctant to marry divorced persons. This may also direct you in the type of wedding you will have.

What roles do the stepchildren play?

It is recommended that you ask your children their preference and opinion regarding the wedding. The children should be made to feel like an important member of the new family. Keep them informed of your plans from the very beginning.

These decisions depend upon the child's age. If they are too young or the wedding will be small, give each child a variety of responsibilities to fulfill. Some ideas are: filling the champagne glasses, cutting the cake and serving, assisting the guests in signing the guest book, checking coats, and also to participate in the church service itself.

How do I choose my name?

Traditionally, a bride always took her husband's name. It is actually a custom rather than a law. Today, many women have a greater sense of self-identity and/or possibly have built a professional reputation prior to their wedding, and thus, elect to retain their own last name. You do retain the same legal rights regardless of your choice. In fact, you have the legal right to use any name as long as you can show it wasn't changed for any illegal purposes.

Make your choice early. It is much easier to change it at the time of marriage than it is to change it later on.

SOME POINTS TO REMEMBER:

1. Maintain your own credit record. Although equal credit laws are on the books, you must do your part. If you keep your name on any credit cards, be sure they stay in your name if it's different.
2. Keep in mind that someday you may want to open your own business or co-sign a mortgage loan. Maintain your own bank and charge accounts. If you open joint accounts, insist that creditors keep separate credit files in each name.

RETAINING SINGLE NAME

1. Be sure to travel with a copy of your marriage certificate at all times. This can clarify any questions to the validity of your surname.
2. The easiest manner to follow is to use your married name socially, but your birth name professionally. Don't apologize to those who question you, but be gracious. You do have the right to decide how you shall be called.

USING BOTH NAMES:

1. It is a compromise of sorts when you use both names because you are retaining your single name and adding your husband's name (i.e. Mary Smith Doe).
2. A more complex name change is the hyphenated name (i.e. Mary Smith-Doe). In fact, some grooms are doing it too (i.e. John Doe-Smith or John Smith-Doe).

Today's business people are apt to assume a bride is retaining her single name. If you're making a change, it is a nice idea to send a card to associates to inform them of your decision.

Ms. Mary Smith
Announces she has adopted the surname of
Doe

Another idea is to enclose a card with your wedding invitation or mail one separately.

Mary Smith and John Doe
wish to announce that both
will be retaining their present names
for all legal and social purposes
after their marriage
June 15, 1988

Eventually, of course, people will learn your preference through word of mouth. This could be enhanced by your wedding announcement in the newspaper.

Following is a simple checklist for areas requiring a name change. They may require a copy of your marriage license with notification. You may want to check by phone before writing.

Driver's license
Car registration
Social Security
Voter's registration
Passport
Bank accounts
Credit cards
Insurance policies
School and/or employer's records
Post offices
Employment records
Pension plans
Stocks
Bonds
Property titles
Leases
Wills/Pre-nuptial contracts
Beneficiaries

If I am an older bride, can I still follow tradition?

Simply stated, yes. Your wedding is as special as any other. Plan it in your very own style. Your biggest advantage is that you and he have been on your own for many years and you'll probably be paying your own wedding expenses; therefore, you won't have any obligation to consult with or compromise with others. You may decide to forgo some of the less dignified social practices, but your "bridal" attire is strictly up to you.

What is the customary process for reaffirming your vows?

If you married in haste and later regret that you missed all the ceremony and celebration, all you have to do is retrace your steps and start over again. Renew those vows or have a special blessing in a very nice church setting with all the necessary trimmings…including a big reception. This idea is becoming a popular idea for a wedding anniversary, perhaps a silver or golden. Many times the couple's children and grandchildren participate in the ceremony. An indication of this can be a part of the anniversary invitation as well.

How do we choose our home . . . your place, my place?

The ideal solution is our place. This usually means someplace neutral. If this is not possible, give thought to some simple redecorating or remodeling that could be done to one place or the other. If there are children involved, that must be given first consideration (i.e. schools, playmates, security, etc.). And of course, financial abilities must also be considered.

Trying to merge two households requires much patience any way you look at it. After years of making your own decisions, two independent people pledge to share their life together. It takes more than love to make a successful merger. It requires a great deal of tolerance, negotiation, and mutual respect. Communication is always important, and with enough compromise you will reach a decision that allows you both to be comfortable.

This may also be the best time to draw up an inventory, listing every piece. Compare items, combine, and dispose of what is not needed. This is perfect for insurance purposes as well as personal records. Those items which you don't need can be sold, given to family or given to a charitable organization. And, anything that you cannot decide what to do with…well, just simply toss a coin.

Do we need a marriage contract?

A marriage contract is something to consider if you need to define or express differently any right in your marriage that is customarily taken for granted. Many states are now community property states. Consult a lawyer beforehand. As unromantic as this may sound, a marriage contract can serve as a good format to begin on, paving the way to a healthier, happier future. You will find that the Jewish weddings have implied this for centuries.

Ceremony Program

I need to make programs for the wedding on my own and I need a free site trying to keep the cost of the wedding down.

 One of our daughters and her husband did their program in Microsoft Word and then printed it themselves on their printer. They ordered blank wedding program paper with a pretty cover from the same place they ordered invitations (from a catalog). Probably stationery stores, office supply stores, or Christian book stores will also have blank programs or decorated stationery. Their program paper was 8 1/2 x 11 folded in half. Another program I've seen is again typing the program in your word processor & then printing it on colored paper (ivory in this case). Then punch two holes in the top of the page and tie a matching ribbon through them. This can be rolled and tied with a ribbon and put in a basket or handed to guests as they arrive. Or, it could be folded with the ribbon on top. You could also add some pretty clip art to the program to add a little graphics. If your wedding is in a church, often times they will also print your programs for you very inexpensively - they print bulletins weekly, so they have the in-house capability. And, they may have some appropriate front covers that you can choose for weddings. (If you do your own printing, make sure you use a new printer ink cartridge.)

In EZ Wedding Planner, go to Plan/Great Ideas/Ceremony Programs for lots of ideas on wording and what's included in a wedding program.

Processional Song

Can you recommend a song other than Here Comes the Bride for the bride to go down the aisle. Could Butterfly Kisses work?

I'm not familiar with Butterfly Kisses, but you can use almost anything you like. One very popular processional piece is Canon in D by Pachelbel (I've heard this played in 3 out of 5 of the last weddings we've attended). Also Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring by Bach is beautiful and very popular for bride's to walk in by (the other 2 weddings played this one). The Advice section in EZWeddingPlanner has lots of music tips, including processional music suggestions.

Postponed Wedding

It was unfortunate that I had to postpone our Wedding but I thought it is for the better that I did it. There were some problems with his mother and their beliefs, (it was just too crazy). What do I do with my EZWeddingPlanner account?

If you still intend to have a wedding only at a later date, then you can just go into Options and change to the new date. All the Plan items, etc. will automatically adjust to the new date.

If you don't know when or if you will marry, you can also just delete your account in Options and signup again later.

Wedding Planning

I can't decide on anything for my wedding! Is their anyone or anything that can plan it for me!(Please, I have the worst tastes.) If you can't plan it for me then I'll take my business somewhere else!

EZWeddingPlanner is a program that lets you organize all the details of your wedding... the guest list, whose coming and not, how many, etc. and then you can seat them with the seating program. The Plan tells you the things you need to do with a countdown to your wedding date. And we send email reminders when they are coming due. You can track who you have hired and their contact people. The advice section gives you LOTS of tips and details on how to do most everything... contracts, wedding programs, invitation addressing, reception details, who does what and who pays, etc. The Budget section lets you track what you need to buy, who pays and what has already been paid and what's left, etc. You can set up a guest page to tell them where you are registered and what/where and when your events are held, etc. There are many other great wedding planning features in EZWeddingPlanner.com, and it's free!

But, you have to enter the data and make the final decisions on what you want. If you want someone to make those decisions for you, perhaps you should think of hiring a local wedding consultant. They can find vendors and interface with them and do all the details for you, as well as answering lots of general wedding taste questions.

Simple Wedding

How can I plan a wedding that is plain and simple yet elegant in its own way? I don't want big and fancy but I want nice...

 In EZ Wedding Planner, look at the Plan for ideas of lots of things that need to be done and when they could be done by. You can modify your plan to fit your wedding. You can delete items you don't want and add others that may be unique to you. Also, there are LOTS of ideas in Plan/Great Ideas. Each wedding is somewhat different and it depends on location and budget and lots of variables. You can make it as elaborate or simple as you want, it's totally up to you. Marriage is a happy occasion and your friends and family will just be happy for you both. This doesn't depend a on large, grand wedding, it can be very basic and everyone will still be happy.

Photograph

PHOTOGRAPHY/VIDEOGRAPHY

Photography

You should choose a reputable, professional photographer specializing in wedding pictures. Begin your search for a photographer far in advance of the wedding date (up to a year or more) as many of the best photographers are booked up to a year or two ahead of time. Ask to see entire albums of recent weddings they have done. Find out what exactly is included in their "package price" – number of shots, time photographer will work, if album is included, website posting, proofs included, etc. Most photographers will take an engagement picture long before the wedding. This could be handy especially if you want to have an oil painting made from it. Many will include the engagement photo free if you book your wedding with them.

Meet with the person who will actually be taking the photos. Explain the formal and informal photographs that you want taken. Discuss any church restrictions, and ask your photographer to be as inconspicuous as possible. Also, appoint a friend or cousin to help the photographer round up special people, etc. so that your day isn't spent worrying about getting everyone together. Many couples today are having their posed church pictures taken before the service so as not to hold up the families/friends afterward.

Following is a helpful guide to be sure all those happy memories are captured on film. Create your own list in EZ Wedding Planner with the Photography List Free Form. You can copy/paste any of the below list into your personal list.

Before the Ceremony

• Bride in dress.
• Bride putting on veil.
• Bride with mother.
• Bride with father
• Bride with both parents.
• Bride with honor attendants.
• Bride with bridesmaids.
• Bride with grandparents/godparents/special friends.
• Bride with brothers and sisters.
• Bride touching up makeup/hair.
• Everyone getting flowers.
• Bride leaving house.
• Bride and father getting into car.
• Groom alone.
• Groom with best man.
• Groomsmen getting boutonnieres.
• Other ____________

At the Ceremony

• Guests outside the church.
• Bride and father getting our of car.
• Bride and father going into church.
• Ushers escorting guests.
• Groom's parents being seated (or in procession).
• Bride's mother being seated (or in procession).
• Soloist and/or organist.
• Groom and groomsmen at altar (or in procession).
• Giving-away ceremony.
• Altar or canopy during ceremony.
• Each attendant as procession begins.
• Bride and father waiting for procession to begin.
• Procession of groom with his parents/bride with her parents. During the Mass or service, the photographer should be most discreet and not distract from the central action taking place.
• Bridal party at the altar.
• Bride and groom exchanging vows.
• Ring ceremony.
• Groom meeting bride.
• The kiss.
• Bride and groom coming up aisle.
• Bride and groom on church steps.
• Bride alone in the church.
• Bride and groom amongst the guests, wedding party.
• Bride and groom getting into car.
• Bride and groom in back seat of car.
• Other ________________________
• _____________________________

Posed Shots Before the Reception

• Bridesmaids looking at bride's ring.
• Bride's and groom's hands.
• Bride and groom together.
• Bride with parents.
• Groom with parents.
• Bride and groom with honor attendants.
• Bride and groom with children.
• Bride with her attendants.
• Groom with his attendants.
• Bride, groom, all the wedding party.
• Bride, groom, all the parents.
• Other

At the Reception

• Bride and groom arriving.
• Bride and groom getting out of car.
• Bride and groom going into reception.
• The receiving line (posed).
• The receiving line (candid).
• Bride and groom in receiving line.
• Bride's mother in receiving line.
• Buffet table.
• Friends serving punch.
• Bride and groom at bridal table.
• Parents' table
• Entire wedding party at table.
• Bride and groom dancing.
• Bride and her father dancing.
• Groom and his mother dancing.
• The musicians.
• Bride and groom talking to guests.
• Guest book table.
• The cake table.
• Bride and groom cutting the cake.
• Bride and groom feeding each other cake.
• Bride and groom toasting.
• Throwing and catching the bouquet.
• Groom taking off bride's garter.
• Throwing and catching the garter.
• Wedding party decorating car.
• Bride changing into going-away clothes.
• Groom changing into going-away clothes.
• Bride and groom saying good-bye to parents.
• Bride and groom ready to leave.
• Guests throwing rice.
• Guests waving good-bye.
• Rear of car when leaving.
• Other_________________

Shortly after the wedding date, your photographer will notify you that your proofs are developed. Many photographers use digital cameras and can have all of your photos displayed on your wedding day. You and your new husband can then select the shots you will want enlarged for your album. Keep in mind that your wedding photographs are an investment for your memory and for your new future. They also make nice gifts for friends and relatives who share in your joy and love!

Beware of the instant picture availability with digital cameras. We were at a wedding where the photographer had a laptop which he downloaded all the wedding pictures at the reception. The bride/groom and all the wedding party spent most of the reception looking at their pictures and didn't mingle with the guests. They even had to be coached to get on the dance floor because they were so consumed with looking at the laptop pictures. Your reception is a time for you to enjoy and mingle with the guests you invited. Let everyone have a good time and save the picture viewing for later.

Videotape Services

Videotaping, the newest fashion in wedding memories, promises to become as much of a tradition as still photographs. The equipment is lightweight and portable, allowing as much flexibility and scope as you want and are willing to finance. Tape players have fast forward and rewind features for pinpointing your favorite scenes any time you're feeling nostalgic. And lots of videographers put your wedding video on DVD with music and the bells and whistles.

How to Order

Select your wedding and reception sites before interviewing companies to be aware of restrictions on videotaping activities or lighting and power problems. Some religious denominations prohibit videotaping; others allow it but restrict auxiliary lighting to maintain a dignified atmosphere. Low lighting may not rule out taping but the quality will be grainier.

Videotaping wedding services require careful comparisons. Look for broad experience in commercial and industrial work and other wedding references to find the seasoned professionals. Keep a record on the worksheet of the information you gather.

Preview samples of the company's past work. Ask for a description of the proposed scenario and how many cameras are necessary to do it well. Productions range from a single camera shooting from one angle to several roving ones. The best tapes tell a story rather than show unrelated clips. Although you want to rely on the professional's experience, a good producer wants to know your expectations and preferences.

Encourage the video producer and still photographer to coordinate their plans beforehand for maximum, effective use of each medium.

Two types of productions are available. One, the least expensive, uses one camera in more stationary positions. Shots are taken as the action unfolds and there's no post-production work. That means no editing, no customizing and no music although you have the option of adding these later at additional costs. The church shots, for example, are taken with one stationary camera. If a bridal party member gets in the line of sight or you and the groom have to turn your back to the camera, that's what the completed tape will show.

More expensive productions use at least two roving cameras and remake the tape by editing. The cost increases with the complexity. An elaborate production may cost five or six times that of a simple, unedited tape.

Videotape Techniques

Directors have a variety of techniques at their command. Color tape and dual audio (microphones) are available. Your wedding music can be taped during the festivities and dubbed in later. Some tapes start with titles and a montage of two-to-three second clips, and it's possible to include interviews with friends and relatives.

What it Costs

Total cost will depend on equipment, how long the crew works, what graphics are added, and the tape length, sound dubbing, photographic special effects and editing which is often the biggest cost. Equipment ranges from "home movie" video cameras to high resolution, broadcast quality cameras. Generally, companies charge an hourly rate, though some set a flat fee. Decide what your wedding budget will allow and choose within those limits.

Why Video

Many churches are promoting the use of video today because it offers the most realistic memory of your wedding. You will be most nervous during the ceremony – perhaps so nervous that you might not remember the details afterwards. A video allows you to sit with family and friends later to view the wedding, sharing the many wonderful highlights together.

The reception, on the other hand, is full of fun and excitement. So many people to greet, so many things going on – even some family members you may not have seen in years. What a perfect way to remember the faces, the fun, the moments – like your wedding waltz, your favorite song, a special toast, a stolen kiss…My recommendation on videotaping the reception is to pay by the hour and save every inch of film, unedited. You will be happy you did.

Copies of the videotape make great gifts for friends far away. The video can also make an anniversary very special. The memory of your wedding can live on and on.

Costs of Photographers

What is the average cost of a photographer for the bridal portrait and the wedding? Are you allowed to keep the proofs? Does the price quoted include the cost of the pictures or just their time for photographing the wedding?

We've seen photography packages as low as about $400 and as high as about $6,000 and everything in-between. It depends on what part of the country you are in and how many hours you want the photographer to be there (4 hours or 8 hours, etc.) An average package that would suit lots of brides would be somewhere around $1000-$2000. Some let you keep the proofs and some do not, it seems to be an individual photographers policy. Many will post your pictures on a website for viewing and ordering by your guests. Some include proofs for an additional fee and many will put them on a CD-ROM or DVD-ROM. Usually the prices quoted include lots of pictures in an album as well as their time (and often discounts on additional pictures ordered for family and friends for a certain time frame after the wedding). Many photographers also have videography packages available too, which will be an additional cost.

When you find a photographer you like, ask all these questions. The most important thing is that you like their style of photos and that you are comfortable with them.

You can go to Plan/Great Ideas for more detailed photography info.

Paying for the Expenses

PAYING FOR THE EXPENSES

Who Pays For What

There aren't any absolute rules as to who pays for what. Traditionally, wedding expenses have been taken care of by the bride's family, with the groom responsible for the rings and the honeymoon.

While tradition is still an honored part of our heritage, financial obligations must often give way to everyday realities and compromise.

At the time of the wedding planning, both sets of parents, along with the engaged couple, should meet to discuss the financial arrangements. It is wise for each party to make any financial limits absolutely clear–to prevent misunderstandings or hard feelings at a later date after definite plans have been made.

If the parents of the groom are financially willing and able, they may offer at any time to pay part, half, or all of the wedding expenses. This is especially true if the groom's side has many more guests coming and/or if the bride's family and guests must incur travel expenses for a wedding held where the groom's family lives.

Costs should be allocated in order of priority of what is most important to the bride and groom. As a loose rule of thumb, reception food/drink is 50% of the total budget. Then photography 10%, flowers 10%, music 10%, dress, headpiece and veil 10%, misc (gifts, favors, fees, transportation, tips, etc.) 6%, and finally invitations 4%. These numbers can be adjusted based on your priorities.

Below is a traditional list of who pays for what, but the final decision really depends on who is most willing and able to pay.

The Bride

1. Wedding ring for the groom (if it's a double ring ceremony).
2. A wedding gift for the groom.
3. Presents for the bridal attendants.
4. Personal stationery.
5. Accommodations for her out-of-town attendants.
6. Physical examination and blood test.

The Groom

1. The bride's rings.
2. Wedding gift for the bride.
3. The marriage license.
4. Gifts for the best man and ushers.
5. Flowers – bride's bouquet and going-away corsage; corsages for mothers; boutonnieres for men in wedding party.
6. Accommodations for out-of-town users or best man.
7. His blood test.
8. Gloves, ties, or ascots for the men in the wedding party.
9. Fee for the clergyperson/judge.
10. The honeymoon.
11. Bachelor dinner (optional).

The Bride's Family

1. The entire cost of the reception: rental of hall, if reception is not held at home; caterer; food (including wedding cake); beverages; gratuities for bartenders, waiters; decorations; music; flowers.
2. A wedding gift for the newlyweds.
3. The bride's wedding attire/trousseau.
4. The wedding invitations, announcements, thank yous, napkins, etc., and mailing costs.
5. The fee for engagement and wedding photographs.
6. Ceremony – rental of sanctuary; fees for organist, soloist, or choir, etc.; aisle carpets; and any other costs for decorations.
7. Bridesmaids' bouquets.
8. Gratuities for policeman directing traffic and/or parking.
9. Transportation for bridal party from the bride's house to the wedding ceremony and from ceremony to the reception.
10. Bridesmaids' luncheon.
11. Rehearsal dinner (optional).
12. Household furnishings for the bride and groom – from linens, china, silver, and crystal to furniture (optional).

The Groom's Family

1. Clothes for the wedding.
2. Any traveling expenses and hotel bills they incur.
3. Wedding gift for the newlyweds.
4. Rehearsal dinner, or any other expenses they elect to assume (optional).

The Attendants

1. Their wedding clothes.
2. Any traveling expenses they incur.
3. Wedding gift for the newlyweds.

The Guests

1. Any traveling expenses and hotel bills they incur.
2. Wedding gift for the newlyweds.

Over 50

Do you have some ideas for couples over 50? We need all the ideas we can get.

 Probably you will be paying for your own wedding, although if your parent's are still around, they could be listed as hosts if you like. Else you could word the invitations something like... The honour of your presence is requested at the wedding of Susan Lynn Smith to Matthew Andrew Larson... or Susan Lynn Smith and Matthew Andrew Larson wish you to share in their joy as they are united in marriage on... If you are having under 50 guests, you can hand write invitations on pretty paper or just telephone them. You may prefer a smaller ceremony and larger reception, in which case you could send out reception only cards. But if you would like a big wedding and reception, go for it, there is no reason not to.

Instead of a traditional shower, you may want to have a coed cocktail or dinner party that includes your fiancé, mutual friends, and their partners. And, if you already have everything you want for your household, maybe have guests bring something unique, like favorite recipes or pictures of themselves with you or your fiancé, or things for your garden or other hobby. If you want to register, consider things you may not have yet, like crystal or china or new sets of things that are worn out. Other things to register for could include your favorite wine, books, electronics, hobby preferences, etc. Some people also get the word out that they would like gift certificates to a specified travel agent (for honeymoon, etc.).

You can wear a long, formal dress in any color including white. Or any length gown in any color you prefer will also work fine. If this is a second marriage, skip the veil and go for flowers, a hat, pretty tiara, or nothing at all. If it's a first for you both, a veil is fine. The same holds for bridesmaids... anything from formal to street length dresses. The ceremony can be anywhere you are comfortable with, a church, a park, on the beach, city hall, etc. If this is a second wedding for either of you, hold the reception somewhere other than where the first one was held. If there are any children from previous marriages, consider including them in your wedding party.

Discuss finances and/or assets, as both of you may be well established already with a variety of household goods, real estate and investment holdings to merge or not merge, or dispose of. Take an inventory of what you have before registering for other gifts.

Take the time and spend the money to go somewhere special for your honeymoon. Go somewhere in the world that you both have always wanted to see, or somewhere that you have been before and really enjoyed.

Rental Equipment

We are wanting an outdoor reception. We are considering my fiance's parents home or a park. When do we need to think about reserving chairs and tables or contacting the companies for those things?

See outdoor receptions question. Timing for reservations differs by company. It's best to call around to rental companies and see what they have available for your date. Some may book a year in advance and some may only need a month or so notice. You will probably have to put down a deposit when booking to hold what you want for the date you want. They can also help suggest items you may not have thought of, that would add special touches to the decorations, etc.

Outside Reception

Will we save money by having our reception outdoors or does that end up costing more?

You may save some money going outdoors, depending again on what you want. There are many rental companies who specialize in weddings and should have everything you need. We've been to some very lovely outdoor wedding/receptions. Outdoor considerations include: Back up tents or other cover are a good idea, in case of rain or blazing sun that will melt not only your cake, but also your guests. Tents should be set up several days prior to the event to ensure dry ground underneath. Have an adequate number of tables/chairs for both the wedding and reception. If the reception will go into the evening, you will want lights and perhaps heaters, depending on weather, which also necessitates electricity (and perhaps portable generators). If insects are a problem in your area, consider pre-spraying with insecticide or lighting punk sticks or citronella candles. If you want dancing, you may want to rent a portable dance floor. Also remember to consider the needs of any of your guests who may have special handicap or accessibility needs. Parking and rest room facilities should also be adequate for the number of guests you are planning. Then you have to consider the food/catering and preservation of food due to weather conditions. And probably hiring a bartender & purchasing liquor. Parks may require special permits for large events (and may restrict alcohol use) and/or security personnel. If you have it in a park (or actually anywhere outside), also plan for cleanup duty by someone after the affair. Check on the trash disposal requirements of the park. Some people have had pot luck beach parties or backyard barbecues for receptions, which can save lots of money. It just depends on your choices. EZWeddingPlanner advice section has more reception site details and suggestions.

Outside Wedding

We're planning an outside wedding. Any suggestions?

There are many locations that specifically cater to outdoor weddings and will be able to coordinate all the details. If you are planning it yourself, here's some things to think about. Back up tents or other cover are a good idea, in case of rain or blazing sun that will melt not only your cake, but also your guests. Tents should be set up several days prior to the event to ensure dry ground underneath. Have an adequate number of chairs for both the wedding and reception. If the reception will go into the evening, you will want lights and perhaps heaters, depending on weather. If insects are a problem in your area, consider pre-spraying with insecticide or lighting punk sticks or citronella candles. If you want dancing, you may want to rent a portable dance floor. Also remember to consider the needs of any of your guests who may have special handicap or accessibility needs. Parking and rest room facilities should also be adequate for the number of guests you are planning.

Origins and Customs

ORIGINS AND CUSTOMS

Origin of the Engagement and Wedding Rings

The ring as a symbol of marriage may have evolved from an African custom where the bride and groom's wrists were tied together with grass during the ceremony. And when grooms negotiated purchase of their brides, they often gave metal rings as partial payment. Eventually, the more precious the metal the wealthier the groom. In ancient Egypt before coins were minted, gold rings were used as currency. To show he trusted his wife with his money, the Egyptian husband placed one of these rings on her finger. The ancients thought that love traveled to the heart in the vein of the third finger of the left hand. To this day, that is still the finger on which the wedding ring is worn. To them, the circle indicated eternity and the iron symbolized lastingness. In any case, the bride received just one ring–upon her engagement. Then, in 1215 the Pope declared a longer waiting period between betrothal and the marriage. So, a second ring, the wedding ring, was placed on the bride's finger during the ceremony when she finally wed.

Another interesting legend is the ring ceremony. During the ceremony the ring was placed on the open Bible. The clergyman then sprinkled it with holy water and blessed it. Then the groom picked it up with his right hand and placed it on the bride's thumb, saying, "In the name of the Father." He then transferred it to the first finger, saying, "And of the Son." Next he changed it to the second finger as he said, "And of the Holy Ghost." Finally he placed it on her finger with "Amen." It did not seem to matter whether the ring was placed on the bride's right or left hand. Sometimes it was placed on the right hand at the espousal and on the left at the wedding ceremony.

Origin of the White Bridal Gown

In early Saxon days and through the 18^th century, it was the poorer bride who came to her wedding dressed in a plain white robe. This was in the nature of a public statement that she brought nothing with her to her marriage and that therefore her husband was not responsible for her debts. Other brides simply wore their Sunday best. Red was a favorite during the Middle Ages in Europe. Icelandic brides chose black velvet. Colors were chosen for their symbolism as well as for preference. Blue meant constancy; green meant youth. Yellow signified jealousy and therefore was never worn. The brides of ancient Israel wore a blue ribbon on the shoulders of their robes to symbolize purity, fidelity and love. Over the years, the meaning of a white dress symbolized purity. Today, white merely symbolizes the wedding itself–and can be worn by anyone, including the second-time and re-affirming bride.

Origin of the Bridal Veil

In Far Eastern countries, people believed that wicked spirits were especially attracted to women. So, as protection from the Evil Eye, women always wore veils. The custom continued although the feeling behind it changed with time into a role of modesty and obedience. From this the veil developed into a symbol of chastity. Then it became the sign of submission of women.

The introduction of the veil into Europe came through returning Crusaders. In early wedding traditions in Europe, the bride was bargained for through her father, was swathed in a bridal veil, and revealed to her mate after the ceremony!

In early centuries, Hebrew, Greek and Roman brides wore veils of many colors, and veils threaded with gold and silver. In Southern Europe, early Christians placed a large cloth over both the bride and groom. In Anglo-Saxon times, the bride wore her hair hanging loose as part of the wedding ritual. The Chinese held a sacred umbrella over the bride's head. Around 1500 in Europe, there was a fashionable conical headdress topped with a veil that hung to the toes. Each era has revealed a different style for the bridal veil.

Nellie Custis was the first American woman to wear a long, white veil of lace when she married Lawrence Lewis, an aide to President Washington. Nellie chose lace because the Major had once glimpsed her face through the lace curtains of an open window–and then afterwards he couldn't stop telling her how beautiful she had looked!

The veil has traditionally stood for youth and virginity.

Origin of Throwing Rice, Old Shoes, Etc.

In the days when people lived off the land, their existence depended upon having a good harvest and enough children to help with all the work. Primitive people believed the bride and groom spread good luck on their wedding day. Anyone or anything that touched them would also be lucky. So they showered the couple with ripe grain or nuts, wishing a large harvest for themselves and a large family for the newlyweds. The throwing of grain seemed to symbolize good luck, fertility or abundance. To this day, wedding guests throw rice, grain, confetti, birdseed, etc.

Among the ancient Assyrians and Jews, when a bargain was made, a man gave his sandal as an indication of good faith. A shoe was the symbol of authority. When the Anglo-Saxons hurled a shoe, it indicated that authority had been transferred. Some authorities believe that the throwing of a shoe can be traced back to the missiles which the bride's father hurled at the robber caveman.

Origin of Flowers for the Wedding Party

Throughout history, most celebrations of weddings used flowers in some way. Almost every country has its own traditions and symbolism concerning flowers.

Customs associate the orange blossom most closely with the wedding ceremony. The wearing of a wreath of orange blossoms as a crown over the bridal veil was a Saracen custom introduced by returning Crusaders. Orange blossoms were so expensive that only the wealthy could afford them and poorer brides resorted to artificial ones. A "kissing knot" of croton leaves and rosemary was hung over the bridal couple in Elizabethan England. In Sweden it was believed necessary to put chives, garlic or rosemary in the bride's bouquet to keep the dwarfs from bothering her on her wedding day. In Poland it was believed that to sprinkle the bride's bouquet with sugar would keep her temper sweet. In Rome, roses and marigolds were used to decorate the bride's home. Below are some "meanings" associated with certain flowers:

Apple blossoms or quince blossoms–better things to come
Clematis–love vine
Ivy–gold luck
Rosebud–a promise
Myrtle–lover's flower
Laurel–peace
Tulips–infidelity
Yellow flowers of any kind–jealousy
Orange blossoms–fertility
Heather and sweet basil–fortune
Baby's breath–fertility
Cabbage roses–richness of spirit
Anemones–hope
Lily of the Valley–happiness
Red an white roses–unity in love
Lilacs–youthful love
Pansies, forget-me-nots, white clover–special friendship

Origin of the Wedding Cake

The wedding cake has always been an important part of any wedding feast. Where or when it first originated cannot really be told since it is such an ancient custom. Among certain American Indian tribes, and among the Fiji Islanders, a bride offered her husband a cake of meal. The Romans broke a cake made of salted meal over the bride's head as a symbol of abundance, or fertility. Many people of various nations customarily dropped wheat, flour or cake upon the bride's head, then ate these offerings for good luck. The early Britons baked large baskets of small dry crackers for weddings, and every guest took one home–thus, the tradition of taking wedding cake home to "dream on." During the Middle Ages, it was traditional for the bride and groom to kiss over a pile of small cakes. The small cakes gradually increased in size and richness. Then an enterprising young baker decided to mass all these cakes together and cover them with frosting, thus the modern tiered wedding cake was born.

Cultural Customs

Every culture has its own charming wedding customs. Use your imagination and adapt one from the land of your ancestors. We've researched a few and a librarian will help you probe further.

Africa
"Mayst thou bear 12 children with him" is still the common salutation to brides in remote areas. Many tribes marry the couple by binding their wrists with plaited grass.

American Indian
The groom wraps a woolen blanket around the bride to symbolize love and protection.

Afro-American
On antebellum plantations, brides believed Tuesday and Wednesday weddings guaranteed them a good husband, long lives and happy days.

Bermuda
Newlyweds plant a small tree in their garden. As it grows and strengthens, it symbolizes their love.

Belgium
Brides carry a handkerchief embroidered with their name. After the ceremony, it's framed and displayed until the next family bride adds her name.

China
Two goblets of honey and wine are joined with a red ribbon–the centuries-old color of love and joy–and the couple exchange a drink of unity.

Czechoslovakia
Brides wear wreaths of rosemary for wisdom, love and loyalty.

England
A country bride and her wedding party walk to church on a carpet of blossoms to assure a happy path through life.

Finland
A bride once wore a golden crown during the ceremony. Later she was blindfolded while unmarried women danced around her. Whomever she crowned was predicted to be the next bride.

France
The bride and groom drink a reception toast from an engraved silver two-handled cup, called a "coupe de marriage," and pass it on to future generations.

Germany
On the eve of the wedding, friends of the bride smash pottery at her door. The loud noise is said to avert bad luck. To be sure of future bliss, the bride must sweep it up by herself.

Greece
Couples hold candles decorated with ribbons and flowers.

Holland
A bride and groom sit on thrones under an evergreen canopy–for everlasting love–during a pre-wedding party given by the family. One by one guests approach and offer good wishes.

India
The groom's brother sprinkles flower petals on the couple at conclusion of ceremony. Each family has prepared puffed rice, which is mixed during the ceremony for prosperity and fertility.

Iran
In Persian times, the groom bought ten yards of white sheeting to wrap around the bride as a wedding dress.

Ireland
December 31 is considered the luckiest day for weddings in the Ould Sod.

Italy
Since Roman times, couples have walked through the village passing out cakes and sweets.

Japan
The bride and groom take nine sips of sake, becoming husband and wife after the first sip.

Israel
For centuries, couples have had a marriage contract in the form of written vows, called a ketubbah, which is embellished by an artisan with bible verses and decorative borders symbolizing the home.

Lithuania
Parents of the couple serve them symbols of married life: wine for joy, salt for tears and bread for work.

Mexico
A white silk cord is draped around the couple's shoulders to indicate their union. Later, guests hold hands in a heart-shaped circle while the newlyweds dance in the center.

Philippines
A white silk cord custom is practiced here as well as in Mexico. All wedding expenses are met by the groom's family, who give the bride old coins symbolizing prosperity. The bride's family presents the newlyweds with a cash dowry.

Poland
Brides wear embroidered white aprons over their gowns. Guests discreetly tuck money into the pockets of the aprons.

Rumania
Wedding guests, other than family, receive gifts rather than give them.

Spain
Brides wear mantillas and orange blossoms in their hair. Grooms wear a tucked shirt hand-embroidered by the bride.

Sweden
Brides carry fragrant herb bouquets to frighten away trolls and grooms have thyme sewn into their wedding suits.

Switzerland
Junior bridesmaids lead the procession tossing colored handkerchiefs to the guests. Whoever catches one contributes money for the couple's nest egg.

U.S.A.
Early Americans gave the honeymooners posset, a hot drink of sweetened and spiced milk curdled with ale or wine, to keep up their energy.

Wales
Brides give attendants cuttings of aromatic myrtle. When one blooms, it foretells another wedding.

Traditions

Trinkets of gold and silver (sometimes quite valuable) are wrapped in waxed paper or foil and often baked in one tier of the bride's cake, or inserted from the bottom after baking. These are intended only for the bridal party–the bridesmaid's gifts are on the left, and groomsmen's are on the right.

Usually the bottom tier of the cake is used, and when the trinkets are placed inside, a marking such as an extra blossom bud, or a piece of white satin ribbon is used to indicate where the surprises are. Traditionally, the following "fortunes" are signified by each trinket:

For the bridesmaids: Wishbone–luck
Heart–romance
Cat–old maid
Ring–next to marry
Dime–fortune
Thimble or miniature scissors–industry

For the groomsmen: A button or dog–bachelor
A man's wedding ring–next to marry
Gold coin–money
Dice–luck

Origin of Tossing the Bouquet or Garter

Originally, it was not a bouquet, but a garter that was tossed. This custom of tossing the garter originated in 14^th Century France. For a time a stocking was tossed, but its removal was not easy or graceful. Finally some bride thought of tossing her bouquet and this custom has been followed ever since. Of course, to this day, the gal that catches the bouquet is predicted to be the next to marry, and the guy that catches the garter will be the next guy to get married!

Origin of the Honeymoon

The first marriages were by capture, not choice. When early man felt it was time to take a bride, he carried off an unwilling woman to a secret place where her parents or relatives wouldn't find them. While the moon went through all its phases–about 30 days–they hid from the searchers and drank a brew made from mead and honey. Therefore, we get the word honeymoon. Today, this has come to be a time for the couple to get away to relax and enjoy each other after the hectic schedule of preparing for the wedding.

Officiant

Who is the officiant and what is his/her role?

The officiant is the person who performs the wedding ceremony. It's the minister, priest, rabbi, judge, etc. The person who legally pronounces you man and wife. Other duties may include: counseling the couple prior to the wedding day, preparing the wedding ceremony wording, attending and presiding over the rehearsal, and then performing the ceremony on the wedding day. They are typically invited to the reception. They are also typically paid for their services.

Newspaper Announcements

NEWSPAPER ANNOUNCEMENTS

Writing Your Announcements for the Newspaper

An otherwise memorable occasion may be marred if the newspaper account of your engagement/wedding is incorrect. This could involve something as minor as misspelling the name of one of your bridesmaids, or it could be a major as your having married the wrong groom. Because many errors can be traced to confusing information, omissions, or illegible handwriting, it's very important that the person submitting the story or wedding form be very clear on all the details. Typed information is the surest method of submitting the information. Many allow email submissions. To avoid confusion and disappointment, here are some tips on how to help the newspaper publish the right information.

Engagement announcements may be submitted by the bride's parents, by the bride and groom, or by the groom's family, especially when published in their hometown newspaper.

Announcements should be sent to your hometown newspaper and your fiancé's (if he lives elsewhere). If you have many relatives living in another community, include that paper and do the same for your fiancé. Obtain copies of the newspapers you plan to insert your announcement in to help you tailor your story to their style. Also obtain information as to what each newspaper requires from the lifestyle editor.

Engagement Form Rules

1. Each couple may choose to have either an engagement or wedding photo published. If the choice is an engagement photo, it may be submitted within the six months preceding the wedding.
2. Write your name on the back of the photo and clip it to the form. Photos are seldom returned, so don't submit the only copy of your favorite. And, you may be able to pick up the photo after publication.
3. Engagement announcements submitted without a photo may be printed at any time up to one month prior to the wedding.
4. Fill out the form using complete legal names (no nicknames).
5. The announcement should contain the full names of the bride and groom, the names of each set of parents, the city and state in which the wedding will be held (if it will take place in a different location from which the announcement is being published), and the date (or at least the month) when it will occur. You might want to also add information about your education and careers.

Wedding Form Rules

1. Each couple may choose to have either an engagement or wedding photo published. Photo must be of the couple.
2. Quality black and white photos of the couple are preferred. It is suggested a close-up portrait of the couple (head and shoulder picture) be submitted.
3. Fill out the form using complete legal names (no nicknames).
4. Write name on back of photo and clip to this form.
5. Return this form to the newspaper.
6. Wedding photographs may be picked up at the newspaper after publication.

Following these tips and preparing your wedding write-up with care may not guarantee against mistakes, but it should help the newspaper get your wedding story right and leave you with an announcement worth framing, or to put in a nice family scrapbook for all to enjoy!

Non Smoking

Is it appropriate to put "non smoking occasion" on the invitations?

While you could print it if you want, those who smoke will find a place/way to do it anyway. It is an addiction and they need a fix. It's unrealistic to expect some smokers to go all day/night without a cigarette, much as you would like it. Printing it on the invitation may offend some guests and stop some smoking guests from attending, which you probably wouldn't want to do.

It somewhat depends also on where the wedding/reception is. Most people will not smoke in a church (and if there are signs posted no smoking, they will simply go outside). Many hotels/restaurants are no-smoking in public areas and many have separate smoking rooms or areas designated for smokers. You can post no smoking signs at your reception site if there are none already. Or, smokers will again simply go outside to smoke. If you have this at your parents house or some other relatives' house, you can certainly tell guests and post signs that say NO smoking in the house.