How to write a thank you note

How to write a thank you note

The construction of a thank you note is simple and here are the elements: The salutation: "Dear Uncle Jerome and Aunt Mildred" The thanks: "Thank you for the wonderful new car." The usefulness: "We will have years thinking of you as we run around in our shiny new car ... we really needed it at this point in our lives. The old junker was at the end of its road." The relationship: "I remember how fun it was to sit in your lap at the lake and hear your stories of olden times. And we can't wait to see you in our new home. You both are so special to us." Say it again: "Thank you for being so thoughtful and kind today and always." The signature: "Love, Sally and David" Do NOT include anything else about your busy life. This is a thank you note, not a letter or a catch-up. IMPORTANT: Do not email or IM this. It must be handwritten on paper and placed in a handwritten addressed envelope and mailed (yes, post office mail) with a stamp. Not a tradition in your family? Make it one of yours. It shows you have class, courtesy and good taste. Everyone forgets emails. No one forgets the written note that arrives in the mail with love. Getting bored writing the same words in each thank you note? Well try some other fun descriptions like: Instead of 'really' or 'very', how about: wonderfully, positively, appropriately, magnificently, perfectly, exceptionally, uncommonly, especially, rarely, exceedingly, truly, certainly, unusually, greatly, intensely, or completely. Instead of 'pretty', how about: beautiful, godsend, graceful, superb, serene, radiant, attractive, elegant, exquisite, perfect, handsome, lovely, comely, gorgeous, smashing, fine, super, matchless, best ever, distinctive, thoughtful, helpful, useful, or magnificent. 'Nice' is such a non-descriptive word - how about: pleasant, superior quality, admirable, wonderful, agreeable, careful, excellent, just right, delicate, particular fine, good, great, inviting, thoughtful, delightful, considerate, refined, blessing, jewel, pride and joy, accurate, exact, subtle, spiffy, topnotch, heaven-sent, praiseworthy, treasured, gem, peachy, or humdinger.

Origins and Customs

ORIGINS AND CUSTOMS

Origin of the Engagement and Wedding Rings

The ring as a symbol of marriage may have evolved from an African custom where the bride and groom's wrists were tied together with grass during the ceremony. And when grooms negotiated purchase of their brides, they often gave metal rings as partial payment. Eventually, the more precious the metal the wealthier the groom. In ancient Egypt before coins were minted, gold rings were used as currency. To show he trusted his wife with his money, the Egyptian husband placed one of these rings on her finger. The ancients thought that love traveled to the heart in the vein of the third finger of the left hand. To this day, that is still the finger on which the wedding ring is worn. To them, the circle indicated eternity and the iron symbolized lastingness. In any case, the bride received just one ring–upon her engagement. Then, in 1215 the Pope declared a longer waiting period between betrothal and the marriage. So, a second ring, the wedding ring, was placed on the bride's finger during the ceremony when she finally wed.

Another interesting legend is the ring ceremony. During the ceremony the ring was placed on the open Bible. The clergyman then sprinkled it with holy water and blessed it. Then the groom picked it up with his right hand and placed it on the bride's thumb, saying, "In the name of the Father." He then transferred it to the first finger, saying, "And of the Son." Next he changed it to the second finger as he said, "And of the Holy Ghost." Finally he placed it on her finger with "Amen." It did not seem to matter whether the ring was placed on the bride's right or left hand. Sometimes it was placed on the right hand at the espousal and on the left at the wedding ceremony.

Origin of the White Bridal Gown

In early Saxon days and through the 18^th century, it was the poorer bride who came to her wedding dressed in a plain white robe. This was in the nature of a public statement that she brought nothing with her to her marriage and that therefore her husband was not responsible for her debts. Other brides simply wore their Sunday best. Red was a favorite during the Middle Ages in Europe. Icelandic brides chose black velvet. Colors were chosen for their symbolism as well as for preference. Blue meant constancy; green meant youth. Yellow signified jealousy and therefore was never worn. The brides of ancient Israel wore a blue ribbon on the shoulders of their robes to symbolize purity, fidelity and love. Over the years, the meaning of a white dress symbolized purity. Today, white merely symbolizes the wedding itself–and can be worn by anyone, including the second-time and re-affirming bride.

Origin of the Bridal Veil

In Far Eastern countries, people believed that wicked spirits were especially attracted to women. So, as protection from the Evil Eye, women always wore veils. The custom continued although the feeling behind it changed with time into a role of modesty and obedience. From this the veil developed into a symbol of chastity. Then it became the sign of submission of women.

The introduction of the veil into Europe came through returning Crusaders. In early wedding traditions in Europe, the bride was bargained for through her father, was swathed in a bridal veil, and revealed to her mate after the ceremony!

In early centuries, Hebrew, Greek and Roman brides wore veils of many colors, and veils threaded with gold and silver. In Southern Europe, early Christians placed a large cloth over both the bride and groom. In Anglo-Saxon times, the bride wore her hair hanging loose as part of the wedding ritual. The Chinese held a sacred umbrella over the bride's head. Around 1500 in Europe, there was a fashionable conical headdress topped with a veil that hung to the toes. Each era has revealed a different style for the bridal veil.

Nellie Custis was the first American woman to wear a long, white veil of lace when she married Lawrence Lewis, an aide to President Washington. Nellie chose lace because the Major had once glimpsed her face through the lace curtains of an open window–and then afterwards he couldn't stop telling her how beautiful she had looked!

The veil has traditionally stood for youth and virginity.

Origin of Throwing Rice, Old Shoes, Etc.

In the days when people lived off the land, their existence depended upon having a good harvest and enough children to help with all the work. Primitive people believed the bride and groom spread good luck on their wedding day. Anyone or anything that touched them would also be lucky. So they showered the couple with ripe grain or nuts, wishing a large harvest for themselves and a large family for the newlyweds. The throwing of grain seemed to symbolize good luck, fertility or abundance. To this day, wedding guests throw rice, grain, confetti, birdseed, etc.

Among the ancient Assyrians and Jews, when a bargain was made, a man gave his sandal as an indication of good faith. A shoe was the symbol of authority. When the Anglo-Saxons hurled a shoe, it indicated that authority had been transferred. Some authorities believe that the throwing of a shoe can be traced back to the missiles which the bride's father hurled at the robber caveman.

Origin of Flowers for the Wedding Party

Throughout history, most celebrations of weddings used flowers in some way. Almost every country has its own traditions and symbolism concerning flowers.

Customs associate the orange blossom most closely with the wedding ceremony. The wearing of a wreath of orange blossoms as a crown over the bridal veil was a Saracen custom introduced by returning Crusaders. Orange blossoms were so expensive that only the wealthy could afford them and poorer brides resorted to artificial ones. A "kissing knot" of croton leaves and rosemary was hung over the bridal couple in Elizabethan England. In Sweden it was believed necessary to put chives, garlic or rosemary in the bride's bouquet to keep the dwarfs from bothering her on her wedding day. In Poland it was believed that to sprinkle the bride's bouquet with sugar would keep her temper sweet. In Rome, roses and marigolds were used to decorate the bride's home. Below are some "meanings" associated with certain flowers:

Apple blossoms or quince blossoms–better things to come
Clematis–love vine
Ivy–gold luck
Rosebud–a promise
Myrtle–lover's flower
Laurel–peace
Tulips–infidelity
Yellow flowers of any kind–jealousy
Orange blossoms–fertility
Heather and sweet basil–fortune
Baby's breath–fertility
Cabbage roses–richness of spirit
Anemones–hope
Lily of the Valley–happiness
Red an white roses–unity in love
Lilacs–youthful love
Pansies, forget-me-nots, white clover–special friendship

Origin of the Wedding Cake

The wedding cake has always been an important part of any wedding feast. Where or when it first originated cannot really be told since it is such an ancient custom. Among certain American Indian tribes, and among the Fiji Islanders, a bride offered her husband a cake of meal. The Romans broke a cake made of salted meal over the bride's head as a symbol of abundance, or fertility. Many people of various nations customarily dropped wheat, flour or cake upon the bride's head, then ate these offerings for good luck. The early Britons baked large baskets of small dry crackers for weddings, and every guest took one home–thus, the tradition of taking wedding cake home to "dream on." During the Middle Ages, it was traditional for the bride and groom to kiss over a pile of small cakes. The small cakes gradually increased in size and richness. Then an enterprising young baker decided to mass all these cakes together and cover them with frosting, thus the modern tiered wedding cake was born.

Cultural Customs

Every culture has its own charming wedding customs. Use your imagination and adapt one from the land of your ancestors. We've researched a few and a librarian will help you probe further.

Africa
"Mayst thou bear 12 children with him" is still the common salutation to brides in remote areas. Many tribes marry the couple by binding their wrists with plaited grass.

American Indian
The groom wraps a woolen blanket around the bride to symbolize love and protection.

Afro-American
On antebellum plantations, brides believed Tuesday and Wednesday weddings guaranteed them a good husband, long lives and happy days.

Bermuda
Newlyweds plant a small tree in their garden. As it grows and strengthens, it symbolizes their love.

Belgium
Brides carry a handkerchief embroidered with their name. After the ceremony, it's framed and displayed until the next family bride adds her name.

China
Two goblets of honey and wine are joined with a red ribbon–the centuries-old color of love and joy–and the couple exchange a drink of unity.

Czechoslovakia
Brides wear wreaths of rosemary for wisdom, love and loyalty.

England
A country bride and her wedding party walk to church on a carpet of blossoms to assure a happy path through life.

Finland
A bride once wore a golden crown during the ceremony. Later she was blindfolded while unmarried women danced around her. Whomever she crowned was predicted to be the next bride.

France
The bride and groom drink a reception toast from an engraved silver two-handled cup, called a "coupe de marriage," and pass it on to future generations.

Germany
On the eve of the wedding, friends of the bride smash pottery at her door. The loud noise is said to avert bad luck. To be sure of future bliss, the bride must sweep it up by herself.

Greece
Couples hold candles decorated with ribbons and flowers.

Holland
A bride and groom sit on thrones under an evergreen canopy–for everlasting love–during a pre-wedding party given by the family. One by one guests approach and offer good wishes.

India
The groom's brother sprinkles flower petals on the couple at conclusion of ceremony. Each family has prepared puffed rice, which is mixed during the ceremony for prosperity and fertility.

Iran
In Persian times, the groom bought ten yards of white sheeting to wrap around the bride as a wedding dress.

Ireland
December 31 is considered the luckiest day for weddings in the Ould Sod.

Italy
Since Roman times, couples have walked through the village passing out cakes and sweets.

Japan
The bride and groom take nine sips of sake, becoming husband and wife after the first sip.

Israel
For centuries, couples have had a marriage contract in the form of written vows, called a ketubbah, which is embellished by an artisan with bible verses and decorative borders symbolizing the home.

Lithuania
Parents of the couple serve them symbols of married life: wine for joy, salt for tears and bread for work.

Mexico
A white silk cord is draped around the couple's shoulders to indicate their union. Later, guests hold hands in a heart-shaped circle while the newlyweds dance in the center.

Philippines
A white silk cord custom is practiced here as well as in Mexico. All wedding expenses are met by the groom's family, who give the bride old coins symbolizing prosperity. The bride's family presents the newlyweds with a cash dowry.

Poland
Brides wear embroidered white aprons over their gowns. Guests discreetly tuck money into the pockets of the aprons.

Rumania
Wedding guests, other than family, receive gifts rather than give them.

Spain
Brides wear mantillas and orange blossoms in their hair. Grooms wear a tucked shirt hand-embroidered by the bride.

Sweden
Brides carry fragrant herb bouquets to frighten away trolls and grooms have thyme sewn into their wedding suits.

Switzerland
Junior bridesmaids lead the procession tossing colored handkerchiefs to the guests. Whoever catches one contributes money for the couple's nest egg.

U.S.A.
Early Americans gave the honeymooners posset, a hot drink of sweetened and spiced milk curdled with ale or wine, to keep up their energy.

Wales
Brides give attendants cuttings of aromatic myrtle. When one blooms, it foretells another wedding.

Traditions

Trinkets of gold and silver (sometimes quite valuable) are wrapped in waxed paper or foil and often baked in one tier of the bride's cake, or inserted from the bottom after baking. These are intended only for the bridal party–the bridesmaid's gifts are on the left, and groomsmen's are on the right.

Usually the bottom tier of the cake is used, and when the trinkets are placed inside, a marking such as an extra blossom bud, or a piece of white satin ribbon is used to indicate where the surprises are. Traditionally, the following "fortunes" are signified by each trinket:

For the bridesmaids: Wishbone–luck
Heart–romance
Cat–old maid
Ring–next to marry
Dime–fortune
Thimble or miniature scissors–industry

For the groomsmen: A button or dog–bachelor
A man's wedding ring–next to marry
Gold coin–money
Dice–luck

Origin of Tossing the Bouquet or Garter

Originally, it was not a bouquet, but a garter that was tossed. This custom of tossing the garter originated in 14^th Century France. For a time a stocking was tossed, but its removal was not easy or graceful. Finally some bride thought of tossing her bouquet and this custom has been followed ever since. Of course, to this day, the gal that catches the bouquet is predicted to be the next to marry, and the guy that catches the garter will be the next guy to get married!

Origin of the Honeymoon

The first marriages were by capture, not choice. When early man felt it was time to take a bride, he carried off an unwilling woman to a secret place where her parents or relatives wouldn't find them. While the moon went through all its phases–about 30 days–they hid from the searchers and drank a brew made from mead and honey. Therefore, we get the word honeymoon. Today, this has come to be a time for the couple to get away to relax and enjoy each other after the hectic schedule of preparing for the wedding.

This information is courtesy of http://www.ezweddingplanner.com

Name Change

How do I choose my name?

Traditionally, a bride always took her husband's name. It is actually a custom rather than a law. Today, many women have a greater sense of self-identity and/or possibly have built a professional reputation prior to their wedding, and thus, elect to retain their own last name. You do retain the same legal rights regardless of your choice. In fact, you have the legal right to use any name as long as you can show it wasn't changed for any illegal purposes.

Make your choice early. It is much easier to change it at the time of marriage than it is to change it later on.

SOME POINTS TO REMEMBER:

1. Maintain your own credit record. Although equal credit laws are on the books, you must do your part. If you keep your name on any credit cards, be sure they stay in your name if it's different.
2. Keep in mind that someday you may want to open your own business or co-sign a mortgage loan. Maintain your own bank and charge accounts. If you open joint accounts, insist that creditors keep separate credit files in each name.

RETAINING SINGLE NAME

1. Be sure to travel with a copy of your marriage certificate at all times. This can clarify any questions to the validity of your surname.
2. The easiest manner to follow is to use your married name socially, but your birth name professionally. Don't apologize to those who question you, but be gracious. You do have the right to decide how you shall be called.

USING BOTH NAMES:

1. It is a compromise of sorts when you use both names because you are retaining your single name and adding your husband's name (i.e. Mary Smith Doe).
2. A more complex name change is the hyphenated name (i.e. Mary Smith-Doe). In fact, some grooms are doing it too (i.e. John Doe-Smith or John Smith-Doe).

Today's business people are apt to assume a bride is retaining her single name. If you're making a change, it is a nice idea to send a card to associates to inform them of your decision.

Ms. Mary Smith
Announces she has adopted the surname of
Doe

Another idea is to enclose a card with your wedding invitation or mail one separately.

Mary Smith and John Doe
wish to announce that both
will be retaining their present names
for all legal and social purposes
after their marriage
June 15, 1988

Eventually, of course, people will learn your preference through word of mouth. This could be enhanced by your wedding announcement in the newspaper.

Following is a simple checklist for areas requiring a name change. They may require a copy of your marriage license with notification. You may want to check by phone before writing.

Driver's license
Car registration
Social Security
Voter's registration
Passport
Bank accounts
Credit cards
Insurance policies
School and/or employer's records
Post offices
Employment records
Pension plans
Stocks
Bonds
Property titles
Leases
Wills/Pre-nuptial contracts
Beneficiaries

Ceremony Music - Piano-Organ Duet Books

Ceremony Music - Piano-Organ Duet Books

Easy Wedding Duets	Arr. L. Smith	Lorenz
Organ And Piano Duets For Church	Arr. Setchell	R. D. Row
Schirmer's Album Of Organ And Piano Duets	Arr. Stickles	G. Schirmer

RECOMMENDED BOOKS  Organ and Piano Duets for Church   The Oxford Book of Wedding Music with pedals   Easy Standard Wedding Music for Organ (2-staff)   The Wedding Collection - 22 Preludes, Processionals and Recessionals for Piano or Organ [Sheet Music Book]   Classical Music for People Who Hate Classical Music 4 CDs

This information is courtesy of http://www.ezweddingplanner.com

Jottings

Is there a place within the wedding planner to keep track of attendants? I'm thinking of several different ways of arranging my attendants (including different numbers and people) and could use a place to keep track of who might be involved and my ideas.

 In EZ Wedding Planner under the Lists selection, there is one called Jottings. This is a place where you can keep track of anything - in free form text. This would be a good place for you to keep your ideas and general notes. Be sure to click on the gray SAVE bar before leaving this screen to be sure what you have entered is saved.

Jewish Wedding

THOUGHTS ON THE JEWISH WEDDING

"There is no such thing as a 'generic' Jewish wedding – no matter what the rabbi tells you, no matter what your mother tells you, no matter what the caterer tells you." – Anita Diamant, from The Jewish Wedding

Make Friends with a Rabbi

In today's mobile society, many people are not in a position to avail themselves of a "family" rabbi. Finding a rabbi is not as difficult as one might think. Wherever there is at least one synagogue, the local rabbi, cantor or administrator can help you.

The most important thing is finding a rabbi with whom you can be comfortable. This will depend on the rabbi's role in your marriage plans.

If you want a simple marriage facilitator, that is one thing. But if you want your rabbi to be more than an agent of civil and religious authority with whom you have an impersonal relationship, you must look for a good fit.

A rabbi should be able to advise you on any facet of your wedding plans, even if you are looking for a calligrapher, caterer, or musician. Most importantly, your rabbi can be a guide in the establishment of the new "house" within the people Israel, with all the religious, ethnic and sociological aspects this entails.

Beware of Labels

Rabbis should be chosen on the basis of expertise and sensitivity. There are many fine rabbis who serve in different branches of the Jewish faith. Choose a rabbi, not a label.

Working with Your Rabbi

No subject you wish to discuss is taboo. Your rabbi, however, will be most concerned with the following:

1. Are both marriage partners born of Jewish mothers or properly converted to Judaism?

2. In case of a second marriage, the rabbi will want to know if a proper religious divorce has nullified the marriage.

3. Some rabbis will want to know if the marriage is of a type prohibited by Jewish Law.

4. The rabbi will want to advise the couple on acceptable wedding dates. Besides the Sabbath (sundown Friday to sundown Saturday), fast days, and holy days, there are approximately 10 weeks on the calendar when it is traditional not to marry (approximately mid-April to early June, and late July). Most weddings are on Saturday evening after sundown or on Sunday.

Note – Many rabbis will not take part in an interfaith marriage ceremony. This is not to be taken personally. Intermarriage is not recognized in traditional circles. As a rule, Orthodox and Conservative rabbis will not perform interfaith marriages. Some, but not all Reform clergy will participate in interfaith ceremonies.

A Jewish Wedding List

Jewish weddings can be held anywhere a simple Huppah (canopy) can be set up. Generally, the wedding is held where the reception/feast will follow. In addition, the following ceremonial items need to be provided:

• A drawn, witnessed marriage contract

• Two witnesses recognized by Jewish Law

• Two wine goblets

• Kosher wine

• A carefully wrapped glass (the groom will smash it with his left foot at the end of the ceremony.)

• A single, plain wedding band (which the groom will present to the bride in the course of the ceremony.)

• Enough skullcaps (Kippot) for the men in the wedding party and invited guests. In Conservative and Orthodox ceremonies, all the men are required to cover their heads with either yarmulkes or silk top hats. The women also cover their heads with hats or kerchiefs. Ask the rabbi of head-covering requirements in a Reform ceremony.

Note – Double ring ceremonies are not recognized in traditional circles. In all cases, do not be afraid to ask the rabbi what they will permit.

The Jewish Wedding in Action

You may choose to have a rabbi/cantor duo performing your wedding, where the cantor chants the wedding blessings. You may also divide the service between two rabbis.

Traditionally, the bride's guests sit on the right side and the groom's guests sit on the left side, as you face the altar. If one side has many more guests than the other, everyone may sit together. Grandparents and siblings sit in the first pews. If parents are divorced and remarried, their spouses sit in the second and third pews.

The wedding procession makes its way to the canopy where the rabbi usually waits. Both the bride's father and her mother escort her down the aisle (bride on father's right arm, her mother's left). In traditional weddings, the groom's parents escort him down the aisle. In simple weddings, it's optional for the groom's parents and the bride's mother to join the procession. Processional music is not a religious requirement.

In a formal procession the order is as follows:

• Rabbi and cantor (on Rabbi's right)
• Bride's grandparents
• Groom's grandparents
• Ushers in pairs by height
• Best man
• Groom and his parents
• Bridesmaids individually by height
• Honor attendant(s)
• Flower girl and ring bearer
• Bride and her parents

All parents and attendants remain standing under or at the side of the canopy throughout the ceremony. This intimacy and sense of community goes hand in hand with the "new house" that is being established under the wedding canopy.

In very traditional weddings, the bride circles her groom seven times as both mothers hold the train of her dress. In Hebrew Scripture it is written, "And when a man takes a wife" seven times. Seven is the number of completion - the number of days it took God to create the universe. Or, the bride may walk three times around her groom (the Bible mentions betrothal three times; a husband has three obligations to his wife - food, clothing, conjugal relations).

In a formal recessional the order is as follows:

• Bride and groom
• Bride's parents (mother on father's left arm)
• Groom's parents
• Flower girl and ring bearer (girl on boy's left)
• Honor attendant on best man's left arm
• Bridemaids on usher's left arms
• Rabbi and cantor (cantor on rabbi's left)

The Wedding Ceremony

The blessing of betrothal are recited, followed by a sip from the first cup of wine. Many holy acts in the Jewish faith are consecrated over wine.

The groom presents a plain ring to his bride and makes the following declaration:

"Be betrothed to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel."

In Conservative and Orthodox ceremonies, the ring is placed on the bride's right index finger and in Reform ceremonies, the ring is placed on the bride's left ring finger.

In accepting this simple item of recognizable value in the presence of witnesses, the bride is betrothed to her husband. After the ceremony a more elaborate ring can be substituted.

Now the Ketubah (marriage contract certificate) is read aloud. In it a couple's mutual obligations under Jewish law are spelled out. It is signed by witnesses and not by the couple themselves. The rabbi then delivers his message and personal blessing to the couple.

The ceremony concludes with the recitation of seven wedding blessings, a sip from the second cup of wine and the breaking of a glass. The wine glass is wrapped in a cloth or handkerchief and placed on the ground. The groom stamps down and breaks the glass. The reason for this custom is based on the belief that as long as the world is not redeemed, there cannot be total joy. The shattering of glass is a recognition of the imperfection that exists in the world. It is also a symbol of our lives. Life is fragile like glass and whatever time is allotted to us must be used well. Some believe that it is also a reminder of the destruction of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem, and of other calamities that befell the Jewish people that should not be forgotten, even during the joyous occasion of this wedding.

With the ceremony now complete, all somberness is banished from thought. On with the festivities!

Who Pays?

In the "good old days" the bride's family assumed all costs except the liquor, flowers and photography. Today, expenses are often negotiated. See the EZ Wedding Planner topic on Paying for Expenses for some suggestions.

Invitations

Inclusion of both sets of parents' names is standard. Often a facing page of Hebrew translation is incorporated. This requires a caligrapher or a printer with typesetting capabilities.

Jewish Sources

How-to-Books

Diamant, Anita, The Jewish Wedding. New York: Summit Books, 1985.

Siegel, Richard, Strassfeld, Sharon & Michael, Editors. The First Jewish Catalogue. Philadelphia: The Jewish Publication Society of America, 1973.

Directories of Goods & Services for the American Jewish Community

Strassfeld, Sharon & Michael, Editors. The Second Jewish Catalogue. Philadelphia: The Jewish Publication Society of America, 1976. (Features: "Yellow Pages" which are periodically updated.)

Tillem, Ivan, Editor. The Jewish Directory and Almanac. New York: Pacific Press, 1986.

Music Sources (send for catalogues)

Velvel Pasternak
Tara Publications
29 Derby Ave.
Cedarhurst, NY 11516

Transcontinental Music Publications
838 5^th Avenue
New York, NY 10021

Destination License

We are getting married in Jamaica. Do we get our marriage license there or here in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area? Also, can we set up our checking account now styled with both our names?

You will have to check with your contacts in Jamaica who can help you on the paperwork (and license) necessary to marry there. You wouldn't get it in Texas. Some people find that the paperwork and residency requirements necessary to marry out of the country is more than they want to deal with and actually marry in a small ceremony where they live here and then do a second, renewal ceremony at their chosen location (which doesn't require the paperwork, since they are already legally married).

You should be able to set up a joint checking account before the wedding and have whatever names you want printed on the checks. Check with your bank for account setup details.

Bridal Colors

The bride has selected a gown that is ivory and has accents of coffee latte color in bands around the waist and the satin stole and lace jacket. The wedding is at 5:30pm - would it be acceptable for the groom and groomsmen to wear a shade of brown tux. We have not selected bridesmaid dresses yet because this is a quick wedding because the groom's mother is terminally ill. They are going to pick something out at Lord and Taylor, but what colors would compliment this unusual wedding gown. The bride doesn't care if the dresses match just so that don't clash with each other and she doesn't want them to wear ivory. Thanks

A brown tux would look great with the bride's dress (which sounds wonderful). As the wedding is at 5:30 and the reception will go into the evening, a tux is certainly appropriate. For the bridesmaids' dresses, perhaps earthy colors, like maybe some shades of green, or even some mauve colors. If you can take some material samples or the jacket to L & T you may get some great ideas from just looking at what colors of dresses they have on the racks. And since it will be a quick wedding, your choices may be determined by what they have available, since you may not have the time to order and alter bridesmaids dresses.

Italian Wedding

My fiancé is Italian so we would like to have some what of an Italian themed wedding and reception. Are there any books that I can buy to help me?

I don't know of any books off hand that deal just with Italian weddings, you could check the local library or Amazon.com with a search. Also, since he is Italian, ask his parents or grandparents for ideas.

Some items in Italian weddings: Ribbons signify the tying together of your two lives. A ribbon can be tied across the front of the church door to symbolize the wedding bond. Also, candy-covered almonds (symbolizing the bitter and the sweet of marriage) can be given to guests at each place at the reception tables (in tulle bags called bomboniere, or in some small box). Or, they can be thrown at the bride and groom (the original confetti). The bride can carry a busta or wedding bag for gifts of money. And at the reception dance, the newlyweds can lead the guests in the tarantella dance (a wedding circle dance). Italian weddings are generally large and children are often in the wedding party and at the reception.

A suggestion I found in one book is to contact:The Balch Institute for Ethnic Studies, 18 South Seventh Street, Philadelphia, PA 19106, (215) 925-8090 for Ethnic Weddings in America info.

Another book suggested having the wedding cake made in the shape of Italy and covered in kiwi, strawberries and cream cheese (representing Italy's colors).

Yet another said: the front grill of the car is decorated with flowers to signify happy travels through life together. Traditional love-knot cookies are served. The groom's tie is cut up and pieces of it are sold to guests for honeymoon money.

Involve Family

How do you get your family more involved in the wedding planning?

 Start early on by getting your two families together (easier to do if they are geographically near each other). If you each have siblings, consider asking them to be a part of your bridal party. The same for nieces and nephews for ring bearer and flower girl. You could consider asking parents or siblings to participate in the ceremony with readings and the wedding procession, etc. We were recently at a wedding where the bride's father sang two solos and it had a special meaning to both of them and was very touching for the guests. Discuss with parents the style and size of a wedding you would like. Very important is to discuss budget early on. If you are expecting monetary help from parents, it's important to establish just how much they are each willing or able to contribute. Perhaps you can ask them if there is a particular area each would like to help with - like tracking down limos, photographers, musicians, or florists, etc. One item that can generate participation is making favors for the reception. Once you have established costs, and a location for the reception, you can figure out how many guests each side can invite, which will get both sets of parents involved in making name and address lists. If someone is proficient at calligraphy or has very neat handwriting, enlist them to address the invitations and make table name cards. If someone has a large house, they might want to host some of the activities, like perhaps an engagement party, groom's dinner, showers, etc. Asking for help and opinions is the easiest way to get them - but be prepared to compromise a bit if the end result isn't exactly as you would have done it yourself. And if parents aren't forthcoming with all the money you need, you may have to rethink and resize the affair you are planning.

How Many Invitations

Can you make a list where it shows how many invitations you need, not just number of people invited. Thanks.

This is difficult to do, because there are many variables for each guest. Our suggestion is to print the list of guests by address and count how many invitations you need. For instance, there may be 5 people at an address, but only one invitation sent, or there may be several people at the same address who each get separate invitations. Only you will know how many at each address get an invitation. Children under 18 years old and spouses are generally included under the same invitation, so that counts as one. Children over 18, but living with their parents generally receive their own invitations, so this could count for more than one. Often there are elderly parents living with their children and they will also receive separate invitations. Count on one invitation for every married couple or those living together. Your officiant and spouse should also receive an invitation as should each of your attendants. Single people should be sent one invitation each. Order extra invitations for you and your parents to keep as mementos, as well as 25-30 extra envelopes in case you make addressing mistakes. You may want to order 25-30 whole sets of invitations, in case you want to send last minute invitations to someone you have forgotten or to your B list when A list people RSVP "no". Then if you don't use them all, you can use some of these envelopes for addressing mistakes. Overall, you will probably end up needing about half the number of people invited, so if you invite 100 people, you will need to order around 50 invitations. This is just a rule of thumb and will vary with your circumstances. It's always better (and less expensive) to have too many, than not enough.

Invite Minister?

What is considered correct: Is the minister and wife invited to reception if they are not considered acquaintances of the families. What about the soloist and the organist.

Generally, brides invite the minister and his wife to the reception. Often times, the minister will also say a prayer before the guests begin eating. They can also decline if they would rather not come to the reception. The soloist and organist do not have to be invited, however many people have friends or close acquaintances sing/play organ at their wedding and then it would be courteous to invite them to your reception also. If you do not know them well, you do not need to include them after the ceremony (since you are paying them to perform), but can do so if you like.

Registered in Invitations?

When sending invitations, is it alright to include a little slip of paper saying where you are registered at...or how do you handle that?

It isn't proper etiquette to include gift registry information or enclosures with the wedding invitations, as it implies a gift is expected. Family members, attendants or close friends can spread the word to other guests in person, over the phone, or by email, if asked. Or, if you are asked where you are registered, you can certainly tell them then. You can, however include registry cards in shower invitations, since giving gifts is the reason for a shower. Many stores provide you with registry enclosure cards for showers.

Invitations

I am looking for invitations to send out, I was wondering if you could direct me to some choices. Thank you.

Plan/Order Invitations and Announcements - click on great ideas light bulb for suggested places to order and wording possibilities. Also, check out vendors who hang out at top wedding sites. Invitations can be ordered online or from jewelers, stationery stores, department stores, specialty shops, catalogs, or advertisements in magazines.

Wording Etiquette for Invitations

WEDDING INVITATIONS

Wedding Announcements

As soon as a date is set and guest lists are complete, select and order the invitations. Allow at least three months before the wedding so there will be plenty of time for addressing, mailing, and responses.

Invitations can be ordered from EZWeddingPlanner's online store or from jewelers, stationery stores, department stores, specialty shops, or advertisements in magazines. All have consultants and/or samples to help in the selection of paper stock, color, design, and lettering style. Invitations can be engraved, or thermographed. Thermography is a process that resembles engraving, but is less expensive and more readily available.

When the order is placed, ask about getting the outer and inner envelopes ahead of time so that they can be addressed and ready to mail when the invitations arrive. There may be a small extra charge for this. Wedding invitations are to be mailed four to six weeks prior to the wedding date. They should all be mailed at the same time. Check with the local post office for the amount of postage needed to mail the wedding invitations as postage may vary, depending on number of enclosures.

If the invitations contain several enclosures, the proper order of placement is as follows: The non-gummed envelope contains the invitation along with the other enclosures and is placed in the outer envelope so it faces the flap. Tissue paper is placed over the engraving or printing to ensure against smudging. Or, if you prefer, the tissue paper can be discarded and not used. Response cards are tucked inside the invitation and, if needed, include a map. Be sure it is a clear reproduction on good quality paper. This also belongs inside the invitation with the other enclosures. Gold stickers/seals can be placed on the back flap of the outside envelope and sometimes contain the return address, but it is more commonly printed.

Invitations are usually issued by the parents of the bride, or by the surviving parent, or if the bride is an orphan, by the nearest of kin. The accepted order of kinship is as follows: Elder brother; Elder sister; Both grandparents, or one surviving; Uncle and/or Aunt; Guardian; Bride and groom issue invitations themselves; Groom's family.

You will want to create a guest list. Using EZ Wedding Planner makes this a simple task. Begin to fill it in as you plan, gathering addresses as you go The list is equally divided between bride and groom. You can be sure that about 30% will not attend, 50% or more if out-of-town guests. The bottom line on who to invite depends on the budget.

To figure out how many invitations to order, consider your guest list. Count one invitation per couple, one each for single guests, and one for children over age 18 in a family. Then add a dozen for mementos and 25-50 extra envelopes for mistakes (depending on your total guest count).

Addressing Envelopes

Envelopes should be handwritten in black ink - never typed. Do not abbreviate name or addresses. Either have the return address printed or hand write them when addressing the envelopes. If a response card is included, be sure it is stamped and pre-addressed.

Write out all streets, cities and states, don't abbreviate. Be sure to use zip codes. The only abbreviations that are ok to use are Mr., Mrs., Ms., Jr., Dr., and Esq. (for an attorney). It is also proper to write out formal titles, like Doctor, Captain or Reverend.

Guests full names are written on the outer envelope (e.g., Mr. and Mrs. Martin Andrew Johnson). The outer envelope is sealed and stamped. Children are not listed in the address on the outer envelope, not is "and family".

The inner envelope is left unsealed and addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Johnson," without first names or addresses. Children under eighteen may be included by writing their first names in a line below their parents' on the inner envelope. Older children in the family should receive their own invitation, whether or not he or she is currently living with his or her parents.

If one of your guests will bring a friend and you do not know their name, then for a single person, include the name "and guest" on the inside envelope. Or, if you know the guest he or she intends to bring, a separate invitation should be sent. When two people live together, send one invitation addressed to both.

When a married woman keeps her maiden name, address her as "Miss" or "Ms." Her name can appear first, or the names can appear in alphabetical order. "Mrs." is only used when the married woman takes her husband's last name. If the woman has hyphenated her last name, which is different from her husband, then it would be Mr. Martin Johnson and Ms. Mary Trainer-Johnson.

A woman who is separated from her husband can be addressed as Ms. Mary Johnson. If she is divorced, she can be addressed the same, or with a combination of maiden and married surnames, like Mrs. Trainer Johnson. If she has reverted to her maiden name, then it's Ms. Mary Trainer. A widow is addressed on an envelope as Mrs. Martin Johnson. If the woman's own first name is used in any form, 'Ms.' is the title to choose: "Ms. Mary Johnson." There is usually no such thing as "Mrs. Mary Johnson" except in the case of a woman who is married to another woman.

Wording Etiquette for Invitations

TITLES - Reverend, Doctor, Captain, etc., are not abbreviated unless lack of space necessitates it.

SUFFIXES - Jr., Junior, II, III, IV, are all properly preceded by a comma. Jr. is capitalized when abbreviated, junior is not capitalized when spelled in full. Roman numerals are properly preceded by a comma.

Wording Etiquette for Gay, Lesbian or Bi-Sexual Invitations

Gay and lesbian weddings, civil unions and commitment ceremonies are becoming more commonplace; however, the semantics of the invitation can be a point of uncertainty for many couples. As a general rule, following standard wedding etiquette will suffice.

If you decide not to hold your ceremony in a place of worship, the wording will vary. The line "request the honor of your company" changes to "request the pleasure of your company." The "honor of your company" is usually reserved for houses of worship, whereas the "pleasure of your company" can be used for any location. See some examples below.

If Invitations Are Issued By Bride's Parents: Standard Form	Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Susan Anne to Mr. Mark Robert Nelson on Saturday, the fifth of June Nineteen hundred and ninety-nine at two o'clock in the afternoon First Lutheran Church Minneapolis, Minnesota
Wedding Mass/Wedding Service	Mr. and Mrs Philip Paul Johnson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Susan Anne to Mr. Mark Robert Nelson on Saturday, the fifth of June Nineteen hundred and ninety-nine at an eleven o'clock Wedding Mass Saint John's Catholic Church Minneapolis, Minnesota
OR	Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson request the honour of your presence at the Wedding Mass (Service) at which their daughter Susan Anne and Mr. Mark Robert Nelson will be united in the Sacrament of Marriage on Saturday, the fifth of June Nineteen hundred and ninety-nine at ten o'clock Saint John's Catholic Church Minneapolis, Minnesota
If Mother Or Father Are Deceased - Living Parent Not Remarried	Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson requests the honour of your presence at the marriage of her daughter Susan Anne
If Living Parent Has Remarried	Mr. and Mrs. John L. Carson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Mrs. Carson's daughter Susan Anne
OR	Mr. and Mrs. John L. Carson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of her daughter Susan Anne
OR	Mr. and Mrs. John L. Carson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Susan Anne
If Mother And Father Are Deceased - Invitations Issued By Unmarried Older Brother Or Sister.	Mr. John L. Johnson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of his sister Susan Anne
If Invitations Are Issued By Married Older Brother Or Sister	Mr. and Mrs. Frank P. Egers request the honour of your presence at the marriage of her sister Susan Anne Johnson
If Invitations Are Issued By Grandmother Or Uncle And Aunt	Mr. and Mrs. Matthew K. Smith request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their granddaughter Susan Anne Johnson
If Couple Issue Their Own Invitations	The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of Miss Susan Anne Johnson and Mr. Mark Robert Nelson
OR	Miss Susan Anne Johnson and Mr. Mark Robert Nelson request the honour of your presence at their marriage
OR	Together with their parents Miss Susan Anne Johnson and Mr. Mark Robert Nelson invite you to share with them a celebration of love. The ceremony will be...
OR	Michael Thompson and Samuel Johnson invite you to share in the joy of their commitment to one another date/time... place...
OR	Mary Thompson and Sandy Johnson Please join us as we celebrate the love we share with our family our friends and each other date/time... place...
If Invitations Are Issued By A Friend	Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Andrew Carlson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Miss Susan Anne Johnson and Mr. Mark Robert Nelson
Mother Divorced - If Not Remarried She May Use A Combination Of Her Maiden Name And Married Name (This Is Regarded As An Individual Decision.)	Mrs. Meyer Johnson requests the honour of your presence at the marriage of her daughter Susan Anne
Mother Remarried	Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas requests the honour of your presence at the marriage of her daughter Susan Anne Johnson
OR	Mrs. And Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas request the honour of your presence at the marriage of her daughter Susan Anne Johnson
OR	Mrs. And Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Mrs. Douglas' daughter Susan Anne Johnson
Mother Remarried but Issues Invitation with Your Father who is Not Remarried	Mrs. And Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas Mr. Philip Paul Johnson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Susan Anne Johnson
Father, Not Remarried, Issues Invitation (You lived with your father and had little or no contact with your mother)	Mr. Philip Paul Johnson requests the honour of your presence at the marriage of his daughter Susan Anne
Father and Stepmother Issue Invitation (You lived with your father and stepmother and had little or no contact with your mother)	Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson requests the honour of your presence at the marriage of his (or their) daughter Susan Anne
OR	Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson requests the honour of your presence at the marriage of Mr. Johnson's daughter Susan Anne
Father Remarried, Mother Not Remarried Jointly Issue Invitations	Ms. Carol Johnson Meyer Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson requests the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Susan Anne
Mother and Father Remarried Jointly Issue Invitations	Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas Mr. Philip Paul Johnson requests the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Susan Anne Johnson
Mother and Father Remarried Jointly Issue Invitations With Stepparents	Mr. and Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson requests the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Susan Anne Johnson
If Groom's Parents Issue Invitations	Mr. and Mrs. Roger Albert Nelson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Miss Susan Anne Johnson to their son Mr. Mark Robert Nelson
If Bride and Groom's Parents Issue Invitations (In this case all have been divorced and remarried)	Mr. and Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson Mr. and Mrs. Martin John Smith Mr. and Mrs. Roger Albert Nelson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Susan Anne Johnson and Mark Robert Nelson
Stepmother Issue Invitations (If both parents are deceased)	Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson requests the honour of your presence at the marriage of her stepdaughter Susan Anne to Mr. Mark Robert Nelson
Second Marriages - Young Divorcee Uses Combination Of Maiden And Married Names	Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Susan Johnson Nelson
OR You have dropped ex-husband's name use your first, middle and maiden names	Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Susan Anne Johnson
Young Widow Uses Married Name	Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Susan Anne Nelson
Adult Children of the Bride Issue Invitation	Susan Anne Johnson Andrew Matthew Johnson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their mother Anne Jean Johnson to Thomas K. Douglas
Adult Children of Both the Bride and Groom Issue Invitation	Ms. Susan Anne Johnson Mr. Andrew Matthew Johnson Mr. and Mrs. James Earl Douglas Ms. Sarah Anderson Douglas request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their mother Anne Jean Johnson to Thomas K. Douglas
Double Weddings - When Brides Are Sisters The Older Sister Is Mentioned First	Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughters Susan Anne to Mr. Mark Robert Nelson and Mary Lou to Mr. Richard David Smith
When The Brides Are Not Sisters The Older Bride And Her Family Are Mentioned First	Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson and Mr. and Mrs. Albert Saul Erickson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughters Susan Anne Johnson to Mr. Mark Robert Nelson and Mary Ann Erickson to Mr. Marc Keith Paulson
RECEPTION INVITATIONS The Phrase "Request The Pleasure Of Your Company" Is Used Here And On Invitations To Other Social Functions.	Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson request the pleasure of your company at the wedding reception for their daughter Susan Anne and Mr. Mark Robert Nelson on Saturday, the fifth of June Nineteen hundred and ninety-nine at eight o'clock in the evening 8728 Pinehurst Drive Minneapolis, Minnesota
OR If Sponsors of the Ceremony Same as Hosts for Reception	Dinner Reception immediately following the ceremony 8728 Pinehurst Drive Minneapolis, Minnesota   R.S.V.P. 21 Arthur Lane Hopkins MN, 55343
OR If Sponsors of the Ceremony and Reception Hosts are Different (In This Case Father and Stepmother Host Reception)	Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson request the pleasure of your company at the marriage reception of his daughter Susan Anne and Mark Robert Nelson immediately following the ceremony 8728 Pinehurst Drive Minneapolis, Minnesota   Reply card enclosed
OR All Combinations of Parents Host Reception	Mr. and Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson Mr. and Mrs. Roger Albert Nelson request the pleasure of your company at the marriage reception of Susan Anne Johnson and Mark Robert Nelson immediately following the ceremony 8728 Pinehurst Drive Minneapolis, Minnesota
MILITARY WEDDINGS - Officers Above The Rank Of Lieutenant Have Title Preceding Name.	Major and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Susan Anne to Captain Mark Robert Nelson United States Army
Junior Officers Have Title Placed In Next Line Preceding Branch Of Service	Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Susan Anne to Mark Robert Nelson First Lieutenant, United States Army
Rank Below Sergeant Is Not Indicated, Branch Of Service Is Placed Below Name	Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Susan Anne to Mark Robert Nelson United States Army
CONTEMPORARY WORDING	A life of sharing, caring A love of endless giving together Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson request the honour of your presence on Saturday, the fifth of June Nineteen hundred and ninety-nine at seven-thirty o'clock when their daughter Susan Anne and Mark Robert Nelson become united through marriage at First Lutheran Church Minneapolis, Minnesota
OR	In the spirit of Christian joy Susan Anne Johnson and Mark Robert Nelson will vow their lives to one another forever on Saturday, the fifth of June Nineteen hundred and ninety-nine at seven o'clock in the evening Their families invite you to join them in asking God's blessing upon this holy union First Lutheran Church Minneapolis, Minnesota
OR	A fresh new day…and it is our a day of happy beginnings when we, Susan Anne Johnson and Mark Robert Nelson pledge our lives as one on Saturday, June fifth Nineteen hundred and ninety-nine at seven o'clock First Lutheran Church Minneapolis, Minnesota
OR	Susan Anne Johnson and Mark Robert Nelson invite you to share a day of happiness as they begin a life of love on Saturday, June fifth at four o'clock First Lutheran Church Minneapolis, Minnesota
OR	Believing that Holy Matrimony is ordained by God and in the spirit of Christian joy Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson request the honour of your presence at the ceremony in which their daughter Susan Anne Johnson and Mark Robert Nelson will vow their lives to one another and become united as one in Christ Saturday, June fifth Nineteen hundred and ninety-nine at one o'clock First Lutheran Church Minneapolis, Minnesota
OR	The most joyous of occasions is the union of man and woman in the celebration of life… Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson invite you to share in the ceremony uniting their daughter
OR	Susan Anne Johnson and Mark Robert Nelson invite you to share in the joy when they exchange marriage vows and begin their new life together
OR	Susan Anne Johnson and Mark Robert Nelson have chosen the first day of their new lives together
OR	Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Francis Nelson invite you to share in the joy of the marriage uniting their children Susan Anne and Mark Robert This celebration of love will be
OR	Because you have shared in their lives by your friendship and love you are invited to share with our daughter Susan Anne and Mark Robert Nelson when they exchange marriage vows and begin their new life together on Saturday, June fifth Nineteen hundred and ninety-nine at six o'clock First Lutheran Church Minneapolis, Minnesota Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson
OR	Susan Anne Johnson and Mark Robert Nelson together with their parents Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson and Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Francis Nelson invite you to share in their joy when they exchange marriage vows and begin their new life together
OR	Our joy will be more complete if you can share in the marriage of our daughter, Susan Anne to Mark Robert Nelson on Saturday, the fifth of June Nineteen hundred and ninety-nine at seven o'clock in the evening at First Lutheran Church Minneapolis, Minnesota We invite you to worship with us and witness their vows If you are unable to attend we ask your presence in thought and prayer Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson
OR	With joyful hearts we ask you to be present at the ceremony uniting our daughter Susan Anne and Mr. Mark Robert Nelson Saturday, the fifth of June Nineteen hundred and ninety-nine at four o'clock at First Lutheran Church Minneapolis, Minnesota Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson
OR	Our daughter, Susan Anne, and Mark Robert Nelson will be united in Christ on Saturday, the fifth of June, nineteen hundred and ninety-nine at one-thirty o'clock in the afternoon at the First Lutheran Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota. You are invited to join in worship, witness their vows, and celebrate their union at a reception following the ceremony in the Church Parlors. If you are unable to attend, we ask your presence in thought and prayer. Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson

Informal Seating

I want the wedding to be as informal as possible, since it is a second marriage for both. I don't want a head table and I don't want people to feel restricted to where they have to sit. Is that okay?

Sure. You can structure your ceremony and reception however you like it. It can certainly be informal seating. You may want to have special centerpieces or decorations or reserved signs for the bridal party tables if they are all going to sit together, otherwise the is no reason your guests can't just sit where they want.

Inexpensive Dress

Any ideas for a very inexpensive wedding dress? I've been scouting the second hand stores but haven't come up with anything yet.

 Most bridal stores will sell "off the rack" dresses that are used as display models. Check these for any shop damage though. There are usually also numerous consignment shops that have never been worn or worn once dresses that have been cleaned and are generally in excellent condition at reduced prices.

Craigslist has some excellent bargains on wedding dresses. I've seen some as low as $20, and some around $100.

Another option is to find a seamstress and have a dress sewn for you. Ask friends, dry cleaners or high-end shops in your area for recommendations and then call his/her references for other wedding dresses they have made. Aside from the time it takes to make the dress, allow several weeks to order materials and then another several weeks for fittings/alterations and cleaning.

You could also borrow a dress from a friend or relative. Again a reliable seamstress may be needed - and be sure to get the ok from the person you are borrowing from before you alter the dress to fit you.

If keeping the dress after the wedding is not a high priority, consider rental. Look in your phone book under Bridal Shops for those who rent dresses. This is usually a fraction of the cost of buying and the shop will generally also do alterations for you. The veil and slip should be included in the rental fee and they will also do the cleaning after.

Also, if your budget is tight, there is nothing stopping you from buying a nice dress from a store other than a bridal shop. Many brides have been married in street length dresses or nice suits. Also, depending on the season, you could look for prom dresses or elegant cocktail dresses in white or ivory or off-white. One of my friends wore a long burgundy dress for her wedding and the maid of honor wore light purple. Let your imagination help.

Include Others in Ceremony

This is my second marriage but first wedding. I want it to be really special and romantic. We plan to get married in my home. How would I include my son's girlfriend and my husband to be's daughter, because I only want my daughter as an attendant?

They could do a reading, pass out programs, greet guests, usher guests (if applicable), person the guest book, serve punch/coffee, light candles before the service, pin on corsages, cut and serve cake, etc. Include them in family pictures, have special seating for them at the wedding and reception, perhaps they could help decorate your house before the wedding, etc.

Include Children

I want to plan the ceremony to include my children, I have 2 ages 10 and 8. We will be getting Barry a triple band interlocking ring and we would all like to pledge to him on our day. I was wondering if you have any suggestions about how to proceed with this idea.....such as our own vows, unique ceremony ideas and anything that would make the ceremony special for all four of us, not just for Barry and I....as we are committing to becoming a family. Thank you so much for any help you may offer.

 Feel free to write your own vows (check with the officiant for any restrictions). You could say "with this ring we thee wed, instead of I thee wed" or "as a token of my and my children's love for your" After the vows to you, Barry could include vows to your children like "I Barry, take you Susie and Mark to be my new children, I promise to... etc." Or, your children could say "I Susie take Barry to be my new step-father (or father, depending on your circumstance), or my new parent" and then the same for Mark. They could say how they feel and promise to help to work on a happy, united family.

Perhaps in lighting the unity candle, you could have four small candles and all of you together light the single unity candle, symbolizing the joining of all of you as a family. Or your children could each light a side candle and then you and Barry could use those candles to light the center unity candle.

Some couples are using a sand ceremony as an alternative to the traditional unity candle ceremony at a wedding. Three nesting glass vases are used. This sand ceremony is popular with blended families. Children may help the parents pour from their vase, or using some additional mini nesting vases with different colored sand, the children can pour into the larger vase. It works for any number and age of children. Colored sand can be found in craft stores or even fish stores and any size/shape of vase may be used. This is a delightful expression of the unity of the families. Following the wedding, the outer vases may be used for flowers, while the center vase remains with the unity sand as a lovely display in your home.

Your children could write their thoughts and read them during the ceremony. They could also be junior attendants and stand up front with both of you.

Your children could walk you down the aisle.

They could hand out the programs. Their names can be included in the program with special thoughts on joining the family together. J

Your vows to each other might be followed by a family prayer, with each person in the family adding a phrase. Or the children could say a prayer together.

You could give your children each a family medallion (with three raised interlocking circles hung on a chain), an engraved locket or other jewelry, or some other gift at the altar as part of the ceremony. Or, your children could give Barry some special small gift they have picked out or made for him.

The children can sit at the bridal table at the reception.

Honoring Aunt

My biological mother is deceased and my auntie and other lady helped to raise me. How can I honor them both on that day.

You can have them ushered in and seated in the first row, where parents would sit. And be sure to have a corsage for both. Some brides/grooms as part of the service, walk down and present a rose to each of the mothers/grandmothers, and along with the groom's mother, you could give each of them a rose.

Seat them at the reception as though they were your parents. Some have a parents table with both sides together, some have the families separated - depending on the size of the families, etc.

The Honeymoon

THE HONEYMOON

You should plan your honeymoon together – discuss how much money you can afford to spend, the length of time you can take for your honeymoon, and where you would like to go. It is best to plan the honeymoon well in advance, so that you both can start to save toward the kind of honeymoon you really want. Both the availability of funds and the location chosen for your honeymoon will help determine the length of your trip. Also, be sure you can get away from your place of employment. Do you have vacation time coming or will you have to take time off without pay? If your vacation isn't due at the time you are getting married, you may want to postpone your honeymoon for awhile.

In planning your honeymoon, discuss what both of you like to do. Write for brochures from resorts, hotels, etc. Contact a good travel agent who can provide you with information on special package deals, airline fares, hotel reservations, etc. If you are under about 25 years old, be sure you will be able to rent a car and if not, make other transportation arrangements. Some car companies will not rent to young drivers. A travel agent can also help you get the most for your time and money.

Helpful Tips

• How long do you want to be away on your honeymoon?
• Do you want to be economical or can you afford to splurge?
• How much do you want to spend?
• How far do you want to travel?
• Do you want to fly, drive, or take a cruise?
• Do you want to spend the major part of your honeymoon in a sophisticated city, a small town, a big resort, or a small hide-away?
• Do you want a honeymoon package, a group tour, or an independent itinerary tailor-made just for the two of you?
• Do you want to stay in an isolated, self-contained resort, or a hotel that's right in the middle of the action?
• Do you want to do some sight-seeing, learn a new sport, shop for bargains, study something, or just simply relax?
• Do you want to leave the continental U.S.?

What to Take With You

• Coordinate your honeymoon attire with your fiance so you have the appropriate clothing, whether you are going hiking or dining, and so that you look like you really belong together.
• Take with you any reservation confirmations or deposit slips.
• Make sure you have necessary tickets.
• Label luggage with names, address and phone number, both inside and outside.
• Try to use traveler's checks or credit cards instead of carrying large sums of cash.
• Credit card with pin number - check ahead for ATM machines near where you will stay. Also be sure it won't expire while you are on your trip.
• Take proper identification with you – driver's license, birth certificate, etc.
• If traveling abroad, be sure you have your passport or visa in order.
• Check on insurance – whether it covers your belongings while on a trip. If not, buy additional insurance.

After all the excitement of planning the wedding, and the wedding day itself, you will need some time to just relax and enjoy each other. You might want to give consideration, therefore, to a more quiet time so that you aren't exhausted from running the whole time.

This information is courtesy of http://www.ezweddingplanner.com

He Cooks

I have promised my fiancé that we can be married in a church and she can wear a gown (we have been both divorced twice). I would like your thoughts on a reception at home, very casual and I would do most of the cooking, i.e., grilling?

You can certainly be married in a church and then have a casual, intimate reception at your home where you cook/grill. The guests will probably appreciate the comfortable, casual setting.

You will want to talk with the clergyperson at the church to be sure they will perform the ceremony for divorced couples (some do, some don't). But, I'm sure you will be able to find a church/clergy who will perform the service. And there is no reason that the bride cannot wear a wedding gown. Generally brides from multiple marriages do not wear a veil, but rather wear a hat, flowers, jeweled combs, etc. If the reception is casual, she (and you)can always change after the ceremony, or just wear your wedding clothes (and an apron for the chef!).

Hawaiian Like Wedding

I would like to know where to get ideas for a Hawaiian wedding, but put on in the United States (Boise, ID) Can you help me? Thank you.

 An interesting idea...You could have your florist make flower leis for your guests (or bridal party). If they don't know how, check with florists from Hawaii, who could ship them to you (www.hawaii.com and drill down to local florists). You could decorate your and the bridesmaids hair with flowers. Or you could have shell leis which wouldn't wilt - Hilo Hattie's in Hawaii have lots of them & you can probably order them. If you are having your reception in a hotel, they would probably be a good source for decorations - like rented palm trees or ferns to decorate the room or imitation torches (real might present fire hazards - unless your reception is outside). You could check with local rental/party vendors to see what kinds of decorations they may have (like maybe waterfalls or volcano stuff?). Perhaps some local dance studios could come perform hulas at the reception. It might be tougher to find someone who knows how to blow conch shells, but again, maybe dance studios would have some sources. Your DJ could play Hawaiian music Or, if you have a band, they could dress Hawaiian & add some Hawaiian music (check to see that they could play that before you hire them). If you print in your reception card that you are having a Hawaiian theme, perhaps your guests will dress accordingly. Some appetizers could include large fresh fruit plates with pineapples, etc. Or maybe you could have a pig roast (is that Hawaiian??). You could decorate the tables with shells and flowers & even perhaps sand with shells on the cake table? If you really wanted to go colorful, you could have Hawaiian print table cloths for the reception. You could check with the wedding coordinators in Hawaii (again www.hawaii.com) to see what types of things they do in Hawaiian weddings (of course they have the actual setting to work with)...

Hair

HAIR

Here are some general guidelines for your hair on the big day. A lot depends on what type of hair you have, fine, course, thick, thin, straight, curly, short, long, etc. The other factor in determining how to do your hair is what type of headpiece or veil you plan to wear. Look through bridal magazines and cut out the hairstyles you like. This will help you and your stylist later.

There are a variety of hair styles from which to choose. Some include:

• Natural - just leave it pretty much the way you always look. If you have long hair, leave it long (not put up). You can curl it, decorate it, etc., but it basically stays natural. This is probably the easiest and least expensive method.
• Bun - which is basically a ponytail wrapped around itself, usually at the top of your head.
• Chignon - a tight knot at the base of the head. This style can be a wound braid or many braids, or a plain, ungathered ponytail. A chignon works well with almost any type of hair.
• French Braid - a three stranded braid woven close to the head. Very good for fluffy, out-of-control hair.
• French Twist - winding up all of your hair sideways and fastening it. This lends itself to a variety of beautiful hair accessories.
• Petal Curls - many smooth folds of hair on top or at the back of the head.
• Updo - pretty much any upswept look. Generally there are loose tendrils of hair framing the face.

Natural

Chignon

Updo

Updo

In general, thick, course hair stays up the best and thin, fine hair may be better with the front up and the back down. To put hair up and have it stay, it is better to start with dry, slightly dirty hair. This is because it will have more texture. It is recommended to wash it the night before the wedding day rather than the morning of.

If you want to wear your hair up, but it is a little short, start growing it now (or at least six months before the wedding). Hair grows at about one-half inch per month. But, it is not a good idea to just grow it for the wedding and then cut it off right after. It's better to be yourself.

If you have colored, permed, or treated hair, have it done at least two weeks before the wedding. This will give your hair a chance to relax a bit and also you will have time to fix it if need be. For the same reasons, you should get a trim two weeks before the wedding.

If you are undecided on what to do with your hair, wearing it up will generally keep it the way you want longer and it keeps your hair from hiding the neckline of your dress. Tall women can wear curls any length. Shorter women probably will look better with longer curls - that is not too short. Curls one inch below the shoulder is safe.

The best advice is to keep your hair healthy and shiny and as natural as possible. A good conditioner can help, especially for dry or curly hair. Also keep curling iron use to a minimum as this can dry out your hair. This is true in general, not just for your wedding day.

If you are planning to have a stylist do your hair, have a practice run long before the wedding. This will give you time to try out a number of stylists and you may find that what you thought you would like, just isn't "you". Or that hair tightly bound will give you a headache after a few hours. It is a good idea to have your headpiece/veil along to see how it works with your hair style. And, don't go too trendy. You don't want to look at your pictures later and be disappointed.

Plan on at least 2-3 hours for your hair and makeup; more if all your bridesmaid's hair are done by the same person. And, if the same person is doing your bridesmaids hair, do yours last, so it will look the freshest for the ceremony and pictures.

Headpieces/Veils

First, a look at the different types of headpieces and then the variety of veils. Then we'll discuss how these affect your hair style. Whatever you decide on, make sure it is comfortable and that you can turn your head and bend over and dance without it falling off. If you choose a hat with a brim, be sure the groom can easily kiss you. Hats work best with low chignons, lose and flowing styles or sleek, short hair cuts. They may be most appropriate for informal, outdoor, daytime weddings.

• Bow - usually positioned at the back of your head and is often flower trimmed. It is generally made of lace or satin.
• Combs or Barrettes - usually pearl-encrusted or decorated.
• Coronet - a wreath resting high on the crown of your head.
• Floral Wreath - a circlet of flowers which can nestle on top of your head or at your mid-forehead.
• Garden Hat - a crownless hat, usually made of horsehair, trimmed with flowers and ribbons.
• Half Hat - a small hat covering half, or less than half, of your crown.
• Headband - a raised hairband, decorated and ornamented.
• Juliet Cap - a small cap, ornately festooned with pearls and jewels, that snugly hugs your crown.
• Mantilla - a fine-lace trimmed netting usually secured to an elegant comb, gently framing your face.
• Picture Hat - ornamented hat with a very large brim. You can also tilt this hat to one side with the brim up.
• Profile - silk flowers with pearl sprays and crystals secured on a comb. It's worn asymmetrically on one side of your head.
• Tiara - crown, usually encrusted with crystals, pearls, rhinestones, or lace, resting high atop your head.
• Toque - small close fitting hat without a brim.

Except for the Mantilla and perhaps the Picture Hat, veiling is usually attached to all of these headpieces. Most veils are made of nylon material called illusion. Decorations often include poufs, which are small gathers of veiling on the crown of a headpiece. Often times the veil will have an edging around the outside of satin or silk. Wreaths often have flowing ribbons called streamers tied into "love knots". Some veil types include:

• Ballet-Length or Waltz-Length - falling to the ankles.
• Birdcage - falling just below your chin, gently shirred at the sides and usually attached to hats.
• Blusher - loose veil worn forward over your face and after the ceremony is turned back over the headpiece. It is often attached to a longer, three-tiered veil.
• Cathedral-Length - cascading at least 3 1/2 yards from the headpiece and it is usually worn with a cathedral train.
• Chapel-Length - cascading 2 1/3 yards from the headpiece.
• Fingertip - this is the most popular length and it has several layers that touch your fingertips.
• Fly-Away - has multiple layers that brush the shoulders and is usually worn with an informal, ankle-length dress or a style with details in back.

You will want to build your hair around your headpiece. Consider what your hair will look like if you want to take off your headpiece or veil during the reception. This will also determine how they are fastened into your hair. Hairstyle will also vary depending on where the headpiece/veil will sit on your head. The formality of your gown should also dictate your hairstyle.

If you have fine hair or straight hair, use finer combs on your headpiece. The bridal store can replace wide tooth combs with fine. Or, go with a headpiece that can be easily secured. A smaller headpiece may be better. For thin hair, consider sewn in extensions and hairpieces for more body. If you do this, the headpiece can be attached to it for a solid feel. Wavy, curly hair can use wide tooth combs, bobby pins, barrettes, etc. If you have thick hair, consider a larger headpiece, so it won't get lost in your hair. Keep proportion in mind.

Considering flowers for your hair? Fresh flowers add dimension and texture. Avoid fake flowers. Flowers may be braided into the hair, pinned in, used as a wreath around your whole head, attached to the veil or even used instead of a veil. This is particularly a good idea if it's a second marriage. Most florists can provide fresh flowers for your hair and even craft the whole headpiece. Getting the flowers from your florist will ensure that they match your bouquet. Also, your hair stylist can integrate flowers when doing your hair. Don't put flowers in your hair too early on the wedding day, as you want them to look as fresh as possible. It is generally best to pick, small, hardy flowers like roses, orchids, daisies, stephanotises, narcissus, etc. Avoid bulb flowers like tulips or daffodils, because they wilt quickly. Accents of greens may also be included. Your florist is a good resource on what types of flowers would make good hair accessories. Be sure you or your groom are not allergic to the flowers and that you both will like the scent of them.

If you are wearing a veil and flowers, first attach the headpiece and veil to your head and then add the flowers. If your florist individually wraps the flowers first with wire and tape, they will last longer on the headpiece.