Toasts - Samples

TOASTS

In a Nutshell

Traditionally, the best man makes the first reception toast to the bride and groom (after everyone has been poured a glass of champagne or other sparkling drink.) The groom rises, thanks the best man and then toasts his bride and both sets of parents. The bride can then make a toast, followed by parents, relatives, wedding party members and friends. This becomes pretty much open season after the first few toasts and not every one need give a toast. It can easily stop after the parent's toast.

Toasting should be done in a way that is most comfortable to you. You may remain seated, although if there is a large group, it will be easier for everyone to hear you if you stand. Don't mix toasts with other messages you might want to convey. Keep it simple.

Toasts should be less than three minutes each, short and sincere. In a large group, the person giving the toast should stand and the person(s) being toasted remain seated and do not raise their glass and drink to him/herself. Toast the person/people by name and mention your relationship to them. Make sure the toast you are delivering is appropriate for the group at hand. Don't be lewd, suggestive or rude.

Ten Helpful Steps to Toasting

1. Write the toast. This is your chance to honor the couple, so don't wait until the night before the wedding to think of what you're going to say. Even if you want to be spontaneous, it's good to have a toast written in case your mind goes blank. The toast should be short, sweet, and personal. A humorous quote or story can add a nice touch, just keep it tasteful. Anecdotes that involve nakedness, drunkenness, or ex-significant others of the couple could make the moment very awkward for yourself, the couple, and the guests!

2. Make notes. You might get flashbacks of making presentations in school, but putting notes on index cards really is a good idea, especially if you're not confident in your public speaking abilities. Don't write your entire speech out word-for-word...You don't want to spend the entirety of the toast staring at your index cards and sounding like a robot. Instead, include short quotes or key phrases like "Talk about meeting bride for first time, mention how comfortable they were with each other." The idea is for the note to jog your memory, but the actual wording should be off the top of your head, provided you follow the next step.

3. Practice your speech. Get a kitchen timer, a mirror, and an audience (any combination of people and stuffed animals will do, as long as they have eyes and can sit still like attentive wedding guests). Rehearse your speech in its entirety as if you were at the wedding. Modify your index cards as needed. Keep practicing until you feel at ease with the toast.

• Go through all the motions. Imagine where the audience is sitting, for example, and pretend to make gestures and eye contact in that direction.
• Insert strategic pauses to add emphasis. Doing so will also help prevent you from rushing through the speech.
• Keep your toast to around two minutes. If you find yourself talking quickly (which is likely if you're nervous) make a conscious effort to slow down.

4. Wait for your turn. Timing is everything. Chances are, you're not the only one who wants to make a toast. Your order in the line-up depends on your relationship to the bride and groom.

• In formal weddings, the toast is usually given after the meal. If the couple is cutting a wedding cake for dessert, the toast is given after the cutting but before dessert. But if it's a less formal or afternoon wedding, the toasting often takes place after the couple's first dance.
• If there is a toastmaster (which may be the case in a formal, traditional wedding), follow his or her cues. If there is no toastmaster, the best man might be expected to coordinate the toasts.
• One traditional order for toasts is as follows:
  • To the couple, by the father of the bride or an old friend of the family.
  • To the health of the bridesmaids, normally by the groom.
  • To the health of the parents of the couple, normally by the best man.
• More commonly, the best man gives the first toast, followed by the fathers, the groom, the bride, family friends, relatives, maid or matron of honor, the mothers and anyone else who would like to.

5. Stand up. Look around and check that all glasses (including yours) are full before making the toast. There should be wine, champagne, or something that looks like wine or champagne in your glass, as toasting with water is offensive in some cultures.

6. Raise your glass to the person you're toasting. While many people associate making a toast with tapping the side of your glass with a utensil, consider that you might damage fine crystal at a formal affair. To play it safe, say "I'd like to make a toast" in a firm voice and wait.

7. Announce your relationship to the couple. Some people at the wedding might not know who you are, so making this clear at the beginning will avoid any confusion. Bring your glass down as you start to speak, but continue holding it in one hand (unless you're holding both a microphone and notes).

8. Give the speech. Look at the person you're toasting to, but also shift eye contact towards the guests occasionally.

9. End the toast on a positive note. Include a formal indication to inform them of the ending of the toast and what to say next. For example: "Let us now toast the happiness of Jill and Jack. To Jill and Jack!" As you say this, wave your glass to all, then tip it towards the person you are toasting to, or clink their glass if you're close enough. Then clink your glass gently with those around you and sip (don't gulp or chug) your drink.

10. Sit down and wait for the next toast. If the person you toasted to offers a toast in response, remain seated and don't raise your glass; just say "Thank you", smile and sip your drink when they're done!

Tips

• Since weddings are as individual as the couples that have them, feel free to adjust your words and the toasting conventions to suit the occasion.
• Usually, the people in the wedding party are more familiar with one half of the newly married couple than the other. Try to get to know that other person as much as possible, and include something that relates to a unique aspect of both the bride and groom - something about their personality or their interests.
• The toast will certainly be colored by the lens you view the couple through, but check to be sure that the star in the toast is the couple (or at least the half of the couple you know) and not the person giving it.
• It can be tempting to do a short, sweet and generic toast. But the couple would probably like something a little more personal, otherwise it may seem like you didn't care about this duty, or that the couple isn't interesting enough to be the subject of a toast.
• Bring tissues if you think you may shed a few tears while you're speaking.
• At an inter-cultural wedding, learn about the cultures involved to make sure you don't say something that is completely inappropriate to a significant number of guests.
• Give thanks. Show gratitude to whoever is hosting the wedding, whether it's the parents of the bride or the couple themselves. E.g. "Thank you for welcoming us to this happy occasion, and sharing your joy with us today."
• Share an anecdote. Stories of how various parties met are always popular, whether you talk about how the bride and groom met or your first time meeting either of them. Here are some additional ideas:
  • The first time the bride or groom told you about meeting their partner.
  • The first time you realized these people were an important part of your life.
  • A time you got through something together, whether challenging or fun.
  • The story you are looking forward to telling their kids one day.
  • The way you have seen the bride or groom change for the better since they met.
  • When you're 90 and looking back, what would you say of your friendship?
  • Tell a story of some specific detail or action that exemplifies why this person is special in this world, and to you in particular.
  • If you were given three wishes for the couple, what would they be? Be careful with the use of clichés here. Don't use wishes you've heard before.
  • Tell about the time your friend saw you through an embarrassing moment. (Careful. Consider the audience).
  • If it's a second marriage and there are children involved, consider a toast referencing the newly created family.
• Offer a compliment. Say something nice about the person (or couple) you are toasting to. Although your intentions might be good, don't go on and on about how great a person is; instead, choose a few appreciate adjectives that go a long way (e.g. "he's generous, intelligent, and kind").
• End the toast on a positive note. Offer a wish, a traditional toast, or a blessing. Here are some ideas:
  • Here's to the groom, a man who keeps his head though he loses his heart.
  • May she share everything with her husband, including the housework.
  • My greatest wish for the two of you is that through the years your love for each other will so deepen and grow, that years from now you will look back on this day, your wedding day, as the day you loved each other the least.
  • May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse.
  • Here's to the groom with bride so fair, And here's to the bride with groom so rare!
  • May I see you grey, and combing your grandchildren's hair.
  • May you live each day like your last, and live each night like your first.
  • May you see each other through many dark days, and make all the rest a little brighter.
  • To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
  • I would like to make a toast to lying, stealing, cheating and drinking. If you're going to lie, lie for a friend. If you're going to steal, steal a heart. If your going to cheat, cheat death. And if you're going to drink, drink with me.

Warnings

• Don't drink before you toast. Your speech should be spoken, not slurred.
• Speeches that dwell on how difficult marriage is, however realistic, can make it sound like the couple is doomed to fail.
• An audience will be very forgiving as long as your toast is heartfelt, decent, and relatively short. A TV commercial is only 30 seconds long. Only confident speakers should go longer than a minute and a half.
• Avoid inside jokes as well as other references which might be deemed inappropriate for the occasion.
• Do not use this event as a way to kick-start your comedy career. If you tell a joke and it bombs, finish up as quickly as possible.

Sample Best Man's Toast

It can be brief and sentimental ("Here's to the happiness of the couple close to us all - Mark and Susan.") or it can be more detailed and personal, amusing and anecdotal. Childhood, or friendship memories can be included.

Here's to Susan and Mark. I've been waiting to come to their wedding for some time, since I introduced them two years ago. May their lives be full of happiness like we are all enjoying here today.

Also see the Parents toasts (below), as some can also apply to best man toasts.

Sample Groom's Toast to Bride (or vice versa)

[Thank the best man for his toast], then: I toast you, Susan, for coming into my life and agreeing to share your life with me. And I toast, and thank your parents for welcoming me into their family, and for giving us this incredible wedding. I also toast my own parents and family for their support and love over the years. And I thank all of you for coming to share this day with us.

To my husband, the most wonderful man in the world. To my new family, with thanks for raising such a loving and supportive person. And to my parents, for all the love and strength they've given me over the years. May we all have many, many more memorable days together.

Because I love you truly,
Because you love me, too,
My very greatest happiness
Is sharing life with you.

To my wife,
My bride and joy.

Here's to the prettiest, here's to the wittiest,
Here's to the truest of all who are true,
Here's to the neatest one, here's to the sweetest one,
Here's to them all in one - here's to you.

I have known many,
liked quite a few,
Loved one -
Here's to You!

Here's to my mother-in-law's daughter,
Here's to her father-in-law's son;
And here's to the vows we've just taken,
And the life we've just begun.

Sample Parent's Toasts:

I'd like to toast Susan and Mark, and tell them how happy her mother and I are to be here today and celebrate their wedding. We feel that we are not losing a daughter, but gaining a son. Love and happiness to you both. And I'd like to thank everyone here for coming and sharing this day. Cheers!

"When children find true love,
parents find true joy."
Here's to your joy and ours,
from this day forward.

May you both live as long as you want, and may you never want as long as you live.

Here's to you both
a beautiful pair
on the eve (day)(beginning)
of your love affair.

May you always look forward with pleasure, and backward with no regrets.

Here's to the groom with bride so fair,
And here's to the bride with groom so rare!

Here's to the husband - and here's to the wife;
May they remain lovers for life.

May your wedding days be few and your anniversaries many.

To the newlyweds: May "for better or worse" be far better than worse.