WEDDING INVITATIONS
As soon as a date is set and guest lists are complete, select and order the invitations. Allow at least three months before the wedding so there will be plenty of time for addressing, mailing, and responses.
Invitations can be ordered from EZWeddingPlanner's online store or from jewelers, stationery stores, department stores, specialty shops, or advertisements in magazines. All have consultants and/or samples to help in the selection of paper stock, color, design, and lettering style. Invitations can be engraved, or thermographed. Thermography is a process that resembles engraving, but is less expensive and more readily available.
When the order is placed, ask about getting the outer and inner envelopes ahead of time so that they can be addressed and ready to mail when the invitations arrive. There may be a small extra charge for this. Wedding invitations are to be mailed four to six weeks prior to the wedding date. They should all be mailed at the same time. Check with the local post office for the amount of postage needed to mail the wedding invitations as postage may vary, depending on number of enclosures.
If the invitations contain several enclosures, the proper order of placement is as follows: The non-gummed envelope contains the invitation along with the other enclosures and is placed in the outer envelope so it faces the flap. Tissue paper is placed over the engraving or printing to ensure against smudging. Or, if you prefer, the tissue paper can be discarded and not used. Response cards are tucked inside the invitation and, if needed, include a map. Be sure it is a clear reproduction on good quality paper. This also belongs inside the invitation with the other enclosures. Gold stickers/seals can be placed on the back flap of the outside envelope and sometimes contain the return address, but it is more commonly printed.
Invitations are usually issued by the parents of the bride, or by the surviving parent, or if the bride is an orphan, by the nearest of kin. The accepted order of kinship is as follows: Elder brother; Elder sister; Both grandparents, or one surviving; Uncle and/or Aunt; Guardian; Bride and groom issue invitations themselves; Groom's family.
You will want to create a guest list. Using EZ Wedding Planner makes this a simple task. Begin to fill it in as you plan, gathering addresses as you go The list is equally divided between bride and groom. You can be sure that about 30% will not attend, 50% or more if out-of-town guests. The bottom line on who to invite depends on the budget.
To figure out how many invitations to order, consider your guest list. Count one invitation per couple, one each for single guests, and one for children over age 18 in a family. Then add a dozen for mementos and 25-50 extra envelopes for mistakes (depending on your total guest count).
Addressing Envelopes
Envelopes should be handwritten in black ink - never typed. Do not abbreviate name or addresses. Either have the return address printed or hand write them when addressing the envelopes. If a response card is included, be sure it is stamped and pre-addressed.
Write out all streets, cities and states, don't abbreviate. Be sure to use zip codes. The only abbreviations that are ok to use are Mr., Mrs., Ms., Jr., Dr., and Esq. (for an attorney). It is also proper to write out formal titles, like Doctor, Captain or Reverend.
Guests full names are written on the outer envelope (e.g., Mr. and Mrs. Martin Andrew Johnson). The outer envelope is sealed and stamped. Children are not listed in the address on the outer envelope, not is "and family".
The inner envelope is left unsealed and addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Johnson," without first names or addresses. Children under eighteen may be included by writing their first names in a line below their parents' on the inner envelope. Older children in the family should receive their own invitation, whether or not he or she is currently living with his or her parents.
If one of your guests will bring a friend and you do not know their name, then for a single person, include the name "and guest" on the inside envelope. Or, if you know the guest he or she intends to bring, a separate invitation should be sent. When two people live together, send one invitation addressed to both.
When a married woman keeps her maiden name, address her as "Miss" or "Ms." Her name can appear first, or the names can appear in alphabetical order. "Mrs." is only used when the married woman takes her husband's last name. If the woman has hyphenated her last name, which is different from her husband, then it would be Mr. Martin Johnson and Ms. Mary Trainer-Johnson.
A woman who is separated from her husband can be addressed as Ms. Mary Johnson. If she is divorced, she can be addressed the same, or with a combination of maiden and married surnames, like Mrs. Trainer Johnson. If she has reverted to her maiden name, then it's Ms. Mary Trainer. A widow is addressed on an envelope as Mrs. Martin Johnson. If the woman's own first name is used in any form, 'Ms.' is the title to choose: "Ms. Mary Johnson." There is usually no such thing as "Mrs. Mary Johnson" except in the case of a woman who is married to another woman.
Wording Etiquette for Invitations
TITLES - Reverend, Doctor, Captain, etc., are not abbreviated unless lack of space necessitates it.
SUFFIXES - Jr., Junior, II, III, IV, are all properly preceded by a comma. Jr. is capitalized when abbreviated, junior is not capitalized when spelled in full. Roman numerals are properly preceded by a comma.
Wording Etiquette for Gay, Lesbian or Bi-Sexual Invitations
Gay and lesbian weddings, civil unions and commitment ceremonies are becoming more commonplace; however, the semantics of the invitation can be a point of uncertainty for many couples. As a general rule, following standard wedding etiquette will suffice.
If you decide not to hold your ceremony in a place of worship, the wording will vary. The line "request the honor of your company" changes to "request the pleasure of your company." The "honor of your company" is usually reserved for houses of worship, whereas the "pleasure of your company" can be used for any location. See some examples below.
| If Invitations Are Issued By Bride's Parents: Standard Form | Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| Wedding Mass/Wedding Service | Mr. and Mrs Philip Paul Johnson |
| OR | Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| If Mother Or Father Are Deceased - Living Parent Not Remarried | Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| If Living Parent Has Remarried | Mr. and Mrs. John L. Carson |
| OR | Mr. and Mrs. John L. Carson |
| OR | Mr. and Mrs. John L. Carson |
| If Mother And Father Are Deceased - Invitations Issued By Unmarried Older Brother Or Sister. | Mr. John L. Johnson |
| If Invitations Are Issued By Married Older Brother Or Sister | Mr. and Mrs. Frank P. Egers |
| If Invitations Are Issued By Grandmother Or Uncle And Aunt | Mr. and Mrs. Matthew K. Smith |
| If Couple Issue Their Own Invitations | The honour of your presence is requested |
| OR | Miss Susan Anne Johnson |
| OR | Together with their parents |
| OR | Michael Thompson |
| OR | Mary Thompson |
| If Invitations Are Issued By A Friend | Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Andrew Carlson |
| Mother Divorced - If Not Remarried She May Use A Combination Of Her Maiden Name And Married Name (This Is Regarded As An Individual Decision.) | Mrs. Meyer Johnson |
| Mother Remarried | Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas |
| OR | Mrs. And Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas |
| OR | Mrs. And Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas |
| Mother Remarried but Issues Invitation with Your Father who is Not Remarried | Mrs. And Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas |
| Father, Not Remarried, Issues Invitation | Mr. Philip Paul Johnson |
| Father and Stepmother Issue Invitation | Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| OR | Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| Father Remarried, Mother Not Remarried Jointly Issue Invitations | Ms. Carol Johnson Meyer |
| Mother and Father Remarried Jointly Issue Invitations | Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas |
| Mother and Father Remarried Jointly Issue Invitations With Stepparents | Mr. and Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas |
| If Groom's Parents Issue Invitations | Mr. and Mrs. Roger Albert Nelson |
| If Bride and Groom's Parents Issue Invitations | Mr. and Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas |
| Stepmother Issue Invitations | Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| Second Marriages - Young Divorcee Uses Combination Of Maiden And Married Names | Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| OR | Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| Young Widow Uses Married Name | Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| Adult Children of the Bride Issue Invitation | Susan Anne Johnson |
| Adult Children of Both the Bride and Groom Issue Invitation | Ms. Susan Anne Johnson |
| Double Weddings - When Brides Are Sisters The Older Sister Is Mentioned First | Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| When The Brides Are Not Sisters The Older Bride And Her Family Are Mentioned First | Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| RECEPTION INVITATIONS | Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| OR If Sponsors of the Ceremony Same as Hosts for Reception | Dinner Reception |
| OR If Sponsors of the Ceremony and Reception Hosts are Different (In This Case Father and Stepmother Host Reception) | Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| OR All Combinations of Parents Host Reception | Mr. and Mrs. Thomas K. Douglas |
| MILITARY WEDDINGS - Officers Above The Rank Of Lieutenant Have Title Preceding Name. | Major and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| Junior Officers Have Title Placed In Next Line Preceding Branch Of Service | Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| Rank Below Sergeant Is Not Indicated, Branch Of Service Is Placed Below Name | Mr. and Mrs. Philip Paul Johnson |
| CONTEMPORARY WORDING | A life of sharing, caring |
| OR | In the spirit of Christian joy |
| OR | A fresh new day…and it is our |
| OR | Susan Anne Johnson |
| OR | Believing that Holy Matrimony is ordained by God |
| OR | The most joyous of occasions |
| OR | Susan Anne Johnson |
| OR | Susan Anne Johnson |
| OR | Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Francis Nelson |
| OR | Because you have shared in their lives |
| OR | Susan Anne Johnson |
| OR | Our joy will be more complete |
| OR | With joyful hearts |
| OR | Our daughter, Susan Anne, and Mark Robert Nelson will be united in Christ on Saturday, the fifth of June, nineteen hundred and ninety-nine at one-thirty o'clock in the afternoon at the First Lutheran Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota. You are invited to join in worship, witness their vows, and celebrate their union at a reception following the ceremony in the Church Parlors. If you are unable to attend, we ask your presence in thought and prayer.
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