Vows

I would like some ideas on the vows, it will be a non denominational, Christian, wedding.

Here are some ideas...

I Name take you Name to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

or

I take you Name to be my wife/husband from this day forward, to join with you and share all that is to come, and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us.

or the officiate may ask these in question like form with a response of I will, or I do.

or

O: (to the groom) Name, will you take Name to be your wife? Will you be guided by the counsel and direction God has given in his Word and love your wife as Christ loved the Church? Will you be faithful to her, cherish her, support her, and help her in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live? If so, answer, "I will".

G: I will

O: (to the bride) Name, will you take Name to be your husband? Will you be guided by the counsel and direction God has given in his Word and submit to your husband as the Church submits to Christ? Will you be faithful to him, cherish him, support him, and help him in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live? If so, answer, "I will".

B: I will

O: join your right hands and make your promises to each other: - the groom and bride will say in turn:

I, Name, in the presence of God and these witnesses, take you Name, to be my wife/husband. I promise to be faithful to you as long as we both shall live.

or

I, Name, take you Name, to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

or

I Name, commit my life to our partnership in marriage. I promise to comfort you, to encourage you in all walks of life. I promise to express my thoughts and emotions to you, and to listen to you in times of joy and in times of sorrow. Name, I love you. Will you let me share my life and all that I am with you?

Name: I will

In you vows, you can express your feelings towards each other and your lifelong commitment in wording that you write or some of the above.

Venue defined

What do they mean by venue?

Venue means site - a reception venue is where the reception is held, a hotel, a back yard, a country club, etc., and wedding venue can be the church etc.

Veil Removal

Do I wear the veil the whole time at the reception?

You do not need to wear the veil for the reception. In fact, many brides remove them after the wedding. Some have 2 veils - a long one for the wedding and a short one for the reception. If you intend to remove the veil, coordinate this with who is doing your hair, so they can plan for it accordingly. Also, some headpieces are built to remove the veil easily.

I know of some brides who intended to remove their veil, but loved it so much that they kept it on for the reception, because of the "look and feel" it gave them.

Protecting Your Valuables

PROTECTING YOUR VALUABLES

A few simple precautions will help you protect your belongings for now and for the future. Gifts you receive from friends and family will certainly have some sentimental worth, as well as cash value – so protect those valuables before, during, and after the wedding!

It is suggested that you take out insurance to cover anticipated gifts. A "wedding present floater" is a special policy covering anything that won't stay in one place. The homeowners' insurance held by your parents, for instance, probably won't protect any gifts gathered in their house that you will move to your apartment. The "floater" is good for a temporary period – usually about 90 days after the wedding. It gives "blanket coverage," meaning that you don't have to list each item you're insuring, since you really don't know what gifts will be coming in. You're protected against theft, fire, breakage, etc. There's seldom a deductible which would have you picking up part of any loss. You get back the total value.

If you already own or rent the home you will live in, you will need regular coverage. A smarter investment, then, would be a homeowners' or renters' policy to cover all of your possessions. If you already have this type of insurance, you should "up" your coverage to include any new items you will be receiving or purchasing. For example, if your current policy is good for $7,000, you may want to "up" it an additional $2,000 to cover the gifts that you will be receiving for your wedding. Also, be sure to check with your insurance agent to see what exactly is covered.

Recording and keeping track of all your possessions and gifts may seem tedious, but it is wise to take the time to do this. Your "Wedding Gift Register" is one of your most valuable assets. It provides you with the name and address of the gift giver, the date of acknowledgement, the item given, and the place of purchase. The "register" is your best resource for future fill-ins or replacement and evaluation for insurance purposes. When a claim is filed on a theft loss, the insurance company requires documentation of ownership. If you do not have a household inventory, receipts showing purchase are acceptable proof. However, newlyweds do not have receipts for their wedding gifts, but if you keep good documentation in your "register" you may use this for documentation of ownership.

You must also have record of all personal possessions owned by both of you before your marriage, and items purchased by your after you were married.

An inventory of everything you own, including gifts received at showers, etc., should be taken before the wedding so that you know how much coverage you will need. All items should be recorded, indicating their cash value and age if it is a family heirloom or antique. You may wish to consult a professional appraiser for some items. Be certain your engagement ring and wedding rings have an up-to-date appraisal. The value of gold, silver, and jewels changes constantly.

When taking your inventory be sure to include clothing, sports or hobby equipment, furniture, appliances, etc. If you can find receipts for any of your items, collect them and put them in an envelope to keep on file. Also, it is a good practice to take photos of all your possessions. You should put identifying numbers on all items that can be engraved. Contact your local police department for more information on identification numbers. This practice deters thieves.

After your inventory has been taken and a list is made, you should make a copy for your records, and store the original in a safe-deposit box. Also, update your records from time to time.

If all this seems unnecessary and tedious, total up the cash value of all the items on your inventory and see what an investment it represents. Does the amount surprise you? Once you realize the value of these belongings, you will probably want to take steps to assure the safety of your precious possessions! With a little thoughtful planning, the things you love can be with you for a lifetime.

Ushers or Groomsmen?

I am planning a wedding of approximately 150 guests. I know that you are supposed to have one usher to every fifty guests. Do those ushers also have to be groomsmen?

 No, they do not have to be the same people. You can have separate ushers whose only job it is to escort people to (and maybe from) their seats. This is one way to have friends/relatives participate in your wedding without having them in the actual wedding party. But, if you choose, they can be the same people. After the guests are seated, they then take their places as groomsmen.

Unity Candle

We would like to include the unity candle in our service. Any suggestions on how to do this?

There are a number of different ways to incorporate the unity candle. There are two candles which are lit prior to or during the service. This can be done by the clergy, both sets of parents, attendants, etc. One of these burning candles is on the bride's side of the alter (or a side table) and the other on the groom's side. A taller, unlit candle is in the middle. After the couple are pronounced husband and wife, they each take a lit candle and together light the unlit, center candle. They then blow out the two other candles. This symbolizes the unification of two families and two hearts and so two people become one. During the lighting of the candle, the clergy may talk about the significance of the unity candle, a soloist may sing, or there may just be silence.

Plan in Two Months

We have about 2 months until the wedding. We are expecting 350 guest. Where do we start. Could you suggest a week by week to do list.

It will be hard to plan a large wedding in 2 months. The first thing you need to do is find a location for the wedding/reception. Many places book up a year or more in advance, so you may have to call lots of places to find one that can hold that many people. Then, ask the people you want as attendants and get busy finding dresses etc. They need to be rush ordered with enough time for alterations and you may find 2 months is not enough time. So, you may want to consider buying dresses from a department store (even coordinating colors can work nicely if they can't all get the same dress). When you find a site, you will need to work with the caterer on food soon. Also, when you have a pretty firm guest count, you will need to order invitations, because you generally need to mail them out 4-6 weeks before the wedding. It takes a bit of time to address them all, so allow for this.

You can start now by entering the guests names and addresses in the People section of EZ Wedding Planner. Then you can print lists by address, etc. for invitations. You can also track the RSVPs for reception count. And you can seat them at reception tables using the Seating section of EZWP (usually an extremely time consuming job if done manually, but easy to do here).

One other vendor that books far in advance is a photographer, so start now to find one who is available on your wedding date.

You can use the Plan as a checklist of things to do - check them off as you do them and then only display the Not Done items. They are in the general order of how things usually are done, but the dates will not line up with a 2 month wedding, so just start picking them off from the top and work your way down. You may want to turn your email reminders off in Options, so you aren't swamped with overdue items emailed to you.

Register at Travel Agency

My best friend is getting married. It is her 1st wedding, but the groom's 2nd. They have all the household necessities they need. People keep asking her if she is registered anywhere. We are having a personal shower for her and are having a Jack and Jill. Is she still supposed to register somewhere or is there a way to say they just want money without being tacky? She was wondering if they can register at their Travel agency. I hope you can help.

There just isn't a way to request money with out being tacky. If guests ask what she would like, she can drop hints, but cannot directly tell them what to give. Hints that cash would be preferred always start with, "We really have all the household things we need, and we're just happy to have you included in our celebration… but, we're saving up for…" Guests who are comfortable giving money as a gift will figure out that a contribution to their savings project is really what they would like. Some guests simply never give cash! So she should always give a real project that they are saving for, like their honeymoon trip, in case a guest decides to get them something they can use when they finally spend the savings on the stated project.

Registering at a travel agency would only not seem tacky if she is also registered somewhere else where guests can buy other gifts. This way several registries can be listed and those who would be happy giving money can select the travel agency.

You could have a travel theme at the Jack and Jill shower, and they could register somewhere (like a local department store) for travel type items which they could use (travel alarm, shoe bags, travel hair dryer, toiletry bags, passport holder, money belts, etc.) This theme may then be a "hint" to the guests that money towards the trip would be appropriate, without actually specifying it.

Guest Transportation

Our wedding ceremony is approx. 35 minutes away from the hotel where the reception is being held. Do you think we should provide transportation from the hotel to the wedding for those guests that were part of the rehearsal dinner or those people that stayed at the hotel Friday night.

Generally, guests provide their own transportation to/from the wedding/reception. But, it is considerate for the wedding hosts to arrange transportation for all out-of-town guests. You could arrange for a bus, vans, limos, or taxis to transport out-of-town guests between the sites. Or you could ask local wedding attendants (generally family) or other close friends if they could provide rides. A small thank you gift or personal note of thanks should be given to those family/friends providing rides.

Transportation

TRANSPORTATION

Wedding Day Transportation

A very important part of planning your wedding day is arranging the transportation. After all, you want to make sure that you, the wedding party, your parents, and the guests all get to the church and reception on time!

The bride is traditionally responsible for making transportation arrangements to the church for herself, her parents, the bridesmaids, and also the groom's parents. The classic way to travel on your wedding day is by a nice, shiny limousine. Check around for rates and availability. Otherwise, ask you friends or relatives if their cars would be available to use. Offer to pay for gas and a car wash, and thank them with a small gift.

On the wedding day, have all the cars arrive at your house in time to reach the church at least 15 minutes before the ceremony. If you will be dressing at the church, allow extra time. Plan all your at-home candid photos well in advance of your leaving for church. In the first car should be your mother with your honor attendant, and perhaps another bridesmaid or two; the second car has the rest of your bridesmaids; the third car is for you and your father. Of course, you will have a chauffeur driving these cars. A separate car can pick up the groom's parents. You're on your way! The groom and his best man should take care of their own transportation to the church. They should get there at least 15 minutes to a half hour before the ceremony so that the best man has enough time to give the clergy-person the fee, and also to help the groom straighten his tie and calm any pre-wedding jitters!

If you have many out-of-town guests coming to your wedding, be sure they know how to get to the church and to the reception hall. If you live in a large city, you may want to have maps made up giving directions. These can be included with the invitation, or may be handed out after the ceremony. Reserve parking for the wedding party cars.

When leaving the church, you and your new husband ride in one car – the one that brought you, and your father to the church. Your parents and the groom's parents travel to the reception in their own cars, bridesmaids and ushers in the remaining cars. Chances are that your attendants will slip away during the reception to decorate your getaway car. Or, some friends may do this during the ceremony. Have the groom drop some hints as to how he would like the cars decorated. Decorations should be safe and should not obstruct the driver's vision. If you plan to honk horns as you drive through the city, be considerate of neighborhood residents, hospital zones, etc. Drive safely!

Limousines

You'll feel so special on your wedding day, and look so grand, you deserve to travel in style. Chauffeur-driven limousines are the traditional deluxe travel mode and they're still very much in fashion.

The standard limousine, called format, is supplied by most services. Routinely, it comes equipped with stereo and a glass divider between driver and passengers. A few firms also supply "stretch" or Rolls Royce limousines outfitted with the works – stereo, bar and color TV.

Most firms charge from the time the limousine leaves the garage until it returns. You'll probably want to rent from someone reasonably near your home. A three hour minimum rental (plus gratuity) is required by most services, though a few have a two-hour minimum after which they charge by the quarter hour. These standard packages are based on the assumption that mileage will be within certain limits. If you exceed that mileage, charges will be by the hour and by the mile.

Our worksheet will help you make a choice. Make your reservation at least one month in advance. Most limousine services require a deposit, one to two weeks ahead, ranging from fifty percent of the total to one hundred percent. When there is a balance, it is expected at pickup time.

Be sure to ask about cancellation policies. If cancellation is within five days of the reservation date, some firms will return your deposit. Others reserve the right to keep all or some of it.

Limousine services schedule tightly, some over a twenty-four hour span. Before you place your order, be sure of pickup time and place, destinations and approximate length of rental time.

Other Travel Modes

Just about anything that moves can be used for getaway transportation – and often is! Attracted by the grace of its slower pace, many couples use a horse-drawn carriage. Antique cars and hot air balloons are favorites too. Some travel in helicopters or small, private planes. One energy-conscious pair we know peddled away on their 10-speed bikes. You're beginning a long, sentimental journey together – why not start it with flair?

Parking

You may also find it a good idea to notify the local police department, so they can decide if a traffic officer is necessary. Often, if the gathering will be held in a home or residential area, police can waive certain parking restrictions if given enough time in advance. At the reception, it is also nice to provide your own valet parking – especially if people have to walk any distance. If the reception is being held in a big city, you may want to recommend a parking garage to guests arriving from out-of-town. It may even be wise to reserve space in a parking garage or lot if you anticipate a problem with availability.

Toasts - Who?

Do you have a list of who is supposed to do toasts at the reception, and what order they should go in? I am at a loss as far as this goes!

Traditionally, the best man makes the first reception toast to the bride and groom (after everyone has been poured a glass of champagne or other sparkling drink.) The groom rises, thanks the best man and then toasts his bride and both sets of parents. The maid of honor also toasts the couple. The bride can then make a toast, followed by parents, relatives, wedding party members and friends. This becomes pretty much open season after the first few toasts.

Toasts should be less than three minutes each, short and sincere. The person giving the toast should stand and the person(s) being toasted remain seated and do not raise their glass and drink to him/herself. Toast the person/people by name and mention your relationship to them. Don't be lewd, suggestive or rude.

Toasts - Samples

TOASTS

In a Nutshell

Traditionally, the best man makes the first reception toast to the bride and groom (after everyone has been poured a glass of champagne or other sparkling drink.) The groom rises, thanks the best man and then toasts his bride and both sets of parents. The bride can then make a toast, followed by parents, relatives, wedding party members and friends. This becomes pretty much open season after the first few toasts and not every one need give a toast. It can easily stop after the parent's toast. Toasting should be done in a way that is most comfortable to you. You may remain seated, although if there is a large group, it will be easier for everyone to hear you if you stand. Don't mix toasts with other messages you might want to convey. Keep it simple. Toasts should be less than three minutes each, short and sincere. In a large group, the person giving the toast should stand and the person(s) being toasted remain seated and do not raise their glass and drink to him/herself. Toast the person/people by name and mention your relationship to them. Make sure the toast you are delivering is appropriate for the group at hand. Don't be lewd, suggestive or rude.

Ten Helpful Steps to Toasting

1. Write the toast. This is your chance to honor the couple, so don't wait until the night before the wedding to think of what you're going to say. Even if you want to be spontaneous, it's good to have a toast written in case your mind goes blank. The toast should be short, sweet, and personal. A humorous quote or story can add a nice touch, just keep it tasteful. Anecdotes that involve nakedness, drunkenness, or ex-significant others of the couple could make the moment very awkward for yourself, the couple, and the guests!

2. Make notes. You might get flashbacks of making presentations in school, but putting notes on index cards really is a good idea, especially if you're not confident in your public speaking abilities. Don't write your entire speech out word-for-word...You don't want to spend the entirety of the toast staring at your index cards and sounding like a robot. Instead, include short quotes or key phrases like "Talk about meeting bride for first time, mention how comfortable they were with each other." The idea is for the note to jog your memory, but the actual wording should be off the top of your head, provided you follow the next step.

3. Practice your speech. Get a kitchen timer, a mirror, and an audience (any combination of people and stuffed animals will do, as long as they have eyes and can sit still like attentive wedding guests). Rehearse your speech in its entirety as if you were at the wedding. Modify your index cards as needed. Keep practicing until you feel at ease with the toast. Go through all the motions. Imagine where the audience is sitting, for example, and pretend to make gestures and eye contact in that direction. Insert strategic pauses to add emphasis. Doing so will also help prevent you from rushing through the speech. Keep your toast to around two minutes. If you find yourself talking quickly (which is likely if you're nervous) make a conscious effort to slow down.

Tissue Paper

I've heard this question so many times and no one seems to be sure of the answer. When mailing wedding invitations, what do you do with the tissue inside? Where does it go? And what about the gold sticker/seal - on inside envelope or outside mailing envelope?

Tissue paper is placed over the engraving or printing. Or, the tissue paper can be discarded and not used, as this is an old custom which was used to prevent smearing of ink. If the invitations contain several enclosures, the proper order of placement is as follows: The non-gummed envelope contains the invitation along with the other enclosures and is placed in the outer envelope so it faces the flap. Response cards are tucked inside the invitation and, if needed, include a map. Be sure it is a clear reproduction on good quality paper. This also belongs inside the invitation with the other enclosures. Enclosures can also be placed directly on top of the invitation, inside the inner envelope. If you have a gold sticker/seal it would go on the back of the outside envelope.

Tipping

Do you tip florist, DJ, photographer? If so, how much is normal?

General Tipping Suggestions:

Catering: There are package deals - get detailed list of what's included: sales tax, gratuities and bar fees etc.. These may greatly increase your wedding budget.

Caterer, Club manager, hotel banquet manager = 15-20% of the food & drink bill. Just 10% of the bill if there is also a maitre d'hotel. Reception host may be asked to pay the bill in advance. If not covered, the host or wedding consultant pays in an envelope during the reception.

Maitre d'hotel - 15 -20% of food & drink bill or $1.50 - $5.00 per guest. The reception host or wedding consultant pays in an envelope near the end of the reception.

Waiters, Waitresses, table captains - usually not tipped directly. Maitre d'hotel often divides his tip.

Bartenders 10% of the total liquor bill.

Powder room attendants $.50 - $1.00 per guest or arrange gratuity with hotel etc.

Parking attendants - same

Limousine drivers 15 -20% of total Limo bill.

Delivery truck drivers for florist, baker, etc. - $5.00 - $10.00 each

The reception host or wedding consultant offers in envelopes at the end of the reception.

Note: Hiring a D.J. will be less expensive than hiring live musicians. Most charge a set fee, amount should be specified as well as overtime rates, late arrival penalties etc., in your contract. Also allow for a tip at the end of the evening.

Clergy members usually receive a donation to the house of worship ($20.00 & up) ask church secretary or sexton - What is the suggested fee? If there are no payment guidelines, give the clergy member a gift.

Ask if fees for alter servers, sextons, cantors, choir, directors and organists are included in the church or synagogue fee; an additional gift or money amount may be appropriate.

[Answer compliments of Dianna Emerson, Bonne Foi Bridals & Weddings]

Luau Reception

We plan on having a luau theme reception, do you have any ideas?

You could serve pu pu platters of food, or have a pig roast or fish, or platters of fresh fruits like pineapple and mango, etc. Kabobs work well also, with pineapple and meat. Drinks could include mai tais or other tropical drinks with small umbrellas. You could rent some tiki torches and/or palm fronds for decorations and give out flower or shell leis as favors at each table. A fun conversation piece could also be an aquarium or gold fish bowls at each table, or shells and sand in bowls/trays/little sail boats. Music could carry the theme - Hawaiian or luau appropriate music.

You could include a note in the invitations, telling your guests its a luau and some may dress accordingly. If you want to go all out, you may be able to get lots of inexpensive grass skirts for your guests to wear over their clothes.

You could also hire some local dancers to perform a hula or other fire dances or stick dances, etc. (perhaps dance clubs or a local cultural center could suggest who would know these dances).

Bridal Lineup

I want to know about the procession and lineup of the bridal party. I have attended to a lot of weddings and some were not very organized. I just need a little help with the lineup and do's and do not's. Any suggestions will be helpful.

Generally the procession in Christian weddings goes as follows: Any grandparents are ushered in, then the groom's mother (with groom's father walking behind usher & mother), and then the bride's mother gets ushered in. She is the last person to be seated by an usher. If using a runner, this is then spooled out by ushers.

The officiant (minister or priest) takes his/her place, followed by the groom & best man (who usually enter from the chancel door) and stand facing the guests. The groom is next to the officiant and best man one step behind at an angle. The groomsmen then enter from the back of the church (or wedding site), in pairs, by height, with the shortest entering first. If there is an odd number, the shortest walks in first, alone. They leave three or four pews between them as they walk in. Or, if you prefer, all the groomsmen can enter together with the groom and line up at an angle, by height, shortest to tallest.

The bridesmaids walk down the aisle next, shortest to tallest. The maid of honor walks in after the last bridesmaid (so she stands next to the bride). Then the ring bearer and flower girl. As each reaches their place up front, they turn to their right and form a diagonal line from the bride and groom. The ring bearer and flower girl can stand at the altar if they are old enough or they can sit in the second or third pews with their parents during the ceremony if they can't stand still for long periods of time. They stand in front of the attendants if remaining by the altar.

Finally, the bride and her father (or escort) with the bride on her father's left arm. Pages if there are any, come last to carry the bride's train.

Jewish weddings have a different order (which included both the bride's parents walking her down the aisle and often also includes the groom's parents with the groom, all who stand with the bride and groom under the huppah during the ceremony.)

Then for the recession, the bride and groom leave first, followed by the flower girl and ring bearer. Then the bridesmaids and groomsmen walk in pairs down the aisle. Then ushers can escort the mothers of the couple and any other honored guests out. You can go directly to a receiving line for guests if you want (some do this at the reception), but at some time before you leave the church (or the wedding site), the bride and groom, maid of honor and best man and the officiant have to meet to sign the marriage license.

Grooms Guide

GROOMS GUIDE

Much has been written for and about brides and wedding etiquette, etc. Often times it is the bride and her family who do most of the planning for your wedding. But, as an involved groom, you can participate in the whole process. Your bride-to-be will surely appreciate any and all help you provide. The partnership skills developed between the two of you during this process will help you work as a team throughout your marriage. It's also important that you both discuss finances, budgets, expectations, and preferences early on in the planning process.
Many grooms (and brides) have asked us a variety of questions regarding wedding planning. Here is an attempt to consolidate these and other issues specifically involving the groom.

The Ring
Probably the first thing you do as a groom-to-be is propose and probably give your future spouse an engagement ring. This can be done in many different ways, places, and methods. Only your imagination will limit how you actually pop the question. This is something you and your fiancé will remember your whole lives, so be creative. Note that you do not necessarily have to have a ring to propose. Some brides prefer to be in on the selection process and some prefer to simply have a wedding ring and not wear an engagement ring at all. Selecting the rings together will ensure you are both happy with the choices. Your finances may also dictate the timing of purchasing rings.
Engagement rings can be any size, shape, gem, and price. If you want a traditional diamond ring, check with local jewelers, etc. for choices. There are 4 Cs - cut, color, clarity and carat. Most jewelers will recommend spending about two months' salary for a diamond engagement ring. But, some very beautiful rings can be had for much less (depending on the salary). You could spend anywhere from several hundred to many thousands of dollars. This depends purely on your choice and budget. There's no need to go broke on one of the first items in your wedding planning. See the extensive discussion on engagement rings for more details.

The Expenses
The next big thing is to discuss the wedding budget and size with the bride and her and your family, depending on who is going to pay the bills. Clearly define who is going to pay for what and how much. Then stick to it. There is no reason for anyone to go broke for a wedding. First let us say that in today's weddings, it is common for the bride and groom to help pay for expenses and if they are older and have been away from home for years, they may choose to pay for the whole wedding. A great way to keep track of the total budget and who is responsible for paying what is in the EZ Wedding Planner Budget.
That said, if the bride's parent(s) pay for the bulk and the budget goes down the older, traditional way, here's what the groom and/or his family would pay for.

• the bride's engagement and wedding rings
  
• an engagement party (family)
  
• a bachelor dinner
  
• the rehearsal dinner
  
• the groom's attire for the wedding (tux or suit)
  
• the attire for the groom's mother and father
  
• the bride's bouquet
  
• boutonnieres for the men in the wedding party
  
• corsages for the mothers and grandmothers
  
• the marriage license
  
• clergymember's or judge's fee
  
• a wedding gift for the bride
  
• a gift for each of the groom's attendants
  
• accommodations for any of the groom's attendants who have to travel from out-of-town
  
• honeymoon transportation (to airport, etc.)
  
• the complete honeymoon

The Attendants
One of the important decisions by the groom is selecting his best man and attendants/ushers. Rule of thumb is one usher for every 50 guests. You will then need to organize the attire they will wear (rented tuxes, etc. and go for fittings). Attire should be coordinated with the bride and the overall formality of your wedding. Generally, one of the duties of the best man is to return any rental clothing after the wedding. See Formalwear discussion below.
If you are asking friends/relatives who live far away, you should also provide for their lodging and perhaps help with other travel expenses. They, however pay for the cost of their wedding clothing.
The groom can also arrange for transportation to the ceremony and reception for the wedding party. Perhaps a limo. Coordinate this with the bride and the best man. See the discussion on transportation.
Some groom's have asked about the best man duties. Some can include:

• Organizing bachelor party (or dinner, which is optional).
  
• Paying for your own wedding attire.
  
• Helping groom dress for the ceremony.
  
• Making sure the groom, groomsmen and ushers are at the ceremony on time & dressed properly.
  
• Driving groom to ceremony if need be.
  
• Presenting envelopes (from the groom) with fees/tips for people like the officiant (just before or after ceremony).
  
• Carrying the brides' ring down the isle and handing it to the officiant.
  
• Signing the marriage license, along with the maid of honor, as a legal witness.
  
• Giving the first toast to the couple at the reception and reading aloud any congratulatory telegrams.
  
• Dancing with the bride after the groom and fathers have danced with her.
  
• Driving the couple to the airport or hotel if they need a ride on the way to their honeymoon.
  
• Taking care of any tickets, keys, etc. the groom may need later.
  
• Organizing the return of all rented formal wear.

Bride's Hair

I want to wear my hair down falling past my shoulders. What is the best veil for that. My wedding dress is going to be simply decorated with a train.

Probably a chapel-length or fingertip veil would work the best. Since the dress is simple, the headpiece may be decorated with lace, flowers, pearls, beading, or whatever you want that will complement the dress. Try them both on at the same time to refine your look. Also see the Great Ideas article on Hair in EZ Wedding Planner, which details hair styles, veils and headpieces.

Second Marriage Color

What is the traditionally correct color for a bride to wear for her second marriage?

Any color is fine, including white which is a symbol of joy. You could also go for ivory, pastels, silvery gray, mauve, etc. Just do without the long train and veil, which are generally reserved for first time weddings. Flowers, a tiara, a hat, etc. or nothing at all will work best for second timers. The time of day and formality of the wedding can dictate the length of the dress, but really any length you prefer is also fine. Many second time brides go for dresses with beading or embroidery or a suit with long skirt and jacket instead of the lace and ruffles. Bottom line is wear whatever you are comfortable with.

Some Second Marriage Books of Interest  Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts   Happily Remarried: Making Decisions Together * Blending Families Successfully * Building a Love That Will Last   Making Your Second Marriage a First-Class Success   I Do Again: How We Found a Second Chance at Our Marriage--and You Can Too   Estate Planning for Blended Families: Providing for Your Spouse & Children in a Second Marriage   The Second Wives' Club: Secrets for Becoming Lovers for Life

Paying For Wedding Expenses

Who Pays For What

There aren’t any absolute rules as to who pays for what. Traditionally, wedding expenses have been taken care of by the bride’s family, with the groom responsible for the rings and the honeymoon.

While tradition is still an honored part of our heritage, financial obligations must often give way to everyday realities and compromise.

At the time of the wedding planning, both sets of parents, along with the engaged couple, should meet to discuss the financial arrangements. It is wise for each party to make any financial limits absolutely clear–to prevent misunderstandings or hard feelings at a later date after definite plans have been made.

If the parents of the groom are financially willing and able, they may offer at any time to pay part, half, or all of the wedding expenses. This is especially true if the groom's side has many more guests coming and/or if the bride's family and guests must incur travel expenses for a wedding held where the groom's family lives.

Costs should be allocated in order of priority of what is most important to the bride and groom. As a loose rule of thumb, reception food/drink is 50% of the total budget. Then photography 10%, flowers 10%, music 10%, dress, headpiece and veil 10%, misc (gifts, favors, fees, transportation, tips, etc.) 6%, and finally invitations 4%. These numbers can be adjusted based on your prioritites.

Below is a traditional list of who pays for what, but the final decision really depends on who is most willing and able to pay.

The Bride

1. Wedding ring for the groom (if it’s a double ring ceremony).
2. A wedding gift for the groom.
3. Presents for the bridal attendants.
4. Personal stationery.
5. Accommodations for her out-of-town attendants.
6. Physical examination and blood test.

The Groom

1. The bride’s rings.
2. Wedding gift for the bride.
3. The marriage license.
4. Gifts for the best man and ushers.
5. Flowers – bride’s bouquet and going-away corsage; corsages for mothers; boutonnieres for men in wedding party.
6. Accommodations for out-of-town users or best man.
7. His blood test.
8. Gloves, ties, or ascots for the men in the wedding party.
9. Fee for the clergyperson/judge.
10. The honeymoon.
11. Bachelor dinner (optional).

The Bride’s Family

1. The entire cost of the reception: rental of hall, if reception is not held at home; caterer; food (including wedding cake); beverages; gratuities for bartenders, waiters; decorations; music; flowers.
2. A wedding gift for the newlyweds.
3. The bride’s wedding attire/trousseau.
4. The wedding invitations, announcements, thank yous, napkins, etc., and mailing costs.
5. The fee for engagement and wedding photographs.
6. Ceremony – rental of sanctuary; fees for organist, soloist, or choir, etc.; aisle carpets; and any other costs for decorations.
7. Bridesmaids’ bouquets.
8. Gratuities for policeman directing traffic and/or parking.
9. Transportation for bridal party from the bride’s house to the wedding ceremony and from ceremony to the reception.
10. Bridesmaids’ luncheon.
11. Rehearsal dinner (optional).
12. Household furnishings for the bride and groom – from linens, china, silver, and crystal to furniture (optional).

The Groom’s Family

1. Clothes for the wedding.
2. Any traveling expenses and hotel bills they incur.
3. Wedding gift for the newlyweds.
4. Rehearsal dinner, or any other expenses they elect to assume (optional).

The Attendants

1. Their wedding clothes.
2. Any traveling expenses they incur.
3. Wedding gift for the newlyweds.

The Guests

1. Any traveling expenses and hotel bills they incur.
2. Wedding gift for the newlyweds.

Meanings Of Most Flowers

As every flower lover knows, flowers have a language of their own. Every sentiment is expressed in one form or another by these delicate blooms. Of course, even the experts disagree on the "true meaning" of many flowers and most have different meanings to different people. So, while all flowers convey thoughtfulness and love, here are some of the more traditional flower meanings, according to one source. See, if you agree. And, remember, a gift of flowers for a special someone will always create its own personal meaning, too.

ACACIA - Concealed Love, Beauty in Retirement, Chaste Love
AMBROSIA - Your Love is Reciprocated
AMARYLLIS - Pride, Pastoral Poetry
ANEMONE - Forsaken
ARBUTUS - Thee Only Do I Love
ASTER - Symbol of Love, Daintiness
AZALEA - Take Care of Yourself for Me, Temperance, Fragile Passion, Chinese Symbol of Womanhood
BACHELOR BUTTON - Single Blessedness
BEGONIA - Beware
BELLS OF IRELAND - Good Luck
BITTERSWEET - Truth
BLUEBELL - Humility
CACTUS - Endurance
CAMELLIA (PINK) - Longing for you
CAMELLIA (RED) - You're a Flame in My Heart
CAMELLIA (WHITE) - You're Adorable
CARNATION (GENERAL) - Fascination, Woman Love
CARNATION (PINK) - I'll Never Forget You
CARNATION (RED) - My Heart Aches For You, Admiration
CARNATION (PURPLE) - Capriciousness
CARNATION (SOLID COLOR) - Yes
CARNATION (STRIPED) - No, Refusal, Sorry I Can't Be With You, Wish I Could Be With You
CARNATION (WHITE) - Sweet and Lovely, Innocence, Pure Love, Woman's Good Luck Gift
CARNATION (YELLOW) - You Have Disappointed Me, Rejection
CATTAIL - Peace, Prosperity
CHRYSANTHEMUM (GENERAL) - You're a Wonderful Friend, Cheerfulness and Rest.
CHRYSANTHEMUM (WHITE) - Truth
CHRYSANTHEMUM (YELLOW) - Slighted Love
CROCUS - Cheerfulness
CYCLAMEN - Resignation and Good-bye
DAFFODIL - Regard, Unrequited Love, You're the Only One, The Sun is Always Shining when I'm with You
DAISY - Innocence, Loyal Love, I'll Never Tell, Purity
DANDELION - Faithfulness, Happiness
FERN - Magic, Fascination, Confidence and Shelter
FIR - Time
FLAX - Domestic Symbol
FORGET-ME-NOT - True Love, Memories
FORSYTHIA - Anticipation
GARDENIA - You're Lovely, Secret Love
GERANIUM - Stupidity, Folly
GLADIOLI - Give Me a Break, I'm Really Sincere, Flower of the Gladiators
GLOXINIA - Love at First Sight
HEATHER (LAVENDER) - Admiration, Solitude
HEATHER (WHITE) - Protection, Wishes Will Come True
HOLLY - Defense, Domestic Happiness
HYACINTH (GENERAL) - Games and Sports, Rashness, Flower Dedicated to Apollo
HYACINTH (BLUE) - Constancy
HYACINTH (PURPLE) - I am Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Sorrow
HYACINTH (RED OR PINK) - Play
HYACINTH (WHITE) - Loveliness, I'll Pray for You
HYACINTH (YELLOW) - Jealousy
HYDRANGEA - Thank You for Understanding, Frigidity, Heartlessness
IRIS - Fleur-de-lis, Emblem of France, Your Friendship Means so Much to Me, Faith, Hope, Wisdom and Valor, My Compliments
IVY - Wedded Love, Fidelity, Friendship, Affection
JONQUIL - Love Me, Affection Returned, Desire, Sympathy, Desire for Affection Returned
LARKSPUR (PINK) - Fickleness
LILY (WHITE) - Virginity, Purity, Majesty, It's Heavenly to be with You
LILY (YELLOW) - I'm Walking on Air, False and Gay
LILY (CALLA) - Beauty
LILY (DAY) - Coquetry, Chinese Emblem for Mother
LILY (EUCHARIS) - Maiden Charms
LILY (TIGER) - Wealth, Pride
LILY OF THE VALLEY - Sweetness, Tears of the Virgin Mary, Return to Happiness, Humility, You've Made My Life Complete
MAGNOLIA - Nobility
MARIGOLD - Cruelty, Grief, Jealousy
MISTLETOE - Kiss me, Affection, To Surmount Difficulties, Sacred Plant of India
MONKSHOOD - Beware, A Deadly Foe is Near
MOSS - Maternal Love, Charity
MYRTLE - Love, Hebrew Emblem of Marriage
NARCISSUS - Egotism, Formality, Stay as Sweet as You Are
NASTURTIUM - Conquest, Victory in Battle
OLEANDER - Caution
ORANGE BLOSSOM - Innocence, Eternal Love, Marriage and Fruitfulness
ORANGE MOCK - Deceit
ORCHID - Love, Beauty, Refinement, Beautiful Lady, Chinese Symbol for Many Children
ORCHID (CATTLEYA) - Mature Charm
PALM LEAVES - Victory and Success
PEONY - Shame, Happy Life, Happy Marriage
PETUNIA - Resentment, Anger, Your Presence Sooths Me
PINE - Hope, Pity
POPPY (GENERAL) - Eternal Sleep, Oblivion, Imagination
POPPY (RED) - Pleasure
POPPY (WHITE) - Consolation
POPPY (YELLOW) - Wealth, Success
PRIMROSE - I Can't Live Without You
PRIMROSE (EVENING) - Inconstancy
ROSE (BRIDAL) - Happy Love
ROSE (DARK CRIMSON) - Mourning
ROSE (HIBISCUS) - Delicate Beauty
ROSE (LEAF) - You May Hope
ROSE (PINK) - Perfect Happiness, Please Believe Me
ROSE (RED) - Love, I Love You
ROSE (TEA) - I'll Remember Always
ROSE (THORNLESS) - Love at First Sight
ROSE (WHITE) - Innocence and Purity, I am Worthy of You, You're Heavenly, Secrecy and Silence
ROSE (WHITE AND RED MIXED) - Unity, Flower Emblem of England
ROSE (WHITE-DRIED) - Death is Preferable to Loss of Virtue
ROSE (YELLOW) - Decrease of Love, Jealousy, Try to Care
ROSEBUD - Beauty and Youth, A Heart Innocent of Love
ROSEBUD (RED) - Pure and Lovely
ROSEBUD (WHITE) - Girlhood
ROSEBUD (MOSS) - Confessions of Love
ROSES (Bouquet of Mature Blooms) - Gratitude
ROSES (Single Full Bloom) - I Love You, I Still Love You
SMILAX - Loveliness
SNAPDRAGON - Deception, Gracious Lady
SPIDER FLOWER - Elope with Me
STEPHANOTIS - Happiness in Marriage, Desire to Travel
STOCK - Bonds of Affection, Promptness, You'll Always Be Beautiful to Me
SWEETPEA - Good-bye, Departure, Blissful Pleasure, Thank You for a Lovely Time
TULIP (GENERAL) - Perfect Lover, Frame, Flower Emblem of Holland
TULIP (RED) - Believe Me, Declaration of Love
TULIP (VARIEGATED) - Beautiful Eyes
TULIP (YELLOW) - There's Sunshine in Your Smile
VIOLET - Modesty
VIOLET (BLUE) - Watchfulness, Faithfulness, I'll Always Be True
VIOLET (WHITE) - Let's Take a Chance
ZINNIA (MAGENTA) - Lasting Affection
ZINNIA (MIXED) - Thinking (or In Memory) of an Absent Friend
ZINNIA (SCARLET) - Constancy
ZINNIA (WHITE) - Goodness
ZINNIA (YELLOW) - Daily Remembrance

Source: AFS, Teleflora, and 1-800-FLORALS

Calories & Weight - Should you diet for your wedding?

Most brides want to look their very best for their big day. Lots of brides want to lose weight before their wedding. It can be a stressful time. But, there are some things you should consider before starting that diet.

1) If you start early and succeed in losing lots of weight, think about when to buy your wedding dress. Virtually all wedding dresses need to be altered, but you should try to buy the size dress that most fits your body size. Then the alterations may be limited to length and not width!

2) If you succeed in losing a bunch of weight now, buy your dress and then gain the weight back, it will be difficult to make your dress larger, depending on how much weight you gain.

3) If you do not succeed in losing weight, you may become more depressed as your wedding date approaches. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

4) Accept yourself at your current weight. After all, your fiance proposed to you at this weight, so you are loved just the way you are.

5) It is always a good idea to be at a healthy weight, no matter if it is for your wedding day or for the rest of your life. Being overweight contributes to many health problems. So, try to maintain a healthy weight for you - don't compare yourself to others who may have a different body type and different normal weight range.

Engagement Party

When Held

You can have an engagement party as soon as you become engaged. Some people time it for just before or just after a newspaper announcement of the engagement. I have found one source that said no farther out than one year and no closer to the wedding than six months. Obviously this is not firm, since some people get engaged and married within a six month time frame. Also, some people have 2 years or more of engagement before the actual wedding. The engagement party is really for both families to get together and get to know each other better. So, the earlier the better, especially if wedding finances need to be discussed and agreed on by both families.

Who Hosts

The groom's parents can call the bride's parents and express their happiness about the upcoming marriage. Engagement parties can be hosted by the groom's or bride's parents (it can be anything from a buffet, barbecue, or cocktail party, to a formal party) This is an opportunity for the two families to get to know each other and to introduce you to their family and friends. In fact, an engagement party can be hosted by any family member - or even a friend - who would like to have this party for you. If neither family steps forward with an engagement party, the two of you can invite the parents out for a luncheon or some other get together for them to meet. Generally, both sets of parents attend the engagement party, whoever hosts it.

Invitations

Invitations, if sent, can be worded like: Please join us for ______(brunch, cocktails, back-yard barbecue, etc.) in honor of Mark and Susan (or Mark Larsen and Susan Katz). Invitations can be issued formally, handwritten, or telephoned. Some people prefer to have a party under some other pretense, like a cocktail party, and then "spring" the engagement on the guests as a surprise. Doing it the surprise way makes the announcement without the expectation of gifts from the guests, although some may send a gift after-the-fact. Generally, guests invited to the engagement party should also be invited to the wedding. The only exception is if the wedding is a very small and private affair.

Where Held

Generally engagement parties are held at the home of one set of parents or some other relative's house, depending on circumstances. It can also be held at a restaurant or other social setting. If parents are geographically separated, several engagement parties may be held in different locations, depending on travel schedules of the bride and groom and/or other family.